Someone on this forum has shown me as of late that I am "standing guard" over my marriage and my home! Rather like a sentry stands guard in the army..... <P>Paints a picture of control doesn't it. I received this word with a grain of salt but I must say it has been working on me. I have confessed to being a very controlling person and one who hangs on for dear life. As if it is in my power that my marriage will hold together.<P>Anyway, I quit my job as an RN the day of discovery 3 1/2 years ago and have been unable to work since. I have applied for several jobs but have not gotten them. I have also come up with many excuses for not working. The biggest excuse is that I have a "high maintenance marriage". <P>In the past few days I have begun to pursue returning to work. I am doing so with "fear and trembling". I am looking into going back to school and furthering my nursing degree as well as applying to 2 different job opportunities. <P>Please pray for me. This is hard for it means giving up control.......I also <B>ONLY</B>want the Lord's will. It is so easy to get off the straight and narrow path and believe me I don't need that at this time of my life.<P>Thank you for your prayers and understanding. I know I am in a different spot then alot of you because of the uniqueness of my situation but I know you all will seek God's will for my life.<P>Taj

Father, You know our comings and goings, the number of days of our lives, the hairs on our head and all that is in our heart. No matter what our plans are, Your will prevails. We are grateful for this for Taj's desire is to be in Your will only for her life. She desires for You to be in control, and to make changes in her that would honor and glorify You. She takes that leap of faith now as she relinquishes guard duty from her home, to allow You to work as You desire, both in her and her husband in the healing of her marriage. You have given her the gift of nursing, a gift that blessed her as she gave to others. Father, take this gift and use it where You would have her be. Open the doors to lead her, whether to go back to school or to another nursing position. Give her wisdom as she searches for the opportunities to serve and give her Your peace regarding her leaving the home, allowing You to be the guard of their marriage. Show her clearly what it is that You desire of her, full time work or part time, school or no school. Help her to be firm in setting limits to the amount of time that You would have her work. Show her how You would have her balance her time. <P>Give her husband the servant/leader strength to support and encourage his wife, the sensitivity to be aware of her anxiety and the agape love to help her to feel safe in not being home all the time. Thank you for their new therapist and her husband's more favorable response to her. Give the therapist wisdom as she guides them in the recovery process to rebind their hearts towards one another with You at the head. <P>We are ever grateful that You care about such things and that we have the freedom to be open and honest with you in all things. Glorify Yourself in their marriage. IJN.

Taj, you are always in my prayers. You've helped me so much during all this, and I am so thankful for your support and prayers. Your insight into the meaning of God's word has been such a tremendous inspiration to me. Thank you.<P>Letting go of trying to control David's behavior was the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do. I still struggle with it daily, but the Lord has helped me so much in calming those racing "what if" thoughts in my mind. He gently reminds me that "I'm not responsible for David's behavior", and "you can't control what he does". I also have to confess to God about trying to control, and many days I fail and do the wrong thing. <P>Dear Heavenly Father, I pray right now for Taj, asking that You fill her heart with Your peace and understanding. Lord, give her strength to let go of control, give her Your wisdom, speak directly to her heart regarding Your will for her life and her marriage. Guide her Lord, please go before her in every thought, word and deed. Let her rest in You Lord, knowing that You are in complete control of her life, her marriage, and her husband's life. Thank you Lord for revealing Your will to Taj. We praise You Lord, for You alone are our Redeemer, our Deliverer, and we worship You in the highest. Thank you Father. IJN AMEN

Taj,<BR>Your in my prayers. You have helped me so much with your words of wisdom I do appreciate them so much.

All I can say is Whew!!! <P>This has been a whirlwind few days. I had a job interview this noon. It went well and I am interested in the job although the pay will be quite a bit less then I am use to.<P>Haven't heard from the other job opportunity yet in regards to an interview. There is also a job fair tomorrow in the healthcare field so I plan on going.<P>Last night my h and I had our second counseling session. It was interesting to say the least. At first it was going no where, then[B] bam[B/] she cracked a hole wide open in his armor. Now I am referring to the kind of armor we shouldn't have not God's spiritual armor! <P>I just sat there with my mouth hanging open while she probed my h's past. It would seem that he has some pretty weighty issues that go way back. I had heard some of it but not in the context which the counselor was seeing things.<P>I am sensing that God is about to do a mighty work in my h's life based on what I saw last night. His worth is based on something other then Jesus Christ and that is where the enemy has had him captive.<P>Father, thank you for Your work of revealing truth. We need Your light to be shed into every corner of our lives that we may walk in that light. Continue the work You have begun in my husband and bring him to total healing in You. Thank You for the assurance You gave me last night of You presence and protection. This is Your work of restoration Lord even if You are using a counselor let healing come from Your power. IJN<P>Much of what my h has been telling me all along r/t the affair has been true. I haven't believed him because I couldn't see the reason......I am beginning to have a fresh insight and am rejoicing that God has allowed me to see truth for the first time.<P>Thanks for your prayers, we will go again next Thurs. I am now excited! <P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18