<B>5) Read Joel 2:25 and underline it in your Bible. <BR>What things do you see depleting life out of your marriage?[b/]<BR>No trust, husband's addiction to alcohol, and his adultery, no remorse<P>[b]What does God promise He will do when things have been eaten away from our lives?</B><BR>He will restore to us all the years that have been ruined (eaten by locusts).<P><B>6) Do you believe in God's ability to heal wounds?</B> YES<P><B>To renew love in your heart?</B> YES<P><B>To restore your marriage to all it should be? Why or why not?</B><P>Yes, I believe that only through God will our marriage ever be restored fully, and that it is though our Father that true love for each other comes. God's plan for marriage is perfect; God should always be at the core of a marriage. I believe that God is faithful to his Word, and it is written that it is His covenant to us. <P>

Aw,<BR>May I ask you, How long was your husband with the ow and out of your home? While he was away did he call or visit you?<BR>Carol

Q5.<P>There are so many things depleteing the life out of my marriage. (adultery, alcoholism, lies, anger)<P>God promises to restore all that we have lost. We will be rewarded for our suffering.<P>Q6.<P>Yes, I believe in God's ability to heal and restore. He also gave us free will. But I know that he can and will put things in our lives and our spouses lives to give us a little nudge in the right direction.<P>Q7.<P>Yes, I will lay down my life in prayer for Bob. God gave us to each other and we are bound together. I owe it to Him to pray constantly for Bob. He is a child of God also and that is something I need to remember.<P>Q8.<P>Bob and I are divided in a lot of areas. The biggest one is that I want our marriage and right now, he doesn't. Somedays, I am ok but there are still days that I feel like I am slowly dying.<BR> <P>Whew! This is hard, but also very enlightening. With each question I answer, I am more glad that I decided to do this!<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi <P><BR>

Q5<P>God will restore! The areas are; commitment, devotion, love, loyalty, honesty, romance, trust, respect, security.<P>Q6<P>I know that God will not force us to do anything but causes situations that push us to the change needed... I have seen many circumstances that should have made my husband change and instead he just reverted further inward... This gives me doubt, not in God but in my husband... There is the one in the bible that the Lord gives over to satan to kill the flesh so the soul may be saved....... This makes me cry, but you would have to know how right my husband thinks he is in this wrongness..<P>Q7<P>I will pray the rest of my life for this man, no matter what happens! I have spent the last few years praying for OW/OC, and if I can do that, then my husband will be covered with prayer... I am praying for the peace and hope to not give up doing good, that in the end I will see the fruit of prayer... <P>Q8<P>His walk with our Lord Jesus<BR>His responsibility to provide for his family.<BR>His understanding of what "love" is.<BR>His understanding that the negligence, and the emotional/mental issues are abuse.<P><BR>So there it is.... Im sure you can read between the lines, my desparation, anxiety and how disheartened I have become, but God knows me well, and even if I get to the point where I start to harden, my love for God keeps me open to His perfect will regaurdless of my feelings...<P>This is getting harder for me not easier, and I cant for the life of me figure out why? I guess with me growing and H backsliding even further I just see the gap widening between us...<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

Brown,<BR>My H and I were separated for 2 months. He started his affair in Jan. 99, it continued through late Sept. 99. I didn't know for sure about it until mid Sept. 99, when the OW's husband called and told me what was going on. <P>We did not speak for over a month when he first left due to court orders. The state filed protective orders against him so legally he could not contact us in any way, nor come near me or my son. I did not make any effort whatsoever to contact him during this time period either. I let my atty. handle everything. After the protective order expired we still did not speak, but H called son and he picked up son for visitation. My parents or a friend stayed with son when H was coming to get him. I was not there when he came to get him; I didn't want to see or speak to him. When he brought son home, I stayed in the house. <P>About 2 weeks before H came home, he called to talk to son, then asked to talk to me. I refused, but then relented and talked to him. A few days later he came to pick up son for a visit. I was home but was leaving to go babysit for a friend. H had been court ordered NO ALCOHOL around son, so he had to be sober. Guess his mind got a little unfogged. That was the first time I saw H except in court in 6 weeks. When he and son left, I left too (he didn't know where I was going, and son told him he didn't know either). Well, about an hour later he has son call about something insignificant. He wanted to know where I was, etc (son told him I was babysitting, but I guess H wanted to check up on me). I was nice, but aloof. At this time I still wanted nothing to do with H. I think that drove him nuts, since he was having to be sober in order to see son, and he was then thinking more clearly about what he was doing. Anyway, to make a long story short, all of a sudden he wanted to work things out. This was God's doing, not mine. I had been praying for him with my son, but our prayers consisted of "please take care of son's dad". <P>H was still seeing OW then. He saw her up until a week before he moved home. The day after he came home, I asked him to send the no contact letter to her, which he did. He says he never saw or talked to her again. I heard that she reconciled with her husband. <P>Yesterday H told me that "something was said" between he and OW before he asked to come home that he was going to try to work things out with me. She told him she always figured he'd want to come home. <P>The drinking was definitely a large contributing factor to his infidelity. When my H was sober years ago, I never dreamed he would be unfaithful. It was just not him. Drinking changed all that. It changed his perception so much, for the worse. That's what worries me now, because he is back to drinking so much. I won't tolerate another instance of adultery. <P>I'm praying for you Brown. Love and prayers,<BR>AW<BR>

<B>11. Is there anything for which you need to ask your husband to forgive you? Ask God to show you if there is anything for which you need to repent (an attitude, action, area of neglect, and so on). As He reveals it, write it down.</B><P>Seems I am all caught up on asking H for forgiveness. Had to do it for scraping the car on Sunday morning.<P>On the other hand, repentance and confession to the Lord is always a ready issue. I must repent of my impatience, my laziness in obeying God, my failure to give gratitude and praises. <P>Heavenly Father,<BR> I have been delivered of a great temptation and evil desires. Thank you, Lord, for answering the prayers of so many in my behalf. <BR> Thank you for softening the heart of my husband. Thank you for the work you are doing in his mind and heart. <BR> Praise to thy Holy name forever for thy infinite tender mercies. I sing praise to you for providing salvation and deliverance to all who dare believe through thy Only Begotten Son. Thou art the mighty God and I am such a slothful servant. Thank you for allowing me to be an instrument of thy Love in the world in my tiny way. <BR> Please bless me with more opportunities to proclaim thy word to my husband. Please help me to stay in a proper relationship with him, that I might honor him and pray for him and confess all things to him that are meet in thy sight. Continue to shed thy Spirit into this home that we might have thy peace.<P>In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

<B>7) Read Matthew 10:39 and underline it in your bible. Do You trust god enough to answer His call to lay dyour life in prayer for your husband?</B> YES, because the Lord promised to take care of our every need. Lord I praise you in the highest for caring for me. All my thanks are for You. I trust in You Lord for my needs, my wants, my desires. My faith is in YOu, help me Lord to be a more faithful servant. IJN AMEN<P><B>8) Read Matthew 12:25 and underline it in your bible. Is there any issue over which you and your husband are seriously divided</B> Yes, his drinking, staying out late with his beer drinking friends, his adultery, his lack of remorse.<BR><B>How do you feel about it?</B> I feel extremely hurt by his behavior, yet I know it is the enemy using my husband to attack me.

5) Read Joel 2:25 and underline it in your Bible. What things do you see depleting life out of your marriage?<P>Interpretation of scripture-<BR>understanding/misunderstanding of what submission means, God's meaning regarding roles, responsibilities, what a leader looks like.<P>[b]What does God promise He will do when things have been eaten away from our lives?<P>He promises to restore what has been eaten, but I have to be honest and say that at this point, it may just be part of my reward in heaven rather than here on earth. <P>6) Do you believe in God's ability to heal wounds? <P>Yes, but one must be willing to allow God to heal them.<P>To renew love in your heart? <P>Yes...going to take making that mustard seed of faith to grow today though.<P>To restore your marriage to all it should be? Why or why not?<P>He is able but we have to be willing. My husband's picture of what it should be is nothing like my picture. It will have to be a great miracle I am thinking at this point. <P>7) Read Matthew 10:39 and underline it in your bible. Do You trust God enough to answer His call to lay your life in prayer for your husband?<P>YES-I guess I am realizing that maybe this marriage was more for my growth. I have leaned on the Father so much of my life while alone and was surprised at how much more I have to lean on Him now. The grief that I experience in not having a marriage that is one in Him hurts so much.<P>8) Read Matthew 12:25 and underline it in your bible. Is there any issue over which you and your husband are seriously divided <P>Yes, nudism as a lifestyle rather than Christ as a lifestyle.<P>How do you feel about it? <P>Crushed, beaten, persecuted by the one who was supposed to be my protector, provider and best friend.<P>Father, I am emotionally spent with this marriage. If I didn't have You to lean on, I know I would be off on a mountain somewhere by myself. I need to love as You love and let You produce the outcome, but Father, the battle here is so large. Nothing is too big for You and You already know the outcome and You already have the victory. <P>Help me to keep Your vision at the forefront, pour Your wisdom into my heart and give me Your insight into how to honor and to respect. Keep me focused and bind all attempts to pull me down the side roads. Let me shine in Your light that I may be an example of Your love. <P>I want my life to be for Your glory Father. Mold me as You will, IJN, Amen.

SueB<BR>I know exactly how you feel <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The grief that I experience in not having a marriage that is one in Him hurts so much<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>The Lord knows this is my heart's desire, and He knows its yours too. We've got to cling to faith in Him that He will give us the desires of our heart. I'm praying for you and your H today. God bless you.<P>PS - I'm so glad you're back!<BR>

Gee....... I thought I was the only one here who had thoughts of climbing out a window and running away (Only when my husband is in the house), and I keep thinking Im better off separated and single for the rest of my life.....<P>Dear Lord, I ask that you keep each one of us softened to do your perfect will, and dear Lord give us the strenth to stand in it as we see what it is. Lord I know that you allow us to get into circumstances so that we will grow and mature in You, and we do praise you for our closeness we are achieveing in our intimacy with you Jesus in the midst of these various trials and tribulations... In Jesus Name... Amen<BR><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

I have been reading your posts and they make me feel so much better! It's nice to see people who believe that God is the answer. My husband does not know God and the more I lean towards God the more he leans away from me (h) He says he doesn't pray and that he's not a religious person. I feel like there is so much that we have together and we're just throwing it away. Please keep us in your prayers because I am really needing a miracle. I know that the Lord gives and he also takes away, I am afraid that my husband is in for some rocky times if he doesn't see the light soon. I just pray that the Lord will bless me and him and show me the right things to do. I know he holds the answers.

Heartbroken1,<BR>I can certainly relate. My husband is not saved either. Being married to an unbeliever is so hard sometimes. I have been reading a book that has really helped me. It is called Beloved Unbeliever. Have you read it? Several years ago I had a similar situation in that the closer I came to God, the more distant and angry my H became. I think he felt I was condemning him because I would "preach" at him. He didn't like that at all. I thought I was helping him see the light but actually I made things worse. In the last few years I finally got it through my thick head that I must not witness to him, rather I need to be showing him by my behavior and conversation what a Christian is, and to cut out the preaching. Its really hard sometimes though. Especially when he drinks.<BR>I'll be praying for you.<BR>

Dear Heartbroken,<BR>I've spent six years trying to exemplify Christian behavior, fruits and love. Finally last Saturday night I was able to witness to him in a heartfelt way that he was open to and accepting of. He was probably a little bit uncomfortable because he tried to switch the subject to the value of religious colleges like Notre Dame and SMU! Oh well. It is a big leap forward. He is a tough nut, but things are looking better at long last.<P>On the other hand, I can't quite bring myself to Q.12. Maybe tonight.<BR>

Okay, the books are put away temporarily and I will now attempt to get caught up.<BR>Q4<P>Father, I will praise you for you are my hope and I know you do answer my prayers. Lord, you have heard my anguish and my cries and you have dried my tears. You are Lord over my life. Thank You, Lord, I praise your holy name, for showing me you are Holy, Gracious, Loving, long suffering, comfort, light, my strength, my hope, my life... I love You Lord.<P>Q5<BR>depleting our life: infidelity, secrets, lies, withdrawl, lack of intimacy, betrayal, depression and his sense of shame.<P>God promises he will repay us.<P>Q6<BR>I do believe that only God can heal these wounds. They a gaping, festering, long enduring woulds. But I have seen God make changes in my life and my husbands that only God could have changed.<BR>I believe God had to allow my marriage's destruction in order to erect it by His design specifications.<P>Q7<BR> Yes, Lord, I do trust you enough to lay down my life in prayer for my husband and family. Lord, I will not be discouraged and I will not waver. You are God, amd I believe You have led me here. I will stand firm in You and Your hope and Your love. You are God. All things are possible with You.<P>Q8<BR>I hate that he is still in another relationship with another women (even if it seems to be waning) I hate that he looks at other women when he is with me, especially when he is not meeting my needs.<P>Q9<BR>(I did this question a month ago) Lord, I am angry that the ow is here and therefore we are cut out of celebrating his birthday. But I release it to you, Oh, Lord. I give up all right to be angry or to retaliate. I let it go to You and ask that You continue to sow seeds of discord between them. (Come to find out his birthday and that week was one of the lowest points. The depression was hitting big time, Could it be God?) <P>Q10<BR>At times after he first moved out in Sept 99, I found it very hard to pray at times for him. Now God has really been working in me to thirst to pray and to seek Him with all my heart. God has peeled away layer after layer of anger. From Jan through March especially it seemed that weekly God would cause anger to whelm up until I recognized it. Then I would say take it away Lord. He did and I would feel another layer peel from me. It was amazing. Father I pray Your best Lord, be poured out onto my husband. Call him to You oh, Lord. How marvelous are Your works. Lord God create in my h a desire for Jesus and a desire to read Your word. I pray he will pick up his Bible and read the book of John again. <P>Q11<P>Father, if I made my husband feel that he doesn't follow through, forgive me. I know I myself have trouble following through sometimes. Lord, I ask forgiveness from my h and You for the times I withdrew from confrontation or discord instead of lovingly confronting it. I didn't even give us a chance to work it through. Forgive me for the times I did not tell him or You Lord how I felt. Forgive me for the ways that I too shied away from intimacy. Lord change me. Help me to seek intimacy through trusting You. Lord, help me to risk being vulnerable because I trust You and hope in You.<P>Well, these are my answers. I have finished the first chapter. Are we going to start a new thread for the rest of the chapter. <BR>Boy this chapter sure has us examine ourselves with a microscope. But I think that is what God has had me doing for the 7-8 months that h has been out from the house.<BR>He is talking less with the ow and we are having another date this weekend. So, this is good. We had lunch together today. It was a beautiful day for a sandwich outside. He hung up on the ow when she called last night. I pray that God keeps sowing those seeds of discord between them. I pray that he will not be tempted to start talking to her. After she blows up she realizes that he can't take it so starts acting like nothing happened. She starts calling nd writing email that is chatty and full of great thoughts. Then she becomes seductive. I pray he will be able to resist it and I pray that the Lord, will wrap a hedge of thorns aroung him to protect him from her wiles. Sounds almost like she is a siren from the odyssey. They had to cover their ears so they would not be seduced. Lord, I pray Your cover his ears against her words and seductions.!

How do I get the study guide. Thank You

Hi Brown,<P>I got mine at the local Christian bookstore but it sells at Amazon.com too. Part of why we write out the questions is so for those of you who don't have it, you can participate as well. You can cut and paste the questions into a Word document and answer them and then cut and paste the whole thing back here as you are led.<P>Will get to the rest of the questions tonight, ladies. have a long day at work today. HW, you gave me a bunch to think about in your answers about forgiveness. I will pray for insight as I am working today.

Thanks I getting the questions now. I do appreciate this.

Okay, I'll start the new thread.<p>[This message has been edited by Karenna (edited May 15, 2000).]

I had better finish answering Q 9-11 before moving to the next thread....<P>Q9 Dear Father, You know that the thoughts of resentment come up constantly, I ask that you constantly and effectively keep me lifting up all the hurts and disappointments that lead to these feelings up to you, and give me the ability to truely lay them down and leave them at the foot of your cross, so that they will not become sin in my life. Also I thank you in advance that when I fail and see the anger arise in me, that you are quick to forgive me as I confess this to you. IJN Amen<P>Q 10 Some times I don't know how to pray for my husband any more, this causes me to feel like giving up taking the time to pray. I also am so disheartened because his affair has lasted 5 years plus, that I just want to give up... Dear Lord, give me an extra measure of spiritual enthusiasm to continue praying for my husband, even when my flesh is not willing.... IJN Amen<P>Q 11 Being open to how I feel is the thing I see most. Because my husband seems uninterested in the everyday things I wish to talk about, sharing anything important seems futile. I have come to the point where I write alot of things... notes or e-mail... and send them to him so I don't have to face the reaction... I guess I'm really getting to point that I feel its not going to get better very soon, so the feeling of just giving up on this marriage is another thing that I deal with. I think alot of the time, I have the hardest time figureing out how to stand my ground, not except incorrect behavior and similtaniously be nice, because my husband thinks being nice means everything is just perfect... Ugh, I get so frustrated!<P>On the other hand, My pastors sermon was on Godly sorrow vs Worldly sorrow, and it really helped me see an extreme difference between the two so that I can now look at my husband with these points in mind! Thank you Jesus for your Holy Spirit working through my pastor to bring me sound information to deal with my situation....Amen<P><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

9. "Even if you have good reason for feeling the way you do, confess these negative thoughts as sin and ask God to set you free from them."<P>Lord, here are my anger, my hurt, my disappointment. They have caused countless tears lately. I give them up as sin, feelings that I have no right to because they block me from learning of you. Let there be nothing between my husband and me that will hinder my prayers.<P>This question hit me the hardest, so I felt I needed to share it. Sometimes it feels good to indulge in self-pity. But it only blocks our ability to do the work before us. I never thought of it as sin before, after all, I'm the betrayed spouse. So I'm learning to get over that and get on with doing all that I can and learning all that I can to get us back together. AMEN, huh?<P>This chapter certainly does take more than one week!<P>Not so alone here!<P>