Last week was good. This week has been horrible, to put it mildly. The hurt and pain of H's behavior this week is becoming overwhelming for me. You ladies are the only ones I can talk to about this. If I even try to talk to any of my friends or family, I am immediately reminded that I have made a terrible mistake in reconciling with H.<P>After the bar episode, we talked about what I would need from him to feel comfortable in staying together. I told him I needed him to stay out of the bars. He promised he would do that. I also told him I need to be able to feel secure in his commitment to me, and that would come by him calling me when he will be late and letting me know where he is. He agreed that he would do that. <P>Every night this week he has been drinking, home late, and did not call. Last night it was 9:30 before he got home, he was drunk. Same thing tonight, no call, although he claims he was working. I wonder if his boss approves of him running the machinery while drinking beer. <P>H had promised that if he was going to be late for any reason he would call and let me know. Am I asking too much? He doesn't think he should have to take the time to call. I feel that in order for me to be able to trust him again, he should make this effort. <P>It appears to me that he is taking me for a fool. It makes me wonder if all of the Plan A'ing I've been doing, holding in my feelings, have made me look like a pushover to him that he can just take advantage of and laugh at behind my back. I feel like I've been so stupid for believing that this man, who has a <B>known</B> history for lying and going back on his word, would keep his promise. How do I know whether or not he is being faithful, if he can't keep his word about calling if he is late. <P>Needless to say, I lost it tonight. I was sobbing when he got home tonight. He asked what was wrong, and I told him I felt like an idiot for believing that he would keep his promises, and why didn't he bother to call? He blew up at me, cussing at me, which caused me to say some things I shouldn't have. I angrily told him how much his lack of affection and inability to keep his promises hurts me to the core of my heart, and why doesn't he just kick me again while I'm down. <P>The hurt he has caused me over the past two years overwhelms me. I have been at the breaking point, tonight pushed me over the edge. We both said some very harsh words, and I told him that I feel that he should be able to give me as much attention as he does his beer buddies, and that he is NOT meeting my needs. Major lovebuster huh. H said he thinks I'm hunting a reason to throw him out. I say he's hiding something besides the amount of alcohol he consumes. <P>H went on a tirade about why should he want to come home if I'm going to eat his a** out for working late. I'm not upset about him being gone "working" but that he so easily dismissed my feelings and his PROMISE to me to call if he would be late. <P>In 6 months I have gotten upset enough to yell at him only twice. I have held back and held back how his behavior hurts me. There's been a lot of nights he's come home angry, yelled at me, and like a dishrag I just sit there. Am I being unreasonable? <P>Please tell me what you think. I need some guidance on what to do from this point. I can't think straight anymore. Thank you all so much for caring. <P>Love to you all,<BR>AW

Dearest AW, <P>I am so sorry it isn't working out! <P>Maybe I'm confused, but I never understood Plan A to apply to alcoholism!! Only for strictly adultery problems. Once a chemical is involved you need to do an Intervention and make sure he gets Treatment, Detox and AA. Then he might become available for a relationship with you. <P>My H is not a candidate for Intervention because he never gets drunk or exhibits blatant behavior attributable to the beer. He drinks every single day and is totally functional. Many of his worst outbursts have been when stone cold sober. Of course the alcohol permeates every fiber of his emotional immaturity and insecurity, but I don't have a handle to hang an Intervention on.<P>Sounds like yours definitely does. Have you been there and done that? I know it doesn't always work.<P>I'm hanging out here a MB too much, too often and too long. Having a hard time relinquishing the OM so come here between fixes. My plan is not working by itself. Everything else is taking a back seat to my marital issues!<P>Dear Heavenly Father, Give me strength to find thy way. IJN, Amen<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Hi AW -<P>I am sorry that he has not kept his promises......with the drinking problem it is near impossible for him to do so.<BR>I thought you understood that....<P>I know that you want sooooo much to believe that he has control over this and can stop by both of you trying to work on the marriage....but that thought is reversed!!! He has to stop IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO START working on the marriage!!<P>His addiction is not allowing him to stop!!!! You have been to Alanon, right?<P>What's going on with the sentencing, etc?<P>AW, this is a disease...you know that. You also know that you cannot talk any sense to them when they have been drinking....I know it is difficult to let his hurtful words and actions slide at the moment they occur, but you are beating your own head against the wall!!<BR>NOTHING gets through.....all that happens is what he said - he just remembers you bi%@$ing and telling him what to do!!! It'll only make him do it more.....part avoidance and part spite!!<P>You are getting to a point where you are personalizing all of this again and taking him literally, like he is supposed to be a sober man now just cuz you guys talked and promised. If it weren't for the alcohol disease, perhaps that would work....but that is not the case. <P>Nothing you are asking is unreasonable - if you were dealing with a reasonable mind!!! YOU AREN'T THOUGH!!! You are dealing with an alcoholic mind that is very messed up!!!<P>What you say about taking you for a fool, being a pushover, taking advantage, laughing at you, being stupid and being a dishrag, etc......what is all that? Why are you putting this on yourself like that? Honey, stop this thinking!! Don't drag your self worth over the coals!! His behavior IS NOT about you...does not have anything to do with other than his addiction and his own self worth!!!!<P>You are thinking from a hurt, frustrated, lonely and angry place..but at least that place is sober.....his isn't!!!! There is no rationalizing an irrational person.....that's what you are trying to do.<P>The cycle must be broken....it must be broken by you because you are the sober one. In order for any kind of permanent change to take place with him - he may have to hit bottom!! That's why I thought that the prosecutor could help out here.....can he? YOU can't force this!!!<P>All you can do is either find a place within yourself that allows you to endure this without all these negative effects on your emotions or eliminate the cause of the negatives by separating from him!!! Those are it....your choices!!!<P>You cannot continue the way you have been....you are only damaging yourself.<P>If you choose to stay in the situation then you have to follow the rules....<P>- NO TALKING when he has had ANYTHING to drink!!!!<P>- NO PERSONALIZING OR RATIONALIZING <P>- NO EXPECTATIONS that he will straighten out until he has this disease under control...and that means "on the wagon" with consistency over a significant period of time!!<P>- Plan A'ing is great for these "drinking" times.....when he hasn't been drinking is the time you try to reinforce your love and desire for your marriage and life (in a non-Lovebuster way!!!!)<P>--------------<P>Your alternative is to separate.<BR>Would that cause him to realize he is at rock bottom and want to change? I don't know...but you would have to go into it with the knowledge and acceptance that he may not and either separation or divorce is what will be.....<P>Either option requires you to be strong and consistant. That is not where you are right now. WE need to get you there!!!!<P>So, think on this...which option would you like to start with?<P>BIG HUGS and I am sorry if I seem blunt. If you remember my Brother is an alcoholic and I know what I have experienced and what will work.....I don't want you getting into as bad a place with yourself as he is with himself!!!<P>Prayers and hope can do wonders and you have to throw in some time and consistancy on your part.<P>You're in my prayers and I will help all I can if you want me to,<P>Sheba

Isn't it horrible when we grasp onto the hope, praise for the changes and then when frustration come in, we allow Satan a foothold and begin to despair or we sin ourselves? Makes me so mad when that happens and I forget the story of Job and how the Lord allowed all that happened to Job and Job says, Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" <P>How I forget who is in control and where the battle is. My well meaning friends all tell me to get out of the relationship... I become discouraged, I become impatient, I want the timing to be mine, I want to whap my husband up side his head and say, don't you get it yet?...sigh.....<P>Sheba is right on the money with this one dear SIC.<P>Go to the library and get the book by Toby Rice Drew called "Getting Them Sober" so that you can better understand the disease and how to detach from it and still love your husband. It was a tremendous help to me when I was married to my alcoholic. It gave me the freedom to love him in spite of himself and it helped me to understand how not to carry his "bag of junk" so that he didn't have to, how to keep the responsibility in his lap and to love him and cherish the days when he was sober. <P>I really think we need to be praying for an intervention and in fact, had hoped when he was court ordered to counseling for the batterer's stuff that he would be held accountable for not going, and that the consequences would fall so that there would be some time in jail to think. <P>Detachment is like learning boundaries in some ways. It is learning to speak the truth, to own what part is yours and to let him have what is his. It is kind of like having the table set and dinner all ready for him at 6 o'clock and if he doesn't show up, then you put it in the microwave for him to get when and if he comes home. (You don't get it for him)It is figuring out what you need to do to take care of yourself in light of his disease. I do see a lot of similarities in regards to MIB in how we dishonor our husbands or enable them to be inappropriate to us by not setting limits. <P>It is loving them enough to believe that they can handle their problems and allowing them to receive the consequences of their behaviors, to see their need for help and God. The best thing we can do for an alcoholic is pray. And yes, the safest place to dump those feelings of yours is here. <P>He cannot hear you when he is drunk and usually is stumped the next day when you are pissy because you are still hurt over the words said, and he can't remember the argument at all, BUT, since you are being so pissy, he may as well go out and drink..... the cycle goes on. <P>Father, the evil one has so many hooks here to catch us off guard, to take our eyes off the goal, to be drawn into behaviors that are not honoring to you. Forgive us when we make that error and wash us clean. Refresh us for the battle, Holy Spirit increase our senstivity to your voice. Teach us discernment, when to love as in plan A and when to detach and allow consequences to fall. Show us how to honor when they are not being honorable, how to love when they are not being loveable. Help us to put our trust in You for Your promises always ring true. <P>Comfort MTAW this morning Father, refresh her spirit in You, for You are the cold drink of water on a hot and arid day. We thank You for your word, we thank you for this forum and this study, where we can come together and learn from one another that You can be glorified in our lives. Show us how to both encourage and to exhort one another to become the women You would have us be. Show us how to live in this world in spite of the world and the evil permeating every corner. <P>Touch MTAW's husband as he sleeps right now Lord. Convict him heavily, instruct him and call his name. By the authority of Jesus, we renounce all evil from his mind, so that he has clarity of thought and can see the dregs of the life he has without his wife. Give him a boldness to apologize, the courage to ask for help and the determination to seek it out. IJN. Amen.<P>(Is that better Liz?)<p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited April 06, 2000).]

Dear Rootbeer,<BR>All I can say is this must hurt so much, and I completely feel for you. You of all people do not deserve this. You do not deserve the pain, you are a strong person, and sometimes that in itself is a hard act to follow. <P>Please listen to Karenna, Sue and Sheba, don't put yourself down, you are NOT to blame for David's actions. You have been trying to help him and your marriage. Please don't ignore your own needs since they are not being met by your H. <P>I can't give advice on alcholism because thank God I have never been subjected to it, through anyone I know, family or friends. That disease has not entered my life in any way. I guess I can consider myself lucky. But I certainly feel awful that you have to endure this. So while I can't help you there, I agree with what our sisters have told you and all I can do is pray, and let you know you are in my thoughts! <P>Dear Lord, please comfort AW during these the roughest times of her life. Please give her all the strength necessary to carry on your will. Speak to her clearly on what You want her to do in this situation. Hold her tight and let her know how much You love her. Thank you Lord for your kindness and comfort to all. In Jesus Name I pray. <P>~~~We care and love you Rootbeer, please take care of yourself, and remember we are here to listen to you and help if we can~~~<P>Love, hugs and kisses,<BR>Pookie

AWife,<P>Hope you don't mind if I add a post here. I'm an alcholic myself and have started going to AA for about a month now. I have finally realized that until I face my alcholism and start to deal with it and the causes, their is no hope for me to work on my marriage or my life for that matter. Sheba's post pretty much say's it all. If I were you I would be going to alanon on a regular basis, I would give my spouse an ultimatum to get sober and really deal with his problem or get out. I say the following not to blame anyone for my alcholism but just to let you know how I feel, looking back on my life, I wish that my wife had given me an ultimatum long ago. She has had a hard time admitting that I am an aloholic and what that means. Failing to admit it gave me an oppurtinity to continue with my selfish habit. <P>Anyway, Gods help and much strength to you.<P>TimJ

AW, My heart breaks with you, I feel your anguish and so does God. Not much more to add here I think everyone here has given good sound advice. It is not your fault and you do have to protect yourself. I agree about going to alanon. It will give you a place to be with others in the same situation. What about calling the judge or whom ever and report he is not going to counseling. Maybe they could mandate him to treatment, not that that always works. <BR>AW, stay in God and trust HIm. To mean that he is working and He is protecting you. But unfortunately you may just have to leave David for it to get through his head, that you mean business. I know this is easier said then done. But if you choose to stay I think the above advice of not talking to him when he comes home late witrhout calling and has been drinking is good advice. May be you need to go out to a friend's sometimes when he is late and let him wonder where you are. <BR>AW, do you go to counseling? I don't recall. Maybe you need to find someone who can give you support for taking steps to do whatever it is you choose to do. <P>Father, I lift AW up to you. This precious child of yours is in anguish. I know You hear her and hear the cry of her heart. Lord, guide her, comfort her, guard her, and hold her to yourself. You are so awesome and she has been faithful. Direct her in the way You want her to go. Lord, we lift David up to you. Touch him, do not give him peace with himself until he deals with his problem. Cause the alcohol to make him physically ill. Turn in into an adversive activity for hiom. Lord increase AW's faith in You. Let her seek You with all her heart and soul. Let her find her rest and strength in You. Lord, thank You for AW and all the encouragement she gives to everyone here on this forum. Thank you for her tender heart. Lord, strengthen her to do what she needs to do to both protect herself and to help David get sober. It is truely in your hands. Amen.

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. I have been feeling for a while now that its time for David to get off the fence. However, I don't want to be the one to push him! <P>SueB - your prayer touched me so deeply, thank you. I will be looking for that book today! I know that it is Satan attacking me, and I failed in resisting him. I'm sure he's gloating about it today.<P>Sheba - thank you for your heartfelt response. I am still wrestling with what I'm going to do. I love him so very much, but I am, and have been, at the end of my rope. One of the things I said to him in anger last night was if he couldn't keep his promises he needed to leave. He told me this AM that he doesn't want to leave, and apologized yet again for breaking his promises. In the past 17 years, he has gone well past his 490 chances at forgiveness. <P>What is an Intervention? How do you go about it? Is it the same thing as having someone committed to an institution? I don't think you can do that in Texas. <P>hw - thank you for praying for me, and empathizing with my pain. I know your heart is breaking too over your own situation. You are always in my prayers. I feel such a special, close bond with all of you praying wives, and am so honored to be a part of this group. Even if my H and I split up, I want to stay involved in this group. <BR> <BR>All, my mind is in turmoil. On the one side, I feel that I need to kick him out before he causes me any more emotional pain, to cut myself off from him completely. On the other side, that voice in my head keeps saying "if he had cancer would you throw him out, alcoholism is a disease". I have been wrestling with this all last night and today. I didn't get much sleep. <P>On top of everything else, yesterday I received a letter from my atty. stating that I have to respond to her by April 17 as to whether or not I want to dismiss our divorce case, or keep it on the docket. I am very, very hesitant to let it be dismissed. <P>Its been six months. Many days I felt that we were making progress, and the Lord was working mightily in David's heart. I know that Satan is using David to attack me. I have rebuked him over and over, but he keeps coming right back at me. <P>Last night at church the other ladies with alcoholic husbands and I prayed at the altar for our husbands. We each felt the Holy Spirit present, it was very moving. Satan attacked me through David after this tremendously moving service. <P>I've been praying daily for spirit-filled Christians to minister to David. One of the others with an Alcoholic H told me that we need to pray for their brokenness, for the Lord to bring them down quickly. Do you think I should pray for that? <P>I had so hoped that the abuse counseling would help him. He still hasn't gone. We have each had a session with Steve Harley. I don't know what he discussed with David, but did notice an improvement in him after he had talked with Steve. My session didn't go real well. I had a hard time not crying. Steve told me to stick with Plan A, get David to fill out the EN and LB questionnaires (he hasn't yet) and set up a joint appt. after I fax the Q to Steve. I feel like anything I say to David is a LB these days. He certainly isn't making any deposits in my bank. <P>I am not sure if I should do anything about him not going to the Batterer's Intervention sessions. Surely the county is aware of his failure to attend. The women's shelter told me that they take roll, and report those that miss sessions to the authorities. Why they've not done anything is beyond me.<P>Thank you all so much for your responses. Your caring and encouragement means so much to me, especially since each of you is also in a heart-wrenching situation. I praise God morning, noon, and night for all of you, and for leading me to this forum. Thank you so much, please know that you are always in my prayers.<P>Lovingly in Christ,<BR>AW

Rootbeer,<P>I am coming in late on this, have not been on the puter for a bit. I had noticed that you are not posting as much as usual.<P>Dear sister in Christ, so much has happened to you. You are trying so hard to show the love of God to David. Does he see it? It is hard to say, only God knows.<P>Remember, he is not only your spouse but a child of God. Your highest desire is that he would come to Christ. More important then even the marriage is his hearts condition. This life is but a breathe, eternity is forever.<P>Take some time Rootbeer, go away for a wknd if at all possible. Clear your mind of the clutter and seek God's will. Ask Him for specific direction. Ask Him for the ability to distance yourself from the relationship long enough to see the man. <P>Maybe you need to leave him, maybe God would have you continue exactly what you are doing. In the stillness of your heart God will speak to you concerning your specific circumstances. Believe that!<P>This world has many answers but the one you want is from God to you.<P>Father, give AW Your will for her life. Show her what you want her to do at this juncture. Make it clear to her whether her actions should continue as is or change. Give her clarity so she may know truly what steps to take. Bless her Father for her faithfulness to her marriage. IJN<P><P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Hi AW, Sorry to hear about your pain. Here are some thoughts that have helped me make some decisions and think clearly about the drinking problems I've been through with my husband. <P>*Your feelings don’t lead you to your strength. Your feelings keep you weak.<BR>You need to look to your intellect. (ask God for wisdom)<P>*When faced with a choice, the harder one is usually the right one.<P>*When you show compassion for the guilty<BR>You show disrespect for the innocent.<P>*Being with someone who drinks too much is a PROBLEM. Am I ignoring the big problem for my ego? Don’t I mind a person with a serious problem? That will come back to bite me later when I have to live with this still.<P>*You don’t change somebody. If people want to be changed they change themselves, not because somebody wants them to.<P>*Stand back from the ego problem of being divorced. <P>*This kind of love is mixed up with desperation, need, and sexuality, not necessary with the good sense that makes for a long-term quality marriage. It certainly is a powerful motivator to stay in a bad place though.<P>*The drinking won’t change because I love him. Sometimes I have to make a choice,<BR>between struggling with problems that don’t want to be changed and being alone. Instead of facing up to a hard choice am I willing to stay in a state of pain?<P>*The future is the unknown. The past, no matter how lousy it was, is familiar. Unknown vs. Familiar. Which usually wins out? <P>*Don’t give Satan so much credit for being the one who is “tempting” him. It’s his own sinful nature that is to blame.<BR>You're in my prayers<BR>BonnieJ <BR>

This link will explain an intervention. It is where family members come together to face the alcoholic and tell him how his behavior is affecting them. It hopefully leads the alcoholic to treatment.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/index/html/sgp61.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/index/html/sgp61.html</A> <P>This link is to the archives of Charles Stanley and this past month has had a wonderful series on brokenness. You need real audio to hear it but that is free to download if you don't have it already on your puter. I think it will give you insight as to whether you need to be praying for that or not.<BR> <A HREF="http://lightsource.broadcast.com/lightsource/content/in_touch_ministries/archive.asp" TARGET=_blank>http://lightsource.broadcast.com/lightsource/content/in_touch_ministries/archive.asp</A> <P>I can only tell you that I loved my alcoholic with a passion, so can empathize with you as you go through this process. Like Taj says, we can share our knowledge and experiences with you and then armed with that, you need to take it all to the Lord for His will. <P>My only other thought is in regards to your comment about if H had cancer or some other disease, would you throw him out the door. Probably not, but if he had a disease such as AIDS, you would be cautious about open wounds, wearing gloves, sterilyzing everything, etc. not only for your protection but his as well with a weaker immune system. <P>You would learn everything you could find out about the disease and what could be done to treat it. As the disease progresses, there are new worries to consider...I have been a hospice social worker with liver disease. It is pretty horrible, especially the psychotic episodes that occur as the poisons clog up everything. <P>If learning about intervention and setting limits get him to treatment and helps avoid this stage of the disease, wouldn't you want to do that for him? God is going to be the one who makes major changes in him for sure, but as his helpmeet, you surely can influence his behavior by setting limits, etc. to encourage treatment.<P><p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited April 06, 2000).]

AW, <P>Do call your attorney and tell her to just hold on and not dismiss it yet. This won't cost anything. Soon enough you may need to take action that can only be done if there is an open case file.<P>Batterer's workshop? Do not rely on the system to enforce anything. You need to be proactive in seeing that he faces consequences for each choice he makes. You should report and request and follow up. Every time something happens or doesn't happen. What ever it takes. Ask your attorney if necessary. <P>This is important because the court will look at him through your eyes to some extent. If you do not feel it is important, then they may minimize it too. We lose our rights when we just sit on them without exercising them. I hear TX is especially bad in terms of women. Hope that is just a vicious rumor.<P>Be careful. Have you found Alanon? I tried to go four and five years ago. Whenever I got to the right place at the publicized time, no one was there. Gave up after just two attempts though.<P>Keep the Faith!<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Taj, thank you for your comforting post. I appreciate you so much. Your wisdom is such a precious gift to all of us. Thank you for being here. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Clear your mind of the clutter and seek God's will. Ask Him for specific direction. Ask Him for the ability to distance yourself from the relationship long enough to see the man.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Thank you, I will do just that. Praise God, he is almighty, and will carry me through this trial. You're right, He will tell me what he wants me to do. <P>SueB, you are so wise. Thank you for enlightening me. Yes, I would do everything I could and find out everything possible on other diseases if he had them. I found the book you recommended at Amazon, along with a couple others I plan to order. I am fixing to go check out the websites you linked to your post. Your prayers mean so much to me. I read your post before I left work, and went out the door in tears. You are such a wonderful Christian. I hope that someday my faith is as strong as yours. Thank you so much.<P>Karenna,<BR>Thanks so much for your advice regarding the legal issues. I did go ahead and tell my lawyer today to ask the court to leave the divorce proceedings on the docket. I fought a hard and VERY expensive battle prior to his coming home, and don't want to start that over. <P>In Texas, it pretty much depends on the county you're in. Because of the laws that George Bush enacted, Domestic Violence awareness has greatly increased, and they have been tougher on the abusers. <P>It just so happened that the week my H had to go to court for the assault charges, it was Domestic Violence awareness week (God's perfect timing), and there were specials on TV and special newscasts each day. It wasn't a good week for court for my H. <P>The prosecutor on his case is the toughest one in the county. My H's lawyer told him he better go along with the Prosecutor, because the prosecutor would nail him in court. The P offered H a deal of 6 mos. Batterers Counseling at the Women's Shelter, along with court costs and fines. P told me if we were still separated, there would be NO deal and H would be prosecuted, and he will be very tough on him. The penalty if H does not do his counseling is 300 days in jail. <P>Thank you for telling me that the court will look at him through my eyes and if I don't show that it is important they may downplay it. I surely don't want to lose my rights. I plan to call the prosecutor tomorrow morning, first thing. I have already called the Women's Shelter asking about their procedure. Since I gave them my name and his name, they are certainly aware of the situation. <P>I have been to Al-Anon in the past. It was of some help, however what has helped me the most is our Father in Heaven, POPW and constant prayer. <P>You ladies are wonderful, do you know that? I praise God over and over for each of you! Thanks to you all.<P>Love and prayers,<BR>AW

Hi MTAW,<BR>I can post only briefly- I cannot stay online this evening/lately due to having to keep my phone line free for all the house business I have to attend to right now.<P>You have received much feedback and incredible wisdom here!Praise Jesus,and Lord bless these women(and a man)for their valuable advice to you.<P><BR>I tried to get online for Tuesday night prayer but it wouldn't let me.I prayed with you at 11. <BR>Then Wed morning, Webtv service was not available.<P>I am praying for you and David.<BR>Love,<BR>Joynicole

Rootbeer-<BR>I am seasoned yes, the Lord has allowed me the folly of my choices and been there to pick me up when I fell and love me through it all. I really believe these verses call us to share with one another:<P>2CO 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, [4] who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. [5] For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. [6] If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. [7] And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.<P>Since we aren't always able to see the Father's purpose of our having to go through trials, but know He has a plan for all of us, I am learning that perhaps what I go through may not serve an immediate purpose except for taking me one step farther in the refinement process, but may be very important in the growth of someone else as I share what He has done for me.<P>Father, thank you for the comfort You have provided for our sister during this trial, for providing life-giving wisdom to build up and not tear down, for encouraging her to take positive action for caring for herself and for her husband. Thank you that David can verbally apologize, though at times it may seem trite and hollow. Give him Your courage to take the steps necessary to fight the battle of alcoholism, since he is sanctified through Rootbeer, Father, let her love for you and him shine through in her steps to detach from the disease so that she can love him and encourage him, even though that encouragement may not feel like encouragement to him. Help him to feel the emptiness without Your grace through Rootbeer, that he may become so thirsty for things of You, that He will not want to be far from You. Continue to teach him while he sleeps Father, block the evil one's attempt to subvert this and remove all evil from his mind so that clarity prevails. Gird Rootbeer with Your strength that she can see the goal and take one step at a time to accomplish what you would have her do. Refresh her as she sleeps, resting in the comfort and protection of You. Place angels around her and let them do the battle with the evil one, that Your peace pours out over her and she can shine and be the reflecting light of your love to David. We ask these things through our redeemer Jesus. Amen.<BR>

Checking in on you Rootbeer, how did the day go?

SueB,<BR>Satan is out to get me!!!!! I had just about finished typing a post to you about the events of this evening and POOF!! my PC turned off. Just turned completely off like someone (or something. . . .) had pulled the plug! <P>I know why it happened. I have been praying incessantly the bondage prayer you posted over David since yesterday. Our prayer group at church is fervently praying for our H's deliverance from alcohol addiction and salvation. We are all praying hard for our H's here. Plus, I had been witnessing to my son tonight, and <B>he was really listening and asking questions</B> while I was typing my post. <P>The PC shut down while I was typing and telling my son about a lady I know who had clinically died and gone to hell, but was pulled back by God. Of course Satan doesn't want me doing this. Also, I am sure the enemy is furious with me, <I>because I witnessed to my H tonight!</I> Mind you now, I don't talk about God to H, nor do I mention anything about my prayers to him. I have always felt that I should go by the Word which says that a H can be won by the wife's conduct.<P>I was anxious and teary eyed all day today. This afternoon I was thinking that maybe I ought to start saying short things about the Lord to my H. I thought about a verse I could say and thought of Proverbs 31, "and she shall do him good and not evil all the days of her life". <P>H was late and drunk (at least he called this time) when he got home. He was also in one of his angry moods. He started in on me, yelling at me and calling me foul names. He was mad about something insignificant; he just wanted an excuse to explode at me. I walked away after telling him that I was not going to stand for him calling me that. Went upstairs and cried hard (I had been crying since he started yelling at me - sorry I can't help it, it hurts me so much), then said one of my "Oh God please help me with this" prayers. <P>When I came back into the room, H started in again. He said some very cutting and hateful things, I told him that I loved him more than anything on this earth, and our marriage was so important to me. He shut up. Then in his anger he said I love you too but.. I felt an overwhelming need to tell him about God, I told him to stop, please look me in the eyes I want to tell you something. He did, and I told him that he doesn't know how to love me the way God intends him to. Told him how I get down on my knees each morning and pray my heart out for him, our marriage, and his protection. Told him how I pray for him every night before I go to sleep. Quoted Eph 5:25 to him, I was on a roll. <P>By this time my tears are really going. He got a softer look in his eyes, but then Satan got him again and he sarcastically said "yeah but you haven't been doing that for very long", so I told him I have been silently praying for him for 17 years. <P>He looked bewildered. Told him again how much I loved him, and that he was a good man, but he just drinks too much. I asked him why do you think you wanted to come home? Told him it was because God told him to. I asked him why do you think we're together today? Told him it was because God wants us to be. I put my hand on his heart, and told him "God spoke to your heart David, <B>He</B> gave you that desire to come home". Told him how I prayed for him the whole time we were separated, and how God has been the one restoring our marriage. He just sat there looking at me kind of funny, absorbing what I had said. He said "I need to smoke a cigarette", then he went to bed. <P>God wanted me to say these things to him. I praise God for giving me the courage to say what I did to him. I'm praying that the Holy Spirit keeps mightily convicting him. I thank you SueB for that bondage prayer, and for all who have been praying with me for David. God will bring him to brokenness.<P>Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You Lord for the strength you have given me. I thank you for being with me tonight, sending the Holy Spirit to guard David from the attacks of the enemy. Thank you Lord for letting me be a vessel for Jesus. I pray that You will continue to dwell in my heart, and let Jesus shine through my eyes. I pray for David's eyes, ears, and heart be opened to receive Your Word, and salvation. Lord, you are almighty, and only You are deserving of all praise. Lord, please use the events of this evening towards Your good. I pray that soon my H and I will be one in Christ Jesus. Thank you Lord, for lifting the pain from my soul. You are the truth, the way, the life. Thank you Jesus. In Your precious name, AMEN.

LOL! It does make them BLINK!! Last Sunday I told H how I prayed for him and us. How prayer was the way I avoided cheating on him. He just stood there in shock, blinking. <P>Telling them is the right thing to do. Just like telling them how their actions affect us. And how their actions affect the way we feel about them. And telling them the truth about affairs. Telling them how we feel about the Lord, about prayer, and the efficacy of prayer and the Holy Spirit in our lives is very important. Explaining the motivation and source of power is nonthreatening, and the worst he can do is discount it.<P>Thank you for standing up for the Lord, AW! Thank you for sharing this victory. Bless you for your wonderful faith and strong commitment. We will survive. Truth will prevail.<P>Love, <BR>K<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

AW,<P>How awesome!! The seeds sprout and they do grow! God is definately working here and therefore satan is working, in futility, overtime. God will win! Priase the Lord!!!!<P>Father, I thank you for your faithful servant AW. I thank you for what she has taught me about praying and standing for our marriages. I praise You Lord that You have called David to You. Lord, keep calling until it burns his ears and in his heart. Keep speaking to AW in how to respond according to Your ways to David's hurtful words. She can do this because she knows how much You love her and are standing with her. All Mighty God. Thank you for Your grace and protection for AW. <BR>Lord all the ladies here are standing in the gap for their husbands. Lord, here our prayers and answer according to Your will, and give us back our husbands and marriages in a new manner, husbands and marriages created by Your design specs. Thank You Jesus for caring so much for us. You are an amazing God. Thank you. Amen

Wow Rootbeer, that is so awesome! He is so faithful when we ask Him first before we open our mouths. <P>Father, thank you for protecting Rootbeer tonight, for giving her the power of boldness, self-control and love for David. Thank you for helping her to see the spiritual battle for what it is and to be able to laugh at the futile attempts of the evil one for we know who is the victor! <P>Thank you for the softness in David's eyes. Continue to call him by name, Father. Since he is sanctified by the faith of his wife, we ask that the eyes of his heart may be enlightened in order that he may know the hope to which You have called him, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints, [19] and Your incomparably great power for us who believe. (Eph.1:18-19)<P>We ask that You continue to gird Your daughter with the full armor so that she may boldly proclaim You to her husband in the fullness of Your love. Grant her wisdom and put a hedge of protection around the both of them so thick that the evil one cannot penetrate and the lies of deceit fall to the wayside.<P>Continue to instruct David as he sleeps Father, allow not the evil one to awaken him, for You grant sleep to those You love. Clear his mind from the fog of self abuse and give him a distaste for the alcohol but fill him with a thirst for the things of You.<P>We praise You for working in our lives, not only drawing us nearer to You but restoring what the locusts have eaten. IJN, Amen<BR>