Just when you think you can handle this you get hit between the eyes. After discovering<BR>more porn material last night and argument, then long talk, H promised ( again) to stop.<BR>Came home from taking D to POMPOM practice and there he was on computer looking at . . .<BR>GUESS. He tried to hide it by clicking off but wasn't fast enough. Still trying to keep secrets. I can't eat, Have to force myself,<BR>can't sleep, no one face to face to talk to<BR>about this. Right now I just feel so defeated. I have been battling this with H<BR>for so long and he gets worse. Knowing how this upsets me and helped lead to being with someone else but he continues to do this. He refuses to read anything on this and work with me. I feel I have hit brick wall and have resentment, sick feeling in stomach and just want to lay down a not wake up. And I probably would if God had not given me such a precious gift as my D.

devastated,<P>Sorry this issue continues between you and your H. I know that you see this as problematic - does he? If he doesn't, is that why he won't work on this? You know your H will never work on this unless HE decides this is a problem. <sigh!><P>Don't really have any pearls of wisdom to offer you, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and your distress tonight. Go to bed and try not to think of this at all. You need a good night's sleep. Do try as best you can........<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>devastated2</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm praying for you and your daughter. This must be a very difficult time for you. As I remember, your H was in counseling for this addition?... it appears there isn't much progress. Like a drug alcoholic, or drunk.... it is just so disheartening.<P>When Arik and Nicole's post were going hot a few days ago... I posted to Arik about "prayers for an addict"... Maybe you would want to check it out for him...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010016-2.html" TARGET=_blank>Okay you guys this is a biggie (Page 2)</A>.<P>Prayers for you too... <P>Jim

Thanks RMA And NSR:<P>H went with me to counciling a few times but would not let me mention the porn. Stupid me had not really made any connection between that and infidelity. Since then however, well you know the story. There have been battles in the past concerning his secretive ways on this subject and his unwillingness to let me in. I have checked out sites on this addiction and H has many signs of this. We meaning me and D have been neglected for so long and even though he says he wants to work on our marriage being better, how can it when he continues to be secret about what is keeping him from being involved with me, our marriage and our family? Right now I am very down and feel I'm drifting into a chasm so deep and dark. I know HE has to WANT to work on this. I cannot do this for him but right now I have little strength to fight for something that may never be. Remember when I said I didn't believe he has being totally honest with me, I was right. And it is getting more difficult to deal with the lies and deception especially when it led to being with someone else. This, I fear will happen again if he doesn't wake up and I know I cannot go through this all over again. Besides he is risking not only his life but mine as well. He still has to have another test done because he tested positive on the first for an STD. I insisted he get this done. He did relent knowing we would not be phsyically intimate until then. I do have a D to raise. But now the thought is even more remote for me than ever, because he is still immersed in this kind of activity. Doing Plan A is difficult for me right now and Plan B may not be far off if some miracle is not forthcoming. I and D are going to church in the morning and H says he will go too. We will see. He does need this even though he has never cared much for my religion. If he would only give God a chance and me too. But I must admit I am getting weary and I still feel like a fool.<P>Sorry so long, guys,<BR>Thank you for responding. I do value your insights and words. They are the only things right now I know I CAN count on besides God<BR>himself. I lit candles last Sunday and tomorrow will light more.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>devastated2</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>I pray that the "light" of the world enters his life... his heart... his mind.<P>His addiction to porn is insidious... You may just have to protect yourself... and your daughter with a Plan B...<P>Have you read <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0849913411" TARGET=_blank><B>Love Must Be Tough :</B> Proven Hope for Families in Crisis</A> by James C. Dobson. A good book... the first I'd read after discovery!!! Besides the issue of an affair... it is general enough to apply to most addictions... <P>"tough love"... is just that for all of us. <P>As I go to church this morning with my kids... I be thinking about you... and praying for you too!<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

I know exactly how you feel on the subject of porn. My H who just left to live with his OW is also addicted to it. He will sit on the computer for three hours page after page. Why? I dont know. To me you've seen one you've seen them all. Anyway I truely feel for you as I've fought for this to. To no avail and look where I'm at? Whether porn led him to cybersexing at one point in Feb. right after my mom passed away and now being with his coworker I can't say for sure, but I'm sure it didn't help. Have strength and keep your faith.

Devastated2<P>I am so sorry. Like most addictions, this one is dangerous. And unfortunately, hard for one to admit there even IS a problem.<P>I know how much it hurts that you have to live with the consequences of his addiction. <P>We're all here for you. <P>Lori

hello devastated. Oh boy, you have a lot to deal with right now. Take one thing at a time, and work thru it if you can. I am glad you are taking H to church this am. Baby steps. Will pray for you to have the strength and patience to get thru this.<BR>And while you are at church, I will look thru some of these books (have not done that yet) and see if anything seems feasible and brilliant for one in denial. <BR>Have you considered putting the internet babysitter on your computer? I have one on mine, not for h, but to deter any of these teenage boys from roaming. It would let you eliminate that source. Is it a lovebuster? Probably!