This chapter seems to be one that again addresses a hot spot in our marriage. First of all I don't believe my husband is an angry man. In general he appears very calm and layed back. But, if the situation or discussion is intimidating in any way he immediately becomes defensive and angry.<P>Thus, none of us can talk about things that bother us concerning the past without my H becoming very argumentative and defensive. This limits the ability of any of us to find answers or closure to our hurts.<P>I have found release in the Lord, but my son is still struggling with his hurts and they are turning into bitterness. He is a wonderful Christian man but he was hurt by his father's long term affair. He feels he was cheated out of so much time in his childhood.<P>None of us are able to handle my H when he gets angy. We just shut up and of course that is what he wants! I feel that there is alot that needs to be resolved without anger.<P>So my prayer is that the Lord would show my H that anger accomplishes nothing. That the resolution of his families hurt comes through loving acceptance and healthy dialogue.<P>Lord, free my H to share his deepest emotions with me and others who can help. Teach him to take his eyes off his circumstances and trust in You, regardless of how he is feeling. Release him from the need to control his family through anger. IJN<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18<p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited February 13, 2000).]

My H is also a friendly laid back kind of guy (with the exception of his efficiency quirk). He rarely gets and never stays angery. Much of the iritation that does show up is a venting of job or schedule related stress and not really family stress.<P>However, not only does my H not show or share his emotions, I think he has a hard time even getting in touch with them.<P>I think he is emotionally stunted. <P>He shuts down when any emotional issue comes up, making it difficult to be feel a close intimate relationship with him. He is also a huge conflict avoider.<P>I pray that I am able to make my H feel safe enough in our relationship and that the Lord opens his heart so he can identify and express his full range of emotions to add color to his own life and allow a deeper level of intimacy within our marriage.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

My precious husband is just plain mad 90% the time and like some of you, we are unable to discuss anything that needs discussing. He is depressed and cries most of the day and yet rages if meds are mentioned. He lives in the "if only" world and I do not know how to help him through it except by prayer. His behavior resembles a mid-life crisis, however his mother says he has been this way his whole life. In fact today he has said that he will not be returning to therapy.<P>I told him I would be praying for an annointing of the "oil of joy" and he just looked at me and said it "wasn't going to happen". I want the Lord's will in our lives, so I have to preface this prayer with His will not mine, for perhaps this road paved with tears is where my husband is supposed to be right now. I did find myself bing dragged down with him and responding just as hatefully as he was and through prayers and continual asking for the Spirit to guard my mouth and heart, I am experiencing the peace again and also awareness of the bait that my husband throws out to hook me. That sin nature of ours just looks for times like these to act out.<P>Father, I thank you for the increased awareness you give us in how to pray for our husbands and how the evil one lurks to stir up the pot. I thank you that because of Jesus, we are overcomers and that it is Your will that will prevail. Father, I ask that Your will be done in my marriage and the marriages on this board, that You restore what is Yours from the beginning of time, that You fill us with Your everlasting love and that we are able to let it overflow into our marriages. Father, guard my husband today, clear His mind and fill it with Your perspective, let His heart be full with love that comes from You. Surround him with encouragers and exhorters today, let this holiday be the beginning of our road to healing. IJN

I can relate to what you said about not being able to talk about the past without your H getting angry. My H was the same way. He is generally very laid back, both of us nonconfrontational and can honestly say we have never had a "yelling match". That is just who we are...but whenever we tried to discuss the affair soon after discovery or even a few months, he would get angry and leave the room or the house. He did not want the subject brought up at all. I had so many unanswered questions or unresolved issues I felt we needed to deal with but he wouldn't hear of it. I finally gave up and figures I didn't need all the answers and perhaps in time they would be provided if necessary. My H can now mention the affair and sometimes we can even make jokes (if you can imagine that) without him storming out of the house. I can tell him how or why I feel a certain way without his anger flairing up and he will talk to me. I still don't feel comfortable bringing up my unanswered questions but I don't feel the need to have some of them unanswered any more. I have often wanted to ask him what he felt like after having sex with the OW - did he feel terrible and remorseful or was he so caught up in his own pleasure he didn't even think of anything else. Maybe it's still a part of me that wants him to be remorseful and for me to know he really does have a conscious. Well, again, probably something I really don't NEED to know and things are truly going well. Perhaps in time your H too will be able to discuss things that you & your son need to talk about it. I pray it comes about for you. Blessings, J

This whole chapter hit home for me. My husband seems to be only able to show one emotion most of the time, and that is anger. I too, like Jenny in this chapter, lived on tiptoe, doing my H's bidding out of fear. Since I've been praying the prayers out of this book, my husband's anger has lessened, and I have been able to not react with anger. Stormie's statement "The best gift a wife can give in secret to calm her husband's anger is to pray for him" is what I'm banking on. <P>To quote a Terri Main devotion "God's word says that a "soft answer" is what turns away wrath. If you respond to anger with anger, then you have set the stage for an explosion which has the potential for destroying both of you. If however, you lower the volume and respond to hate with love anger with calmness, you have the chance of defusing the bomb and saving both of you from devastation". I love her devotions!! <P>I pray that God will help my husband learn to recognize his other emotions, and be able to show them. I know he loves us in his heart, but he's at a loss at how to show it. So I'll pray "Deliver my husband from anger dear Lord, and any other controlling emotions that he may have buried, teach him how to show his love for me, show him how to love me the way Christ loves the church. Fill his heart with positive emotions, let him really feel them and show them. Help him to trust in You, and give You his negative emotions". AMEN<BR>