Hello..I am looking for help and I really am very scared. I grew up in a home where my father was a minister. He could show love and affection to the kids in the church, but not to me and my siblings. He was cold and very unresponsive. Never did he treat me the way a father should. I used to think I was bad because he ignored me and I grew up feeling worthless and unloved. I still do..that's my problem. It has leaked into my 11 year marriage and I never really realized just how depressed I really am. I cry alot and I know that the one thing I am missing in my life is God. When you grow up in a home like I did, you get confused as to what "religion" really is. My parents rarely speak today and they live in the same house! They have not slept in the same bed for years..my dad still has his strong faith, but he acts like I am not alive..still. How do you tell yourself that you ARE ok and that you do deserve happiness? My hubby is not religious and was raised in a home that was both disfunctional and not religious. So, he's not much help. I have alot of anguish over this and I don't wish to be so lost anymore. And that's how I feel...lost. As I said, I know that's why I am so depressed..how do I get close to God again? I am so scared..what do I do?<P>Thanks for listening.<P>

Romance,<P>It sounds like you really feel betrayed in your relationships by those close to you. It is therefore difficult to have a clear picture of the love of Christ for you. Especially when your own father is so unloving yet claims to have great faith. I have to ask whether his faith is in himself rather than Jesus? If his faith was in Jesus he would have to love his own children first, because Jesus would be loving you through him. Now of course I do not know the history or any more than you have told us, so I can not judge. But I guess that your father himself has suffered some great pain in his own life, which makes it hard for him to get close to his own family, and easier to get close to others who don't matter as much.<BR> But I can tell you Jesus is not like this! <P>Jesus came from heaven to earth, because He loved us and He wanted to show us the way to have a personal relationship with God.<BR>Jesus is also there waiting for you to cry out to Him. You don't need anyone else to find Him other than your voice asking Him into your life and the Bible which is His word to us. Read John 3:<P>However, Jesus knows that we do need others. Do you have a church you go to? I recommend you find a good church where Jesus is preached and ask to meet with the pastor. Also many churches have counseling services. If you feel you are suffereing from depression, are you on medication? This can really help you to get to a place where you can look at all the pieces you are talking about here and work with it. Advice from those on this forum can really be supportive, but your situation sounds like it needs more professional advice. <BR>I will pray for you romance, and I know others here will also.<BR>Father, <BR>I ask that you come to this child of Yours with Your great love and wrap Your loving arms around romance. Lord she is anquished and cries out for You. Send Christians who really know you to her and help her to find the support she needs. Lord, touch this father of hers, that represents you, Lord and soften his heart to his family. Lord, You know who her father is and what he needs. Lord, it sounds too that he is hurting and needs Your guidance. Lord, meet him in his prayers. Faith is one thing but when our faith is in You, then we have the power of the universe behind it.<BR>Father touch romance and give her what she needs. Touch her heart to be open to receiving Jesus and to understanding Your word as she reads the Bible. Reveal Yourself to her . Lord, soften her husbands heart to also receive Christ and to show his wife love as You would have him do.<BR>Father, I do not know all the circumstances, but You do. Father intervene and bring love and release from this distress through Your Son Jesus, who died for us on the cross, and then rose on the third day, defeating death and offering eternal life through Your Son. We praise You Lord for seeing us as we are, sinners, and yet You loved us so much that You sent Your Son to save us. You meet us where we are and then move us to where You want us to be. Praise You Lord for such a great love You have for us. In Jesus name, Amen.. <P><p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited June 25, 2000).]

Thanks for taking a risk and writing to us! It is hard to picture God as he is when our understanding generally comes out of the examples we see in life, ergo your father as a minister, and earthly father, lacking in those characteristics that would show you unconditional, sacrificial love. It is hard to understand, when we feel so worthless by the examples set by our parents, to believe that a God of the universe could ever be willing to sacrifice his life for us, so that we would become part of the redeemed and free from his wrath. Fear, self-doubt, etc. comes from the evil one who wants us to remain in bondage and to not experience the freedom that Christ has for us. He is the mighty deceiver and the father of lies that distorts such things as we are not worthy of the lamb, etc. Truth sets us free from that bondage and the evil one stirs up strife to keep us from knowing the truth about that. One way is to make us feel that we have to "earn" love and out of that, we receive the messages that we are not good enough and therefore we give up trying and become discouraged and depressed.<P>So, in light of that, let's look at some truths. <P>Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.<P>So the truth is not one of us is good enough.<BR>Even more so:<P>Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in* Christ Jesus our Lord.<P>Since we are all fallen people, this is what we have to look forward to in the end...we associate wages such as we get when we work at a job, receiving a wage for the tasks we do, but this verse also says that the gift of God is that a gift. People don't pay for their own gifts, there is no price for it. And there is but one way to receive this gift.<P>Romans 10:9 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. [10] For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. [11] As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.<P>2Timothy 1:7 says:[7] For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.<P>So we learn that fear doesn't come from God. In fact we have a spirit of power, love and self-discipline as tools to help us overcome the negative thoughts that come our way from the evil one. <P>Once we ask Christ into our lives, we receive a great inheritance and an identity that no one can take away from us. Here are some things that identify who we are in Christ:<P><B>I am a child of the 'Everlasting Father'!</B><P> I am Accepted in Christ <P>John 1:12 I am Gods child<P>John 15:15 I am Christs friend<P>Romans 5:1 I am justified in Christ<P>1 Corinthians 5:17 I am united with the Lord and one with him in spirit<P>1 Corinthians 6:20 I have been bought with a price, I belong to God<P>1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christs body<P>Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint<P>Ephesians 1:5 I have been adopted as Gods child<P>Ephesians 2:19 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit<P>Colossians 1:14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins<P>Colossians 2:10 I am complete in Christ<P> <B>I am Secure in Christ</B><P>Romans 6:1,2 I am free forever from condemnation<P>Romans 3:28 I am assured that all things work together for good<P>Romans 8:33,34 I cannot be separated from the love of God<P>2 Corinthians 1:21 I have been established, annointed and sealed by God<P>Colossians 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God<P>Philippians 1:6 I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected<P>Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven<P>2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind<P>Hebrews 1:16 I can find grace and mercy in time of need<P>1 John 5:16 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me<P> <B> I am Significant in Christ </B><P>Matthew 5:13,14 I am the salt and light of the earth<P>John 15:1,5 I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life<P>John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit<P>Acts 1:8 I am a personal witness of Christ<P>1Corinthians 3:16 I am Gods temple<P>2 Corinthians 5: 17-20 I am a minister of reconciliation<P>2 Corinthians 6:1 I am Gods co-worker<P>Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms<P>Ephesians 2:10 I am Gods workmanship<P>Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence<P>Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me<P>taken from 'Living Free in Christ', by Neil Anderson<P>Jesus said:<BR> MT 13:31 "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. [32] Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." <P>Father, I thank you that Romance had the freedom to come to this forum and ask her questions. Father you say that no word of yours is wasted, that what you send out always comes back to you. Touch this child's heart and draw her to you. Strengthen her and give her the courage to tae that leap of faith, to confess with her heart and mouth that Jesus is lord. Let her be filled with awe at the significance she has in you and let it fill all voids in her life. Fill her with your living water, Father, so that her thirst is quenched in a way she never thought possible. IJN, Amen<P>Romance, my email is eramhoff@home.com. Write any time. God bless!

Hi Romance. I'm so glad you took the time to post your message. You will find lots of loving, compassionate support here. These praying wives are wonderful!!!<P>I have to say I fully agree with what hw and SueB have written. Growing up in a emotionally distant family relationship does not give you an example of how to have a loving relationship. My parents are both born again Christians, they love each other very much and are affectionate. I grew up seeing their godly marriage, knowing in my heart that that is the way marriage is supposed to be. Now I am married to a cold-hearted self-centered alcoholic who takes delight in hurting my feelings. He grew up in a family where the husband was a tyrant to say the least, and never saw his parents being openly affectionate either. Nor were they saved. But even though they came from this background, a couple of his brothers are happily married, and are openly affectionate with their wives, plus their wives are happy. I guess my point is that even though you grew up in a home without the love you needed, God will give you that love. He is right there, waiting for you to call out to him. <P>Someone can be "religious" but still not be a godly person, striving to be more like Jesus. The key is to ask Jesus to come into your heart, and fill you with the Holy Spirit. Being born-again and baptized in the Holy Spirit is a tremendously wonderful experience. The pain and hurt from the past will be eased by Jesus' love. Jesus dies for us, he loves us so very very much that he gave up his life to atone for our sins. It amazes me everyday the love he has for us.<P>The enemy will try to destroy you in any way he can, but will focus first on your emotional weaknesses. He is especially good at making you feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy. When I start feeling this way, I ask Jesus to fight the battle for me, and command Satan by the authority given to me by Jesus Christ and in the Blood of the Lamb to leave, and HE MUST LEAVE. As Christians we have all authority over the enemy so sometimes we need to exercise that authority and kick Satan out of our lives. Then, the beautiful peace that comes over me can only come from Jesus. Even in the midst of the severe trials, if I call out to Him, he hears and will take the pain away. The feeling of relief and peace is sometimes overwhelming, and it comes in an instant.<P>I know how you feel. My husband seems to make a point of making me feel unloved, unwanted, like he thinks I am the stupidest person on earth. He ridicules me, alot about being a Christian. I take it personally and cry a lot over it. Then Jesus reminds me that it is not my husband, but Satan controlling him that is attacking me. Every morning I rebuke Satan. <P>If you are not already attending a Holy Spirit filled church, please find one to attend. Since I have changed churches the joy in my heart has increased. Just walking into the church sanctuary floods me with love and peace. You can feel the Holy Spirit moving throughout the service, and that loving, joyful feeling stays with me throughout the day. Sometimes I can't wait until the next service!!<P>Romance, I will be praying for you today. Please keep posting, we will be here for you, and feel free to join us during our prayer vigil this week. I praise God that you are here!!<P>Dear Heavenly Father, thank You so very much for bringing this dear sister to the forum, allowing us the opportunity to pray for her. Lord, You have been my rock, my fortress throughout the trials I am in. You have lifted me up and sustained me when I thought I could go on no more. Lord, please lift up Romance like you have me, and fill her heart to overflowing with Your peace that passes all understanding, erasing the hurt from her past, loving her so greatly as you do all of us. Lord I pray that she will open her heart fully to You, accepting the love and acceptance of her that you offer. Let Your awesome presence be felt by her, Lord. Lord, show her that You are a merciful God, a loving and caring God, full of compassion. Pour out your blessings on her, let her feel the deep love You have for her. Thank You Lord Jesus for always being right there when we cry out to You. Thank You Lord for wiping our tears away, soothing our hearts. Please draw Romance to You wrapping your arms around her, filling her with Your Joy and Love. Thank You Father for this dear sister, I pray that You will reveal the truth to her, and let her feel your abounding love. IJN AMEN

<BR> A POSITIVE THOUGHT<BR>> > > If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.<BR>> > > If He had a wallet, Your photo would be in it.<BR>> > > He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.<BR>> > > Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.<BR>> > > He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.<BR>> > > What about the Christmas gift He sent you in<BR>> > > Bethlehem; not to mention that Friday at Calvary.<BR>> > > Face it, He's crazy about you.<BR>> > ><BR>> > > LIFE IS SIMPLE . . . DO WHAT'S RIGHT<P><BR>Prayers and God Bless.<P><BR>

Dear Romance,<P>Lose yourself in service to your fellow man. Lose yourself in Christ, for in this way only can you truly find yourself. God can give you more affirmation than a husband, even the best most attentive husband. <P>Find a supportive prayer group or Bible study in real life too. This on line group is fabulous and powerful too, but it feels like you need some warm bodies to comfort and support you also. <P>Spend time with God every day in prayer in your own closet.<P>(I'm not real swift with quotations and scriptural references like SueB is, sorry.)<P>

Dear City Girl,<P>Welcome!! Good to have a new prayer warrior. Your positive thought is great, and so true! Feel free to post your story and prayer request for tomorrow night on the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000303.html" TARGET=_blank>ongoing Updates thread</A>.