i went on a woman's retreat this weekend and was able to have an extended time to study the Word alone, and also extra time in corporate worship. it was like a stream of water in the desert! i wanted to share some of what God showed me---nothing earth shattering, nothing new, just His Word being made real. you know in Psalm 119 the psalmist prays several times "Make me understand..." (ex:verse27) God answered the cry of my heart in some key areas.<P>Protection<BR>my h's adultery has left me feeling like no one protects me, God didn't protect me from this evil, and of course my h didn't protect me...from the pain, from the humiliation, from the "talk", from the consequences, from any of it. In the book of Ruth, Boaz becomes Ruths "kinsman-redeemer" which means that he functioned in the place of another at a time of crisis in ordert o preserve untiy, family security, and family honor. in Ruth 3:8 Ruth asks Boaz to spread his cloak around her to protect her.The Lord showed me that HE is my kinsman-redeemer, and has Redeemed me. He has protected me- ultimately, even though for a time i have had to suffer--He is conforming me to His image, and i am learning obediance the same way Jesus did, through suffering (Heb.5:8). 2Cor.3:17&18-I am being transformed into the Lord's image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.<P>Ownership<BR>the "feeling" of belonging, to my h, has been broken. i also don't feel like the kids "belong" to him. a symptom is that when he disciplines them i want to attack him as if a stranger were yelling at them. you know what i mean? i can correct my girls, but if a stranger were to do that (within reason) my "mother bear" instinct would lash out. well now, that mother bear comes out on him. our bond has been broken. it is healing, slowly. anyway, i was mourning the brokeness of this wonderful "belonging" as i sat with women who "belong" to their husbands. and the word ownership popped into my head. i looked it up in the concordance and was led to Eph.1:13-"just as He chose me in Him before the foundation of the world, that i should be holy without blame before Him in love...to the praise and glory of His grace, by which He made me, accepted in the Beloved-In Him i also trusted after i heard the word of truth, the gospel of salvation; in whom also having believed, i was sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of my inheritance until the redemption of the purchased posession, tot he praise of His<BR>glory!" He owns me, i belong to Him! what joy to believe in my heart and "feel" it too. I belong to my Lord!!<P>then He led me to Isaiah 43, 49:15 and 54--what precious promises for a "wife refused" the "heritage of the serants of the Lord". read this---it is comfort from your Father in Heaven.<P>Rev. 12:11 talks about the enemy being overcome by the word of our testimony. so there it is, my testimony. God CAN satisfy all my longings (psalm 107) and make me whole. i forgave my h a year ago, but it still hurts--like as if i forgave him for a stab, the would would still bleed and hurt---but God IS healing me, and you know what? He is really filling me, and re-establishing me better than i was before. He will continue to fill me in a way my h never could and never should have.... thanks for listening.

Neen,<P>Thank you so much for sharing your experience at retreat. I find that the Lord speaks to my heart so often through the experiences of other women on this forum.<P>To feel understood when you can't even put into words what you are experiencing yourself is a real miracle of God.<P>I like you have felt abandoned and without protection, your words have helped immensely. Those needs are basic for a woman and very difficult to regain once lost. That is where the difficulty to restore trust comes in.<P>I am going to read the Isaiah passages now but just wanted to thank you.<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Neen,<BR>How interesting. After Bible study as I was waiting for the subway all of a sudden I was flooded with the feelings: of ownership of my husband and sadness that he didn't take the same approach to me and, How dare he not protect me from the this pain, our marriage from adultry etc.. It was over powering. I know God has stepped in and provided the protection and I know I am his child. Yet, God gave this man to me and I to him. I was really angry at the ow How dare she steel my man. Yet, she did not come as a thief in the night for he went with her. So what that all means I don't know. Just interesting that we felt the same things so close together. I thank you for the verses that address these issues. Have a great evening. God Bless.

God is really working on us, the POPW warriors. PTL<P>neen - thank you so much for sharing with us what you learned at the retreat. Great stuff!<P>I too felt unprotected and vulnerable after my H started drinking again, but it was my own fault for not taking everything to God and laying it all at his feet. Instead I tried and tried and tried to fix it myself. Didn't work very well. A hard lesson to learn, but through all this it has brought me to a so much closer relationship with Him. Thank you Dear Lord.<P>Thank you for stating how the hurt is still in a healing process after a year even though you forgave your H. I have been really struggling with this. I felt that since I have forgiven my H, the hurt had to stop. I've been feeling guilty that I'm still hurt but have been afraid to say anything. I think I felt this way because the Pastor and my H both said that it's in the past, I forgave, so the slate is wiped clean and not to bring it up anymore. <P>Thank you neen. <P>

I too am in awe of how God's word is so powerful for us. Neen, thank you for sharing what God showed you. What encouragement! <P>I am reading a wonderful book called "Windows of the Soul" by Ken Gire. A quote at the beginning from Benjamin Warfield starts the book out. "A glass window stands before us. We raise our eyes and see the glass; we note its quality, and observe its defects; we speculate on its composition. Or we look straight through it on the great prospect of land and sea and sky beyond."<P>Job 33:14-16 For God does speak-now one way, now another--though man may not perceive it.<BR>In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on me as they slumber in their beds....<P>I have been so touched by how the events in our lives are windows to something much more, how God can use these events to show us so much about Himself. How so often we get stuck at looking at the "what is" before us and miss the deeper spiritual message God wants us to see. I am especially blown away by the chapter "Windows of the Wilderness" for we all have had wilderness experiences. Giles says, "Whatever the wilderness, wherever the wilderness, where we learn that we do not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God, that His word is not only the most natural food for our soul, but the most necessary.<P>He described an incident where he had caught a wild kitten and had put it in his bathroom and after a period of time, brought it food and milk. About how the cat backed up into a corner, ready to fight. How when he reached for it with his gloved hand, it slashed at the glove and bit into the leather, making all sorts of fierce little sounds, spitting, hissing, its eyes wild with anger. Gire further states:<BR>"What that little kitten didn't know wa that allI wanted to do was to draw it close, to give it a safe and warm place in our house, feed it so it didn't have to hunt down its food, I wanted to take care of it, give it a better life, pet it and look after it. But how would a kitten born in the wild know that?<BR>Suddenly I realized.<BR>I was that kitten. Scared stiff one minute; spitting mad the next. Was that what God was wanting to do with me? Draw me close? Give me shelter, food, look after me? But the shelter I was wanting was security of a job, not the security of His arms. The food I was wanting was from the grocery store, not from His hand. And I could look after myself- thank you very much- I just needed a break, that was all. <BR>That image of the scared kitten stayed with me, and softened me. I didn't want to scratch and bite anymore. I was through fighting. BUt not crying. Every day as the sun set in the expansive Texas sky, I creid out to GOd to give me my life back, to rescue me from the wilderness. He taught me that the way out of the wilderness was on a road paved with tears."<BR>"As the emerging nation of Isreal left the wilderness, where they had wandered for the past 40 years and crossed the Jordan River into the Promised land, they were shown a window revealing purpose for those disorienting years. That window is preserved for our viewing in Deuteronomy 8. The first thing they were shown was that it was God who had led them into the wilderness. It wasn't Moses or Aaron or simply their own inept sense of direction. It was also important for them to see WHY He had led them there-"to humble them, to test them, and to do good to them in the end" (verse 16)"<P>To do good to them in the end- can you believe it ladies? Our wilderness journeys are for our good in the end. By starting out in POPW by asking God to change us, we are beginning more and more to see how when we allow Him Lordship over our lives and circumstances, it is good for us in the end. We already are seeing some of the fruits of that in the praises on this forum.<P>I am encouraged and strengthened by each soft answer I give, by each decision or boundary I set that is in balance with God's word, by forgiving and forgetting those things that have nothing to do with His kingdom. He is the potter and I am the clay. Mold me Lord!<BR>

SueB,<P>I am so thankful for you and others on this forum who speak to the things of God. I truly believe God speaks to me daily through the experiences and the sharing of women on this forum. I know I say that alot but it is so profound sometimes that I can't believe it!<P>Did you know that the wilderness experience was only a mere 11 mile trek that ended up taking 40 yrs. Sometimes I wonder if my wilderness experience isn't longer then it should be due to my stubborness of heart. I am convicted by the words of that book to again realize that God is making me into a woman fit for His filling! It also astounds me to think that it took a situation of infidelity for God to accomplish His work in me. No, I don't believe it was God's perfect will for sin never can be, but He sees in every circumstance a way to mold His children into godliness.<P>Maybe today due to your words I can walk in the Spirit knowing God is making me into something He can find pleasure in. I get real tired of feeling sorry for myself!<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Smile, can't answer for you Taj, but I do know that mine was. Because of my stubborness, He has allowed me many wilderness trips and the one I am on now is the most awesomenest of all, for I see His hand in it, I feel His breath on my neck and His gentle whisper in my heart. It is like I am stading in the audience watching a great play, some kind of tragedy and the audience is hushed, the anticipation is high, breathless as we wait for that which is to come. Knowing He is in control, knowing He is using me for His purpose, knowing He has chosen me to be this man's wife, knowing His will prevails in the end. Man this is such a trip! Seeing all the signs as I have experienced and knowing that God is working on my husband as He did on me and knowing God's will prevails....well I can relate to the sense of "overwhelm" that you refer to Taj. It is wonderful to be a part of this group.<P>