Weeping....I went to see a pastor for the first time today and told him of my story with husband leaving me and filing for divorce and I Don't want the divorce. Our relationship has a lot of issues and right now he is lying to himself and about me to other friends and family. I have very few friends and all out of town and I call them everyday. You see my h is in love with the other women and He is blaming me for all his problems and I am love busting like there is no tomorrow and I don't want to be that way but it come out of no where at times. I thought I had friends and I felt betrayed by them and hurt that they are siding with my husband. Does it mean I am that bad??? for them to side to my h. He is saying that I caused him to do what he is doing but I know alot of it is not true. I am hurting so bad and have been praying so hard but I feel I am not being listened to... Weeping. gotta go!

NavyBlue, <P>I am so sorry! (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))<BR>We will be praying for you tonight! <P>Love, <P>Karenna

Navyblue,<BR>no matter what issues you and your h have and no matter what prat is yours, you did not make your husband find another women. He did this all by himself, but it sure absolves him of all guilt and puts it all on you. Don't buy into it and tell him that no matter what you didn't make him find another women it was his coping out. He is married to you and his obligation is to you. God says Love, honor, and sherish each other as a command not if you feel like it. So, no matter what you caused nothing. Now, that said and done, what are you willing to do to try to win him back?<BR>Give it to God, Ask God to change you and show you what you need to do and pray, pray and pray.. We are doing the Bible study "The Power of a Prayinf Wife" get the books if you can book, and study guide, and join us. Evenb if you can't join us it will help you to focus your prayes on your husband and yourself. Another eye opening book on prayer is called "Lord, change me." by Evelyn Christainson. <BR>We all know where you are at here. And we will include you in our prayers.<P>Father, <BR>we lift up navyblue to you and ask you to show her your grace and love during these trials. Lord, help her to know you and seek you with all her heart. Help her to know what you want her to do. Give her peace and comfort and real friends who are willing to stand with her and help her to know You and Your truth. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Thank you for responding...It is sooo hard and I just hope some one is listening.

God is listening. But we don't always get immediate responses. He has to get all the players and the situations where He wants them to be. And that might be you too. <BR>For me I know this trial has been about getting me to seek God with all my heart, and to put Him first, and to rely on Him for all my needs. And He has been there and He has fulfilled all my needs even my emotional needs. It is an incredible journey that is not easy but I know I am not alone, and I know that God's greatest desire is to bring my husband and myself back together again, and I do see movement in that direction. Pray, pray and pray. These things do not change over night, but they can change.

Navy,<BR>The thing about friends is that sometimes our situations scare them--quite badly. I've been in this situation for over 2 years. Some people dropped both H & I but they weren't true friends. Some turned out to be my H's friends. Some are mine. Some of H's friends have hit on me--I assume they aren't real friends of his, either. Some are angels, very carefully walking the line of loving both of us.<P>I've had friends who, thinking our marriage was fantastic, much better than theirs, upon discovering it is not are in a panic to reconnect with their spouse. Certainly I wish I had heeded my "heads up" when I noticed my H's withdrawal, but he said it was his work, his mom's health...<P>Anyway, cling to those friends who are there for you. If your pastor is good support, use him, or find a counselor. None of us can do this by ourselves. Of course, none of us are by ourselves, we have God. Pray for someone to be your prayer partner, someone who will commit to praying for you each and everyday and that you can call when you can't get yourself off the floor.<P>One other thing, lovebusting...is NOT exhibiting the fruits of the spirit: kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, love. LB is anger, pain, hate masked in the MB terms of Thoughtless Actions, Angry Outbursts, Judgements, Selfish decisions.<P>Not lovebusting is just another name for What Would Jesus Do.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Navy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Welcome navyblue,<P>Glad you found this site. This is the best thing for you right now, and turning to God is helping although it may not feel like it is yet. Something positive is bound to come out of your pain, so don't give up.<P>Love busting - yeah, I can do that too. My H and I are in counseling (he is dragging himself in but at least his body is there) and yesterday I got a real insight (saw the counselor alone). This is what he said:<P>Hostility + aggression = oppression<P>and it was such a simple formula, but when I tried to remember it later to help I couldn't. So I called and left him a message, he called back with it. My anger and my wanting to hit back emotionally makes him pull away, become quiet, and although his body is there his spirit is a million miles away. I'm hurt, he is emotionally involved with an OW and I don't think I can ever recover my place in his heart, and I get so frustrated by his coldness that I will do anything to get a reaction, even if it is anger at me. It is better than cold indifference.<P>But the anger and love busting doesn't get me what I ultimately want: reconciliation, back in love, close and intimate. <P>It's hard to stop yourself, do I know it!<P>I'm not clear on one thing: In what way are your friends siding with your husband? <P>Please don't lose hope or faith. And prayer is helpful, it really is.<P>

Bellevue (& Navy)<BR>Your formula reminded me of an emotional progression that my counselor outlined:<P>hurt -> unforgiveness -> anger -> bitterness -> depression -> despair -> death<P>We can't necessarily stop the hurt, but we can forgive (for us, if not for our spouse) to stop the process from anger to eventual emotional/spiritual, if not physical, death. <P>Everytime I talk about how angry I feel, my counselor asks, "and how are you doing with forgiveness?" Because I am angry in the way that I am, he knows I am also struggling with unforgiveness. Even though I think I am forgiving, there are so many things that are lurking unbeknownst me and pop out as a LB...<P>Just a thought<BR>

<BR>hurt -> unforgiveness -> anger -> bitterness -> depression -> despair -> death<P>We can't necessarily stop the hurt, but we can forgive (for us, if not for our spouse) to stop the process from anger to eventual emotional/spiritual, if not physical, death. <P>Everytime I talk about how angry I feel, my counselor asks, "and how are you doing with forgiveness?" Because I am angry in the way that I am, he knows I am also struggling with unforgiveness. Even though I think I am forgiving, there are so many things that are lurking unbeknownst me and pop out as a LB...<P>Dear Lor, Interesting progression. Simple and true. Sometimes too many words cloud the issue. <P>For me the Hostility + Agression + Oppression formula was like a profound math equation. Math is my weakest area, but since so much truth came out last summer, I've been desperately seeking one truth to make things right. I turned to God, finally, because He is the ultimate source of truth and good. But I also needed something simple,<BR>

"hurt -> unforgiveness -> anger -> bitterness -> depression -> despair -> death<P>We can't necessarily stop the hurt, but we can forgive (for us, if not for our spouse) to stop the process from anger to eventual emotional/spiritual, if not physical, death. <P>Everytime I talk about how angry I feel, my counselor asks, "and how are you doing with forgiveness?" Because I am angry in the way that I am, he knows I am also struggling with unforgiveness. Even though I think I am forgiving, there are so many things that are lurking unbeknownst me and pop out as a LB..."<P>Dear Lor, Interesting progression. Simple and true. Sometimes too many words cloud the issue. <P>For me the Hostility + Agression + Oppression formula was like a profound math equation. Math is my weakest area, but since so much truth came out last summer, I've been desperately seeking one truth to make things right. I turned to God, finally, because He is the ultimate source of truth and good. But I also needed something simple and absolute, with only one true answer therefore MATH. So I understood the fascination some people develop a love for that discipline.<P>I am not forgiving, it is a horrible quality. I know this, and I want a complete apology and acknowedgement of all that he did, before I'm willing to forgive. Would anyone ever do that? It would kill his spirit and his pride. I Hate that hard quality in myself, why would anyone want such a hard, unforgiving person?

I appreciate all of you responding and I will do my hardest . I am going counseling this afternoon and I called my H just to tell him I loved him. He was busy with lunch and with friends that are on his side. Some of them are my friends too. It hurts sooo bad. I just want to work things out but he is in love with ow and even proposed to her. It has been only 2 months since I found out. I feel he is going through a mid life crisis. Please keep talking to me because I feel so alone right now. Thanks.

Hi navyblue, welcome to the Bible Study. I'm sorry you are having to go through this trial. You will find lots of encouraging words here, and lots of prayers. I wish there was something I could say to take your heartache away. I'm kind of down right now, but I will pray for you. Please know that you are always welcome here to post and pray, or ask for prayers. We all support and encourage each other as much as we can.<P>Dear Lord, I thank You for the love You have for navyblue and her family. Father, we praise Your holy name to the highest, for none shall ever come before You. You are worthy of all praise and honor, we are not. Thank You for loving, caring for, and protecting us each and every day. I pray that you will reach down to navyblue and touch her, Lord, giving her Your peace, Your understanding, and Your wisdom. Help her Father to get through each day, fill her heart back up with joy in You. Lord, I pray that You will loose the spirit of calmness, kindness and meekness in navyblue. Show her Lord the way to control her emotions, giving them all to You to handle. Please send the Holy Spirit to her, enveloping her, protecting her from the attacks of the enemy. Please place a hedge of thorns so thick it cannot be penetrated by the enemy around her. Help her Father to turn it all over to You at the foot of the cross. You are our savior, our redeemer, our true love. Thank You Lord for all you do for us, we can never find a way to show the deep gratitude we have. I sing Your praises today and every day. IJN AMEN

Dear navyblue,<P>You are grieving, and the mid-life crisis thing is pretty common. Maybe he'll get over it. By the way, there is a mid-life crisis on the internet - use your search engine and you'll find it. But by far, coming here is the most positive thing I can do on the computer (besides writing like a fiend and venting in a journal). <P>He proposed marriage to the OW? When did he become an eligible bachelor? (LOL)

Went counseling nd had a tough session. Counselor said to et ready to rebuild my life after marriage and I am starting to face reality that he may not come back. He is in love with ow and plans on going away with her and it is killing me that he is not being sensitive to my feelings. he is blaming and telling lies about me that is not even true. And I won't stoop that low to defend my self to others. OH, Please Lord put salvation and protction on my husband's heart and mind that he will come to realization that it takes two to tango but at the present time he is happy and being fullfilled by the ow. I am trying to be strong for my 2 kids and should I give up or keepon trying. Please guide me.

First, don't give up navyblue! It doesn't sound like your counselor agrees with biblical principles, so I would get a different counselor. I am reading a good book, "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage". I got it from <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> (they have several encouraging testimonies on their site). Please, if you have time, take a few minutes to search through the forum on praise reports. It will lift you up and give you encouragement to go on with your stand. Your marriage is worth it! Remember, God hates divorce, He will sustain you and guide you.<P>Navyblue, last year my H and I were separated, he <B>hated</B> me, wanted a divorce, told everyone there was absolutely no chance for us because he did not want anything to do with me. He had been having an affair for 8 mos. when we separated, although I didn't know for sure what was going on. After two months of separation, he "all of a sudden" wanted to come home and work things out. He cannot say why he wanted to come home, he says "I don't know why". I know why, the Lord changed his heart and told him to go home! <P>Yes, he is still an unbeliever and an alcoholic, however there is hope. And that hope comes from Jesus. Cling tightly to the hem of His garment, navyblue. For with God, all things are possible. The Lord can change your husband's heart in an instant. Focus on your relationship with the Lord, look to Him for everything, and above all give Him all your heart and constant praises. <P>Father, I praise You for working in navyblue's husband's life. Lord, we know that You are orchestrating the restoration of her marriage behind the scenes, even though there is no outward evidence of his changed heart. We place all our trust in You Father, because we know that the restoration will be perfect because it was all done by You. All the glory for this restored marriage is Yours Lord. We owe everything to You, for You are our Redeemer, our Savior. Thank You Lord for being right there every time we cry out to You. Thank You Father for changing navyblue's husband's heart. We praise You Lord for removing the OW from his life, and his heart. We stand on your Word Father, that you hate divorce, and wish none to perish but for all to come to redemption. Lord, I pray that navyblue's husband is so overwhelmingly convicted of his sins that he can no longer turn his face and heart away from You. Lord, I pray that he is brought to his knees in repentance, his heart is opened to receive You as his Savior. Thank You Lord, for giving navyblue peace in her heart, and comforting her. I pray that you will give her a glimpse of Your will for her marriage, help her Father to change her will to Your will. Lord, I pray that You will show navyblue what she needs to do, the changes she needs to make in her life that will cause her to be the wife and woman that You want her to be. Thank You Lord for working a miracle in her life! IJN I pray, AMEN

Navyblue,<BR>I have been their done that, but God is listening. I have found the most wonderful prays from the ladies here. I have been truly blessed by finding this site. I have been told the same things by my husband. Now when his girlfriend can't find him, she's calling our home to see if I answer. My husband does not live with me at this time he lives with his girlfriend and in God's time my husband will be home with his family. Your in my Prayers. Hugs to you.

My h decided he wants to go counseling on his own without me . My lawyer has requested that he goes with me . I am scared because he lies and says that he needed to tell his side of the story and I just hope it come out fairly. So please pray for my husband that he will tell truth and salvation for my counselor that she will see through him and put protection on both of them. Give me the strength to feel secure enough to trust that the counseling will go well.

Still praying with you nb! Will you be going to the same counselor separately?

Husband will go to the same counselor. Just talked to him and told him that whatever he has to say would be in my face and in front of the counselor. I told him that he is distorting truth about us and he denied it and I talked to him and told him that I love him and I asked if he still cared about me and he said yes but not like he used to and he is not in love with me but he does love me differently. With that he says that I can't expect to undo all the things I have done tohim. I replied that I have been knocking my brains out to figure out what I truly had done to him and If I did anything it is usually in defense or a reaction to what he has said to me. He added that when He is ready, He will sit down with me and tell me why he is leaving me for good. And I was not to push him. I guess Ibetter back off and hope for the best. It is killing me and He also said he be over this weekend to clean out his office (it's a huge mess) And I volunteer to be out of the house and he said that I didn't have to do that. I asked for a hug and he gave me one but no kiss.... I miss him soooo bad. Will he come around??

Let's not worry too much about his choices moment to moment right now. You have a lot of work to do on yourself. Have you gotten the books yet? Chapter 1 is the key. Pray for the Lord to <B>"CHANGE ME!"</B> and perfect your Plan A.<P>Still praying for you!<P>Karenna