Lord willing, I will be still flying on an airplane to California when prayer time begins and I will have a two and a half hour drive from there to my parent's house, so please remember me while you are praying tonight. <P>I haven't said a whole lot about this out of consideration for your anxiety Rootbeer, but I guess now is as good a time as any. I am going out to California 3 days earlier than H despite his verbalized protests that I wait and go when he does. He views this as self-centered on my part, an indicator that neither he nor his needs are important to me. He has made allegations that it wouldn't matter if he came at all and in some ways he is correct, in that I am plain tired and need the space, that his neediness, anxiety, fears, rage, etc. are energy sapping and I am tired of hearing him whine.<P>I suppose the conflict for me occurs in that I do think the POJA is a good one and yet, I am overriding it much in the same way my husband does with the many other issues I have shared with you all about. So, in some ways, it puts me in the same boat. My reasons are all valid ones but then he believes his are as well.<P>Another conflict occurs in that I believe he should trust me in my purpose for this in light of all the work and networking I will be doing out there and yet, I do not trust him. Funny how God gives you a mirror to look at when you least expect it.<P>Two things will occur from this I believe: either his rage will increase as he has three days to mull on this or he will have an opportunity for God to do a mighty work in him and see how he is destroying our marriage with his demands. I shared with pastor that at this point, it doesn't seem to matter to me whether I come back or not. I do not like being apathetic, it interferes with my passion for life!<P>Please pray that His will and purpose be served during this time and that He will guide me into all wisdom. Thanks. Will check in on my parent's puter as I have time.

SueB, <P>Sorry, but I do not think the POJA really applies here. He has not agreed to abide by the groundrules!! He does not negotiate from a position of protecting you from his dark side. All the protection necessarily falls on your shoulders. Do not feel guilty about self-protection and taking care of your own needs. He won't do it, and that is a prerequisite to POJA. Enjoy your trip to CA. <P>I am also flying (back) to CA tonight. Had a great time in NY. Looking forward to finding out if H did anything he was supposed to do while I was gone. He never called me once. My five year old called me though, from her friends house. <P>I'll be praying for all of us on the plane too.<P>Love, <P>Karenna

Hi Karenna, good to hear from you! Where about in CA are you? Maybe we can connect!<P>What you say about the POJA is true as he doesn't believe in the POJA at all, but still, I was just looking at it from my log perspective, in that James tells us not to be wishy washy etc. Like I said before, I can't do anything with him, that is God's job, but since I have learned the value of being careful what I pray for and knowing that I need to be explicitly clear, (His sense of humor gets me every time!) I just know that I want my own actions and words to be matching.<P>Happy flight! I get to visit Dallas (DWF) on the way. Anyone live out there and want to visit me at the airport? LOL

I'm flying from ROC through CHI to SAN (San Diego). Do I recall you mentioning northern CA? I love it up there too. <P>------------------<BR>This is a temporary alias for "Karenna"

Yes, Northern CA. My parent's own a three story paddlewheel restaurant that tours Clear Lake.<P>San Diego is a bit far from there.

I live outside of the Dallas/Forth Worth area SueB; in fact I work very close to the airport. Do you have a long layover? From your earlier post I gather that you have an evening flight, right? Let me know if you're in DFW around 5:30 PM. <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My reasons are all valid ones but then he believes his are as well<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> We have this same situation. David thinks he is justified in going to CA because it is his machine that is going and he doesn't want to disappoint his boss, and I feel justified in my feelings about his leaving, so the POJA doesn't work for us either. We are at an impasse here. I have to accept his decision to go there without me. But I do think I should do what Steve Harley suggested and protect my emotions by distancing myself. <P>He hasn't left yet. Yesterday it sounded like he may have to go today, but he was still here this AM and didn't ask me to pack anything so I guess he's not going yet. <P>I asked him if he was going to his counseling session tonight, he said "no". He told me his lawyer was taking care of it so he wouldn't have to go now. Since David is not going out of town for a few weeks and will be IN TOWN when the court appearance is supposed to be, I don't see how is atty. can get this put off any longer. I am torn between calling the prosecutor's office or not calling. Been praying for God to direct me here. <P>I have to trust God that He is working this out for His glory and the good. <P>David's increased drinking concerns me (I'm keeping my mouth shut -- don't say a word about it to him). For the last two weeks his consumption has increased dramatically. His skin looks yellow, so are his eyes. He says his stomach hurts. He is breaking out in that rash again. Does anyone know anything about liver disease, symptoms, etc.? <P>SueB, have a wonderful time in CA. Check in with us ok? We will miss you!!! I'll be praying for you......<P>Love and prayers,<BR>AW

Land at DWF at 6:04 at gate A24 and then have to truck to gate C37 for a flight that leaves at 6:55.<P>If I had more time, I would dig my medical stuff out but have to leave for the airpot in a couple. Write to Taj, she would know.

Thanks SueB, I'll send Taj a note.<P>You're going to have to really hurry to make your connecting flight I'm afraid. You land in one terminal and depart out of another. You can get the trAAin though, should be close to the gate you come in at. 50 minutes wouldn't give us much time to find each other! Oh, well, maybe next time! Here's the website for DFW airport maps <A HREF="http://www.dfwairport.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.dfwairport.com/</A> in case you need it. I'll be thinking of you!! The weather's beautiful here today!

Okay, will chack in later about the return flight. Check this url out and look at complications for liver disease.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.niddk.nih.gov/health/digest/pubs/cirrhosi/cirrhosi.htm#symptoms" TARGET=_blank>http://www.niddk.nih.gov/health/digest/pubs/cirrhosi/cirrhosi.htm#symptoms</A>

AW, <P>Call the DA for your own informational purposes. See what they say in terms of hypotheticals. Just talk to them. Don't think of it as ratting on him. If he is on the fast road to permanent liver damage, brain damage and spiritual suicide don't you think a wife would owe it to him to rally all the support possible to head off that crisis? <P>Make sure that the prosecutor's office will keep all communications absolutely confidential so that neither David nor his attorney can find out that you have been in contact. They can say they got the info from the domestic violence people or whatever. They should be accustomed to protecting vulnerable spouses from possibly dangerous repercussions. Maybe not however, this is Texas, and they have quite a bad reputation in women's issues!!! <P>I am still very interested in why you feel so lost when he is gone. <P>Is it a feeling of being out of control because you can't see his behavior, how much drinking he may be doing? <P>Are you getting your love bank filled hourly when he is in your house? <P>Do you feel like you have to be in his physical presence to have any influence on him? <P>Or is this a co-dependent moment? <P>I can think of about 4 dozen more possibilities, but I would really like to understand from you where your desperation to stay together everyday is coming from. Wishing he were like your David of olden days would not make me hungry for his presence, only hungry for reform. <P>If he were working on the relationship with you, you would have to actually be there with him to accomplish that, but you can pray from afar.<P>Maybe David is drinking hogwild because he has given up. He doesn't have to do his counseling because he knows he is going to jail! Or going to die, or something else horrible.<P>Or getting an additional six months reprieve. Maybe his attorney HAS cut a deal for him. You need to talk to the DA find out. You will be better off if you have a handle on where YOUR life is going over the next few weeks. <P>Good luck, keep cool and take care of yourself Rootbeer!!<P>Love,<P>Karenna <p>[This message has been edited by lonelygirl (edited May 02, 2000).]

SueB,<P>I just absolutely love Clear Lake. That is one of the little known jewels of California. The volcanic formations and rocks are just fantastic. The lake is so beautiful! I would love to be there this month!! Only a 10 hour drive from San Diego I would imagine...<P>Which airport are you landing in? Unless you take a little prop shuttle flight you will have quite a drive. The remoteness is one of the best aspects of Clear Lake.<P>Safe flying!! <P>Karenna

Have arrived at Clear Lake. Gosh, lots change in 9 years.! Landed at Sacramento Airport and rented a car, so it is a nice drive.<P>Rootbeer, will just keep praying for wisdom for you in this thing with David. There is a part of me that would want to facilitate him having to face the consequences of his behavior too, (calling the prosecutor's office) but as the same time, by faith we are claiming that the Lord knows what we need and what needs to happen in all our lives and that He is in control and so maybe this is one time that nothing needs to happen on your end.<P>It will have to be really thought through I guess because to do nothing and to allow him the consequences of his behaviors may result in death via the disease and I have counseled many families who have gone through this heart breaking thing, the demnentia is horrible, the need to limit liquid consumption once the acidis kicks in. It is a hard way to die.<P>Father, You are all-knowing and omnipresent, there is nothing that You miss nor anything that does not happen that You do not allow. We seek Your face Father and desire to do Your will as Jesus did. Though he desired not to go to the cross, he desired more to be in Your will and endured much in the process. Father, give Rootbeer that same wisdom and tenacity this day. Help her to rest in You and to allow Your thoughts to replace her thoughts, Your will to be her will. Give her the strength to do whatever it is that You would have her do. IJN, Amen.

Hi SueB! Glad you had a safe trip! I am going to email you privately - can you access your email from CA? <P>Thanks for your wonderful prayers,<BR>AW

Yes Rootbeer, I can and will access my email from here just for you my friend and sister!

Rootbeer, having problems connecting to the home acct. Use eramhoff@mail.com and I can reach it from anywhere.