Tonight my husband was over after he took the little one to violin lessons. I had been out to see my older daughter who goes to boarding High school. Anyways we talked for a while. I guess I should have not brought up about talking about us. He said some of the dumbest stuff. I know it was night and at the end of a week and he was tired, but if not at the end of the week and not during the week, when is there left to talk. I should have known better since the ow just left. He always needs a few days to seperate.<P>He said that I look good until I open my mouth.. He is just not interested in anything I have to say. So I said what about the day we talked for three hours. Yeah, I was amazed I had never heaard you talk like that. Then I said I thought you said when you pay attention to what I have to say that I do have interesting things to say. He said you're right. This is nuts and it isn't me.<BR>I was hurt by the fact that he said "that when I open my mouth." Sounds like I am some kind of bimbo. Yes, I'm working on my second masters and I just started counseling practicum and they want to hire me before I finish school. Sounds like I'm an airhead to me?<BR>It makes me never want to bother trying to have a conversation with him again. It makes me want to give up. Then my mind wanders to wanting someone who would appreciate me and love me. It has been almost 6 months and I am going nuts from lack of s... But I am married and I will obey and honor my God. I could never cheat on God or my husband for that fact. Bit I have to admit I want to give up. I don't know how much longer I can last. I will not initiate divorce but if my husband wanted to I don't know if I would bother fighting it. Still he says the ow and he are not going to move in together, at least there is no date for it. I couldn't get him to say they weren't just that they don't have a date. Well at this point I'm about to call her and say good luck he is all yours.<BR>I am just tired of being treated like I am nothing and no one. He is happy living by himself with no responsibilities except supporting us. It would be nice to abdicate all ones responsibilities emotionally and time wise. But I know there will be consequences and he may not ffel them yet, but I know the time will come. Sorry to be so negative, I usually am so positive. But I think finally I am getting angry at him with all the stuff he has done and pulled. I told my little one I am beginning not to care. and she answered, "Yeah I don't even care whether I see him or not." To me this is really sad. And he has no idea. My nine year old is smarter than he is in many ways. And he says I am the dull one.?<BR>Well, ladies sorry to vent. Now that I got that all out, I will be fine. Thanks for listening.<BR>God is so great. He is a God who allows us to get mad and we don't have to worry that He will leave us. <P>Father, take my anger, take my hurt and turn it all for your glory and my good. Somehow turn what each of us on this forum is going through and turn it into good for each woman here. You, Lord are the only one who can turn what is meant to harm us into gold and beauty for us all. What a mighty God you are.<BR>Thank you Jesus. Please increase or faith, hope and knowledge in you, and help our unbelief. In Jesus name. Amen. Good night ladies.<BR>

HW,<BR>I was writing this long letter and Netscape crashed. Guess someone was interferring here. don't have time to rewrite at the moment but will get back later.

Hw, I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. It sounds like you got attacked too. The evil one attacks God's strongest warriors the worst, and you dear are one of the strongest warriors for our God that I know of! <P>Here's a link to Neil Anderson's daily devotional. It might help you feel better. I read it this AM, the verse really struck me: I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). Yesterday I was feeling joyous, had a big victory over the evil one, then this AM in church I got bombarded by the evil one again. Praise God, He will be with us always, will never let us down!<BR> <A HREF="http://devotionals.crosswalk.com/NeilAnderson/" TARGET=_blank>http://devotionals.crosswalk.com/NeilAnderson/</A> <P>Taj reminded me during my bad day Fri. about taking every bad thought captive. Neil's Friday devotion <B>jumped</B> out at me: "Where then do these two opponents wage war (Galatians 5:17)? <B>The battleground is my mind.</B> That's why it is so important that we learn how to renew our minds (Romans 12:2) and to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). <P>hw, you are a wonderfully intelligent woman, don't let your H or anyone else let you think otherwise. For many many years my H has walked all over me, told me repeatedly how stupid I am, made fun of things I say or do, etc. You get the picture. I believed him for a long time. One day I got the thought in my head (after another one of H's barrages) that if I'm so stupid, why do I make more money than him? And why did I get all A's in school and college? And why do I have a flourishing career? I'm not dumb, nor dull, or an idiot like H wanted me to believe, he was being used by the evil one to drag me down. The evil one is trying his hardest to drag you down too, hw. Don't let him do it. <P>Hw, I need you to stay strong in the Lord to help me! Your posts and prayers help me so very much!!! Love to you,<P>MTAW