I was afraid if I answered you on the other post you might now see it. I am so glad for you. I know it feels good! God is indeed working in your life. I'm glad to hear the Welbutrin is kicking in. When it first started working for me, it would be like I would shake my head if I started to get down and all of a sudden things were better. It seems to start working faster than others, but I continued to notice an increasing difference for about 6 weeks. <BR>This is really strange for me to take something like this. I am such an up person. But then I was dealing as you are with some very difficult circumstances.<BR>I was sitting out back this evening having a chat with God. I guess finishing my first year of school , I was looking back over the year. It is amazing I made it through Sept. Daughter going away to school at 15, I start grad school, working with it, h moves out and little one begins to react naturally. Then I also had a border who was helpful at first but then it went down hill. God is great. I remember intellectually how bad it was but not emotionally, thank goodness.<BR>So, here I am 8 months later. Finished the first year. Oldest daughter is starting to bring her grades up and seems better. The youngest has adjusted and the h and I are talking and seeing one another again. It is truely amazing. I couldn't have seen the possibility 8 months ago. God is great. I truely believe the biggest changes have come since I really started to really seek God with all my heart. Between Christmas and January God really led me to say hey, seek You first Lord. And really do it. Then I lost my wallet and God so built my faith thru that. I do believe that God is going to heal this marriage. I'm trying to balance taking initiative and letting him have his space. So I will suggest we get together but not call him. He has called me a couple of times this week just to say hi. That started last Friday evening. It is nice. But I am really not trying to get all ga ga about this. If it is God's will it will come. It is the waiting game that is sooo hard. But I'm even in a good place with that. God has truely done miracles. I feel bad I haven't spent as much time with study and prayer this last two weeks, but I have made sure I did a little every day throughout the day. Tomorrow, I get up and spend time with God. I have missed meeting with him. Althouth I was still meeting Him I felt it was "good morning, lets talk quick, Lord, because I've got to get back to these papers!<BR>So what kind of a job is it? Wow that is great about the pay. Most people don't leave one job and go to another and double their pay. God is great. Well, drop in when you can and say hi.I am praying for you. God will make beautiful flowers bloom in your life where you think there is only dead wood. <P>Father, <BR>We are truely amazed at the workmanship of Your hands. You are there working for us. You are in it all. Jesus says, "I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing."<BR>I am so thankful that I can do nothing apart from him. His way is the best, and I want the best. Lord, help us to follow behind you. Lord I lift this praise up to you:<BR>Lord, You are my God and I will ever praise You. Lord, You are my God, and I will ever praise You. I will seek you in the morning and I will walk in all of your ways. And step by step You lead me. And I will follow You all of my days.<P>I love this praise song, and I 've been singing it contineouisly. Lord, thank You for the work You have done in Joy. Lord, a new job, with more pay. Release from the overwhelming sense of despair. Lord, thank You for taking such good care of her. Lord, draw her closer and closer to You Lord. Let her walk in all of Your ways forever. Lord, touch her h's heart and bring him to You.Instruct him constantly and even in his sleep. Lord, let him see Joy in a new way. Let him see her growing confidense and the fact that she is getting through this. Let him wonder why. Let him see You through Joy, Lord, we praise You for Your unending enduring love. We praise you in Jesus name, Amen.<BR>

Hi Hw,<BR>Thanks for the support and wonderful prayer!<P>Just a quick note as I must keep my phone line free this evening....<P>When my H and I did not end up adopting the baby we had planned to in May of '99, I left a good paying job in the mental health field.(I still haven't finished my degree,I don't have a career goal at this time.)<P>I then, in my depressive state in July,<BR> (after h told me he wanted to end the marriage) took a low paying teacher assistant job in a Christian school.<BR>So now I've opted to make some quick cash(to help with the mortgage) waitressing at a very busy tourist restaurant----the man who hired me told me I would make excellent money, and all the overtime I could possibly want. (Keep my mind off my troubles....) <P>Also, I'm waiting to hear from another job-(part time in the mornings)- with a chance to make extra $$$ there too.<BR>So actually I would be more than doubling my money.<P>My girlfriend that came to visit is trying to talk me into coming to Boston to live and finish my schooling there.<BR>Of course, I can't make that kind of decision at this time!<P>I,just like you,have lived all over- not in the military like you though- but it sure seemed like it! (So what's another move.....)<P>Anyway,H was really disappointed when I stopped earning money.... It attributed more stress to his already stressful mid life crisis......might actually have been the straw that broke the camel's back, you know?<P>I feel more independent again, like I'll be able to go on with my life.<BR>Meanwhile, along with my prayers for my H,I keep praying for God to change me, and a day at a time I just keep on doing the next right thing..... <P>Well, this ended being more like an e-mail wouldn't you say?<P>I won't be involved in the study guide, even though I did buy it---I just don't come on( post) often enough to commit.<P>Again,thanks for your post.<P>Praying for you,<BR>Joy <P>P.S.Praise the Lord!<p>[This message has been edited by Joynicole (edited May 05, 2000).]