Dear Sisters, I got this post on an email list I am on, and felt that many of you would be able to offer some valuable perspective and insights to this wonderful lady. I am posting it almost in its entirety. Please post replies here and I will forward them to her. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I hope that you will be able to help me. This is a depressing letter so save <BR>yourself and skip it if you want.<P>I have watched this group help so many others with sound advice and with open <BR>hearts. I like the idea that you know me, but couldn't point me out in a crowd. With the problem I bring you today, I need that type of anonymity.<P>I wake up at night in cold sweats. I feel so much self loathing and I have reached a new emotional low. It has nothing to do with my sons. I have read your surveys and enjoyed getting to know you. The various answers to the question about getting along <BR>with parents has convinced me that I can trust you with this information.<P>I hate my mother, I hate my father. There it is.<P>My husband is not allowed to take his belt off in my presence, it makes me nauseated. My mother and father beat us when we were kids. The middle-of-the-night shakes are the result of dreams. I wake up drenched with sweat. I relive the hitting, the verbal abuse the debasing comments and <BR>actions. The self-loathing is that I, the oldest of five, never could stop the abuse of my younger siblings. I also feel like a horrible person because I don't have the courage to confront my parents today.<P>My mother continues to send me daily (sometimes double-daily) emails from <BR>inspirational sites with articles that seem to point out my weaknesses. I wrote her the <BR>other day and told her how I missed my sons and that it was weird, but I consider the boys and my husband my best friends. She wrote back that she had cried and missed each of my siblings and I as we left home. I threw up.<P>I am up again tonight in the middle of the night contemplating that response. My mother beat me up again just two weeks before I left for college. My parents ejected my brother from the family at 17, sent him to the army. He was not a success. I watched in horror as they forced my sister into a big church marriage with an idiot, who later revealed himself as a wife-abuser. I heard, "I hate you and hope you die." so many times I can't remember <BR>another way.<P>My friends, I have never hit my children. I have never lost my cool without saying, I am sorry after. In all ways I have tried to banish that part of my life. At 43 you would think I could let this go, I have prayed and fasted and prayed some more. I sometimes feel can't even attend church anymore because I am a hypocrite. I can't say yes, I am honest in all my dealings. I do not know how to resolve this issue. I know that my mother is a damaged person. I know that in her heart she just doesn't remember. But then the evil side of me appears and whispers, "could you forget beating little children until they are black and blue, can you forget the screams?" <P>Those of you with troubled relationships, how have you moved on? I need to <BR>overcome this past and move on. I have dreams of me as a raving madwoman confronting my mother with her behavior. I have dreams of me shouting at my father for allowing the evil that took place in our home. Sometimes I have dreams and I am the one holding the belt. I wake up sick at the sight of my mother cowering before me in my dream. I sometimes think I will find relief <BR>in their deaths, but then I think about eternity and I am depressed again.<P>How did you resolve the problems you had with your parents?<P>SBA<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>

Gosh, Karenna, I don't know what to say. I feel her pain, and can empathize, however I grew up in a loving, Christian home with two parents who loved and cared for us, as well as each other. <P>I'm going to have to think and pray about this one for awhile before I can give a response.<P>Prayers,<BR>AW

Gosh, I am so sorry for her pain. <P>My mom lived a similar life. She went through a program called "Free Me to LIve" by Ken Freeman. It is a christian organization.<P>IT is somewhat about abortion but he does this counseling for abused people to.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.cpcworld.org/a/adoption.shtml" TARGET=_blank>www.cpcworld.org/a/adoption.shtml</A> <P>It is a great program. I know that it really helped my mother.<P>God Bless your friend.<P>Mercy

Thanks so much, Mercy. I sent her your comment and link. She already was happy with my early response (you have probably noticed how didactic I can be!) and I think she is going to make some real progress now.<P>Love, <P>Karenna