I can't believe how many posts have taken place since I left. It's gonna take me all night to catch up on the news. <P>I have missed everyone so much but have continued to pray and trusted God for all situations. <P>Thought of you especially Root Beer as we were traveling through Texas.<P>Well, just wanted to let you all know I'm back. Look forward to catching up with everyone and meeting new people!<P>Love Taj<P><P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

{{{{{{{{{{TAJ}}}}}}}}}}<BR>We're SO glad you're back!!!<P>How was the trip? Hope you had a wonderful time. Give us an update on everything, ok? <P>God bless (and more {{{{Taj}}}}} )<P>AW <P>PS - I made a new name, will post with it later. <P>

TaJ<BR>I hope you enjoyed your trip and you feel refreshed and relaxed. God Bless

welcome home!

Rootbeer and Brown,<P>Thanks for the welcome back and hugs. The trip was great and yes I feel refreshed. I am so glad to be home as well.<P>We drove from home to Corpus Christi, TX stopping in Dallas and San Antonio as well. The weather wasn't very warm but at least there was sunshine.<P>My H and I want to go back to San Antonio again, it was so romantic and we just loved the Riverwalk.<P>It was a good trip for our relationship. It was good to get away from the many triggers that I live with around here. I only had one bad day and that was when I found out again the paths will cross with the OW's family. It never ceases to amaze me how we continually get thrown together through some odd turn of events. My H got real defensive because of course he hates to discuss this stuff, then he said he wishes he could rid me of all the ghosts that continue to haunt me. Sometimes I wish I could have a lobotomy!!!! <P>So, thats the latest on this end. I feel so much strength from this prayer group and know that my recovery is due in great part to all of your prayers.<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

I missed you, I missed you, I missed you!!!! So glad you are back!<P>I think what is so amazing is that the evil lies in wait for any opportunity to attack, the lion stalking is such a good picture to what happens for us. Lying in wait, crouched, ready to pounce, tail moving ever so slowly, back and forth, waiting, waiting for you to take your eyes away for just one second- JUMP!!! Gotcha!<P>He visited our house this morning and again I was surprised at the attack. Fortunately, the Spirit made me aware more quickly that it was happening and I was able to avert the bait laid out to take me down the road to hurt...well, my part anyways. The soft answer didn't necessarily turn away wrath, but it didn't fuel the fire either. So praise the Lord for that. I prayed through the entire thing, claiming the authority of power over evil, for my husband's mind, rebuking him from this house, while the verbal barrage went on. <P>My husband says the Lord has given him a vision that I am judged and going to die soon, just as Nathan came to David to tell him he was a dead man......(my husband's perception) I am not afraid of death and know we are all going to die someday and the benefits of death is to be with the Lord. My husband doesn't want to hear this. Suggests I go get the gun and finish it right now. I remind him that it is the Lord's timing and not mine that prevails. He desires that this information will being me to my knees as it did David, for complete brokenness and knowledge of my sin of not submitting to his desires. I do ask for forgiveness that my actions are not to his expectations and that the Lord has been talking with me about my motivations for agreeing with such a request as my husband has made of me. The motivation was not to honor my husband but to get him off my back and to show him that he wouldn't be satisfied anyway....not the right motivation to do something. And so I ask for forgiveness for my wrong motivation and give him the information that I would not be doing the behavior any more for it was not from a pure heart. He hit the ceiling. It wasn't the expected response he wanted. I also suggest that if God did give him such a vision, then could God not have wanted him to take a look at our relationship and put aside differences and to cherish whatever time we have left in the Spirit of love and oneness with the Lord. He yells, I keep praying and asking for the Spirit of truth to guard my mouth, to only let wholesome words come out, soft words, affirmation of love, affirmation of committment to the marriage, dodging the accusations that I am such a liar. I kiss him, no kiss back.<P>The door closes and usual behavior is racing out of the driveway, driving like a maniac, hoping to get in a wreck and then I will truly be sorry as it would be my fault that he got in an accident. <P>He puts his things in the car and he moves the garbage cans out to the street. He normally doesn't do this. This is as close to remorse as I will see. This conversation will never have occurred nor will it be spoken of again, this is how he operates. <P>Thank you Father for your strength and encouragement this morning to do the impossible. <P>On another note, Pastor has helped me get into another counseling session with a woman so that I can have a female perspective in learning healthy boundaries and how to disengage from the craziness of my husband's illness. I guess my husband and I will continue to meet with Pastor every week ( though on Tuesday, he told Pastor that he wasn't coming any more. I will continue to go even if he does not.) The appt with the lady counselor is every other Thursday and so I meet with her for the first time tonight. Pray for this session that I am able to be clear about the issues in our marriage, that I am able to see those things that are my responsibility and how I exacerbate the problems with my husband.

SueB,<P>I see the light of a miracle on the horizon! Praise the Lord! He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Nothing can happen in our lives that He doesn't first raise His arm of grace to allow it to become His will first.<P>Father, thank you for Your work of mercy in this home. You alone are in control no matter how things appear. The enemy is a toothless foe and his claws have been removed! Lord, continue to do a mighty work in SueB's life as well as her husband. Keep Your hedge of protection intact and give safety from all forms of abuse. Use this counselor to reveal truth and give light for each step of the way. You are setting boundaries and we praise Your holy name!<P>Blessings, and I missed you too. Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

SueB, I am so sorry Satan attacked this morning. You held up so well, I wouldn't have I'm sure. Your strength and wisdom on handling what could be an explosive situation is tremendous. I will remember how you handled this the next time my H comes home drunk and wants to fight (which will probably be tomorrow, Fridays are usually bad days). <P>Is no remorse from a man for the hurt they inflicted a common thing? My H cannot show remorse, I don't think he ever felt bad for hurting me so deeply. He also would act the next day after we had an arguement or such as though nothing ever happened. If I said anything to him about the way he had treated me, he would deny it happened. <P>I hope your wisdom in handling these situations rubs off on me. Thank you for being here SueB. Your faith and trust in God makes me try even harder to be a faithful follower of Him. <P>You're always in my prayers Sue.<P>Hey Taj, just wanted to let you know that it was BEAUTIFUL here in Texas today! Bright sunshine, 78 degrees, very little wind. A perfect day!! How's the snow up there? I've been to Minnesota quite a few times, my H is from there. Brrrrr

Hi ladies-<BR>Met with the lady therapist last night and I don't know how this will be...she responded as most women respond when hearing what is going on here, shock, disgust, aghast, etc. I don't know how helpful that will be in helping me to find a balance in the process of trying to make my marriage work. Her understanding of infidelity though was interesting, in that she believes that when the marital vows are betrayed, that is infidelity too. I suppose it could be an easy way out for someone, but I never have been an easy way out person. I do a good job of defending the underdogs of the world, can be a she-bear with anyone's child who is being violated, but as far as the child inside each of us, I guess I don't do a very good job of protecting her. Need to learn the fine line between woman and child. I would whisk any child away from this environment, I would throw my husband in jail if he treated my step-daughters in this way (if I hadn't killed him first-she-bears aren't very rational) Children need to be nurtured and I am not being nurtured, but then again, I suppose my focus needs to be on the reality that obviously, my husband wasn't nurtured either and I need to be nurturing the child in him. So much to learn-God is giving me time to learn it I guess <BR>Hubby came home late last night as I knew he would. I had gone to bed and he ignored my questions about how his day was. Guess that means the silent treatment today. Lord give me the grace to pour out blessings on my husband today, to ignore the hatefulness and only focus on his inner child, to nurture and love that child as only you can. IJN