I know I haven't written much in the last few days. To be perfectly honest, I was feeling so discouraged and trying to find the Lord's balance in my life, that after therapy last Thursday, I had pretty much decided to move to an apt. so that the love I have for my husband would not be lost. I even looked in the paper for rentals on Friday.<P>I don't know if the Lord got my hubby's attention or if this is another one of those calm before the storm events that seems to occur in this house, but my H came home Friday night in fairly good spirits and on Saturday, he even helped me mow the lawn and clean up the yard. He cooked dinner for me Sunday night and he has been considerate. <P>We even were able to discuss some financial purchases which included price comparison and really identifying what we need verses the usual "I want and I don't care what it costs" scenario that happens here. <P>He listened to my suggestions without anger for a change and he listened to the pro and con criteria and twice made comments that such and such were not worth the extra large amount of money required. I was able to talk with him more concretely about what it was he was really looking for in a product and then encouraged him to look for those things and that if God wanted him to have it, then it would be there. We did find what he desired and found a good price for it, which when I tried to order it today, they were out of the product...as we searched further for the item elsewhere, lo and behold the Lord found an even better price for it!<P>This is so insignificant to the excitement that Rootbeer shared about David. I have shared before that if I mention the Lord or a scripture, hubby seemed to rage. I really do believe that he asked Christ into his life as a child and even his prayers have an innocence of a child, that self-centered bless me, watch over me, etc...that young children have. <P>Part of my grief I realized Thursday night is wanting my h to be the shepherd/leader and wanting to be used by God for His purpose but not wanting to further alienate my husband by serving without him or further enable his mistaken belief that women want to control the world, so even though my heart desires to do so many things, I have been waiting to see what God would do. <P>Taking courage from Rootbeer in sharing the word in spite of my husband and telling him of things that I heard from a sermon or read from Scripture or even how God is working in the lives of some here, I have prayed for boldness and for him to receive the info with a right spirit. At first when I shared some of the forum, he was grouchy and not really listening, but each day as I share the triumphs of what we have been praying about and how God is touching lives and healing relationships, I see him being more responsive.<P>I think we are in limbo now and I am not sure which direction to go except to keep on this path until the Lord tells me otherwise. He is my hope and my song, my joy in the morning, my laughter throughout the day. I know I have to pray for my husband's mind and emotions daily and as HW says, the Lord is to be praised always!<P>Thanks for your prayers. I know they are covering us. Write more later.

Congratulations on the breakthroughs, SueB!! I knew that not hearing from you meant that a lot was going on internally. Baby steps. Any steps are great. I thank God for your blessings. <P>We are also waiting on the baby steps for my H. Just enough to keep me from losing hope. Being willing to step aside and wait for him is very empowering. Just think of it as Plan B in the wings. Negotiations are not fair unless you have a position of strength.<P>If your H is still praying to the Father at all then he is a believer after all. Nevertheless, rebellion and sin can drive the light of Christ so far underground that one can be virtually destroyed by the enemy. If God will save the soul, then it won't be in this life, but only in eternity.<P>Just keep on praying, Sue. Satan desires you to give up. Whatever you do, keep the faith!!<P>Love,<P>Karenna<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Sue, that is terrific. I know it feels so good when they respond. Praise the Lord, it seems that each week there are break throughs that help to encourage the ones who don't experience any that week. God is soooo good. Praise Him from the highest mountain and the lowest of Valleys.<P>Well, here we go again. The ow is coming to town. She knows that h and I have been seeing each other. So from a week ago he hung up on her to Sunday evening I had an inkling he was being vague with me and low and behold she is coming. I said how do you go from Wed evening hanging up on her to Sunday she is coming next weekend. I had called him to thank him for the mother's day card that said 'to my wife' on the front and 'I love you' as part of the card message and he signed love, J---. Heck he stayed over with me Saturday night.!! I sort of feel like a fool. He said they talked and it was her idea to come out. I said and you couldn't say no. He said he tried to call me 5 times today. I was here most of the day so I guess I was on the computer. He was over to see our daughter. He usually comes on Mondays and Wed's at least. But at least he is still calling me. I don't know what to think, except I know God will use this for His purposes and His glory. Again, I've had to face the fact that they may just need to see one another so they can see that it is not right. It is in God's hands. <BR>Of course I would love it if he told her not to come. He says he wants to talk to her about her blowing up. You know the other day after he was so mad at her I know we have been at this juncture before. After she blows up at him and he can't handle it and pulls away. Then she gets all "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I really love you" and then she gets all seductive. I have been praying that he can resist the 'siren song'. It really sounds like that. He will still see our daughter on Sat at least. I'm thinking I may just go out anyways Sat night. The other thing that bothers me is it is the last weekend before the older daughter comes home for the summer. It will be so much harder to see each other once she comes home. Oh, well.<BR>So, I have had a rough day. But not so much for the above situation but because I feel an impediment on my relationship with God. <BR>I think what has happened is during finals I just didn't spend the quality time with my Lord, and since then I am so distracted each time I sit down and try to do it. satan is whispering all sorts of things in my ear. <BR>So my prayer is that I can praise the Lord until I can feel his presence again and draw closer to Him. I will get through this. I renounce satan and his agents that attempt to fill us with doubts and lies. <BR>Pray that God increase his guilt and make him uncomfortable. I pray she finds out just how much we have been seeing each other and blow a cork in his presence. I pray that the ow is confounded and exposed. I pray that God continue to sow seeds of discord between them. I pray they have a horrible weekend/week. I pray she doesn't stay long or as long as planned. I pray that he realize that he has real feelings for me. And most of all and firstly, I pray that God can get through to my husband. I pray he picks up the Bible this week and reads the book of John, I pray that the Lord, speak to him while he walks, rides the subway and even while he sleeps. I praise the Lord, for the answer to these prayers. He is still in charge!!! Thanks for praying with me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Since I posted the update on my praise report thread, I won't go into detail here. H is on his way to CA for the first leg of his "tour of duty". I am lonesome already. H went to church with me last Sunday, of his own choice! Seemed to be listening to and liking the service. Our pastor is a pretty funny guy sometimes, but can really evangelize. The seeds have been sown, pray that I will wait upon the Lord with trust and expectation while He grows the seed. <BR>H announced he is trying to quit drinking during the week. <P>Prayer request: I need to pray that 3 word prayer more "Change ME Lord". Please pray that the Lord continues to mold me into the kind of mature Christian wife and mother that He wants me to be, help me to keep my eyes and heart securely focused upon Him during this trial and always, help me to completely trust the Lord that He is working all things out for the good, pray for Holy Spirit filled Christians to be placed in H's path at every turn, praise God for all the wonderful things He is doing in our lives and H's life, pray the the Lord continues to soften H's heart, and gives H a deep, abiding love for me, his wife. <P>

Wow, I am happy for you SueB... To sit down and actually have a discussion where your voice in the matter is acknowledged sounds great to me! A step toward unity in my thinking is a good thing...<P>Karenna, How are you doing? Is your energy level going away??? I am glad that you have stayed with us, your input is wonderful...<P>hw... been there sooo many times... H and OW fight, we start building, OW makes noises, H looses focus, BLAM they are seeing each other again.... My H was/is too weak to cut the cord, but from my side it looks like the OW has severed the cord except to talk about the OC when my H calls.. So it may be the OW that eventually gets sick of non-commitment and ends it... took about 2 years after my discovery for this to happen, so keep praying that wedge of discord!<P>AW.. Oh what a blessing to have your husband sit next to you at church on Mothers Day!!!!<BR>Hang in there during this time apart... I have you added to my icq, your authirized now... Anytime you see me on, we can chat... Being alone isn't bad during the busy day, but can be tough at night...<P>As for me <big raspberry> H is doing nothing and expecting everything as always.. How can you be happy piddling your life away on a computer??? I am going to be praying for God to take over while I plan B I think... I don't have much desire left in my for my hubby at this time... I will just keep praying that God and I grow in our relationship together and leave everything else from my mind for a time.. With kids home soon for summer break, my job taking alot of my day, and my house and everything in my life breaking down, I don't need my husbands mess on top of it all!!!!<P>My prayer would be that God goes ahead of me and brings me what I need to fix everything around here or replace them... That my focus stays on my Father and provider, and that I can leave my husband in his care and not "Check-in" to see whats up... That the OW/OC would start going to church with the elderly couple ow rents from..... That my energy level would increase to do all that is necessary this time of year...<P>My pastor made a comment (they had a few single moms over on Mothers Day and the pastor BBQ'd for us) that at least I have some wonderful girls out of this mess... I think he sees in me that I am giving up, and he is in agreement that it looks like H will never change as long as there is an inabler out there willing to 'take care' of H... If I filed for a divorse at this time I think my pastor would support my decision based on the fact of the 5 year affair, and also my husbands lack of taking care of his family.. This makes me sad, but it also took a big load off of my back when He told me that because of the circumstances even though God doesn't like divorse the scriptures do clearly give me a way out... Boy is it freeing to just know that all I have to do is pray, and the fixer in me can go to sleep!!! I am tired of it all...<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

You already know my update, and the Lord has moved us into the season of harvest. Thank you Lord, you are so awesome.<P>My prayer request is for my little family, my husband - my son, Lord, please bring my husband to an understanding of your mercy and love, and for my son, that you would guide his life, and bring him into a complete understanding of your love and character, that he may be used as a tool for your kingdom. Guard my family from all harm, put a hedge of protection around us, By the blood of Jesus and in His precious name. <P>Increase the faith of our posters on this board, Lord, that they can please you through their trust. Father, I give you all the glory and honor and praise, In Jesus Holy Name. Holy Spirit, dwell within and upon me that I may be a light to radiate the Kingdom of God to those in darkness, and support and encourage those that are your children. In Jesus Name, Amen.<p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited May 16, 2000).]

Please pray that my H will not follow through with his palns of calling a realtor and filing for a divorce.....<BR>Dear Heavenly Father...... <BR>I pray that you destroy that relathinship my H is in..., destroy that sexual desire that they have for one another... I pray taht you remind him of his promise he made before you to love me forrever... trouble his heart with guilt and shame for what he is doing... Instruct him even as he is sleeping.... Lord cahnge me so that my H will see me in a different light... Lift that Fog that surrounds him and get the enemy out of this family...our marriage....You know my heart Lord and you know that I would do everything in my power to be a perfect wife to my H... He would never regret recommittting to this marriage for as long as he lives..you also know that I would never throw this up in his face...I would let the past be the past and work very hard on our future together...I know that this is on your time... but what I am asking you to do is speed up this process... PLEASE so the hurt and pain can come to an end in this family... for our children, mothers, siblings and friends that ae greiving with me for this loss... Lord PLEASE ... I do not want to leave a Legacy of divorce for my children...IJN....Amen....<BR>

Report from the missing Lor <P>Still separated. We've set up visitation with the girls spending the night at Guard's house. My 14 year old is much better with her dad, and he's trying so hard with her. The 12 year old is so much easier, so far. We're discussing Guard moving home. Both scared. (yes TNT, I know the verse). We've gone twice to our Christian counselor--tough stuff. I have to let all the pain go. So does Guard. My bringing up his past actions just makes him feel like a failure, thus I do not meet his need for admiration. Even when I try to contrast a "good" day and explain why...I tend to bring up crap and then Guard wants to bolt. But, at least we have recognized some patterns of really bad communication and the counselor is helping. Of course, my top needs are conversation , companionship, quality time, affection. All which are hard for Guard to meet while we are separated, but he's trying.<P>I struggle with my hatred of the OW and struggle with my attraction and yen to call the OM. I think part of that is just to escape the pain of feeling like I have no one. I know that is the Enemy's deception because God is with me always.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

I am SO GLAd to hear from you Lor! Been wondering how you were doing and praying for things to go HIS way for the two of you.<P>

Hi Lor! Thanks for the update. I have been wondering about you. That's great that you are both going to a Christian counselor. I can sure understand how hard it is to not bring up the past infidelity. I have to remind myself continually to "Shut Up and Pray". <P>Thank You Lord for our dear sister Lor. We praise You in the highest for guiding them during the restoration of their marriage. Lord, please pour out Your blessings upon Lor and Guard as they work out the details. Help Lor to forgive Guard the way you have, never looking back. I pray Lord that You will soften Lor and Guard's hearts towards each other, filling each with a deep love for each other that only You can provide. Our faith and hope is totally in You Lord. Thank You Father for that faith. In Jesus name I pray AMEN