How has your week been? I pray that each day becomes a little easier. I know how numb you still feel. I pray that You are seeking God and leytting the Spirit pray for you when you are too weak. I pray that the specifics surrounding finishing and selling the house are working out for you. I pray that you are tking time to read the Lord's word and to stay close to him. I know how easy it is to get so caught up in the circumstances and stay caught up in the obessive thoughts. That has been one of my biggest battles. I just get so caught up in thinking about waht might be and what might be happening. <P>Father, I praise you for being a Joy's side though this. I know You are because I look back and see where You were at my side evry step of the way at times I didn't think you were. Lord, you never leave us or desert us. Thank you Jesus for that. Lord I know You are going before Joy and are working out each detail pertaining to the house. Work in her h's heart also. Don't let him rest until his eyes have been opened to you, his sin and to a new view of his wife. I praise You for You are worthy of our praise just because You are God. You designed us and You love us and You long to lead us down Your path. Let us not resist but comlpky and taste Your goodness. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Dear hw,<BR>Thank you,thank you for the heartfelt prayer.<P>H came over Sunday and we decided that he would pay the mortgage(now 2 payments behind) and we will place it on the market as is. He did say he would finish a few things. That means I will see more of him.This is going to be a long process.<P>Of course we talked of our marriage, and he still feels the same- wants a divorce after the year separation.He says he's doing well, doesn't miss me and his stomach aches have gone away.<BR>(UGH)<P>Did you and your husband ever actually talk of divorcing, or was it just of separation and you would take it from there?<P>Now look at what's going on with you! You will be dating again! It's actually happening!!!God is restoring your marriage,Cindy!!!<P>I can't wait until this Wellbutrin(thanks for the suggestion) kicks in. <BR>I am just going through the motions, forcing myself to do what I have to do.<P>Yes, I daily do my early morning Bible reading and prayer, then pray whatever is or whom ever is on my heart through out the day,at lunch break if I take one, then again at night before bed.<P>The enemy tries to make me doubt that God is really listening,or even there(!) and so I pray harder for more faith and more desire to pray.<BR>satan is really attacking me in this way.<P> I think when I get more mentally stabilized, or balanced,I should say, <BR>I will not doubt as much. After all that we are going through, no wonder our brain chemistry is so depleted.<BR>And boy,then can the enemy sling those firey darts.<P>Thanks for inquiring,hw,I have been keeping my phone line free, as I said before, and even am online too long right now, so I will close.<P>Did you notice that we posted to Brown at exactly the same time this morning?Thought that was neat.<P>It seems that everything I read or see now, has something to do with the Shepherd going after the one lost sheep. Interesting how that happens.<P>God Bless you,<BR>Joy

I'm so glad to hear from you. I know how lonely it is. He more than I has talked of divorce. I never wanted it. He did see a lawyer a month or so after he moved out and he tried to talk my husband into putting something in writing about the separation, but my h couldn't. <BR>I guess what amzes me is his memory loss. IHow can he think about coming back when he has fogotten so much especially all the good stuff. It is amazing to me. That alblum I toiled to finish last summer. I kept thinking it was for nothing, yet, God kept pushing me and I thought once maybe this will make the difference. God is truly an amazing God and a mysterious one too. <BR>We are not out of the woods yet, He has not ended it with the ow, but we are talking and more. I just have to be very patient. He came to see his daughter. He came into the computer room to talk a bit but nothing else. He was very tired. So I drove him home. So many have said I should not pursue him at all, but I am glad that I have to some degree. I do not call him all the time by any means or find reasons to see him. But when we are together I have tried to talk about things. With the memory loss if I did nothing I'm not sure he would even think of an us. I know though God is amazing and He can do anything. <BR>I think Joy that your h is putting on a better face then what is really going on in his head. He has to rationalize it and for a while he may be able to deny any emotions, but I guarantee it will hit him. I have read often the one who leaves starts to realize what they have lost and go down hill just about the time the one left starts to get it together and often no longer wants it. You are making it. Just look how many days it has already been, and you are making it. It will be harder to see him now then it will be later. Just take one day at a time and Seek God as you are. He is the most important person in your life. He will never leave or forsake you. I have found it is easier to tolerate the humaness of my h becuase I KNOW that God is there and never does or will leave me.<BR>You are doing great. And see God is still ther, He has moved your h's heart to make the payments. <BR>Stay in Jesus and you will come out of this dark tunnel with a closer walk with HIm. And if you look at it as a tunnel, there is light at the end.<P>I will keep you in my prayers.<BR>Well, back to writing my paper. I noticed we were posting at the same time also. Neat!!

Hi JN. I've been thinking of you a lot lately too. hw is right though when she said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>h is putting on a better face then what is really going on in his head<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If it hasn't hit him yet, it will. Just keep doing what you're doing - you seem to be doing so well! <P>I know how hard, lonely and painful separation is. I held up very well during the day, but at night after my son was asleep, I would cry so hard. Even though my H was an ogre most of the last 5 years, I missed having him to hug at night. <P>You know, what hw said about they start coming out of their fog when the other spouse starts getting it together and going on with their life must be true. My H started going downhill fast about the same time I got some of my self-esteem back. Lately he's been dragging me back down the hill with him. I have GOT to get stronger in the Lord, and focus more on Him, not H.<P>I have made myself a promise to spend more time in prayer for each of us on this forum this week. The enemy is working extra hard trying to make us fail since it is the week of the Resurrection. I have gotten quite a few encouraging messages in my email. I'll post them over here for us this week.<P>JN, remember you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Keep you chin up, God will take care of you, no matter what.<P>Dear Lord, I lift up JoyNicole to You, asking for Your comfort and peace for her. Lord, she loves you with all her heart, I pray that you will abundantly pour out Your blessings upon her. Please take care of her every financial need, helping her to see and do all that You want her to do. Thank You Father for carrying her though this trial. I ask that the Holy Spirit be sent to her husband, placing a deep conviction upon his soul. Speak to his heart, Lord, show him Your truth. I praise You Lord, and worship You. IJN I pray, AMEN.

Hw, and AW,<BR>Thank you both for your continued support and encouragement.<P>I believe that too, that my husband is not letting on completely how this is all affecting him.<BR>You are both right about that.Thank you for having me look at that.<P>Thinking back now, on the talk we had, he did say that, there was still a part of him that thought of being back in the house.<BR>But I then got sad and cried and asked him to think about what he just said.<BR>He did see that I was still hurting- i couldn't hide it, and I did ask that he reconsider and come to counseling, but he said no. I was emotional(crying) during our talk, but I did not lose it, or beg. He saw me grieve over the loss of my home, marriage,and dreams.I could not hide it, I could not pretend that I was okay.<BR> I am not there yet, and although I would have preferred less feelings in front of him,I can't beat myself up over it, I just have to believe that God will use it for the good.<P>I know how important it is to be strong in front of him, that I am getting on with my life. Letting him SEE the change in me, rather than telling him that I've changed.<P>I feel your prayers, and I am so grateful,I feel less alone.<P>"God will not give you something that you will worship more than Him."<P>Oh, the tendency again lately, to put my h and this pain first in my mind instead of putting God first. I have to pray harder for this.<BR>God is giving us everything we need. We need Jesus. We have Jesus. We have the Holy Spirit.<P>Father,thank You for loving us.<BR>May we be guided every minute of the day and through out this Holy week to, with all our being,worship You and be thankful.<P>I lift hw and AW up to you that you will bless them and give them the desires of their hearts.<P>Lord,convict Jack of his error and turn him away from the ow,the ow away from him and turn him completely towards his wife for good. Bring him home to his family and give him peace in his heart knowing that he has made the right decision.That He has pleased You.<P> Father I ask that you prepare David's heart for the believer that you place in his path that will lead him to You.The believer who will convince him that You love him, and that You will give him the desire to get rid of the bottle forever.<P><BR>You look straight into our hearts, all of us praying wives here on the forum. You are changing us, we are drawing nearer to You every day.<P>We are becoming<BR>more patient.<P>Protect us from the enemy.Remind us of our power that You ave given us over him.<BR> <BR>Have Mercy on us,and thank You again for Your Miracles.<BR>IJN,<BR>Amen<P><BR>Have a God day,<BR>Joy<P>[This message has been edited by Joynicole (edited April 18, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Joynicole (edited April 18, 2000).]

Thank you Joy for your prayer. I pray that you have a peaceful, Spirit-filled day today. I know I could sure use some more of the Spirit today. Counseling didn't go very well this AM.

Rootbeer, Are you looking at the underside of the threads on the loom of the big picture as far as the progress of the counseling went this morning? Maybe whatever happened or didn't happen is a part of the plan towards brokenness and a repentant heart. Or maybe it is the challenge that many of us here are experiencing, in the need to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Satan wants you to feel defeated and discouraged, to quit fiddling in his territory.<P>You think about the victories God has had in the last few days. You think Satan is going to quit attacking? <P>Father, we don't know what the outcome of this morning's counseling session will be in Your great plan for Rootbeer and David, but we do know that You are in control of everything that goes on in their lives. Use this morning's session for Your glory Father. Be Your daughter's strength when she has none, let Your wisdom come from her mouth when her words will interfere with your plan. <P>Let no hurt gain a foothold for bitterness to occur. Continue to chop the vine for Your glory and let the fruit that comes forth bring You honor. IJN, Amen.

Dear AW,<BR>Did you set up another session for you <BR>and David?<P>(Sorry I didn't write his name in my <BR>prayer--I just now edited it and added <BR>his name. Don't know why I didn't say <BR>his name-I always pray using his name. <BR>I wish I could say my h's name, but it <BR>is a unique name and I want to remain <BR>somewhat anonymous.<P>Let us know if you have another session.<BR>I'm sure you are still processing <BR>everything that was said.It probably was <BR>not as bad as you thought.<BR>I doubt that a couple's first <BR>counseling session is anything but <BR>awkward and uncomfortable.Add to that, a <BR>therapy session the phone- that must be <BR>different.<P>Don't give up on counseling. <P>Love and prayers,<BR>Joynicole