Hi. My H just called and wants to pick my son up to go and play with his cousin. I told him no unless he can guarantee me that he will not be anywhere near Hs OW or her rugrats. Am I wrong in this? As I know she will eventually be Hs new wife Im sure am I wrong in not wanting him exposed to her? It will keep Ian away from his dad more but I cant help feeling he should not be around her. Am I wrong in my thinking?

brokenandshattered --<BR>First of all: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>As I know she will eventually be Hs new wife<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You do not know this for a fact, there have been worse situations that have ended up in a reconciliation. As I replied in your previous post, protect the kids and yourself first. Then you can move on to assess the damage and try to repair it.<P>In your position, I wouldn't want any of my kids anywhere near the OP. But you walk a thin line with the possibility of alienating your children and putting a wall between you and H if you block contact.<P>There are better people than me to give you advice on this. I don't believe you are wrong in your thinking, but sometimes a compromise is necessary. I don't think that his connection with OW will change depending on how well your children accept her. Just be careful not to draw battlelines too quickly. In this, as with everything else in life, you must choose your battles carefully with winning the war as the ultimate goal.

Ho I don't think you are wrong. There are many here that have struggled with this issue, I have not. Hope they stop in and share.<BR>Doubt it would be any easy task for me. Kids come first, and as parents, we have a responsibility to protect them. If you feel taht exposure to the OW would be damaging in any way, you need to say so! You need to come to an agreement with your h, remain firm but be respectful.<BR>Best wishes, this is a tough situation.

Hi, broken. I didn't want to post to this, but I know how tough it is. I was married before, to not a very nice man. But, anyway...here goes. <P>I've been there. D was very little. Her visitations w/ her dad were originally overnights every other weekend. It killed me. I never got used to them. Cried everytime she left as soon as she left and stayed a wreck the whole time she was gone. He lost interest after a while and overnights decreased. Now, he calls a couple of times a year.<P>I found out that he did have her around his lady of the week, depending on who it was. Not much I could do to control it. I hated it!!!! Drove me stark raving mad. We argued and argued. But then I had to think....<P>But..........and I do not like saying it. They were not bad for her. They showed her a lot of attention. They took over when H couldn't relate. They made the day fun for her and less strained b/c they took her to fun places.<P>So, my hard won advice. If she's not a bad person (ok, forget the "biggie"), if your son will be well-cared for and have a good time, then I really think you should think about letting him go. <P>YUCK! YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!! YUCK!!<P>I know. It's tough. If you think it will do him some harm, then stick by your guns. If not......................<P>I guess what I'm saying is, I had to decide if what I thought was best was in HER best interest, or to make it easier on myself? I had to admit, it was for me. I do know. I've been there. And I know how very much it hurts. <P>Good luck to you. This is not easy.<P>Lori

B&S<BR>I went thru the same thing as my w was living with a mm. I fought tooth and nail with my w to keep kids away from that situation. It was driving me crazy and creating stress on the kids.<P>Finally a minister gave me some advice. he said that when I could protect my kids from seeing all things bad or evil then let him know so we could write a book.<P>Also the kids know who their real mother is and you can never be replaced. I know thats what I was feeling. That w was replacing me with om. While our spouses maybe replacing us, they are not replacing us as parents to our children.<P>So I agree with Lori, unless you know of some danger to your children from om, it is probably okay to expose them too her.<P>It might also help to drive a wedge between your h and om as she may not want to raise kids. I think this is what happened when w and I were fighting about the kids and om overheard her say she would take them away from me, because the next day he dumped her.<P>Hang in there and pray about it.<P>Good luck and GOd Bless

My H took my kids around the OW without telling me in advance, without my even knowing that she existed, six weeks after he left. At least three different counselors said he should not have introduced them to her anywhere near that soon. A lawyer told me a few months later that I would probably lose if I tried to fight him in court from overnight visits at her house, so I relunctantly let them go. If I had it to do over again, I NEVER would have let them go. Sure, she is "nice" to them - but then again Hitler supposedly loved his little daughters very much. It is extremely confusing for them when they see someone who pretends that she cares about them, yet they know that the relationship between her and my H is wrong. I don't know how old your kids are - my little ones are 4, 7, 10, and 13. <P>My H and I used to have fairly similar beliefs when it came to child rearing. Neither one of us felt that our children needed to be fit into a box, to be just like everyone else. He was never overly concerned about the fact that our kids are somewhat overly emotional, but apparently the little ones embarass the OW, and now he thinks they need "therapy". He no longer approves of the kids bedtime, though he never had a problem before. Introducing the kids to the OW opens up a huge can of worms - it is worse than having an interfering mother-in-law, because everything she says is gospel, according to my husband. Of course he never admits that she is the one making the suggestions. If I had it to do over again, I would keep them away as long as possible.

I did let Ian go with his dad. I made my mind up but only after making him promise me. Like they mean something right? Anyway the only reason whey I was so reluctant is Ian did tell me the one night he spent the night at his cousins house when jamie and I were fighting was the OW came over and spent the night. At first Ian told me that dad was on the couch and she was ont he floor. Then one night about a week or so later Ian again saw his dad pick a fight with me so he could justify walking out the door. Ian looked at me with tears and apologized to me for lieing to me. I asked him whey? He said that night he walked out and they were both on the floor and his dad had his arm aroung the othr person. It killed me yes but I can only imagine what it did to him, my son. I called her that night and had a fit. I told her if she had to have my H then so be it I guess if that is what he wants but DONT involve my son. She didnt say much as I did not want to talk to her and I hung up basically after saying my piece. It just tears me knowing what they have done together to ruin my marriage and my son ahving to see it happening, let alone being involved with her. Im trying my best to deal with this and first instinct is no cause he is a liar but second instinct was for my son. I want him in my Hs life and I dont want to hold him back. Ill deal with the situation I guess as and if it srises where I feel it is affecting Ian. Thanks for all your advice. I appreciate it so much.<BR>Michele