<BR>Dear ladies,<P>I am a little confused as to my still being a praying wife,(I mean the prayers of this bible study) and maybe this has been addressed before I ever came to this site..<P>What I mean is....with my H gone and not telling me where he lives, and contiues to have the ultimate goal of divorce after a year separation..... if and when God answers theses prayers from the book, won't it be attributed to the fact(in H's and other's opinions) that H is "healing"from his Midlife C because we are no longer together and that he can be happier without me? Do you<BR>know what I mean?<P>If I am praying for my husband's healing(from childhood wounds) and happiness,Idon't know if I am being sincere, because I want him to be happy with me, in our marriage, NOT while he is away from me and then would think that he really can be happy being apart? <BR>Does it work that way?<P>Forgive this question if it is too off the wall......

P.S. If this appears to be selfish and self centered,(because I Do want to and DO pray for him), I wanted to add that H has blamed me for all his troubles even says I represent his whole family and so I take this to mean that he cannot heal from his past if I am in the picture.<P>(Don't forget, he is seeing a New Age person with NO credentials for his "therapy".) <P>Anyway, thanks for listening,<BR>IJN,<BR>Jn

Joy, it is not off the wall at all. Satan wants you to give up praying for your husband. If God can put dry bones together with tendons, flesh, etc. He can put our marriages back together. If indeed your husband is going through midlife crisis, who will be there when he has gone through it? Who will be the only one who has been faithful to him in spite of his craziness? Who will continue to love him besides the Lord? Joy, you can be the one standing in the gap. <P>After going though the bible study "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby, one of the things that continues to stick with me is that until we hear differently from the Lord, we are to continue what we are doing. Continue to learn about yourself, continue to deepen your relationship with the Lord and seek His face in what He desires for you to learn through this trial. Continue praying for your husband and rebuking the power of the evil one...remember Cindy prayed for God to teach Jack in his sleep and Jack dreams of his wife...go back and look at Cindy's (HW)post about this. Remember the widow who went to the king because she wanted justice and the king finally gave it to her because he was afraid that she would wear him out with her requests. Remember the Lord said if the king would do such a thing, how much more He would do. Remember we are to pray for them as if they were believers for they are sanctified because of our belief. Pray for his mind, for his emotions, everything. Bind the power of the evil one!

I think even if you were divorsed you could pray these prayers for your X husband... If you care about their emotional,physical,mental well being and mostly for Gods role in their lives definatly pray... Do you still hope for reconcilliation????? YES PRAY! I think just because we pray for healing, doesn't mean that they will be happy/comfortable/at peace untill they are right with the Lord which means right with their marriage/wife also..... Did I help??? Im so confused right now myself that I don't know if I even make sense to anyone else...<P>Im praying for my H and we're separated, but I pray also that unless he is doing what he is supposed to be doing in the sight of the Lord, that he will have no peace and will not have any contentment....<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

Dear SueB and Cozy,<P>First, SueB,Of course, how could I again be so blind that it is the enemy making me doubt that I should be praying for H.<BR>I Loved what you said about who will be there when this craziness is over- and yes, I can stand in the gap for him!<BR>Thank you for the encouragement.<P> I have heard you mention"Experiencing God"before, and is it just a bible study, or is it also a book?<P>The Christian school/church that I work at is almost finished with(which I couldn't attend due to my work hours)Philip Yancey's "The Jesus I never knew"bible study. The associate pastor's wife facillitated. I finaly went out and bought my own copy of the book, and have just started reading it.Some of the 'Thumbs up' in the people who have "critiqued" it have come from Billy Graham,Joni Eareckson Tada, and Elisa Morgan(president of MOPS international)<P> Even for all that know the Lord so well, there is always new stuff to learn, I'm sure.<P>It is what I need to do, learn everything possible about Jesus and placing Him first in my life again. By not doing this,look what <BR>happened........ <P>Thank you Sue:"Until we hear differently from the Lord, we are to continue what we are doing."<BR>Amen!<P>Has anyone seen the Joyce Meyers video"Loving God, Loving yourself, Loving others"?Any comments?<BR>Now that I have all this "free time", I, like you said, SueB,can "learn about myself".<P>I just read a quote:Pain is prescribed by God because we need it".....<BR>Must be a part of our refining process, I guess.<P>Cozy, yes you helped so much, and said exactly what is right in my situation, most likely because you, along with Brown, Hw, and I are separated. You understood what I meant by not being sure of praying for his happiness, etc. You put it in the right context/perspective.Thank you.<BR>So very encouraging also.<BR> <BR>My h may think that he is doing what he is supposed to be doing in the sight of the Lord, but oh my!<BR>I pray for his protection.<P>Yes, Cozy, with all my heart I want reconcilliation!For all of us!<P>I do wish that I wasn't the only one without children out of all of us here,though. I do feel a little like the odd ball.........Like do I have less of a chance because there are no kids involved........<BR>Just adds more questions,also, you know, like Why no gift of a child, God?<P>Anyway, I thank you for your support. <P>Love and prayers IJN,<BR>Joy

Hi Joy, <BR>Yes, there is a book of the same name, but honestly in my opinion it is shallow compared to the bible study. Think the study guide was around 12.00 when I bought mine, but Amazon.com usually has some pretty good prices. Might want to check there first. Is there any one close by that you can do the study with? A friend and I used to get 4-5 women together and go through it with them. Made for good bonding and prayer partners and really challenged us in our growth. Then we would get 4-5 more and do it again! It is a wonderful study.<P>And I have read Phillip Yancey's book and it gives you lots to ponder! Grow girl!!!

The book 'Experiencing God' is great... The Study Guide helps you dig deeper, but the impact of watching the video series is tremendous! Our Adult Sunday School class went through it, and it was a winner!!!<P>We went through (God lead us through) Search for Significance first, then Lifetime Guarentee and the third was Blackaby's Experiancing God....I thought I had a handle on my relationship with God through Jesus before each study because I have learned so very much through this trial, but as I learn I see more and more that I don't know <P>The saying "Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet" comes to mind! <P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

Hi JoyNicole. Hope you are doing ok. Everyone's given you good advice, and I agree that as long you feel led by the Lord to pray for your husband, do so. I prayed for my H for protection and salvation while we were separated. <P>Since you want to reconcile, all the more reason to keep praying. Since it is in line with God's will that you reconcile because He hates divorce, pray for that. A lot of the prayers in Stormie's book will still apply, especially prayers for his obedience, his walk, his marriage, his relationships, etc. <P>You're doing so well JN. I'll be praying for you and your H. Don't give up. Have you heard of the Standers? If I can find the link for the Standers creed, I'll paste it for you. Its all about praying for your spouse while you're apart, and standing in the gap for them. <P>Dear Lord, thank you for working on JoyNicole's husband's heart. We praise you Lord for the restoration of this marriage, restored to an even closer, more loving marriage than before. We praise your name Jesus, then name above all names. Lord, your word says that with You, nothing is impossible, therefore we ask in Jesus' name for JoyNicole's husband to be saved, and brought home to his wife. Thank you Lord, for caring for JoyNicole, comforting her, giving her peace. IJN I pray AMEN

Info. on Standers<BR> <A HREF="http://rejoiceministries.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://rejoiceministries.org/</A>

Thanks for the Stander's Creed, AW! I need to take it to heart every day. K<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Thank you all for your expert advice and Godly wisdom, support, and encouragement.<P>AW, I went right away to that website to the Stander's creed and wrote it all out.<BR> I am a little concerned because at the end of the creed it said not even "economic hardship" would make me let up---- uh oh------- Today I went to an attorney because my H left me with a huge mortgage payment;it is over two weeks overdue now, and I did not know what else to do.Three very wise people had advised me to do this....otherwise, the house would foreclose and we would lose everything.<P>It looks like my H was shocked that I did this, and now wants to help me pay the mortgage bill if I agree to put the house(as is-unfinished) on the market.<P>We saw each other for the first time since he left on Mar25th.<BR> I told him I would think about it.<BR>I'll have to consult with my, now"four" people including my attorney.<P>There is no way I can afford to live here, and it breaks my heart(more heartbreak) that I have to leave.We have worked on this place for six years......It was the baby we couldn't have......now all my dreams are disappearing -poof- gone- once this house is sold. <P>I don't believe I had any other alternative but to seee an attorney. In one hour, I paid him a week's paycheck- isn't that incredible? <BR>Well, not only am I going to think about placing my home on the market, I am also ready to get a higher paying job.<BR>All of this will make me busy and occupy my mind wile we are separated. <BR>This hurts so much.<P>Again,MTAW, thank you for the Stander's website.<P>I love the creed and will say it daily and probably memorize it!<P>Going to the attorney really seemed to make my H take notice and offer to pay me some $$$ for the mortgage like I said earlier..........after all he walked away from it all......<BR>Otherwise, I think he thinks I would have "raked him over the coals".<P>All I want is for him to help with the mortgage if he has to live away from me.<P>He said when he came over today to bring me some things he had taken by mistake, and after I told him the day's events with the attorney, he said "Yeah I knew marriage would be like this, that's why I don't want it."In which I replied: "No, marriage is not like this, divorce is....." <P>The whole time I was in with the lawyer, I hated being there and would have rather been anywhere else.He seemed to be a Christian, though I did not ask. A kindly gentleman type, but I'm sure could be a hard nose.After all he is an attorney.<P>The whole thing was pretty scary, but I knew God was there with me.<BR>I just don't want to get in God's way of restoring my marriage. I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize my chances!<P>It's sooooo cliche, but I never thought this would be happening to me........yuck......<P>Thank you for letting me vent-I know this is a bible study- and I am grateful you let me get off track a bit.<P>Love and prayers to you all,IJN,<BR>Joy<BR>

Col. 3:16-Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. [17] And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. <P>Joy, I guess I see what we are doing here as vital to the bible study, having the freedom to share our struggles, our triumphs and our defeats and to speak to one another "with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs." We are to carry one another's burdens. You know how I have mentioned that the evil one is like a lion stalking his prey? Well, today I heard another anology on that in that in real life, a lion will not attack a whole herd of antelope, but will try to find one that is isolated and away from the herd. Satan is like that, pulling us away from the body for various reasons and then devouring us. Together our prayers provide a mighty force that he cannot penetrate. Keep sharing and allow us to share your burden and to pray for you.<P>Your response to your husband was a good one. <BR>Another thought that one of the other POPW studies mentioned was this in regards to our husband's mind:<P>"If he and I were one, then an assault on his mind was an assault on me as well." I have<BR>battled in prayer over our home and family, but I never thought about attacks on his mind being attacks on me. Not just because his thoughts affect his behavior and his behavior affects me-it affects me also with respect to what happens in my thoughts when he's acting like a *****. I jump right in and assault him in my thoughts and pretty soon with my mouth, too. Do you follow what I'm trying to describe? I sure don't want to be used by the enemy against my husband, but I have played into his hands many times.<P>Her insight was a good one for me to chew on as well, especially in light of the battle going on at my house. <P>In regards to you feeling like selling the house is the last shred of any dreams you had, I can hear your pain in your words. I just cling to Jer. 29:11 during those times of famine and lost dreams. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Sometimes our idea of what is best for us is nothing but filthy rags in comparison to His best for us.

Thanks, SueB, <BR>Yes, I think I understand about how even our thoughts eventually come out and wound, whether we are thinking or speaking them.<P>My H is doing a lot of "anger" work with this man who has no degree in counseling, and is taking my h's $$, but h is allowing it to happen.<P>Anyway. re: this particular"anger" work- from what i've heard, the kind of work he is doing is being proven to NOT work and is actually more of a detriment(spell?)instead.So as he in a rage,"pounds" the heck out of a pillow(representing me), and "beats me up" screaming obscenities at me while in these sessions, and I, meanwhile, innocently at home, not knowing when he is "killing me off" in some strange room somewhere....this is not supposed to hurt me???Hah!<P>So I guess we need to pray from-is it Isaiah- about asking the Lord to condemn all evil words said about us- so it will bear no fruit. Something like that?"No weapon turned agaist you shall succeed."<BR>You know,like if we are being persecuted......I think I saw it here on this forum or one of the other MB forums.Maybe you wrote it.<P>So maybe we can also pray it against our H's negative thoughts towards us, and to protect our <BR>H's from our negative thoughts towards thenm,too......At least until we can squelch that spiritual battle in our minds.<P>God Bless you, SueB!<BR>Joy

Joy,<P>I would love to know the verse reference from Isaiah you just mentioned. Boy, does my husband ever wrestle with negative thoughts. A tough weekend ladies. I lurked but I could not post. <BR>Husband was over quite a bit. We did talk, but he was just down anyways. When we talked he said one thing that was bothering him was the way I always critisized him. I thought what? All I remember doing over the last 25 years is spending hours building him up while he tore me down. Now, I won't say i never did that, but that is not my style. I may complain about him to others, which is wrong and God is dealing with me on this. but I am not a critical person, I don't think. I was really hurt by this today and I let it really bother me. I wrestled all day and cried all day, thank God I have a door to close on my office. I was at the point of saying I give up. But God worked with me. He is awesome! He finally made me see that he is in charge. I've done the Experiencing God study ( I think this is my 3rd time, co leading a study now. It was nice to have recalled to mind keep doing the last thing God told you. The last thing God told me vividly was "Put me in the middle of your marriage" By the time I got home I was back on God's team playing with Him instead of against Him. But I feel wrung out tonight. My h dropped by unexpectantly. He has really been challenged at work and now that I think he has had some feelings and wrestling with his decision again he is having a really hard time. I also wonder what has happened (if anything) with the ow. She's not moving here and he said he knows he doesn't want to live with her full time. So how long can their relationship last if he is not thinking permanently? Besides the point.<BR>He was very antsy and moved around alot. Oh one good thing yesterday in spite of it all "he kissed me softly on the lips". Actually I got a kiss on the side of my mouth, good-by tonight. So at this point he doesn't want to come back,<BR>but as I said to him I'm not asking him to come back at this point just to go out and explore a little bit. So I asked him to a concert in which I have tickets for this Friday night. He keeps putting off answering me.<BR>I reminded him that I don't think I was critical at least not a lot. I said I remember being supportive like I was tonight. He said maybe yopu did it subconsciously. I said maybe I did and it was passive aggressive because my needs weren't being met. He said maybe, and that he doesn't feel good about it. I said instead of saying you don't feel good about that say I'm sorry Cindy. He said I'm sorry and then said I really am. So I asked him about the concert again. He said let's talk tomorrow afternoon. I said do you keep putting me off because you don't want to say no and don't want to tell me. He said no, he was really thinking about it for the first time. I mean gheese I have two tickets for Tina Turner and Lionel Richie. I think it should be a great concert. It let's us go out but not have to focus completely on each other because we will be doing something. And then gives us something to talk about as well.<BR>He has a very hard time remembering the good times but sure can rememeber the negative times. I just have to remind him of these. He said that he does remember the negative more and that was why he was so surprized looking at the anniversary alblum I made last summer. After looking at it he said I guess there was more good then bad. So I said maybe we need to look at it again. He said maybe we need to look at it together naked. I said that would be great some day.<BR>He is trying it out I think and it scares him. I'm not sure why.<BR>I feel better this evening but I have wrestled today.<BR>I'm not sure why I wrote all this. <BR>Anyhow Joy, I believe that when we are separated from our husbands it is even more important to pray for them. When they are separated from God who else will pray for them. They need it even more! That is what God impressed upon me last week. My focus though has been more on praying Jesus will find him in the darkness and bring him back to himself and the light. I think it is in Matthew where the Shephard will go after the one sheep that is missing and leave the other 99 on the hillside to graze. And he will rejoice more over the one who has been lost when he returns then those that have remained on the hill. I know God wants my husband back. My h needs prayer and if I don't who will. Joy, yes I believe we are called even more so to pray for our husbands. I also believe more and more that only God can save my situation. From the human point of view there is little to indicate that he would come home. Yet, I think all the confusion, work hassels and uncomfortableness is exactly evidence that God is working on him. I get restless because of the time it has taken, but I know He is working and I am going to increase my prayers. I also believe in the story of the women who would not give up praying and going to the judge. God does more then the bad judge, and wants to answer our prayers.<BR>Joy, I am glad to hear that your h is willing to help out in the mortgage department. I am lucky and my h has been very generous with supporting us!! But I think sometimes that is all he thinks he has to do. But we need him emotionally as well. <BR>So, I am trying to watch my mouth and make sure I do not criticize him, and remind him of all the good and talk about sex (not engage in it, because I don't think I should until she is out of the picture), but if he shows any tendency toward this it will be awfully hard to resist after being abstinant for 7+ months!!!!!!!<BR>I am trying to trust God. He is mighty.<BR>Joy keep staying in Jesus. I think of standing on a hillside looking down into the valley. I imagine Jesus being behind me. I lean back into Him and He puts His arms around me and we watch the battle (my circumstances) from there. When I stay in Jesus then i stay confident in Him. When I move away from Him I get worried and I start to doubt. As I think Sue said above, God is so great we can run the range of our emotions with God. We can truely be ourselves and tell it all to Him. He listens and then brings us back gently into line with Him. This is what happened with me today. I love Jesus and I know He is awesome. Because He accepts me for who I am and meets me where I am from moment to moment and brings me into line with Him. <BR>Keep the chin up Joy, Jesus is there. Rest against Him.<P>Wow, this is long, sorry.<P>Father, I lift up Joy to you. We praise You together for bringing her h to see he must help her with the mortgage. Lord, touch our husbands, they need You more then they know. Lift the blinders from their eyes and let them look full into Your wonderful face. Jesus, leave the flock and go and bring back your lost sheep before they fall off a precipse or into an even deeper pit. Make them uncomfortable with themselves and what they are doing. Then show them how much better life is when walking with You rather then without or against You. Lord, keep Joy and all the others wives in Your arms and steady them. Sing sweet songs in their ears of reassurance that You are still there. That you will NEVER leave us or FORSAKE us. You will go and carry the lost lamb back on Your strong shoulders and cleanse and bind their wounds. Lord, what a truely glorious God You are. Lord, answer our prayers so the world will see that Glory and they will know there is truely a Heavenly God who wants a personal relationship with each one of us and that He wants to give us good gifts and treasures. Amen <p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited April 03, 2000).]

JN, I'd do the same thing you are doing if I were in your shoes. When my H and I separated, I went to see my atty. the very next day. I wanted to assure that things were taken care of financially and that I had legal backing to keep my son at home with me. God knows your heart JN, he hears your prayers, and he is working on your husband's heart. Just be prepared that your H may have to go to the bottom of the pit before he is enlightened. To me, standing for your marriage means that you never give up faith or praying that the Lord will restore your marriage. <P>There may be times that you have to take legal action, however I believe God will have a hand in everything you do, because we are praying that God goes before you in every thought, word and action. God bless you abundantly JoyNicole. I feel for you so much, I know the agonizing pain you're going through. All I can say is to keep trusting Him, focus entirely on God and His will for you. Hang in there, we're all here for you.<P>hw - Sounds like there are some very good things happening. I'm praying hard for you tonight. It seems like you are close to a breakthrough in your marriage. God is working on your H, I'm sure of that. That is evident to me because of the turmoil you said he's going through. We've been praying that he have <I>no rest</I> until he turns back to Him. God's answering your prayers hw! Incessant prayer for your marriage will make all the difference in the world. Are you still praying and fasting on Wed.? I will be saying extra prayers for you during that time period. Also, we need to all get together again tomorrow night and fervently pray for these needs. I just feel like your H and JN's H are close to a breakthrough! Our God is so awe inspiring. It thrills me to see what He's doing in these marriages. <P>Our pastor has been preaching on the wonders of Praise and Worship. It has made a difference in my life to pray in continuous praise mode, starting each prayer asking for specific forgiveness, then praising God out loud. I do better keeping my train of thought if I pray out loud. Good thing the people in the cars next to me in traffic can't hear me. They would think I have gone off my rocker. Things have improved around here since I have been praising God instead of asking for so much. I'm still praying constantly for my H as well as all of us, but try to spend more time in praise and worship. <P>SueB has made some excellent comments. She is so right, Satan does want us to give up praying for our H's, he doesn't want to lose them out of his flock, and he knows God will answer our prayers. But, he is powerless over God. Our Lord will have the victory and the glory. And, I feel the same as SueB, we, as Christians, should carry each other's burdens. It is a blessing to me to pray with you for you and your husband. <P>Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You Lord, giving thanks unto You for all that you have done for me, and for the other praying wives. Lord, there are no words I can say that will ever express the depth of my gratitude. You are my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, and I will love and worship You and only You with all my heart. Thank you Father for giving Cindy's husband positive thoughts of her, and their life together. Help him Lord to remember the good times of their marriage with peace and contentment in his heart. Give him an overwhelming desire to have those precious times with her back. Lord, we Praise you mightily for working in Cindy's husband's life. We have faith that You will bring him back into the fold soon. Thank you Lord, for comforting hw during this time, and being all she needs. <P>Lord Jesus, I praise You for the love You have for JoyNicole. Thank You Lord for giving her peace and wisdom during this trial. Your confidence in her is evidence, and we thank you for taking such wonderful care of her, and helping her be able to keep her house. Thank you Father, thank you. Lord, I praise You for the salvation of JoyNicole's husband. How can we ever thank you enough for the sacrifice of your Son for our salvation? Our hearts and souls belong to You Father. Thank You Lord for reminding me of you precious gift to us. Thank you Lord for JoyNicole's husband, his salvation, and the restoration of their marriage. We know you are working a miracle in her H's life. Help JN Lord to wait upon You. Give her your peace during this time, protect her from attacks from the enemy. We pray in Jesus Name that Satan is bound and removed from her H's life. Thank you Jesus. In your precious name I pray, AMEN.