My experience with my husband is very similar to what I'm reading here that others have experienced, and I would love to have opinions on what I should do. We have been married for 13 years, and throughout that time, my husband has maintained a pattern of being very angry and grumpy with me most of the time. When I try to talk to him about why he always gets angry, he gets even more angry with me. This is with no feedback on his part at all. I just ask him why is he angry. He won't participate in a 2 way conversation with me. He physically turns his back on me...won't look at me even when I ask (or eventually beg). Then he just blows up and says we should just get divorced. After such a blow-up he becomes very apologetic and wants to just forget it. A few years ago, I told him never to mention divorce to me again, or I would go through with it. Well.... he mentioned it last weekend. Of course, ever since then he's been sweet as can be. Throughout the years I've asked him to go to counseling to help us get to the<BR>bottom of why he'd rather be angry with me than be my friend. He absolutely refuses to go. I have basically told him now that we either go to counseling or I will follow through with his suggestion (of divorce). He still refuses and is saying I am giving him an ultimatum. I say he gave me only one choice when he said "let's get divorced", and that I'm giving him a 2nd choice. I've tried his way (forget it and just don't ever mention it again) about 6 or 700 times. I do not think it's unfair for me to expect him to try my way once. I have an appointment to see an attorney today. I really don't want a divorce, I want this cycle to end!!!! I hope someone has a helpful suggestion. All he needs to do at this point is agree to see a counselor! He is the most extreme non-negotiator I've ever met. There is only "his way". Any attempts to even discuss my opinion are immediately turned into a fight by him. I am totally tired of this attitude, and I am insisting on the counselor because I think we need help. He says he's a Christian, but I never see him read his Bible or get on his knees. I have waited and waited to see God's hand in this, and I don't want to put my time limits on this, but I just don't see how I can go on this roller coaster ride of emotions anymore. He says he's trying to be "nice" - why can't I find it in myself to forgive him one more time? It's not that I'm not forgiving him - I just want to fix this once and for all.

Some of us are reading Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend along with POPW. The big thing I am finding is that if you are going to set limits, you need to carefully think out the consequences because you may have to follow up on them as you are now experiencing. I think I would be tempted to go to counseling without him. <P>Father, We bring Cindy before you now and ask that you give her Your wisdom in how to handle this situation before her. You did not make man to rage at his wife, nor did you make woman for the purpose of attacks. Extend your hand in this marriage and block all evil, all demonic attempts to tear this relationship apart. Build this couple up in a right relationship with You. IJN

Cindy, I think I have to agree with SueB that you might want to go ahead and start counseling without your H. A lot of times when one spouse starts counseling, the other gets curious about what's going on during the counseling sessions and will start going. <P>I'm afraid I'm not the one to look to for advice right now, because I'm kind of at the point that there are some big decisions to be made. I am, however, going back to counseling by myself. The kind of counseling my H needs is at AA, but he won't go there.<P>Pray about your situation Cindy. If your husband professes to be a Christian, the Lord is dealing with his heart right now. Pray without ceasing for his heart, and your heart to be softened and receptive to what God has to say to you. He loves each of us, and wants us to put Him first in all situations. Before you do anything rash, pray hard about it first. Cindy, I will pray with you all day today. <P>Dear Lord, thank you for speaking to Cindy's heart about her marriage. I pray that you will continue to prepare her and her husband's heart for your message. Lord, please send the Holy Spirit to Cindy's husband, to place overwhelming conviction upon him about his anger towards his wife. Remind him Lord what Your word instructs him as to his role as a Christian husband. Thank you Lord for easing the pain in Cindy's heart. I pray that you will be with her and draw her very close to You throughout this trial. Heavenly Father, we love you so much, and trust in You. Thank you Lord for answering our prayers. IJN AMEN

Uuhh. Forgive my ignorance, but... What is POPW?

Karenna,<BR>It's this <B>WONDERFUL</B> book that we are using as a study guide, "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. This book has been life changing for me, to say the least. After reading Chapter 1 of this book, I was so convicted about my part in the demise of my marriage that I began praying incessantly for the Lord to change ME. He has been working mightily in my life, as well as the other praying wives on this forum. Please join us. There is so much power in prayer. We serve an awesome God. The testimonies of these ladies is inspiring. We'd love to have you study with us. Please let us know if there something we can pray with you about. <P>Blessings,<BR>AW

Sounds great. Is it an online book or do I have to buy it at Amazon or some such? What a blessing this forum is. Maybe this is where I belong.<P>confession time: I am in great need of repentance. For six years I have been the dutiful praying wife. I have seen many miracles in my life and in H. I was blessed with guidance and direction from my Heavenly Father. To top it off I was sent a powerful experience of an intimate and fulfilling love from Jesus just a few months ago. For six days I basked in His love. Within a week Satan's temptation hit me full blast. I was falling in love with an OM. I went from reading the bible daily to never. From working on my H and praying continually, to planning how to get time with OM. <P>(I just love it how people who have never experienced the temptation are so sure that no matter how they felt they would Never stray!!! How virtuous is it to not sleep around if you have never even been tempted to do so?)<P>Anyway, a friend gave me His Needs Her Needs and I've been glued to Harley's books, website and these forums ever since. I was able to detach from the OM, not with as much courage and strength as I would like to have shown, but gradually and with lots of tricks on myself to force me to behave. We are still good friends, but the passion is long gone. Until H makes an effort to meet at least some of my emotional needs it is just a matter of time before it all happens again with some other person!<P>Nevertheless, the Lord has never abandoned me. When He couldn't reach me directly, he sent friends, hymns, poetry, and email that rang in my ears for hours at a time. Rather than reading the scriptures I was able to go to the piano and play hymns to calm my mind and focus my priorities. <P>I still need more faith. I know I am supposed to stay with my H, even though it is very unequal and lonely here. Something about the unbelieving spouse being Sanctified by the faithful mate? Please pray for my heart to be softened towards my husband. And for his to be turned towards working with me rather than in spite of me. <P>------------------<BR>"A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us." Marvin J. Ashton

I am so glad you found your way to this forum. The POPW book will definitely help renew your spirit. I bought my copy at the local Christian book store although I still haven't gotten the study guide yet. I want to work through that. I admire your truthfulness. I can honestly say I understand how easily you could be tempted. There were times after discovery of my H's affair that I wished I could meet someone else just to repay the pain and to receive the attention from someone for a change. How terrible is that? Fortunately, I am a stay-at-home mom & don't get the opportunity to meet alot of other people like I would if I was employed outside the home AND I found this site and the POPW book. My life turned around but yes I am still tempted by attention from another at times. Even though I was becoming the wife God intended I would still get tired of trying and doing and never getting anything in return. Sounds like you may be there. I was convinced there was no changing my H. He even told me he would/could never changed. This is where the power of the Lord came in because he has changed in ways we never thought possible. I am grateful and still cautious about not wanting more. I have given this all over to the Lord. I have also learned to lean on the Lord to meet those desires not being met by my H. That has helped tremendously. Sorry to have rambled....Anyways, glad you could join us and hope you can get the book soon. Blessings, J

J, You are so right. <BR> "I have also learned to lean on the Lord to meet those desires not being met by my H. That has helped tremendously." <P>That is exactly what is needed - the Lord will provide for all our needs the spouse won't or can't meet, as long as we are faithful to Him and turn our lives over to His direction.<P>I think there was value in the EA after all. It led me here to a vast wealth of information and tools and community that can help my marriege, my soul, and my clients and friends. Thank you for all your strength and faith.<P>------------------<BR>"A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us." Marvin J. Ashton