Before I tell you about today I must confess something- Yesterday I fell into the "self pity" mode. We went to Arik's staff Christmas party and looking at him from across the table the thoughts kept coming into my head "last year was so different, how can this man that I love so much hurt me so bad..." Now for today:<P>I woke up basiacally in the same mood I was so worried about the future "what if one day SHE calls and says she and her husband are separating. How good do things have to be going for him NOT to go". Arik came in and we had a long talk, he was very understanding of my feelings and he brought me to see that I can't look to the future with such fear. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time... it's the best I can do for now. We spent the rest of the morning together-childless(the kids spent the night at my parents). We later went to my parents house and made dinner for everybody, had desert and came home. It was just so nice being together, comfortable, relaxing just nice. I am going to try and stay out of that self pity place from now on because it really doesn't feel good and it doesn't do anybody any good. So here's to a not so good morning that turned into a good day. Ilove Arik and I want to make things work out for us - all of us. <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited November 28, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited November 28, 1999).]

PatientLove,<P>A beautiful post. Because of all that has happened so recently, you can't help but feel fragile and unsure rightnow. Of course pity will gnaw at you constantly! How wonderful though, that you were able to focus on all the things going GOOD right now, instead of all the bad things that have already happened or maybe will never happen. Each minute of every day, FIGHT to see the goodness and blessings in your life and focus on those. It isn't a cure, but sure to keep the pity-parties at bay.<P>You really are doing a SUPER job right now!!!<P>Roll Me Away<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I'm happy for you Nicole...<P>I feel you will have even more better days to come... <P>Jim

"Today was O.K."<BR>Geez, those are beautiful words. I'm happy to hear you 'say' them. Heck, I'm happy when I hear anybody say them- I think it's a Pavlov thing... <BR>In all seriousness though, I can relate to your day and am filled with joy for you. Dylan and I have had time like that and I think that it has been the saving grace of everything. So much so that we go out of our way to pursue that 'state' of togetherness. (long destinationless drives with the kids asleep in the backseat, for example)<BR>I believe that it is those kinds of days that create massive interest in the ol' Love Bank. Nobody has to really do or say anything, but somehow the Units just seem to multiply. <BR>If the Grandparents know anything of what's going on, how willing would they be to do a little extra caretaking over the next few weeks? Stress free time together might help to break some of the patterns that cause strife in your (our) marriage. Just a thought. <BR>I just couldn't scroll past your topic without reading... <BR>Deut<BR>

RMA- Thanks for the support and the advice. I do have many blessings: 3 beautiful children a nice home, supportive parents, lots of good and caring friends who call just to see how I am, this web site AND a husband who loves me. Thanks again.<P>NSR- Thank-you for your encouragement, I look forward to those good days to come.<P>Soulloss' ExH- I am glad I could make you smile. Although my parents aren't aware of the root or extent of our problems they are aware we are going through a rough spot in our marriage. They have offered support in any way that they can. It is a good thing to make use of every moment available to re-connect. Sometimes it's hard to find the time but simply placing your hand in theirs, rubbing their back as you walk by or a kiss on the check as you sit down to the dinner table these are little things that mean so much.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>