My ex-H seems to hate everything about me. He is the one who cheated but you would think I had done something to him. I know it is guilt but I don't think he sees it that way. Will he always feel this way toward me, even though I have done nothing to him?<P>AD

I am in the same boat. My W is mad at me cause I have changed my whole attitude. She says it is all fake and everything I say is a lie. I don't have much advise, but lets hang in there and hopefully they will see.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

It is spooky how much your ex-husband sounds like my H. I often wonder if my H is always going to act like he hates me - I wish I could see into the future.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>already divorced</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>You are not alone...<BR>(How many times have I said this?...)<P>Yes... it is guilt...<BR>No... he will not feel this way always... when though??? is the hard question!<P>Are you in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A or Plan B</A>?<P>If you need to protect your love for H... think of going to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> (Avoid <B>all</B> contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended)!<P>I'm sorry for your circumstances...<BR>I'm sorry you are hurt so!<P>Prayers for you tonight... and a lit candle too! <P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Jim,<P>Thank you so much for your prayers. We are already divorced, only four months since I found out about the affair. He ran and he's still running. I have to admit before I found this site, I did some lovebusting, too.<BR>Now we don't have much contact, only concerning the kids. I try to be nice, but he is so angry and defensive. How do you think he will feel if the affair ends? (I know it would be guessing on your part, but I would like an opinion.) Right now, he seems to hate me. In fact, he told me he wished he had never married me.<P>AD

My W has too said she hates me. I have always tod her I dont really think you hate me.<P>It wasn't until recently she said " the more I stay mad at you the easier it was to get on with my life."<P>Now we arent hateful to each other and thing are better, but we still have a long way to go.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Already Divorced,<BR> Someone that hateful can not be a very happy camper...wonder who he's really mad at? Have you read anything on the DivorceBusting Forums? There are threads written by Autumn under Hopefulness which describes how to let go and let God, how to deal with the spouse's /ex's anger etc....it's very inspiring. Go to <A HREF="http://www.Divorcebusting.com," TARGET=_blank>www.Divorcebusting.com,</A> then go to Messageboards and then to Hopefulness and then look for her threads. She wrote one under Separation 7.25 mos. that explains in detail the Mid life crisis and what to expect, specifically the anger . You don't deserve the anger he's doling out to you.......Lu

already divorced,<P>Everything your H is doing... my W is too... it is uncanny. I feel.. once he affair ends... and our spouses go through a period of withdrawal (could be long)... most of the anger towards us will disipate.<P>I have to agree with Lu...<P>I don't think our spouses are completely angry at just us (a little at us... yes). It is mostly guilt on their part!<P>To combat that feeling... letting go and letting God... is absolutely the thing to do... otherwise we will just grow in retribution... and that works for no one.<P>My W admits to a MidLife Crisis(MLC)...<BR>How about your H?<P>I haven't tried it yet... but some time today, I think I'll try <A HREF="http://www.Divorcebusting.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.Divorcebusting.com</A> ... it couldn't hurt...<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Already Divorced- yes, this is typical, just like denying the affair. I read a saying that says in effect, that we have a tendency to hate those whom we injure. It is a way to avoid feeling guilt. Sounds like your Ex is a master at self-deception and blame-shifting. My Ex is exactly the same way. He has put the entire blame for his unhappiness and the divorce on me, but he was the one having the affair, and who walked out on our marriage and his committment.. He had two affairs, actually. One that didn't work out, and the second one that did - he is now married to her.