I'm getting depressed. I don't know why, or what happened to make me feel this way. I've had this burning desire to tell my H how very much his betrayal has hurt me. I can't get this out of my mind today. He said this morning "I don't think things are too bad" when I asked him how he felt. He just clams up and won't discuss our relationship. I NEED to talk about it. The few times I've tried to start a conversation, he abruptly stops it, saying either he's too tired to talk about it right now, or gets mad, saying things like "what's wrong now, do you want me to leave". He is so cold, doesn't share his feelings (I'm not sure if he has any - when he says I love you it seems like a factual statement - no emotion). I feel like he is starving me for affection. <P>I read an email on the Standers discussion emails where one of the standers said to another "Forgiveness doesn't require forgetting, and God will not forget your Husband's sins, He will put them aside, and consequences of the sin will remain". My pastor had told me during our last counseling session that I had to forget all of the past and never bring it up again. I can't. It TORMENTS me daily. This message made me think that my husband has had NO consequences for his infidelity. My H does not know I feel this way, I am afraid to express any of it to him, lest I be a stumbling block to him, nor do I want my prayers for his salvation to be hindered.<P>I hold my thoughts and feelings in when he is around me. I try very very hard to be loving, affectionate, submissive and caring towards him, and meet all of his needs. I pray for him, for us all day, every day. I've asked him a few times what I am doing wrong that makes him feel like he has to drink after work and not want to come home. He says "nothing". <P>He still ridicules me, criticizes me and puts me down. He's done a lot more of this lately. He's started attacking our son too, then wonders why S doesn't want to talk to him when he gets home from work. <P>Is it asking too much for me to need heartfelt emotion from him? For him to truly love me, not just love the things I do for him? My heart just aches so for him to love me, truly love me. And I can't make him love me. When he is home, I put on my happy face, cater to him, give him backrubs and footrubs, and keep the hurt feelings inside. I want our home to be a haven of love and happiness for him. It gets hard when I the feedback I get from him is negative. <P>Last night he made a comment about the house being dusty. I hadn't gotten the family room dusted, but had done all the rest of the house earlier in the week, as well as polished all the silver. I work full time and have a 3 hour round trip commute every day, so sometimes housework has to wait, but I always do it. That's why I post so late at night, when I'm in between laundry loads. H goes to bed by 8:30 or 9:00 PM every night, so he doesn't see the amount of housework I do at night. I usually only get 4 - 5 hours of sleep each night. <P>Why can't I stop crying? <P>Thank you for letting me tell you all how I'm feeling. I've told God how I feel so many times, I need to tell another human being how I feel I guess. Maybe I'm just too impatient, I want to see bigger changes in my H, and I want reassurance that this nightmare will never happen again. <P>Please help me calm down. I love you all for being here..... God bless each of you. <BR>

MTAW,<P>Boy do I know how you feel! It seems like we do and do and do for them and get nothing in return. It gets so frustrating. Myself I'm almost to the point of giving up on my marriage. I have almost no contact with H. What contact I do have, I have to initiate and then I feel like I'm making him mad when I call. It's almost a no win situation. <P>I know I'm impatient. I want my marriage back and I want it now. But I always get the standard "I can't stand you" "I want a divorce" "move on". How can I try when I'm up against that? No matter what I say to him, I get an angry response. The OW is what he wants right now. She can go out and drink with him beçause she has no responsibilities. I can't compete with that in his eyes. Could it possible that this is what God wants for my life?<P>Now I've vented on your thread. <P>AW you are one of the strongest people I know. You will get thru any trials along the way. Keep your faith in God and in yourself. <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Boy, I know how you feel, but my biggest obstacle is the fear of his lust growing for her because he pushes me away everynight, how will his feelings come back if he won't committ emotionally. I have found the biggest helpto be when the fear comes flooding in I go straight to prayer no matter where I am, even if he is watching. My pastor told me to have the children around the table after dinner at night and say our prayers together and out loud so he could hear the and would know our fears and hurts, when he prayed with me, he prayed for misery for my husband while husband was thinking of OW and he says H should see our hurt and pain, but in the mean time I'm so scared if we show our pain and fear he'll just get more aggrivated so I stand in prayer alot, you are in my prayers, regina

Ok Rootbeer,<P>Like SueB says, take a deep breathe! You need to walk in the spirit and you won't fulfill the lusts of the flesh.<P>Our flesh wants to be easily offended, sensitive to the hurts other commit towards us, and feel sorry for ourselves.<P>Yes, in your situation if you were a worldly person you would have every right to do all of those things and more. BUT........<P>You are a child of the King, a daughter of the Sovereign God, the bride of Christ. You don't need to do all of those things for you have through the power of God over all things that pertain to life and godliness.<P>I can relate to everything you are saying and so can others as they have posted. I know right now what you need is to take "every thought captive to the obedience of Christ". Satan is trying to do a number on you. <P>Read todays devotion from Neil Anderson, I know you usually do. You can overcome by the blood of the Lamb. Jesus died knowing this was going to happen to you and He took on Himself all of your hurts. You can do it Rootbeer. The Saints in heaven are cheering you on. Don't be decieved into believing the lies of the unholy one.<P>Father, I ask right now that you would intervene on Rootbeers behalf. Give her a mighty sense of Your presence and power. In the Name of Jesus I bind the unholy influence which is taking aim at her heart. Give her a new perspective of her situation and give her Your vision for the future. Help Rootbeer to leave the present and the past with You. Thank you Father that Your word says You do forget and drop our sins in the deepest part of the sea. Lord, lift her up to the heavenlies while she walks through her age-long minute. IJN<P>{{{{{{{{RootBeer}}}}}}}}}}<P>Love, Taj<P><P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

PHP 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! [5] Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. [6] Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. [7] And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.<P>Well MTAW, I see Satan is hard at work again today, the lil bugger! first of all, I gotta hit ya with a question..what do you want to know? Was she better in bed than you, did he enjoy sex with her? What? See where Satan is taking you? How would you benefit if you knew those answers? Would it keep her out of your mind? No, I think every time you and hubby were together you would remember her. She doesn't belong in your house! He is with you, God is workng on him, in HIS time and we are all hearing the miracles that happen when we pray. <P>I agree with the pastor Taj, Jesus throws our sins far away and he remembers them no more. Satan wants that hold on your mind. Remember this is a spiritual battle, and we are the warriors and the battle is for the mind. WE are to take captive every thought, each time a thought comes up, you have to rebuke Satan and tell him to get lost for it was forgiven. and thrown away. Each day a new day and we wait expectantly for the joy that comes in the morning, that fresh start, a new beginning, like watching the rising sun, the vibrant colors pouring out over the land, we are washed in His love and we allow it to spill over to our husbands. Your husbands are trying, you each have admitted that. Maybe not as fast as you wuold like nor exactly the way you would do it. Each night your hubby comes home without being stinking drunk is a celebration MTAW, each tme he tells you something he would have not told you before a crack in the wall that he has had built up, one more step at the full realization of the love you have for one another and that God would shower you with. Taj, your hubby may need to feel guilty right now, but the more you love him, the more he will realize what God's love is like. So many changes since we started this study and praying together.<P>I love you ladies!

Pastor Taj..... I LOVE it! Well I got bold this afternoon. I got on my soapbox, told Satan to get lost, and went to spend the afternoon shopping with my wonderful daughter. She is the most precious gift a mother could ever have!!! My boss had been telling me that I should take a day off to relax, so I did. We bought several new outfits, makeup, perfume, etc. Had quite a spree. Luckily we were at a big dept. store sale and I had coupons for 25% off all sale merchandise. <P>Your prayers are such a blessing, I am so grateful for each of you. I had a small panic attack on my way home, and was going to drive straight to my H's jobsite since it is on my way home. After spending the drive praying for us, rebuking Satan, I drove right past his jobsite and didn't slow down. It would have been a lovebuster to him for me to show up there, he doesn't like that unless he calls and asks me to come. After I get done posting, I'll be in my bedroom with the door locked saying hw's spiritual battle prayer. <P>You are so right. It is a battle. Satan is after is me, more so than my H I think, because he thinks he already owns my H and he wants to destroy me. I am putting all my faith back in our God, because I know he is faithful and will carry me through this, no matter what the outcome. <P>I read and reread Proverbs 6:24 - 35 this morning. What stuck in my mind was verse 29, 32,33: So it is with the man who sleeps with another man's wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished. 32: but the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul. 33:Wounds and constant disgrace are his lot. His shame shall never be erased. These verses tell me that my H may be forgiven by God for his adultery if he ever asks for forgiveness, but God will allow the consequences of his sin. If my H only knew and understood what God's Word says about adultery. I pray that the Lord will enlighten his heart, and bring him to repentance, soon. I'm just so impatient. After rereading these verses I realize that it is not my place to inflict the consequences of my H's sin upon him, but it is God's place. Its a good thing all this stuff is still in my head and not acted upon, or I would be a major stumbling block for my H. Whew. <P>SueB - Your post just made me giggle. And yes, Satan was hard at it this morning, stabbing and poking me with those nasty thoughts. I do have so much to be grateful for, thank you for reminding me. He is living at home, he wants to stay with us, he has cut way back on his drinking, he does say he loves me, he spends Sundays with my son and I, our fights have all but disappeared. So one good thing did come out of today - God made me stop and count the blessings He's given me since all this started! There have been so many positive changes for many of us since we started this prayer group, and I am so very thankful for that.<P>Pastor Taj - you're right, I have got to get back into the spirit, and focus hard on God. I felt so much better after praying and rebuking Satan. I need to take my own advice:don't give up, keep praying because God honors persevering faith. It seems that I do better when I spend my time praying for others. I was in such a pity-party today that I didn't even read my devotionals. That is my next step. Thank you so much for praying for me and with me. You are a precious jewel, and I wish you were here right now so I could give you a big hug. So here's a big cyber hug {{{{{Taj}}}}} Thank you Taj.<P>Ok Mitzi. Get back into the prayer closet. I'm headed there, you better too. We're letting the evil one get to us. We've got to stand for our marriages, and pray without ceasing. I feel the same pain you are, because you are where I was last summer. We need to re-read Chapter One huh. And no, I don't think that what you're going through right now is what God wants for your life. He wants reconciliation - he hates divorce. Hang in there, come post here or email me if you get discouraged, ok?<P>Regina - there is a very good post on the Prayer Requests forum from emani. It was put out there quite a while back so you might have to search for it. It helped me a lot to see how I needed to pray for my marriage. But the best guide, other than what God tells me to pray about, is the Power of a Praying Wife. It is awesome. Have you been able to get the book? You're so right, the best thing to do when we feel down-trodden is to get into prayer right then. Prayer and our loving God will see us through!<P>Again, <B>THANK YOU</B> so very much for your prayers, each of you are in mine. Love to you all,<BR>MTAW<P><BR>

Dear MTAW,<BR>Thank you for your post.Thank you for your prayers and fast yesterday.Thank you for being you.<BR>I hope all of the above posts have helped to give you comfort and encouragement.I am praying for you.<BR>I have been struggling today with fear and doubt,even though I felt just the opposite yesterday, with prayer and fasting.<BR>God really does keep one finger on that<BR>thermostat,and knows just when to stop raising the temperature.This evening driving home from work I was sooooooooo low(wishing I had been able to read SueB's above post before now)satan was really making me feel hopeless.......I stopped to get gas and while waiting for a free pump, there was a bad accident in the street- happened so fast. I was so overcome with emotion I didn't stay to get gas.There was a woman crying, and lots of people calling on their phones and helping out.It was such a mess,but help was in abundance. Well I sobbed for so long and finally realized that if that had been me, and my H and are not together at that time, then who would they call to tell if I was badly hurt or dead? <BR>As Neen said,and I thank her for finally putting words to my feelings for the past 7 months, I don't BELONG to my H anymore.I guess I was letting satan get to me because I started to feel like dying. For God to just take me away from this pain- not good thoughts- suicidal maybe?<BR>I sobbed the rest of the way home, also knowing that my husband is at a New Age men's group this evening.<BR>Believe it or not, this is a praise report!!When I got home, on the answering machine was a message from a guy asking my husband if he wants to go Motorcycle riding tomorrow.Here's the praise.....He and his wife are from the CHRISTIAN BIKER CLUB!!! Well, this time my tears were of JOY, like it was GOD HIMSELF on that machine!<BR>So I will be praying for God to allow this get together to take place and my husband to feel a connection to them.<BR>Could I even accept the miracle if he asked me to come along???<P>How are you doing MTAW, I hope the Lord has dried your tears and the many many many prayers going up for you are being answered "as we speak" IJN.<BR> <BR>I am so honored to be a part of this group even though I can't write as often as I'd like. <P>What a feeling that answered prayer gives.<BR>What a feeling being convinced that God loves us.<BR>If we could hear Christ praying for us in the next room, we would have no fear. Yet distance makes no difference.He is praying <BR>for us.<BR>"We have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous."1John 2:1 <P>Love, thanks, and prayers,<BR>Joynicole <BR>"Do not face a day until you have faced God." (From God's little devotional book on prayer.)

Bless you JoyNicole! Praise the Lord for answering prayers! He is sooooo good to us. SueB's post made me stop and count the blessings God has given me lately, and He is answering prayers. I am feeling so much joy tonight, I can hardly contain myself!!! I can't believe I was so down this morning, because I've been renewed today. Thank you dear Jesus. My eyes will stay on you now and forever, because it is You I can trust. <P>I, too, am so honored to be a part of this group, and I tell God <B>thank you</B> every day for each of you. <P>J

Guess I'm a little late getting in to this one. I hope you are feeling better. It sounds like you are. I've had a harder battle this week trying to stay with God, myself. Prayer is my weapon also. But praise, and singing praises help me more. I really can stay focused better if I am singing a good praise song in my head or out loud if no one else is around. God lives in our praises. It is so important to Praise God. I feel the Spirit so much stronger when I sing to God.<P>Father, I lift these wonderful women up to you. In the words of Twila Paris, "Even warriors get wounded in the fight." We are in a battle against principalities of the evil one. But we have a weapon greater then any evil. Jesus has already won the battle. Satan cannot win he can only make us doubt and pout. Praise God for He is glorious and victorious!!! Praise Jesus for His saving grace and battle scars. I ask an extra measure of protection over each of these ladies by the blood of Jesus Christ, as they stand firm for their marriages, faithful to you, Lord. Keep our eyes fixed on you, Lord and deal with our spouses. Make them uncomfortable where they are. Turn their hearts toward you, Lord and then back toward the wives of their youth. Jesus you have won. You died for us and rose again. You reign in heaven with all power, wisdom and glory. Praise be to God for He is mighty in battle and He is mighty to save. Thank you so much for all you do for us daily, Jesus. Thank you for never forgetting us and never breaking an appointment with us. You are always there. You always hear. We do not deserve your best or anything at all, yet you give so generously. I lift all glory to the King ih heaven. Amen.

All I can say is Amen sisters, Now your're cooking! <P>This is the Power of a Praying Wife.<P>See you all in a week, I'm off to my FIL's 80th birthday in Calif.<P>You're all in my prayers, Love, Pastor Taj <P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Have a wonderful trip Pastor Taj!!! <P>hw - your prayer is so beautiful! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring so much. I cannot say enough how very much I appreciate each and every one of you, and all the prayers that have been lifted up. <P>I wonder if the attacks by Satan on us are a result of our fervent prayer and fasting. Do you think the evil one works overtime when we are working harder at being faithful Christians? If so, we need to make sure we say our "get back Satan" prayer every morning and every night. Hw - the prayer that you posted on spiritual warfare has been such a help to me. I have this one in my briefcase and haul it out for prayer reference pretty often. It is a constant battle, the evil one comes to destroy us, and seems to know exactly when we are vulnerable. By faith we will overcome the enemy, every time. Thank you dear Jesus. <P>The sun is coming up, today is going to be a better day!!! <P>Love to you all,<BR>MTAW<BR>

AW,<BR>I was thinking that as I wrote it last night. I definately think it is related to our prayer and fasting. I always find when I feel really close to Jesus or I've had a day where I feel really good,I know now the next day will be a killer. There is a verse that essentially says that. Watch out and don't get too confident because you will get knocked down. For me sometimes it is I feel so good and so close that I just won't pray or look to God as closely. Maybe there is an unconscious. Well I did such a great job yesterday, I can slack off today. Zinger, he gets me or better stated I left the door open and one of his evil army crawled through. It sneaks up so quickly I'm on the floor before I even know it. That spiritual warefare prayer helps me so much also. I try to pray it once a day. I do pray it before I go to prayer each day. AW thanks for your encouragement and your postings, I really enjoy this forum, Hope the weekend is a good one for you.<BR>Father,<BR>As we go into this weekend a time of rest from the work week, I pray that you call us to you. Call us to a deeper understanding and experience of You. Help us not to be too confident without You. Keep us ever diligently seeking You. You are Lord and we want You in the center of our lives. Help us to keep You there. Touch each woman here and reveal a marvelous truth about yourself to her this weekend. Keep us drawn to you in prayer and increase our faith and wipe out our areas of unbelief. In Jesus name, Amen,

hw - you know that is exactly what happens to me too. I have a great day in the Lord, praying and feeling great, then the next day WHAM he attacks me. Yesterday was one of those days. I have got to remember to rebuke Satan every morning and every night. Sometimes he gets to me in my dreams, causing me to wake up in the night afraid and upset. I have got to get a grip on this.<P>Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. You, along with all the other ladies on this prayer group, will be in my prayers all weekend. We going to have a GREAT weekend ladies.

This verse is helping me feel better today: Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:28 and Romans 12:14: "Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you."<P>

I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm in prayer with you and for you. I also want to thank you all for the great stength and support I feel that I get from you all. You all are a blessing from God to me. Much love to all and I hope your day is wonderful.

Brown, <BR>So glad you posted. I've been wondering how you are doing? My prayers are with you too.<P>I am much better today Praise The Lord! It's a beautiful, sunny day in Texas and I'm joyful! No, nothing's changed, except that my eyes are firmly focused back on our Lord Jesus, <B>and they're going to stay that way</B>! In fact my husband has been pretty grouchy yesterday and today, but I refuse to let Satan use him to get to me. Satan has been rebuked so many times today that I don't know how he dares show up anywhere near me or my family! God bless you ladies, and thank you again for your heartfelt prayers. <P>MTAW (alias Rootbeer)<BR>

I am late posting to this because we got a new computer and I have been busy trying to get it set up. This is so strange, AW, but I had been feeling bad/depressed the last two nights also. Finally my H asked last night what was the problem and I exploded in tears that I didn't feel he was attracted to me and he got angry. I was upset. I told him I didn't tell him things because of the way he reacts. I just wanted him to say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am attracted to you, honey. I love you, etc." Well, he did finally say those things but not after we both were angry. I guess I lovebusted by saying I always thought I was pretty enough or good enough before he slept with someone else and now I feel so insecure. He said he had been trying his best and it was never enough for me. No matter what he does it is never enough. That is not true. He had been so affectionate but then the last few days it just seemed he was not and I didn't understand. Everything turned out okay, but we just can't seem to discuss our feelings without someone getting angry or emotional. Oh, well, tonight we had a date. Went to the movies and out for coffee. He is now getting the kids to bed. So things are much better. Tomorrow our son, who is 10, is getting baptized so say a little thank you prayer. Good night. Blessings, J