My husband and I have been married for 5 years and living together for 2 years. We have two children 6 and 4. During the time we have been together, my husband has cheated on me at least 3 times that I know of. He's also had flirtations at work that I know about. This last time, I found out that he was cheating on me with a woman he works with. I know they were friends for some time and I was actually stupid enough to support their friendship. Now, he ways he really wants me and our family and he says that he will finally go to counseling and try to work on our relationship. I am so confused. I love him so much yet I don't know how I could EVER trust him again. I would really appreciate anyone's advice. I know I'm not truly ready to end this but I don't know what to do. Please help!!!!!

hi. i can't personally offer you much at this point, but i did not want your post to go unnoticed. things are a little slow on the weekend, but things will pick up.<BR>i hope you have read everything on the marriagebuilders site, it can be very helpful, and then you will understant a lot of "jargon" we use here. "NSR" is the local specialist, so read his posts.<BR>im sorry you are here, but glad you found us.<BR>hang in there.

cherryconcorde,<P>You can regain the trust for your H, OVER TIME and after he EARNS it. Part of the counseling will help you both deal with issues of trust and how to rebuild. It is very early in the scenario to expect to already trust him. He will earn your trust back by putting into play the ACTIONS and behaviors that support the words he is saying now.<P>Best of luck!<P>Roll Me Away <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi! and Welcome.<P>LWB is right. You're in the right place. Take some time now to calm down and breath deep.<P>First thing to do is read. Everything you can get your hands on. Everything on this site. All of Harley's principles. All the posts you can get to. Books that our members recommend. It'll give you a sense that you're NOT alone in this and some idea as to what it takes to build a great marriage as well as this roller coaster ride you're in for. So, start right away.<P>Think seriously about counselling. For both of you if possible, by yourself if not. It really can help you deal w/ the emotions you have been and will be going through.<P>And post here. We're all friends here and we share our troubles and our triumphs. I think you'll find the greatest group of people you could ever imagine to find. Use this board to vent, to cry, for advice, to scream and yell if you need to. That's what we're here for. And we are here. Everyday. Almost all the time. <P>Good luck to you. It's a long hard ride ahead. But it IS possible to have what you want. Don't give up.<P>We're glad you're here.<P>Lori

Welcome <B>cherryconcorde</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>Thanks guys in the forum... my regular welcome follows...<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principals and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! You should be starting <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Nost of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>But just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Your probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

I want to thank everyone who wrote to me last night for their posts. I really appreciated it and now I feel that I am not alone. I know some people wonder how I could put up with a husband who acts like this but nobody really knows him like I do. It's a relief to see that others are going through circumstances like my own. I am almost positive that if we go to counseling, we can work on this. The only thing that scares me is the issues of trust and honesty. I pray that one day we can get those back and maybe our relationship could be stronger than ever. Thanks again and I'll keep writing.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>cherryconcorde</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>Counseling is a very good first step...<P>A few questions...<BR>Have you gotten a copy of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley, yet? Maybe a copy for you and your H would be good!<BR>Is your H still in the house with you?<BR>Has he definitely agreed to counseling?<P>The issues of 'trust' and 'honesty' will take a long time... when you're well within a full recovery...<P>After your H's withdrawal from the OW (has this started yet? for your H) then you can really begin building your marriage with...<BR>Four rules to guide marital recovery<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL> <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Trust is the belief that our spouses will be honest with us and will protect our feelings. (page 158 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'll be praying for you... <P>Remember POST... READ... REPLY...<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Last night, my H and I had a conversation about his affair and how it really hurt me. I finally told me how insecure I felt and what his actions meant to me. He just listened. He didn't get upset (usually he does because he thinks that anything he says will come out wrong). I was honest with him about my feelings but I let him know that I wanted our marriage to work. I really think that our talking was a good thing. I think tonight, we won't talk about this at all. We'll just have a relaxing night with the kids (no overkill!!).<P>This really feels good to just write out all of my feelings and to know that I'm speaking with others in the same situations. I am so glad I found this forum. To everyone that's written back to me.....thank you.

Good for you. A great first step - honest communication. And he didn't get angry? A great first step for him too!!<P>Hang in there. We're here w/ you.<P>Lori