and i'm spitting nails. it is as if i am re-living all the grief and pain and dissappointment of the last year. i cannot stand the pain. ihaven't visited here because of all my sisters, suffering....i feel guilty that, even though he is repentant- i can't stand him and don't want him......ugh i am sooooo angry. and hurt. i know you all know exactly how i feel. the waves of sick and pain keep rolling over me. i have lost my shield of faith in this blizzard. and i have even lost the hem of my Lord's robe--i am hanging on to a thread, while the wind and rain and sleet pelt me. (ok so i'm a little melodramatic). i simply cannot express how much it hurts, and how much i want to beat him up.<BR> i got a song by ray boltz: the anchor holds:<P>I have journeyed through the long, dark night<BR>out on the open sea <BR>by faith alone<BR>sight unknown<BR>and yet His eyes were watching me.<P>the anchor holds <BR>though the ship is battered.<BR>the anchor holds though the sails are torn.<BR>i have falllen on my knees<BR>as i faced the raging seas<BR>the anchor holds in spite of the storm.<P>i've had visions, i've had dreams, i've even held them in my hand, but i never knew, they would slip right through <BR>like they were only grains of sands.<P>i have been young, but i am older now.<BR>and there has been beauty<BR>these eyes have seen<BR>but it was in the night <BR>through the storms of my life<BR>that's when God proved His love to me.<P>the anchor holds<BR>though the ship is battered.

Oh Neen, I've missed you! I'm so glad your back. We'll take you anyway we can get you.<P>You said you are hanging on by a thread, maybe you need to just let go of the thread and let Jesus catch you in His arms. He knows the hurt you are feeling and how much disappointment you can take. <P>Sometimes we need to let God be our husband until the time our spouses can take back their position. Give it all to God and He will make sense out of it. <P>Its Ok you know to feel all of the things your feeling. Give yourself a break and time to absorb this huge piece of information. Rest in the shadow of the Almighty and He will be a Shelter from this new hurt.<P>Your in my prayers neen, God keep you safe from this new emotional hurt. Let us on the forum stand around you and lift up our shields of faith until you are strong enough to lift yours up again. They did that for Moses, they held up his arms when he was tired........Read Exodus 17<P>Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Oh, Neen, I can feel your anquish but even better still God hears you. He is in the storm. A week ago someone sent me a picture of a tornado. When you turned the picture on it's side it looked like Jesus with outstretched hands in front of Him. Mu 9 year old and I talked about it today. It says to me, although the storm must be there in the middle I AM. Jesus is in the middle of all our storms. It must be a very turbulent place yet in the misddle of the storm with the disciples He slept, secure in the knowledge His Father was present in the storm and they were safe. God asks us to strive to that place. Boy is ir hard. Your feelings are natural and even justified, but Jesus wants you to hand them over to Him. <BR>When I have felt anger I find that I yell and scream about it in my head for a bit and then I say to myself, okst God, I am ready now to let it go. Take it Lord and replace it with your peace. It is amazing it is gone almost instantly and then I praise my Lord. It has taken me 5 years to get to this point. <BR>Currently, I am trying to stay near my Lord, and even though my husband and I had a couple of good conversations I am not going to put my eyes back on the relationship. My hope lies in Jesus and I am praiseing Him all day. <BR>Neen, Jeus is near just turn your eyes on Him. And as Taj said let go and fall into His loving arms and rest. Let go and Let God.<P>Father, I lift Neen up to You now. She is hurting and weary of the battle. Comfort her and bring her Your peace to her now and let her find rest in You. Jesus you are so awesome. You died on the cross as a substitute for us. Thank you. Father work in Neen's husband's heart your miracle. Change Him according to Your design and draw him closed to you. Quench Neen's thirst for you and let her drink deeply in the dry desert where she is presently. Praise the Lord, Amen.

To Neen,<P>Smile, God Loves You. I to am face with the suitation that you are in. I have learned to lift my hands to GOD and say thank you. We must give all thanks to him, because he is in control and he will not put no more on you that you can bear. GOD lets us suffer to bring understanding and make us stronger. <P>I look at my suitation (not problem) as a blessing, because I know that GOD is blessing me. Go to your closet, bathroom, bedroom and just pray, letting GOD know that you hear him.<P>Remember THERE IS ALWAYS SUNSHING AFTER THE RAIN.<P>O Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless this sister. Use her for your good. Have her to relize that you are a just and rightous GOD. Help her to understand that you are in control of the suitation and by your grace and mercy you an dyou along with bring her out.<BR>In Jesus Name, Amen.

ISA 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD<BR> will renew their strength.<BR> They will soar on wings like eagles;<BR> they will run and not grow weary,<BR> they will walk and not be faint.<P>Heard the neatest sermon yesterday about this verse....facts about eagles....in a storm where other birds find shelter and cover their heads under their wings, the eagle will lift its wings and fly upward to the center of the storm where the air is less violent, if the wind patterns change, they will again spread their wings to catch the updraft and soar higher to less turbulent wind. The eagle can have a wingspan of up to eight feet but still only weigh about 2 pounds. Their bones mostly are hollow. Such a majestic bird! As children and heirs to the throne, we too, when things get turbulent, can lift up our hands and soar to the heavens, and find rest amid the torrent around us. <P>As we also read David's psalms, we can rest assured knowing that we can take all feelings to the father, read psalm 109! We have a God who loves us unconditionally. Our freedom is not limited by Him. He is gathering your tears, Neen.

Sorry, this hit so hard........You know I understand........<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{neen}}}}}}}}}}}}}} a hug<P>You already know in your heart, anything I could say to you, but if you just need to vent and bleed you know my e-mail.. jesus peace be with you!<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

thank you all.<BR>i'm doing a little better.<BR>still hanging on...the thread is the last remaining thread of my Lord's garment. <BR>listen to this:<BR>Jer.17:5<BR>"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord....But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him."<P>i am trusting in the Lord, but i am so weak. thank you for holding up my arms.

Hi Neen,<BR>I know that the prayers said for you while you awaited the dna test,and the dear heart that you are in Christ,enabled you to give us a funny picture of you hanging on a thread while the wind rain and sleet pelted you.... you made me chuckle in spite of the pain- anyone who can make us smile through our crisis' will certainly be blessed.<BR>IJN,<BR>Joy

neen, I am so sorry you are huring so deeply. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Isaiah 40:29 says "He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak" and in Isaiah 42:3 "He will not crush those who are weak or quench the smallest hope. He will bring full justice to all who have been wronged." <BR> <BR> God will be with you, He will give you back your strength. I'm praying for the Lord to give you strength to overcome this trial. What you are going through must be the most gut-wrenching pain. I know I would be feeling the same as you if I were in your situation. Hang onto that thread. He will rescue you.<P>Dear Lord, neen is in so much pain. Please lift the pain from her, replacing it with your comfort and peacefulness. Lift her back up Lord, give her back her shield of faith. Let her rest; please carry her through this trial. Thank you Lord for holding us up when we are down. We praise your name, Jesus. AMEN.<BR>

neen, I've been thinking about you all morning. How are you doing today? I'll be praying for you and your H today. <P>I get a daily devotional from Inspiration On-Line, and really felt God speaking to me in today's devotional, and thought I'd share it. Maybe it will help you feel better too.<P>"Sometimes, to hear the word of the Lord we have to quiet ourselves before him. Sometimes the best thing we can do to worship and honor the master is nothing. Just sit in his presence enjoying his peaceful comfort and you will often hear the words you could never hear in the midst of the tumult of your busy day.<BR>Listen. Hear his voice speaking to you now. He may just be saying as he did in ages past, “Be still and know I am God.” (Psalm 46.10)"<P>Satan attacked my H and I this AM, causing us to have a negative discussion about his affair. I have had these feelings of "God what should I do, what is the truth???" for a few days now. I need to give everything back to God, and listen patiently for his answers.<P>I hope that you are better today. I praise God that he has held onto you through this. God bless you, neen.<P>MTAW

Neen,<P>I feel your pain and know what you are going through. I too am waiting for the results of DNA testing. But get this, the OW has not taken the C or herself to be tested. This is the woman that is filing for child support, but not she can't or won't find the time to have this child tested.<P>I pray that the Lord will strenghten you, me and and all of the other souls, in the mist of our trouble waters. I have learned the saying "Peace Be Still". The Lord does wonderful work.<P>Oh Lord, I pray for the guidance that you have so gracefully bestored upon us. I pray for my H and I also pray for the OW and the child. You have blessed me by allowing my H to end the A before I knew about it. You have allowed him to continue to love me, more than life---even during his wayward times----never stop. You have given me a understanding and forgiving heart. You have given me the courage to continue to love my H, unconditionally. You have allowed my H to see that I am a woman of GOD.<BR>Lord I give you all the praises and thanks<BR>In Jesus Name.<BR>Bless you all.<BR>ITS

thank you all so much for your prayers. i am feeling much better. i guess its just back to plodding along and trusting. you are such an encouragement. do any of you live closer? wouldn't it be fun to all get together? i'm in middletown,new york.<P>"in the south" here in ny the law is that if a woman is married, the baby is considered to be her husbands unless proven other wise. when you go to paternity court, the judge will order the dna tests. in ny the testing is not done before the child is six months old. the tests took 3 weeks for the results to come and then another 2 weeks until the court would release them to my h's lawyer.<P>my h is working hard to prove his love to me and to demonstrate his committment to growing both spiritually and emotionally. it is so hard for me to see because he was such a good hypocrite. in other words he was always a wonderful dad and husband, so he still is---where's the growth? it is hard for me to see and of course impossible to feel with all the fresh pain. i keep praying for discernment to know the truth. but i prayed that for 5 years before i found out the truth--and then another 8 mos. after forgiveness to get the whole truth. ugh. just venting.....it is so hard. also, the realization of how deep he has fallen hits him every once in a while and he gets full of despair too. <P>something funny- my 11 yr old knows the whole disgusting story--she found out 5 min. after i did. there was no preparation or smoothing it over or anything (a whole other story), anyway --in bible class last week they were doing a lesson on daniel, and somehow they started talking about Godly ways to handle stress. she raised her hand and asked the teacher, "what do you do if you never have stress?" <BR>PRAISE the LORD!!!!!!