Well, last night I uncorked. I really came unglued. I told W that I feel so betrayed. So used. The one true thing that I have held do dear to my heart, is now gone. I will never find it. I will never get it back. I am so angry right now. I am so hurt. I thought that the hurt was over. But once again, I am wrong!!! I don't know what else to do. I am tired of hanging on. I am tired of trying to work at this. I am just so numb at this point. W is so unhappy!!! I told her late last night that every thing was over. She had not much to say. She said that she loved me. She said that she hurts to, but how can I know that she really hurts. I mean, she has already lied to me, what's one more lie. It seems she is already good at it. Someone told me that it is easer the second time around to do this horrable thing. I don't know. Is it? Is it really because you know what not to tell or do or show signs the next time around? I don't know if I feel 'love' anymore. Does it just leave overnight? Or does it take time? W is so scared. I am trying to decide what to tell her. It's over and move on with our lives seperatly or do I keep working at it. Something will not let me leave here. Is it my two childeren? One 10 and the other 3. No more drugs. No more medicine. I feel that your body should heal naturaly. What do ya'll think? How much longer will I have to endure this pain? How much longer will I have to live in this pressure vessel of life? Folks tell me to look to God, he will help. Well, not to offend anyone, but, where was He three months ago? Where is he now? Why does He let this pain keep coming? I don't know. I am starting to believe that there is no one out there that really is going to help. No one or nothing. Does anyone know where you go from here?<P>------------------<BR>DP

D1P -- First of all, you need to calm down. I eralize that is easier said than done, but making decisions rashly, or in the heat of the moment will never get you the results you want.<P>Next, what was the blow up over? Was it something specific, or just everything bulit up? <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't know if I feel 'love' anymore. Does it just leave overnight? Or does it take time?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This is really a difficult question, because you are the only one who can really answer it. For many people here, the feeling of "love" has taken quite a while to come back. The ability to trust can also take a long time. I guess it's kind of a side effect of infidelity.<P>You are still pretty close to the beginning in all of this, and unfortunately, it does take time to heal.<P>God Bless

Hi, DP. We all come unglued sometimes. We all get angry. The hurt is absolutely unbearable at times.<P>Did you get any sleep last night? I know you'll dismiss this immediately, but if you're getting more depressed, meds are NOT a bad idea. There's nothing wrong w/ taking the edge off while your body and heart try to heal itself. No different than antibiotics for severe infection, or anesthesia for surgery. Sometimes, we just need a little help for a little while. Reconsider.<P>You DO realize that your wife IS hurting, don't you? I mean, even through your anger, you've read enough here to know that she is suffering too. And has the added guilt to boot. So don't dismiss that. It's hard for either of you to help each other through this when you both have such pain to deal with.<P>Yes, she lied to you. And, yes, she may again. But.....does she WANT to make your marriage better? Does she WANT to stay with you? If the answer is yes, then, unfortunately, you've got a big hard job ahead of you.<P>She can't take away the pain she put you through. She can't undo the past. But, you both can learn from it. Easier the second time? Maybe, in some cases. But not all, I don't believe, not all. For many this is a wake up call. The chance to start life anew as the people they really want to be. And that doesn't include more lies.<P>This pain you're going through is miserable. Unlike any I have ever imagined in my life. But you can do this - if you want to. But, DP, the pain of what's happened is gonna be there whether you leave or not. If you stay, if you choose to build the marriage you've always wanted, you get to work through this pain with someone who wants to help you. You get to stay with your children. You get to build a great future with the woman you obviously love a great deal. 'Cause if you didn't, it wouldn't hurt so bad.<P>God is here. I believe it anyway. And I get upset sometimes that this has happened in my life. That bad things happen to good people. But, we are human. We have free will. That's a wonderful gift from God. Sadly, that means we're allowed to make mistakes. But it also means we're allowed to grow and learn. And that's a good thing.<P>We're here if you need us. The choice you have to make now IS hard. The pain you feel IS horrible. I share it with you. So yell, cry, scream - to us, ok? And give yourself some time to rest before you make any decision that will affect you, your wife and those wonderful kids forever.<P>Hang in there.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{DP}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

D1P,<P>So sorry that you are having such a terrible time right now. We have all experienced the depths of despair that you are feeling right now. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{D1P}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>As far as deciding what you should do - is it over or not? Well, you are fairly down-trodden right now, and at a pretty low emotional state. I think it is OK to make that decision, bu then you need to spend the next weeks or even months thinking about that decision, the outcomes EITHER WAY - staying or going. Keep this to yourself right now. Are you just trying to escape the unbearable pain you are experiencing right now? Is your marriage really over and has no hope of restoration? Will you really be happier D from your wife and kids?<P>I do not know the answers to these questions - only you do. But, I think it takes time to really, honestly assess your situation, the potential for recovery and honestly look at your life with the marriage and with the divorce.<P>Please give yourself some more time here. This healing process is long, long, long. And, you will still have to go through so much of this healing evenif you do decide to get a D.<P>Thinking of you.....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi Dip,<P>no answers for you, but I know exactly how you feel.<BR>I actually said to my H at one stage<BR>"hmmm...lips are moving, you must be lying again.."<P>Never in a million years did I think I would ever say something like that to my H.<P>He now lives 1000 kms away from me, still works with OW, has made no move to discuss reconciliation, or even talk about what happened, what went wrong etc.<P>Like you, the hurt, the betrayal, the anger, the feeling of "how can you EVER get that love back" are all there for me.<P>I've been in Plan B for about 2 weeks now (fell off the plan B wagon 3 times) but now am sticking to it really well.<BR>It's been a sanity saver for me.<P>Our situation, and many others here, are so much harder because of the children involved. It is my firm belief that they must be protected from all this, they need to know that they are loved, that they are not the reason for what is happening, and that it is ok for them to love BOTH parents.<P>I have also managed to stay away from medication, and the bottle. (although I did a good job on myself Sat.. Oh, my poor head, even 2 days later!!!) I feel as you do, although if it ever gets too much for me, and myself and/or my children are in danger of being damaged, I have no hesitation in asking for medication.<P>I also have the same questions of God. I don't know if you've read any of my other posts, but my faith in God went. Just went.<BR>I have always been very spiritual, and believed with all my heart. Didn't go to church every week, but prayed every night.<BR>Until last week, I didn't pray, couldn't even begin to think of what to say. I had so many questions, how could he let me down like this. I try to live my life right, don't go round beating up little old ladies, if someone gives me too much change in the shop I return it etc etc etc. I'm not an angel, and don't presume to give myself such graces, however, I think I do the right thing. You're right, where was he when our spouses did this.<BR>Don't we deserve better than this.<P>I'm sorry I'm so negative, but I just can't see my situation ever working out, except in the divorce court.<P>Just wanted you to know that there is someone else out there who has the same questions, and the same feelings of grief.<P>Take care, and believe that everything will work out, in some way. The answer sure is not staring us in the face at the moment, but it will soon enough.<P>Jo<BR>'<BR>

D1P,<BR> OK LISTEN carefully. I was where you are 8 months ago. My W begged me to stop talking about it and felt so guilty she wanted to commit suicide. She tried and tried. I JUST couldn't let it go!! It HURT AND HURT!! Finally, she gave up and started seeing OM again. I said some CRUEL things. I hurt her SOOOO bad. <BR> When I found out she was seeing OM again. I THREW her out, changed the locks and told her to change her name. <BR> She now lives with OM. She won't come home no matter WHAT I do.<BR> I think she figures she is "Branded" anyway so she may as well "see what's there" with OM.<BR> I can't "love" her back. She's afraid I'll keep throwing it up to her.<BR> FORGIVE HER. HOW? Come to realize what part YOU played in this!!! I'm not saying there is ANY excuse for this. BELEIVE me. But sometimes God "allows" this because it makes the betrayer realize what HE/SHE did to close their SP's spirit. <BR> Good things:<BR> SHE LOVES YOU<BR>SHE IS HURTING ABOUT IT (Guilt)<BR>SHE WANTS HER MARRIAGE<BR>YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN (when it gets tough look at them)<BR>SHE HAS STOPPED CONTACT.<BR> There is a lot there.<BR> <BR> I want to answer your question:<BR>"The one true thing that I have held do dear to my heart, is now gone. I will never find it. I will never get it back"<BR> YES, YOU WILL. It will come with work (with NO PRIDE) OR........<BR>It will you will be OVERWELMED with love for her THE DAY YOU DRIVE HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE WITH GUILT.<BR> I felt JUST like you. I wasn't as lucky as you because I found this site a little late.<BR> Hold her, LOVE her. You guys can get through this. What you can't handle give to GOD. <BR> BUT PLEASE FORGIVE her. She is human. And satan was STRONGER than her. You made her weak somehow. Help her to be strong. GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK <BR> <P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Thank you all so very, very much. I really enjoyed reading all of your responses. You don't know how much this site helps in times like this. Lostva, your's was the most enjoyable that I read. You sure do know how to put things into words. Me, well, I just know how to write my feelings down and get out the hurt and anger. I will keep reading and posting. I know I don't answer alot of these postings, but I do read alot of them. It showes me that there are other people out there going thru the same thing that I am.<P>------------------<BR>DP

D1P, When you start feeling the need to vent, come here and do it. We can handle it... That's part of what we're here for (the other part is US venting ).<P>Don't vent at your wife, come here and type your feelings as you have done above. It'll help.<P>Some of us wish we had the opportunities that are before you right now ... it might not seem that way now, but you are fortunate. You'll see it as you begin to feel better.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P>