Ok, so I try to pray and release the bitterness and resentment and to stay compassionate.... Maybe if it was just me I could do it???<P>Today is our daughters 9th birthday and She and I had a great 'day out'.. But this is the 3rd birthday in a row that H has been with OW across the border...... You should have seen the fit she (the OW) threw when he missed their sons 1st birthday cause he was home with his family..... I won't go there..<P>Anyway, Im having a hard time today, just want lots of prayer that I don't let my feelings make me sin..... This is too hard!!<P>Somedays I wish we could just have a funeral for him so that we could mourn, heal and go on... It would probably be easier than this 6 year affair....<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy<p>[This message has been edited by used2Bcozy (edited May 30, 2000).]

Cozy,<BR>That would really hurt for him not to be there. The ow's birthday is on the same day as my daughters. This is the first year potentially it will cause a problem. But I did not think my h would skip his daughter's birthday. It means too much to him. How was your daughter, was she crushed. It is hard enough to be disappointed by our h's but even harder when it is our children that are hurt by their insensitivity. At these times I find I am more angry then expected. i have come to see that it is because all the anger I try to work through because I don't want to LB then comes out when he hurts my kids. <P>I'm feeling just about where you are today. I've only been at this 5+ years and this weekend has been very challenging. I have just about had enough. But there is apart of me that says when I want to give up the most that is when somethings change the most. So I am holding onto a thread this evening. I don't even know why. I saw him Sat some and we had a nice talk and a hug. Then he did come to see the kids today and I ended up taking a walk and running into him after he left and we walked and talked some. Found a nice bridge over the canal that we didn't know existed. It is less traveled and quaint. I think I am having a hard time because the ow is still here. This really should not threaten me, because I do believe that God will bring it to an end. In fact it seems like it is loosing steam. (but I guess not quick enough for me). He is not as enamorered with her. In fact he said he did not invite her this time and he was ready for her to leave. I said then why don't you tell her to leave. He did tell her we had two dates but she took that so poorly that he certainly didn't tell her we had been intimate again. She did say that if he wanted to date then tell her so she could too since some had expressed interest. (That is her way of making him jelous I think) But he said it did not bother him as much as it would have once upon a time. So it was a nice talk. <BR>I just feel like I want to give this all to God and I have been doing that for so long but keep taing it back or keep finding motr to give over to Him and somethibg is blocking me. I have tried and tried and I do have a lot of faith! But thoughts keep rattling around in my head. Obviously God is trying to tell me something, I'm just not entirely sure what yet.<BR>I also wonder if satan is just messing with my head. Trying to make me think I haven't given it all over to Him. I will just have to get on my knees and pray.<P>I will pray for you too.<P>Father, <BR>This is so hard, Lord. Sometimes it just seems to make more sense to give up, but then we know that is not what You want. Lord, what a great God You are. We can come before You and empty our hearts to You and say everything we need to. Lord, I think You that You are always there for us. Lord, forgive us for our doubts, being disappointed. Lord, strengthen us in You, Lord. Increase our faith and help us to see things as You do. You have won the battle. ! Praise the Lord! Help us to find rest and peace in You. Lord, touch our husbands with Your Godly conviction and grace. In Jesus name, Amen.

Cozy,<BR>Your family is in my prayers. I do understand how at times it's hard not to be resentful. Focus on Jesus, he will not leave you.

Cozy, Have you explicitly prayed for WISDOM in this? Have you asked of God what course you should take now? Are you convinced by the Holy Spirit that you should remain in Plan A and wait patiently upon H? You do not need to exercise blind faith. We all have access to answers from on High. (James 1:5)<P>I know that God answers my prayers very clearly and directly when I have such questions. He will guide you and support you in finding and following His will for your life too. I testify to you of this in Jesus' name, Amen.

I hope that your daughter is doing ok. It hurts to see your little girl feel rejected by her father. My ex-H did things like that quite often when my daughter was growing up. It still hurts her to this day what she went through as a child. And I agree it is just too hard for us to handle alone. But God will be right there and He will handle it for us.... <P>Lord, I lift up Cozy to You, asking for your peace that passes all understanding be given to her and her daughter. Help them Lord to come through this trial unscathed, with a deeper love for You. Father, give Cozy wisdom to make the right decisions, let her clearly know when You are speaking to her. Show her Lord the path that You want her to take. Help her Father to avoid sin, and keep her feelings of resentment and hurt from overwhelming her, and her daughter. Lord, please fill her heart with Your joy. Thank You Lord for this dear sister, she is a joy to us. Lord, Your unending love for us is so comforting, thank You. We worship You and give all glory and honor to YOu. IJN AMEN

Thank you all for your prayers!!<P>I am really not Plan A right now... When he called last week I told him it was too bad he wore out his welcome with his mom and grandmother, and its nice that OW was willing to let him housesit while she was away... I wasn't willing to bail him out just to be hurt again...<P>I remimded him of when we were reconciling in Jan-Feb of this year and seemed to be doing fine, he told me that I was perfect.. Affectionate, giving, not holding a grudge or acting like I didn't trust him every time he had to leave... he just wasn't happy he said.... So my conclusion is that it isn't me its him that needs to figure out whats wrong and change his life... <P>I am not really angry, Im just wondering what I really want this man in my life for anymore.... Sad isn't it.....<P>I will pray specifically for Gods wisdom, and his guidance... I definately need that!<P>Thank you for your encouragement all of you!<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

You know I can relate cozy!<P>Balances-that seems to be the hard one for me. If I concentrate on the Lord, praising Him, focusing all energy there, then I fail the hubby, because he isn't important to me and I know that isn't what the Lord wants either.<P>Sorry I haven't been posting much. I find the challenge of specifically looking and trying to verbally identify those things in readying for the Matt. 18 exchange to be highly trying and a battle in itself. Keep mentaly hearing that I can't complain about such and such because of my own logs. In some ways, I think it is the evil one trying to increase the fear.

This is from Neil T. Anderson's Tuesday, May 30 devotional, the rest of the devotional is about Satanism, but the prayer struck me as being about my MARRIAGE:<P>We must wake up to the reality that "our struggle is not against<BR>flesh and blood, but against . . . spiritual forces of<BR>wickedness" (Ephesians 6:12).<P>Mighty Lord, equip me today not just to stand my ground against<BR>the enemy but to actively reclaim in Jesus' name territory he has<BR>stolen.<P>

.....Good word Lor....<P>I guess I will just ask God to soften me to be ready for whatever His will is..... <P>I know My Father has my best interest in mind!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy