I haven't posted here in a couple of days, so just a little history besides my profile.......I have been having a very ruff go of it trying to forgive my wife and moving on with our marriage, at one point I had asked her to leave despite the fact that she had stated that she wanted to work through this time in our lives and was putting more effort into than she has ever had. Because of replies to my posting here, I asked her back into the home and last Wed. we went to our first therapy session. I think the session went very well and helped us a great deal. My dilema now is that during the initial discovery of my wife's affair, she agreed to be honest and answer all of my questions, questions that included sexual details and frequency. The answers that I received was that she was sexual with the OM 5 times between Jan-March and that other than once when she was feeling guilty about what she was doing, had an orgasm everytime. My wife needs direct clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm and will stimulate her clitoris while having intercourse to achieve her orgasm, and she did the same with him. My dilema is that my wife has in the past as she does now, state that she doesn't always want to have an orgasm, that seeing me fulfill my need to be with her sexually is satisfying enough for her. There have been times in the past as well as recently that I have wanted to do things for her in order for her to have an orgasm and she refuses, stating the above. Am I being unrealistic to feel that she doesn't want to have an orgasm when she is with me(this doesn't happen all the time, just some of the time) because she no longer has deep love, desire and passion to be with me in that way, she certainly had the passion and desire for the OM, which caused her to always want to have an orgasm with him..................am I being unrealistic or should I really be feeling as bad as I do?<BR>

Dear FA<P>Wish I had some wise words for you....maybe a couple of thoughts, though. Maybe, for now anyway, you ARE being a little unrealistic. You guys are just beginning reconciliation and recovery. There are a lot of issues to get past for both of you, a lot of building to be done yet. Uninhibited passion may take some time.<P>As hard as it is not to do right now, don't compare! You have some marvelous advantages here. Your wife is there with you; she is willing to share your bed. You are together and both working and you have access to the tools it will take to restore your marriage. Be very, very thankful for that, my friend.<P>Keep working, keep loving, keep being honest and open with each other. It will happen for you. Our favorite words here - time and effort, forgiveness and patience. You both still have a long road to travel yet. <P>We're all pulling for you. <P>-Lori

Hi,<BR> Sometimes, the big "O" isn't what we women are looking for. What matters to me is the feeling of intimacy and feeling loved and desired by my H, and sometimes, that's all I may happen to need at that particular time. Without these things, the big "O" doesn't mean much to me, as my H can bring me to that point, but without the emotional closeness, I will still be unsatisfied. Make sense?