Well, to make a long story short, it's not good. My H is starting to have violent phases that he claims he don't remember, holes in the walls, and smashing the phone in etc. And starting to get pretty rough and verbal with our 2 yr old son. I can't take it anymore...and I let him know so after the last episode last week. He promised he would go to counselling immediately. I told him that he has to do this for himself and by himself. To prove that he's serious about it. So far he has done nothing. I had sent our son away for a week to settle things over. Didn't help. Now that our son is back, he's immediately gone back to his old self. Throwing fits. I finally sat back today and said to myself, "I can't do this anymore...and I have to protect the well being of my son." I'm sorry to report that things are turning for the worst, and that this relationship will be doomed without his co-operation in seeking help. Don't anyone reply saying I should be going with him, because we've tried that, and he won't talk to the counsellor much (he claims) because he feels self conscious in front of me! So he has to go and do this on his own because the problems he has stems deeper than our failing marriage. Then again, I'm sticking to my spring deadline, so he has some time, but not much. Because making an appointment the day before I leave won't help, I want him on a program and improving by spring. But unfortunately, I can't see him going thru with any of this, so in situations like these, departing is a good thing for all parties involved.<BR>Airheart...I got your message the other day that you were wondering how I was doing. I tried to reply, but something was wrong with the server. As you can see, I have had my plate full here lately, and I just wanted to thank you for not forgetting about me. Makes me feel good to have a friend like you to lean on when I need to...thanx a million! You're such a great giving person...wish the world had more like you. <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Bren~<BR> Nothing will happen today that God and I can't handle together.

Hi Bren,<P>Thanks for the update, even if the news is not good.<P>I don't think there's a person here on the forum that will tell you to stay with your husband when there is abuse involved, especially against a small child. My advice to you would be to get yourself and your son away from him as fast as possible!!! Find a safe place. I wouldn't wait until spring. <P>Your husband needs help. He needs major psychological councelling on anger and abuse plus all the other problems he had that you described in your past posts. I think it's better now that you get away from him.<P>Sorry to hear how difficult things have gotten for you, but it sounds like you are a pretty strong person and you know what you need to do to keep yourself and your son safe!<P>take care and keep us informed!<BR>--andy

I do not know your story, but I and the girls have been attending domestic violence classes. I have learned so much from them and it has really helped me understand that all the emotional abuse I and girls were getting was not in my head. My H has even became somewhat physically violent with the girls and they are scared to death of him. They usually try not to make any waves with him when they are picked up for visitation. I have noticed that they are now rebeling even more and I get to experience it, not him. They know that they can express their feelings with me and not have any guilt. My H doesn't think he is doing anything wrong and does not think that he is abusing anyone. He says that I am mental, but I know that he has to be somewhat screwed up to be doing this to another human beind, let alone his children and me. I have asked him to go to anger management classes but he doesn't think he has a problem, or it is all blamed on me. Get away from him if he is abusing you or your son. Neither one of you deserve that kind of treatment. Believe me, the emotional scars that are inflicted on you will be carried with you for a lifetime. After 10 months of being told I am mental, I am just now starting to realize that it is him and not me. It was a long and confusing journey. My girls have started to show emotional scars and dealing with low self worth because of it and they are having a rough time. Good luck

Please get out now. I did. Get you and your son into some kind of group that can help you see the signs and realize that nothing will change until he is ready to admit he has a problem. Let me know what happens.

Mental & Airheart;<BR> Thank you for your posts. Coincidentally that's what my H calls me too on a regular basis....mental. I know I may seem strong now, but I'm so scared of the road that lays ahead for me. I'm not sure where I'll go, or how I'll get us there. But I must. H's family is gonna FREAK. They won't understand a bit, because he's the perfect one in their eyes. My son is almost perfect when it's just him and I, but acts up alot when H is around. I know that's a major sign. It's just to get the nerve to finally leave, and leave all this life, and my house and all that which I know our safety and self respect is more important than all that...I've just had bad luck in life, I wanted this to be different. I'm sick of starting over.<BR>

Benna - I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and little one, though.<P>Don't put yourself in harm's way at all. Hopefully, your H will SEE what his problem's costing him and DO what he needs to do.<P>My prayers are with you.<P>Lori

Bren,<P>Do you have family close by? Someone you can talk to? You need to think about a starting place. It's awfully hard to do this sort of thing alone! You need support! Maybe like MENTAL, you can find a support group for abused women. It's a place to start anyway.<P>I know your in-laws will probably freak, and they'll immediately take his side. That's a bummer! Do you get along with them? How well do they trust you? Do you feel you can confide in them? Maybe you should talk to them too? Or if not, then don't worry about what they think. Your main concern has to be your safety and the safety of your son!<P>I know it sucks to start over, but in this case it might be the best alternative. Maybe this will finally give your husband the kick in the pants he needs to get help.<P>--andy

My H family is not supportive. Of course my H is perfect in their eyes and I am the cause of every problem. Who knows maybe I am to blame for world hunger next. HaHa. Seriously though, it is hard. He is violent because of his own guilt inside. Every bad word is only a word to make him feel better. I know that doesn't help much, but sometimes I have to remind myself that. My H went from I want a divorce because I can't make you happy anymore to I am getting a divorce because I never cleaned, cooked, was nice, never washed clothes, never did anything. Those words hurt because that was my life. I was a stay at home mom. And to boot I was mental all the time.