I don't even know if i can type through the tears, but I need to get this into praying hands...i don't think i can do anymore. H came home today after being gone last night. i found a hotel thing in his wallet, but it looked like a weekly rate...anyway, he showered got his things together and i had to ask if he was going somewhere..he said out. i couldnm't take anymore of that, so I had to ask him to tell me what is going on...woman, women, thinking...what is it that he's unhappy about/...I told him it is cruel to stay in this house, sleep in my bed, and not tell me that he's going..and then to tell me he wonn't be back for a day or two....knowing i'll be lying in that big bed, missing him, feeling our little girl kick, not knowing whether she'll have a daddy or not when she gets here. he wouldn't admit that it's a woman, and wouldn't say what he is unhappy with..just that he didn't want to tell me until he had time to think. I told him it hurt me that he didn't even feel enough love for me to comfort me when he saw me crying, or to even admit he was the cause of all this intense pain. Which he did admit, and before he left he did come hold me a long while as I cried.....and i couldn't help asking him what had happened to us....and telling him how much I still honestly love him. i told him how it hurt for him to treat me the way he is while I am still dutifully cooking his meals, cleaning his clothes , everything i can for him...and he can't give me enough honest information for me to make any decisions. I told him how devastated I feel that he won't talk to me so we can get past some of the hurt...he won't tell me his plans, so I don't know what to do about birth classes or delivery. He seemed upset that I might not want him at her birth. truth is i want him there more than anything to see her come into this world, but only if we reach a point where he's not hurting me so badly. We also discussed briefly the real financial matter of not being able to maintain 2 residences...and that even when our house is on the market it could take months before it sells, and then we won't get much out of it. i told him it hurts me to sell off all that we worked so hard for..that we probably wouldn't be able to afford again with rising interest rates if his problem is that he needs time for him to work through issues (not OWs) and then him come back 2or 3 months after the baby is born and he realizes he misses his family...and everything be gone. he seemed to acknowledge that as a possibility.I suggested that he might move into the guest room while we're selling..but that it would be him living there and doing his thing. I would no longer be a wife for a man who wouldn't be a husband...no cooking, cleaning, sex, packing lunches. I know I'm rambling, but my mind is spinning. <P>i feel so lost.....I pray but the pain is intense....the emptiness so huge......I cannot even describe the depth of love I feel for my H....behind God he is my heart.<P>please pray for us<BR>kim

I will pray now,<BR> Please open emptyinsides, husbands eyes, to the truth, the wrongness of his way. Oh, God, your child is hurting so, and still has strenth to reach out to you in prayer. Be her comfort now. Let her new life inside her give her joy, knowing she is not alone.<BR>In Jesus name Amen <P>Kim,<BR> My H just called and said he would be late, stopping off at a bar, I was mad, as he promised to set up tables for our yard sale tomorrow. Then I read your post, and felt bad for such self-pity. I will pray for you and your new baby everyday. Do you have family close, friends?

I am sorry to hear abut your h too...they are so inconsiderate.<BR>And I thank you for your words of support and your prayers. i have friends close by, but they have a hard time dealing with me in so much turmoil..most want to kill H, but I love him and it hurts me to hear others saying such ugly things. Family? A grandmother who fears the worst at all times, and says horrible things about H..refuses to give benefit of the doubt, and offers lots of pity which I can't tolerate. And I have a mom...severe alcoholic who has been in two bad marriages herself. She doesn't believe in 2 nd chances, or benefit of the doubt either...and not a believer in the power of God. Plus she says realy hurtful things most of the time. She resented H and I for our happiness all along anyway. And a brother in Mississippi who is doing his best to ride the line between giving H benefit of doubt, and the desire to come straight to SC and kill him. Other than that...it is the members of this board and two dogs and a cat.<P>I just have no idea what to do when H comes hme tomorrow. I don't think I can stand another confrontation. it's against my nature. I just want to fix things, and I've always been able to in the past and now I can't and I can't even think straight about what steps I need to be taking to be ready for the baby to come....and now I'm scared of the financial situation. i can't get my head clear enough to plan. in fact can't get enough info from H to know what I'm planning for...and I can't shake the feeling that he is really battling with something, and I can't even be mad at him. I watch him as he's trying to leave or talk to me about splitting up, and he seems in turmoil so my heart just goes to him which makes me cry more because I feel all the love I have for him at one intense moment...projecting it toward him with all my heart wanting to remove whatever is causing him pain or mental anguish. This is so not him.<P>so thanks, again...your support really means alot.<BR>kim

Lifting you up now!! An army of angels to surround that precious child, and even your husband as he battles the evil influences trying to tear your marriage and your faith apart. <P>In the name of JESUS I claim this marriage for God's purposes-I pray God that you will BIND satan in his pitiful effort to tear apart this family...YOUR family, Father. Send your Comforter to this wife and mother, and help her to feel your Holy presence protecting her. Reassure her the rewards that You will pour out for her faithfulness.<P>Thank you...in Jesus' name, AMEN<P><P>------------------<BR>"Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...LOVE NEVER FAILS..."-ICorinthians13:7,8

I wish I was right there so I could give you a hug, so a cyber-hug will have to do {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kim}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Dear Lord, I lift up Kim to you, asking for the peace that passes all understanding to be given to her tonight. Lord she is hurting so very much, please comfort her, and take away her pain. Father your word tells us "what God hath joined together let no man separate". I pray that anyone that is attempting to tear apart this marriage is removed permanently from Kim's husband's life. Lord, please fight this battle against the enemy for her. She needs you so much. I pray the Holy Spirit envelops her, protecting her. Lord please place a hedge of thorns around Kim's husband, protecting him from attacks of the enemy. Give him a clear mind, please guide his thoughts and actions. Fill his heart with love for his wife and only her. Lord we praise You and worship You, You are our Savior. Thank You Lord, we give all the glory to You. IJN AMEN