Well, after we weeped with the bottom line of the taxes we owed, he went to see our oldest daughter at her school about an hour from here. Before he left he said last weekend was nice and I got a kiss. Then when he got back I drove him home alone. We sat and talked for about 25 minutes. We talked about us and if... what we want. He said he was amazed about how I have handled it all. We both said we don't want it like it was and he is afraid that he would revert. I said that was up to us. We would both need to be responsible for not letting it slip back to old patterns. I said we were both responsible for our own happiness and then the rest was icing on the cake. He is also afraid that he will start to blame me for things that go wrong in his life (that have notthing to do with me) I said well, I'm not afraid to speak up anymore and he agreed. Of course the big question is ending it with the ow. I said to him I couldn't go back to that, having a relationship with him still seeing her. He understood. I said I was sensitive to the fact that it wouldn't be easy. He said that is the big thing. I said you already know you don't want to live with her full time. Maybe he would have to sacrifice that to have his wife and family back and a chance to be whole again. I said look at it from the point of view of what I have sacrificed over the last 5 years. He said yes, he knew. We agreed to continue the conversation tomorrow. I had left my youngest with her 4 friends at home. I didn't want to be too long. Oh, I got a great kiss. At the end before he moved out he hardly ever kissed me at least the way a wife wants to be kissed. I hate to admit it the separation has been good for us. I fought it for a long time. But in the end I know it was for the best. God can use all things for good. I don't expect him to move home tomorrow. I want to date and get to know each other. And the big And she has to be out of the picture. I am trusting God for this. I don't know what will happen or if in the end he will come home. But I do know God is still there and He is still working. God knows what He is doing, even though I don't always see it or understand the way He is working. I'm sure this will not be the end and that there will be many more ups and downs, but God is in this I know. <P>Father, help me to know Your way. Help me to Know what Your plan is and help me to be patient so You can finish your work in my husband and in me. Help me to take the plank out of my own eye and to work on myself by seeking you. Lord, thank you for the support of these woman and the insights that they share with all of us. Help us to be supportive and to seek You with all our hearts, souls, and minds. Father, work with our husbands. Free them from the bondage of alcohol, other women, abuse, pride, depression, shame, lusts of all kinds. Help our husbands to see their wives from a new perspective, and as a gift from You, Lord. Lord help them to treat us as You would treat us. Help them to grow love in their hearts for their wives. Help them to see You, Lord, they are lost and many don't even know it. Bring Christiai mentors to lead them to Your, Jesus. Jesus help us to firgive them and to grow love in our hearts for our husbands. Teach us to love them as You design. Lord, help us to wait on You for Your perfect plan to come into full being. Lord increase our faith and cause us to thirst for You in a greater way. In Jesus name I pray. Amen<p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited April 16, 2000).]

What an exciting moment! It is just amazing to seem to be an outside person watching how God is orchestrating the recovery of your marriage, for both of you to be so honest with each other and to see the love building deeper between the two of you.<P>I like how you say that the separation has been good for you. It is just another example of how God turns things to the good for those that love Him. Your story gives hope to others. I've spent some of the morning reading Harley's Q & A's on interdependency and how we lose some of that healthy relationship in the fast world of life. <P>We had an interesting day yesterday in that H agreed to fill out the recreational ideas thing with me, where the end result is you add up the totals of those things that are in the positve zone and these are the ones you focus on as a couple. Highest one for both was studying the bible and yet, he doesn't want to study it with me...have to pray about that one I guess. <P>He was kind of sad because the some of the things he liked to do were negated by my responses and couldn't be counted. All in all though, I guess it was a positive start.<P>Your prayer was beautiful. I couldn't add anything to it!

Sue,<BR>I think that is a great idea to do that inventory. Identifying what you both enjoy and then making time and effort to follow through and do them is even better. So often we let our duties like work get in the way and we forget to have fun. Life is too short I have decided. I'm also wondering if on occassion each of you could do one of those activities that means a lot to one and not the other. Of course I see the woman is usually the one to say oksy to this. But if you each took turns say one month you do something he likes that you aren't crazy about and vice versa. Anthony Robbins talks about he and his wife taking turns planning dates. <BR>I know for me if something meant a lot to my h I would want to do it with him occassionally. Of course different from the past I would expect him to do something he doesn't think he is crazy about that I like doing once in a while also. In the past I would have accepted less, but I'm not willing to any more. <BR>I pray also that you and your husband can get to a point that he would read the Bible with you and pray together. This is something I long to do also.<BR>I was coordinator of the Bible studies for our women's group a few years ago. One of the teacher's husband was telling me how he read the study with her and they had been discussing it. I was so jelous, I want that so bad also. But I can pray and I know he wasn't always like that also. But first my h and I have to get together. I also have to believe that this is something God would want also. So, I do believe that God will answer this in His time.<P>Father, this is the day that you have made. You are a mighty God and You want to answer our prayers. Lord I lift Sue and her h to you. I pray that you will move in her h's heart to seek God and reading Your word together with his wife. Lord, Sue so desires this to honor You and to move closer to You, Lord. Father, I too pray that there will be a time in the future when my h and I can come together in You to read your word and seek togetherness in prayer. It is a prayer I lift up to You, Lord for each woman here. Lord, I know it is their desire to seek You and to be able to pray with their h's. Lord hear our prayer and give us the desires of our hearts in this request so that we may honor You and that Your Glory will be evident to others. Lord, how great You are. Your ways are perfect and the light of You that shines on our souls are warmer than any amount of sunshine and more nourishing then any food we can eat here on earth. Lord, a second basking in Your wisdom is more enlightening then a life time of study. Lord, find favor in Your servants. Thank You in the name of Jesus, Amen.

Well to update, hubby was over again. I showed him the anniversary alblum again and agian he is floored how much he has forgotten. I also showed him the one the kids and I made for him for Father's Day 2 years ago. He said he had no memory of ever looking at it. It still floors me. I guess it worries me some now, I wonder if there is more and he needs to see a Dr. However as sensitive about appearing weak I don't want him to think I think there is something wrong with him. So I will move slowly on this. God had me work my self to death to finish that alblum I am positive now. I knew as I was working on it that it was important, I just didn't understand fully. Praise the Lord for keeping me working on it. We had another great conversation. I'm just taking one day at a time and letting the Lord lead. He has to be in this or it is worth nothing. I know I need Him and that this relationship needs His presence or it will never go anywhere. It still may not but without Him it is assured of going no where. The Lord is great. Praise Him, Amen<P>Oh I almost forgot. He said for the first time he thinks we should date. I said he was right it wasn't only him who had to decide if he wanted it, I did too. He said now that is an interesting perspective I hadn't thought of. I guess he figured since I was the one working toward trying, that I was convinced we should be together. I think it gave him something to think about. <p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited April 16, 2000).]

Hw,<BR>I am so very happy for you. A wonderful prayer. God Bless you

Good job on your response re dating. It is important that we remember the goal to have a marriage as Christ described and that puts a lot of reponsibility on the man. <P>I think the admonitions to be alert and to keep watch are important in our desire to become more like Christ, to develop those characteristics of God. The prodical son was completely broken when he came back to the father to ask forgiveness and was completely exonerated. Your husband hasn't hit that point as yet.<P>Father, we praise for the events that occurred this weekend in HW's life and we thank you that her husband is increasing his desire to court her. We ask for continual guideance for HW, that You show her when to be alert and when to let her guard down, that you guide each step that she takes, helping her to keep her eyes on You at all times.<P>Continue to instruct her husband when he is awake and asleep, when he turns left or right. Let nothing hinder him in seeing himself as You see him, let him see his sin for what it is that he may be broken and desire Your forgiveness. Rebuild this family in Your likeness Father and let them complete the plan that You have for them. IJN, Amen.

I cried when I read your post, I was so glad for you and filled with hope for your future.<BR>I can't post much now, I have to keep my phone line free. I just check in from time to time to catch up.<BR>I went on Wellbutrin on Friday. I am in deep grief at this time and am just barely making it but for the Grace of God I would want out.<BR>PTL Hw!

Joy, I am so glad you got on Wellbutrin. It is what I finally went on and it really has made a difference. It will take a bit to really feel well, but I did feel better some at least right away. I am praying for you. Amen