Please I need your prayers and advice...<BR>My husband told me he wanted to leave me back on Jan 11, 00, he has only been gone 8 days<BR>total in these past months. He is so confused, it is hurting our children, it is hurting me and both our sets of parentsand us. I love him dearly, I never expected our lives to take this turn. I have been praying and praying. Even while I walk down the street in NYC. People must think I am crazy. But I don't care. I need your prayers and your support to continue fighting for our<BR>marriage. He says he needs time, he is not "in love" with me, but does "love" me. which I guess is a good sign. We have lots of fun together just the two of us, and also with the children, he is a wonderful father and husband. I think he is going through a "mid-life crisis" at 34.<P>Lord, please guide my H, and watch over him as he tries to understand, grow and work on this struggle. Please give us the strength to accept your will. I know you put us together for a reason, please don't let our marriage fall apart. I love him and he loves me and the children. We pray that he returns for good soon. <P>In Jesus Name I pray. AMEN

Pookie14,<P>I don't know your story and your profile doesn't tell me much either. It would help alot if you feel free to tell us what has brought your relationship to this point.<P>God knows the beginning from the end though so we can still pray knowing He is in control of all things.<P>One thing, being "in love" is a man made phrase. We romanticize so much of what in the end takes consistency and hard work. Love is an action word and we as wives must strive to show our love for our husbands. <P>Your h seems to be looking for a feeling and love must be a fact first and foremost. Feelings are vague and often times very deceiving. You keep loving your husband in ways he can see and pray for him continually. Leave the rest in God's hands and have faith that He will restore your marriage.<P>Father, we lift up to you this situation. We ask that You would heal and restore this marriage and family. Reveal ways to show love to this husband. Lord, where there may be sin, reveal it and bring confession and restoration. Bring this man back to his family. Cause him to realize his place is with his wife and children and only there can their problems be turned into triumph. Give this wife your peace and protection. Help her to realize You alone are sufficient. In Jesus Name I Pray<P>"God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and love, and a sound mind"<p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited March 10, 2000).]

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for your unending love for us. We are so thankful you are here amidst us right now, guiding us. Lord, please comfort your child Pookie14. Her heart is hurting, she wants so much to do your will in her marriage. Lord I lift up her husband to you, asking that you send the Holy Spirit to him, covering him with your love, giving him a clear mind and a pure heart. Lord, we thank you for giving Pookie14's husband loving thoughts and feelings towards her, and softening her husband's heart. Help him Lord, to make that step to move home, for good. Show him Lord, what love truly is. Give him Lord, the kind of love that You wish for him to have for his wife, and only his wife. Protect him Lord from the attacks of the enemy. Thank you for caring so deeply about this marriage, and both Pookie and her husband. We praise your name to the highest, and give all the glory for restoring this marriage to You Lord. In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN.

Dear Taj & Alcoholic's Wife,<P>Thank you so much for praying for us. It means so much to me. (I have written my story in my profile, but for some reason it isn't coming out)...This is what I had written though to KeeponTrying in Emotional Needs forum:<P>..-----This all blew up in November, when we had a big fight (over nothing). He reminded me of my attitude and constant bickering or yelling at the kids, which I admitted to, and when I realized in January, that he would leave, I realized it was time to change, too bad I didn't see this sooner. I have made a 200% change in my life, (for the good of all of us, especially me) he sees this and loves it, my family and friends see it too. He says he is afraid it is only a front, that it won't last. You don't know how much I thank the Lord that he opened my eyes to what I was doing wrong. I will do anything that God wishes to repair this marriage. He says he only needs time. But he wants to come in and out of the house sparadically, sleep, eat, see the children, be with me and leave, but all that is HARD and hurtful. When he is here my day is complete, when he leaves we (all of us)want to die. Our children cry and try to be strong. I don't know how long we can go on. I know God has his own time and agenda, and I AM willing to wait, because that is his will. I just am desparate. (sorry I vented too much, it is a long long story)...I Just hold on to the fact that he says he LOVES me still (not just the same way as when we me)...I hope this and the text below explain.<P>My husband has only been out of the house a total of 8 days since he said this. I believe he is very confused, he says he loves me, we are having a wonderful time together,with and without the children (emotionally, supportive, companionship, sexually) . And it seems that things get better and then he reminds me that he is getting an apartment (right now he is with buddy from work (male). No affair to worry about), thank GOD. When he talks to me which is a few times a day, he says he misses me too, and he loves me.<P>We are lucky enough to have friends (only 2 special close couples happily married) and both sets of parents that are praying with me to make this marriage work. To turn my H. around. If you would see us you wouldn't know there is a problem. All the magic has returned (I think). I am trying since December to meet his "emotional needs" and letting him know that I love him and am there for him. All I can do besides that is PRAY to the Lord every waking minute and let Him to his will.<P>It is hard to continue your daily routine; work, house, children activities, and plain old living when you are trying to "fix" things. BUT keep TRYING. I AM TRYING and I will NEVER GIVE UP!<P>I might have rambled on, but the point is, WE CAN'T loose FAITH, we must Believe that things will get better for all of us. I've also read a lot of books and listen to tapes, and gone to prayer service, counseling, and spoken to our priest. They may not be able to CHANGE the situation right NOW when we want it, BUT it helps emotionally to be able to express how you feel to people who can either be understanding or relate.<P>Try these books: "His Needs - Her Needs", "Your Love & Marriage", "The Four Gifts of Love" by Willard Harley and "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman. "The Christian Husband" by Bob Lepine<P>THank you again for all your prayers.

Pookie14,<P>Thanks for posting your profile. Don't feel bad, all of us have begun to realize that there are things we've done to contribute to marital discord. The wonderful thing is, God forgives us and gives us wisdom to turn around the negative and restore. His word says, "He will restore what the locusts have eaten.....". I think the locusts in our marriages are the little things which eat away at our lives and undermine the love we have. That is what the enemy sets out to do, he wants to destroy our marriages! Eventually those little things can turn into big things and that big thing for me was betrayal by my h. Praise God! My husband and I are now experiencing recovery.<P>Keep posting and let us pray with you. If you haven't gotten the book "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian, try and get a copy. Many on this forum will testify that it has changed our lives. Change begins with us.......our focus must be on God and He will direct our prayer for our husbands.<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18<p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited March 10, 2000).]

Taj, thanks again for your prayers. I believe in the Lord and His power. I am very lucky to also have in-laws that love me like a real daughter. While they live far from us (down south), they call me and pray with me every night, to ask God for help and to guide their son in the right direction. I could never do it alone, I am so lucky to have them. They care a lot about us as a family, the children, and their son...Thanks for your support.<P>Please let me know what parts of the Bible I should read, I've never read it very much even though I am a Christian. My H on the otherhand knows is by heart and now says he doesn't like to pray. I don't understand.<P>Til later. Pookie (P.S. the name Pookie is what he calls me as a pet name, even now during our difficult times)

Pookie, <BR>Thanks for posting your story. There is such tremendous power in prayer, so don't give up! I will pray that God changes your husband's mind about an apartment, and instills a burning desire for only, and to come home to you. <P>The book totally changed my life, and my attitude towards my H. Yes, what my H did was horrible (the three A's - adultery, alcoholism, abuse) however through the glorious power of our loving God things have greatly changed. There's still a lot for me to pray about, H is still drinking and is not a Christian, but the changes He has made in me have caused DRAMATIC changes in my husband's feelings for me. For at least 3 years prior to our last separation, my H was at the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" stage, then the last 6 months or so before we separated he couldn't stand me, and wanted a divorce. He now tells me he loves me <B>very much</B> and <B>is "in love"</B> with me. All by the grace of God, through answered prayer. Prayer that would not have been prayed had I not read the Power of a Praying Wife. Praise the Lord for having Stormie minister to us through this book!!! I can honestly say my reading this book was the turning point in our marriage. <P>Hang in there, and if there is any way you can get the book, please do so. I think you'll be glad you did.<P>Love and prayers to you,<P>MTAW

Pookie,<BR>As I read your post I identified with so much of it. First the I love you but am not in love with you. That is nuts and comes directly from the ow in my case. Second the if you look at us you would never guess anything was wrong. Until he moved out that was us. He;s been gone 6 months. And walking down the streets of NYC. I am constantly using my time of the subways as prayer time. <P>Do you go to church in the city. Lately we haven't gone but I do spend Sunday morning in prayer and worship.<P>This has really been a great forum. For one the ladies here are incredibly supportive and encouraging. We spend more time praying then venting, though you do have to vent once in a while. The book the Power of a praying wife is incredible. Several of us now have the study guide and plan to do the chapters and then post them.<BR>I think what many of us have learned I know God has really been pressing me, He wants me to have a relationship with Him. God doesn't want my attitude or feelings to be controlled by whether my husband looks at me lovingly or other. It has taken me a long time to get a little bit closer to that, but this book has really helped. <BR>You said your husband knows the BIBLE WELL. hE WILL COME BACK THEN. iT MAY BE A MID LIFE CRISI BUT IT IS EARLY. tHOUGH i THINK MY HUSBAND HAD SEVERAL SMALLER ONES BEFORE THE FULL BLOWN REAL THING. dOES YOUR HUSBAND SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION? wE DIDN'T KNOW MY HUSBAND DID until 5 years ago though it was staring us in the face for years. The important thing here is God wants you to respond by seeking Him with all your heart, soul, and mind. Get to know the Lord. You might use the Psalms as a place to start praising God and then the Book of John is also a good place. Ask God before you start readinf in prayer to show you what he wants and that he clear your minsd of all that is not of Him. It helps.<P>Father, I lift up Pookie to you. Lord be her guide to the Bible, send your Holy Spirit to guide her as she reads. Reveal your truth to her and instruct her. Increase her faith and help her unbelief. Give her an unquenchable thirst for you! Father, touch her husband's heart. Lead him back to you and show him how much You miss his friendship. You are waiting for him in the same place he left you and you will wait until he comes back. Praise You Lord. For who is God except our God. Amen<BR>

Taj: I have read your replies and prayers. Thank you. They are inspiring and are helping pray to the Lord more and more.<BR>I will go to the Library or look on line for the book "Power of a Praying Wife" first thing tomorrow. I have bought so many books and my sister and in-laws have also given me materials from their collections. <P>Lord, thank you for looking after our children, please keep them safe from harm, and give them strength to weather this terrible storm. Lord, heanvly God, I lift my H up to you - may you teach him the way back to you, and may he return to the relationship he once had with you and tried to teach me. Let him know I am saved and believe in Your Power Lord. Please watch over my H while he is out there alone. Give me strength to know what You want me to do.<BR>In Jesus Name I pray. Amen<BR>

Dear MTAW,hw:<P>I appreciate your prayers and look forward to reading "Power of a Praying Wife" and learning from it. hw said that there is a study guide and plan to do the chapters and then post them. I would love to be able to participate. I am new at praying so I need lots of help. While I am Christian, I never really had a "real" relationship with the Lord, til just recently. I feel awful about saying that, but I didn't understand. <P>Thank the Lord, Jesus, for giving me a wonderful Christian mother/father in law and b-inlaws that are helping every step of the way. And with the Help of the Bible Study forum and the Lord himself, I am sure my relationship will God get stronger by the day.<P>Lord, thank you for helping me find this forum and very supportive women who are helping me strengthen my faith. Lord, I lift up by H again to you and ask that you soften his heart, and let him know that he is loved by all of us and that I will do what You ask me to ensure his safe return to our home. In Your Name I pray. Amen.<BR>

Pookie,<P>I was hoping you would join us. Another thing we just started is praying together in our homes on Tuesday nights. We start at 11:00 EST and pray about each other for 30-60 minutes. Then we post a note after. It was very uplifting. Some of the other women prayed on the weekend as well. Join us it is great. Glad you joined us and glad you're drawing closer to the Lord. Thank goodness you have wonderful in-laws. that is great that they call every night and pray with you. Welcome to the group.

ookie, if you have time, go through the older posts on each chapter. Especially Chapter 1, His Wife. I think there's about 60 posts on it now! <P>I love the way the women on this bible study forum support each other and lift each other up in prayer all the time. I would never have held up this far without this support. Having a Christian, praying support network during these agonizing trials is such a blessing. I thank the Lord every day for the ladies on this forum, and for leading me to it.<P>I'll be praying for you and your husband. God bless you, I'm so glad you're here!<BR>

Dear HW,<BR>I will be on-line Tues nights at 11:00 EST. In the meantime I will continue praying not just for my husband, our family and marriage, but for you and the other women that need prayer. <P>Thanks for uplifting my spirits. Can't wait til Tues. Have a great weekend in case I don't get a chance to go on-line again.<BR>

MTAlcoholic's Wife,<P>I searched and found Chapter I The Wife. I have read through the first 2 pages. I love this forum. I will get "Power of a Praying Wife" today, and join everyone in prayer. <P>Lord, I thank you for bring me to this forum, for the many wonderful people that believe in You and help me get even closer to You Lord. I pray you give me the wisdom necessary to do Your will, and that you guide me in my prayers.<P>Dear Lord, I pray that You continue to watch over my H and soften his heart. I pray that he finds his way back to You Lord and that he realizes that his place is here with us. Please Lord, don't let the apartment go through, You know I am here to do Your will - Show me the way! In The Lords Name I Pray, Amen!<P>Lord, I also pray for MTAW and her H, please continue to give her a forgiving heart and guide her. Make her strong, and soften her H's heart. Guide him to You Lord. IJN Amen

Hi Pookie,<BR>Welcome!I'm glad you have joined.I used to call my husband Pookie Bear- I miss those days, but wouldn't want to go back to the couple that we were. As most here know, I don't get to get here as often as others- my H has his own business plus he is also always on with the stock market so it doesn't leave much time for me,Anyway, although we are not separated yet(He wants to very soon and he says the D word too.)Having the prayer update once a week, or every couple of weeks is good because I print it out and take it wherever I go.<BR>We are in the process of finishing this house and he wants to sell it and go our separate ways.I live in NC at this time, and you have to wait one year,thank God(more time for the Lord to work His miracle) before you can divorce.<BR>I can relate to what you said about becoming a Christian, but only recently beginning your personal relationship with our Savior.(I was raised to believe n Jesus),but I finally, really went to the foot of the cross when I had my first miscarriage, (In 8 and 1/2 years I've had two, and still have no successful pregnancies), but it wasn't until July of '99 when h dropped the bombshell of not wanting to be married to me anymore,that I was devastated enough to really and truly run back to the foot of the cross and remain there in prayer and now in prayer AND worship.I had begun to fully rely on ME(worldly wisdom) at that time, trying to heal myself and body so I could have a successful pregnancy. <P>Only JESUS can heal.<P>So I guess I am still a baby Christian, but have several "advanced" Christian friends, plus their churches, and my church,etc who remain in prayer for me/us,Thank God, because ultimately we are all the same in our struggles to save our marriages.We need prayers! <BR>We are so lucky to be able to pray for each other.<BR>The enemy tries to get us to doubt that weare praying"right", but believe me,<BR>'If you can't pray as you want to, pray as you can. God knows what you mean'.<BR>"Lord,help me!"(Matthew 15:25)<P>In prayer it is better to have a heart without words, than words without heart. While my heart is so broken, it sometimes makes me not "feel" like I am sincere in my praying- that's a tool of the devil- but I know that it is because I am in pain have fear and doubt(satan knows the bible too.) But I must release this anger and resentment for my spouse's betrayal to me and our marriage. <BR>"And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites.For they love to pray standing in the synagogues<BR>and on the corners of the streets,that they may be seen by men.Assuredly,I say to you, they have their reward.(Matthew 6:5)<P>Jesus has His ear to your heart, even when your heart feels so much pain, He is there.<P>My H is in MLCrisis also, and says the same thing about loving me but not feeling "In"love........<BR>Anyway,Pookie, welcome again, you are in the right place, and in our prayers IJN,<BR>Joynicole<P>****Note for hw**** I lived in NYC a long time ago, so I can picture you walking the streets of the city, getting on the subway, praying, etc. I love to imagine that my prayers are being said in Manhattan- I have such wonderful memories.......... <P>P.S. My new(male) counselor is fab!I Pray that I can get H in.<BR>