I was just wondering, are all of you doing Harley's Plan A? I have been since a couple weeks before my husband came home. It does seem to work well, maybe that's because Plan A is really treating your spouse as the Lord would like us to. <P>The Lord has spoken to my heart many times about the way I had been treating my husband in the past, especially concerning his drinking and staying out late. Harley's Plan A method of not committing disrespectful judgements clearly says to me the same as Jesus would say that its not our place to judge another. <P>I have made up my mind that in order for my marriage to work for a lifetime, I need to keep up Plan A forever. I believe our combination of Plan A and Shut Up and Pray is what has enabled us to make it this far (with extra emphasis on the prayer part of it all). Isn't Plan A also in line with being a submissive wife, as Christ intends us to do? <P>What do you all think, and what's working for you?

What Steve left out was the fact that in order to successfully do Plan A you need to pray and call on the Lord love for your H when yours is all depleted... That I had to discover for myself, and as always, Jesus was faithful and gave me love for my H when I honestly didn't think I could love anymore!<P>There is much that our Awesome God can do isn't there? The fruits of the HS are ours, we just have to call on the fullness of them more often to experiance this great gift of Godly characteristics...<P>

Yes, you're right. Plan A without prayer backing it up will not be as successful as using the two together. I can see that in my situation. If I had not begun asking God to help me change my attitudes and behavior and asking for the Holy Spirit to fill all the empty places in my heart, I don't believe I would have been able to speak civilly to my H. Its only through God's grace that I haven't lost all love I had for my H. <P>Our God is so good. Thank you dear God for giving us these wonderful ladies to share our prayers and thoughts with!<P>

I talk with Steve H. in the am. I hope I'm doing plan A the way it should be. I pray that if I'm not God and Steve H. will direct me. If I'm doing plan A right. I have done it about 9 months see some changes not many I keep my faith in God. Pray Pray Pray. I say I need them but I think my husband and his girlfriend need some also. God bless you all.

Hi Rootbeer and other friends!<P>I have alot of faith in a combination of Plan A and prayer, especially the prayers of others outside our situation. <P>My family and his started praying for us last Christmas, when h. said "I am NOT HAPPY with our marriage." (He was in the middle of the affair then.) <P>I tried to get him to read His Needs... with me, but he really just wanted out. So I went full tilt with Plan A and kept it up, through really horrible treatment, discovery of tons of clues, and finally his threat of suicide (over his discovery of her second affair with another coworker that overlapped with his time with her), and then his confession to me.<P>When he was packing to leave the day after he confessed (8/19), he said "I want you to know that you have been an exemplary wife, especially this year. You have answered EVERY complaint I ever had, and you heaped coals on my head this year by being a 'perfect wife'. I just wanted you to know that I noticed."<P>He was gone for three weeks, staying with a close friend, an older man who is one of our pastors. <P>I moved to a combo Plan A/B, with some real firm ground rules for what it would take for him to win me back. <P>The Plan B aspect of all of this was demonstrated the day he left. When he finished packing, he sat and sobbed in our bedroom. "I know I can't expect your sympathy, but I cannot believe it has come to this." <P>"Well, dear, where the #### did you think your actions were heading? This is the logical consequence of telling me you didn't want to be married to me -- moving out." <P>"I know, but when you are having an affair, you aren't thinking about consequences, you are caught up in the feelings of the affair."<P>While he was gone, we spoke on the phone each day and a few times he came and watched the kids for me. On Labor day weekend he planned to go camping by himself. <P>I emailed him the following: "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19.<P>He called and asked me for a date, instead of going away camping. He has been home ever since. We are in counseling, I am still on anti-deps. We are doing really well, considering what we've gone through. <P>Plan A still works, I am sure that is why I didn't get an angry response to my "spying" exploits---read my additional post to the "Question for betrayed wives" string.<P>Love to you all. <BR>lizzie\pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Hi Lizzie/Pearl, thank you so much for sharing your Plan A/Prayers experience with us. I just feel so strongly that this is the answer to my marital problems, and it is so inspiring to me to read about the success you've had. I thank the Lord every day for all of you ladies who pray and share on this forum. My husband won't admit it to me, but has to others that he's noticed a definite change in me since he came home last Sept. His heart seems to have softened a little, and I attribute that to all the prayers that go up for him every day. I know his mom prays for him, and I had asked her at one time to have the prayer group at her church pray for him. I would really like to find a women's prayer group where I live so that I could go pray in person about this with others. I'm planning to participate in the on-line Wed. fast & prayer group that HW is involved in. I think this will help me focus on Jesus. <P>Plan A works, but with the benefit of prayer, miracles can happen. <P>Love to you all,<P>AW Rootbeer