<BR>I just wanted to know how people are doing so we can all pray. Please post a brief summary of what is going on in your life and a prayer request<P>I'll start. We have been doing well, having lots of good talks, and counseling continues to be a huge help. I am back in school taking College Algebra and wanting to lynch the person who made it a requirement for graduating with an Associates degree. <P>liz\pearl.<P>------------------<P>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by POGP (edited January 13, 2000).]

My husband and I are doing well also. I worry so much about my husband returning to church and to the Lord. It has been over a year now and I think my faith is getting weak. I'm also getting tired of going to church without him week after week, month after month. I have got my hopes up so many times- just to be let down. I usually end up in a bad mood on Sundays. <P>Please pray for my husband to be close to the Lord again. Also pray for my 12 year old son, who is doing very poorly in school. I think he got behind when all our troubles happened and now he doesn't know how to get caught up and he seems to have just given up.<P>Thanks for the prayers!

I'm still hanging around here. Mostly just reading and trying to learn more about me. My H is still not home and he is holding onto a lot of anger and directs towards me. I'm handling it as best I can.<BR>Please pray for me to continue to be strong and for my husband to overcome his addiction to alcohol. Please pray that he can feel the love of God and the love that I and the children have for him. <BR>Thanks

what a good idea pgop!! i hope everyone responds so we can have a nice handy prayer list.<BR> my h is doing a wonderful job of "winning back my heart". i am doing a lousy job at "being won". the stress of the upcoming dna test to see if the oc is his, and court for child support, scares the crap out of me.the last couple of days i seem to be whipped by the pain. i am praying specifically against what seems to be a stronghold, but do not have victory yet. we have prayed together alot today, but it still hurts soooo much and my husband feels like i am putting up a wall, and i guess i am. but i am trying so hard not to. God has been speaking through His word regarding suffering and warfare, so i guess i'm just plodding along.<BR>thank you all soooo much for your encouragement and prayers.

what a good idea pgop!! i hope everyone responds so we can have a nice handy prayer list.<BR> my h is doing a wonderful job of "winning back my heart". i am doing a lousy job at "being won". the stress of the upcoming dna test to see if the oc is his, and court for child support, scares the crap out of me.the last couple of days i seem to be whipped by the pain. i am praying specifically against what seems to be a stronghold, but do not have victory yet. we have prayed together alot today, but it still hurts soooo much and my husband feels like i am putting up a wall, and i guess i am. but i am trying so hard not to. God has been speaking through His word regarding suffering and warfare, so i guess i'm just plodding along.<BR>thank you all soooo much for your encouragement and prayers.

POGP, Great idea! I will be printing this thread out so that I can have it with me at prayer time. Since my memory isn't what it used to be, I sometimes forget what each person wanted prayer for. <P>Here's my update. Husband has been home for 3 1/2 months now, we have been doing ok, I still worry too much and husband is still drinking. Progress has been slow, up until the last three weeks. H went to church with me, the first time he has set foot inside a church since our son was baptized 14 years ago. He also went to our first counseling session with the pastor last Sunday (major breakthrough in my opinion!). He tried real hard to weasel his way out of it, but he did end up going. There has been a lot of spiritual warfare going on here, directed at me mostly. The enemy is trying to drag me down, because he knows I am praying hard and constantly for my husband and our marriage. <P>I believe that the Lord is truly working in our lives. Because of this book and the encouragement of each of you, I have seen a very positive change in my attitude and behavior, as well as a softening of my husband's heart. He has been more loving towards me lately, which is something I have asked the Lord for. When he is sober, he will listen and talk to me. <P>My prayer request continues to be for the Lord to continue working on changing me into the kind of wife He wants me to be, my husband's salvation, and deliverance from alcohol addiction as well as temptations to stray. Thank you all SO MUCH!!

Things are really bad between H and I right now. The only emotion he seems to be able to express is anger and he seems to be angry at everything and directs alot of it towards me. He is pushing for a divorce and OW seems to be very controlling in his life right now. He says he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her and her children after she divorces her husband. He is very confused. He's upset that I won't file for divorce and that I am making him accountable for that if that is really what he wants. I feel his goal behind this is that he would be able to tell others that i filed and it would somehow let him off the hook and let him save face with the few friends he has left. He has really hardened his heart against the lord. He feels that God is evil.<BR>My prayer request is for H's salvation and that his heart will soften so he can hear the lord's call. I pray that the Lord will give him a sound mind that makes wise choices and leads him in the right direction. I pray that he will be able to push the spirit of anger away from him so he can think more clearly. I also pray for OW, that she too, makes some wise choices before she gives her children the inheritance of divorce. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

The biggest change is in me, but then that is not surprising. God knows I could of not gone on much longer being strangled by the hurt of my husbands affair! I had carried it as my own personal cross for almost 3 years. I think I was truly about to have a nervous breakdown........and then I got Stormie's book.<P>I can honestly say for the first time since this awful discovery that my H and I are going to make it. My 2 dearest friends say they can see how much happier my H is and the change in me is a miracle. I needed to die self!<P>Now my focus is on Jesus and my expectation is in God alone. I can't change my H but I know God can. If my H doesn't change there is nothing more I can do. God wants us together and that is clear in His Word.<P>My H never stopped going to church but he doesn't read his bible anymore. He asks me to pray when there is a need. I believe the thing holding him back right now is that he still hasn't forgiven himself and truly seen that God has forgiven him. Until that takes place I don't believe he can move forward spiritually.<P>So, please pray to that end for me. I treasure you all as friends in Christ. The impact all of you have had on my life through your sharing your lives has changed me forever. I will see all of your faces one day and it will be a true joy!!!! <P>Blessings, Taj

Been down with the flu bug so the week has been somewhat calmer. Hubby went to his first session alone with pastor and has been pretty quiet for the most part, sort of depressed but not striking out in anger as in the past. PTL! I am back to chapter one and trying to stay focused there, but I am praying the prayers for my hubby's mind, finances, emotions, fears and work daily. I can say I feel His peace, kind of like being in the eye of the storm. We have so far to go and I have to keep focused on today or else I would become discouraged and want to give up. On a positive note, I have begun to minister to younger moms and more specifically step-moms online and trying to follow Titus 2:3-5. All these experiences have to be good for something! Smile.

Hi again.<BR>Just a short update. I am very discouraged by my husband's continuing need for contact with OW. He hasn't actually contacted her this week, but has called her work extension after hours to hear the recording of her voice. I guess I should be glad he told me, but I am really sad about it. I posted more about it on my 'alias' string.<P>Please pray for his mind to be clear and his choices to be good ones. Please pray for me to have the grace and strength to wait out his withdrawal period. <P>I had sort of hoped that he would skip over that process, since he had been suicidal when the relationship ended last May. This is just the beginning of the hard work for him, I think.<P>thanks, <BR>Liz\Pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

We are making progress although we still have far to go. He has not had contact with OW (as far as I know) and feel we must now rebuild. I mostly get discouraged with myself - I am insecure and untrusting at times - and have recently let the evil one get to my mind. I can get pretty depressed if I think of H & OW together and the card he sent her, etc. So I have really been praying for a change in me. We have been working on communication. We really talk for about 2 nights then the 3rd night he came home from work at 10:00, got on the computer, & didn't come up to bed until 12:00. I was upset because all I wanted was 15 minutes. He said he didn't know that - was not a mind reader & things got emotional and snippy. I did feel better the next day that I had opened up and told him what I felt. Normally I would have been anger but kept it all inside. So I guess we are communicating but not in a very effective way. But he is here, he says he loves me, and we are working together. Prayers to you all. J

Dear ladies,<BR>I rarely get computer time,so I grab what I can which is very little as I said,and I noticed that my post from way back with my original prayer request was deleted- don't know why-or who-Anyway, I am grateful for all your posts and hope and pray always, that we get our prayers answered and can be PATIENT in HIS (perfect) timing.<BR>I might go to the prayer request site instead, because although I am reading this book, I am also heavily involved in "Holding onto Heaven while your husband goes through hell", and "When a mate wants out" -thanks to you for suggesting them.(AW or POGP)So I'm not sure if I am as consistent as everyone else, plus I'm only here every so often- but please don't forget me in your prayers!<BR>I still want to be a part of you all.My self worth has been fluctuating as of late.<BR>My update is that my husband returned on the 3rd of Jan.(From his Christmas/New Year's holiday w/o me) said he missed me greatly and all, but still wants out. We have a long way to go as far as getting this house on the market, and then the year separation.<BR>I am tested constantly and wouldn't be able to do it if not for Stormie's book.I am mosltly re reading all the highlighting I've put in the chapter"His Wife".<P>CHANGE ME LORD.<BR>(God bless her especially, for this chapter!!!)<P>The days I just don't think I am going to make it,I think "Well, if faith is a gift from God, then why is He not giving more of it to me!I need more faith"I'll sob and grieve for hours.<BR>"Oh Yea of little faith!"<BR>Then I'll read again and get inspired and hopeful again, and we all know how that goes!<P>Last night he went to another New Age men's group...........rats!(Why couldn't it be Promise Keepers!) These particular New Agers are more like promise breakers! I prayed that he would become disillusioned, but when he got home, I asked him how it went and he said he finally feels he is making some lifelong friends and feels so connected to them.<BR>But still, this morning I asked him if he was still a Christian and he said yes, that Jesus is the Savior and he fully believes in Him as the Son of God. He said that he felt I was judging him when I asked him, so I need prayers to be real careful about turning him off because that is what I did a few years ago when I became toxic and judgmental. I got "religious', but didn't act very spiritual or loving. I lacked all the qualities of what love is........especially lack of patience(like my own earthly father.)<BR>I pray that I can let my admiration for my husband become visable- that I can really feel it and convey it to him, even though I am feeling rejected, scared,and hurt.I need to let my H see that I am not constantly trying to fix him! <P>Thanks for reading- hope no one deletes me this time!<BR>Love and prayers<P><BR>

I'm having a tough time this week... Nothing that I can directly put my finger on, but there are a few things that lead me to believe there has been contact, and that my H initiated it... <P>The last contact was the arguement that happened concerning the OC and at that time H was angry... But there are reasons that H would not want to stay angry... OC is one, the drums she got him that is still on warrenty and has parts that need replacing is the one that bugs me...<P>I have a catering contract coming up on the 24th of this month that will take me 1 hour away from home for up to 18 hours a day for a straight 30 days... I get to feed some 160 young Coast Gaurd folks Breakfast-Lunch and Dinner... Thats 480 stips of bacon every morning for 30 days..... Anyone say EEK Im afraid that during all this time away the cat and mouse will play.. I cant meet any needs when my 6 hours home each day will be sleeping..<P>I also have a problem because H is sleeping or on the puter.... THATS IT.... I want some assistance/contribution to this home/family/finances/etc.... I don't want to get resentful because of this...<P>I know that when things get tough we both respond differently, H hides from reality (the computer game) and I find anything I can to fix it (the 30 day kill me job is paying $5000, enought to pay 3 months worth of bills)This confuses me and brings alot of anger to the surface because I don't understand how H can respond to our circumstances this way! I know it is a type of personality/character situation, but how do I specifically pray for this???<P>Anyway thats a little of my guts splattered on this forum... But other people see the same things I do... H worked for 1 1/2 weeks to put himself together a nice enough puter to play this on-line game... But I had to clean a friends house for toiletpaper and milk... See the green anger monster coming out???? <P>Do I except the fact that H will never have a Type A personality and just pray that God changes him... In the mean while love him and be excepting... YES... but geeesh this is hard... I guess this is a hard spot... I think H is running from alot of things by burying himself in that game.... GOD SHAKE HIM!!!!!!! <P>I guess I really don't know what to pray specifically right now... Im on overload.. can someone simplify this mess and tell me specifics to pray for my H? I cant see the forest for the trees... As for me, I need to maintain that Godly gentle spirit and be girded in strength and given much energy and endurance for the job 9 days away...<P>And ladies, this is only part of it..<P>I covet all of your prayers... I just printed this string out and will concentrate on praying for you so as to keep my focus off of my mess.... God take care of it all!!!!! AMEN<P>cozy

joynicole, I am glad you took my reading suggestions to heart, aren't those two EXCELLENT books? I too, pushed my h. away with my judgmental, overly serious attitude. No more! I take his need for a recreational companion and attractive spouse very seriously now, I mean, who wants to be married to SNL's Church Lady?<P>BTW, I don't think it is possible for anyone else to delete your post, so it must have been a posting problem. WIth the current setup, you can't even totally delete your own posts, only edit them.<P>cozy: a couple of thoughts..and these are things you have probably thought about, but<P>1)have you and h. discussed what he thinks his responsibilities to the family and to you are? It sounds from this post and your others that you have become super-responsible and he has taken that as his opportunity to be irresponsible..just my perception from your posts...<P>I don't generally agree with all the co-dependent and 'enabling' psychobabble, but it seems like you have worn yourself out while he has reverted to child-like behavior...(MLC?)<P>2) Have you two discussed the impact of this 30 day job on your family...pro's ($) and cons (separation and exhaustion)? I don't have a good feel for how much you talk about this stuff, and maybe you are not at that level of partnership...<P>3) What does God want from you? Does He expect you to shoulder the financial burden right now? I don't think these things are nearly as black and white as some would say. Obviously, you have to keep the electricity turned on and food in the house, but are you allowing h. to shirk? I don't know, but I think this is a place to pray for wisdom and direction as you accept jobs.<P>I'll pray for you as I get off, please pray for my sit. (alias) this weekend and Tuesday when my h. goes to counselor alone.<P>lizzie\pearl<P><P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Thanks,POGP(Liz) for the reply..........I also wanted to thank you for the (suggestion of MLC, and website you sent me to.)I finally was able to order the book which got here Wed-"Men in Midlife Crisis"by Jim Conway. I left it lying on the couch and saw my husband pick it up and read a little- but that was it. He has seen me reading it, but hasn't elaborated.(He knows he is in a MLC.)<BR>I wanted to add that my husband has such a mind of his own when it comes to his Christian spirituality, and refuses to be known as a "Cookie Cutter Christian".<BR>Thank you for relating to the "Church Lady syndrome"-glad that I was not the only one to "push' H away with my Holier than thou attitude!<BR>No more!<BR>God bless you Pearl, and my prayers are with you this weekend and on Tuesday,IJN always,<BR>Jn.<BR>

joynicole,<P> I think I just figured out where your post went. When my h. first asked me not to post 'details' I deleted some of my strings. (This is not possible anymore, the board now only lets moderators delete things). <P>If your missing post was a response to a string that I started and then I deleted my original post, the whole string would be deleted. <P>This may be why they have changed the system so only moderators can delete things...Hope this solves the mystery.<P>On the other hand, have you checked to be sure that you have clicked 'show all topics' in the upper right corner, instead of 'show last 10 days' or some other setting?<P>I am so glad my suggestions of books and the midlife.com site were helpful to you.<P>Isn't it wonderful how God can use even the cruddy things in our lives to help others? I wouldn't have been able to help you if I hadn't been through this garbage myself!<P>have a good weekend...thanks for the prayers and support. <P>it sounds like our husbands have a great deal in common. mine still professes a faith in God, but like yours, refuses to be forced into a 'mold'. <P>some of this is explained as a phase in a MLC, reassessing their beliefs, so it is helpful to know that these things are normal passages for men. <P>personally, i would have preferred that he get a red miata convertible to having a 14 month affair with a slutty co-worker, but no one asked my opinion! <P>later,<BR>lizzie\pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

I have another update to add. I have come to some self-realizations this week. I've learned and realized that I am not responsible for my H's behavior. I can't make him do anything. If he doesn't want to see me or the boys, that's his choice. I spent 10 years making excuses for him and now it's his turn to be responsible for his actions. <BR>I feel so much better. I am actually learning to let go and let God. It's amazing! There are still a few down times, but they aren't as often as they used to be. <BR>And for all of this I can only thank God!!!

This is a great idea. I too will print this off and pray for everyone. I just finished praying the entire book out loud for my husband. <BR>I have not seen any progress. Yet, I am confident that God is working and will finish what He has started.!!! When he complained that his emotions are still going high and low I asked him if we had anything to talk about, He said give him a week, but that he didn't want to give me false hope. Well he said nothing when I saw him today (a week later). He told me about an interview Monday(unfortunately it is in the city where the ow lives, so I assume Sunday night he will be at her place.) I think she may of just left this week after being her for almost three weeks. Ugh! I know God is working. <BR>I chose not to be discouraged. He certainly is working in me. I have seen some wonderful changes in my daughter. She goes to a Christain boarding school because the kids she met in the neighborhood are real bad news. I didn't listen to the warnings of others. Anyhow these so called friends stole her keys (we weren't sure whether she took them to school or they were stolen until Wed night when I came home to find the house hads been robbed).When I visited her in school today we had a great time. She didn't smoke once and she did not swear once, She was pure joy to be around!!! She told our mutual friend who was with us that she had been praying everyday. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>So this is my prayer:<BR>Pray that my husband will pick up his Bible and read God's word. That God will knock down the walls in his heart with the battering ram of God's truth. Pray that when he is with the ow that they will find no joy in being together. That He will lose all desire for her and she for him. Pray that those things that attracted him to her be sour and she see nothing in him. I pray that God will light in him the desire to seek Jesus in his llife. I pray that God will renew his desire for the wife of his youth. I pray that he will see me in a new light and he will seek me out, even ask me on a date. I pray that God will build and create a new marriage with us with Him in the middle. <BR> I pray for everyone in this Bible study that they will seek God first in their lives. That they will come to know God as He works changes in their lives. I pray that God will build humongous walls between the ow's and our husbands. I pray that the wayward husbands will return to God and come to a saving knowledge of Jesus. I pray that these marriages will be healed. I pray that each woman here will know God to a greater depth through their trial and that God will bless, comfort and hold them up during this week. <BR>Praise God for He is a God that answers prayers. I pray these prayers in the knowledge and assurance that God answers prayer for His glory and in His will. Amen.

Mitzi: hooray! <P>I know several people have been telling you that you can't take responsibility for his actions, but, like with many things, I think the 'light bulb' has to go on inside of us to finally free us from mucking about in someone elses 'garden'.<P>This is a concept from "Holding on to Heaven While Your Husband Goes Through Hell" by Connie Neal). <P>Connie was counseled to remember that there are areas of joint responsibility in marriage; children, finances, household maintenance. There are also individual areas or gardens, that we must take care of alone. One of these areas is our spiritual life. She illustrates that if we keep concentrating on our spouses 'garden'. the weeds have plenty of time to spring up all over the place on our side of the fence!<P>I think this is a concept that we all need to grasp here, because while it is very important to pray for our husbands, we need to be ever conscious of the fact that THEY are totally answerable to God for their actions. <P>This is a very difficult area for me, because I often confuse my role as my children's mom with my place as my h.'s wife.<P>I keep needing to be reminded that I am not supposed to be 'teaching' my husband how to live a godly life. This got us into such a mess in our marriage, because he was literally driven into the OW's arms by his feelings of inadequacy as a Christian husband. <P>hw: what a wonderful, Spirit inspired prayer. I am so glad you had a good visit with your daughter. Thanks for keeping us up to date. Many parts of your prayer for your husband are applicable for us all. Thanks again for sharing it.<P>liz\pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

I'm not doing so great this week. I posted yesterday on the "His Wife" thread(please read). <P>It only got worse as the day wore on, and by night time it was an all out battle for self. He slept in a different bedroom and I tossed and turned all night.<P>The issue is a tough one and one I can't go into detail on. I prayed before I talked to him and still it ended poorly. He is being very selfish at the expense of my well-being. <P>I do follow Dr. Harleys advice and have used all of that in my trying to communicate, my H just goes about doing his own thing which means all love busting.<P>Please pray for me I really need wisdom or else the ability to bury another issue of importance.<P>Thanks, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18