Well, after H has been almost normal now for a week or better....after we spoke with a financial analyst that could get us on the road to financial recovery based on a second mortgage which yesterday h was okay with......and after H didn't call HER at all yesterday, all fell apart this evening. H was precious with me this a.m. more so than any other day since all this started. He slept, I had company over to swim, the bank called with final approval. Then H went to "gas up his car" with the cell phone. He was gone almost an hour, and of course had placed a call to her 25 minutes before he came back home. When he arived he was fine with me, but I told him what the bank said and asked what he thought. he said he didn't know if we'd be in the house for the long run...no one knows what might happen in the next 6 months to a year. Then he asked if we should sell this home and get another smaller home...I agreed we could do that and asked where. He said...hmmm, maybe FL (where she is...over my dead body) I reminded him i would give up all my benefits from teaching if we move out of state, and he could never find a job as good as the one he just started (after being on the testing list for 5 years to get it) So then he said he'd need to go back to school so he could get a good job. I said well we can't do it immediately, so what do you want us to do in the short run to get out of debt and get you to school????? No comment. I couldn't help but get quiet. Yesterday, he was ready to commit to the long term plan that would have us debt free..mortgage and all in 8 years....<BR>Now 1 phone call to her and he's not sure what we need to do..and left it for me to deal with. Then he went to the guest room for a nap before work. (this could be nothing...he says that bed is more comfortable sometimes)My only consolation is that he did at least seem concerned that I was disturbed about something. <P>I will keep praying and wait to see what tomorrow brings, but i feel very defeated today.<P>Kim

Dear Kim, you are holding up so well. I praise God, He is working in your life and your husband's life. Kim, there are many people praying for you, and will keep praying. I will lift you up tonight in prayer, for your comfort. It is hard not to get discouraged. We want our marriages fixed and restored right now! (I am guilty of that). Please know that God is doing a mighty work in your life, and He needs you to trust Him and wait upon Him. You're doing the right thing, praying without ceasing.<P>Read the Psalms for comfort. Psalm 62:5 always jumps right out at me: "My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him." The Lord reminds me of this regularly, that I cannot force the issue with my husband, but must wait upon the Lord to handle it. He will do so much better a job than I ever could. No matter what the outcome of my marriage, God will never leave me, nor forsake me. He will always take care of me, because He loves me, and He loves you too Kim.<P>Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Your beloved son Jesus to save us. Thank You Lord for righting the wrong we have done by the blood of the lamb and by the Word. Thank You for Your saving grace, and the mercy you have shown us. I praise You Lord, and give all glory and honor to You. Lord, I thank You also for these intercessors who pray for people they have never met. Your love shines through them Lord. Lord, I lift up Kim's husband to You, asking that the Holy Spirit go to him, overwhelming him with conviction and Your love. Help this husband to know what he has been commanded to do as a husband. Show him Lord the way a man is to love his wife. Let him not deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. Lead him Lord, out of temptation. I pray the tempter is bound and cast far away from Kim's husband. Fill him, Father with a deep love for Kim, his wife, and only her. Break the bond between Kim's husband and the OW, Lord. Trouble that relationship Lord, for it is unclean, and not of You. Drive a wedge of discord between Kim's husband and the OW, reveal to him that he is falling for Satan's lies. Please place a hedge of protection around Kim's husband, keeping the enemy away. Your word tells us "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." Father, we stand on that promise and claim salvation for Kim's husband. In the name of Jesus I take back what the enemy has stolen in this marriage! Break the chains that are binding Kim's husband in lust and adultery. Bring him Lord to full repentance, turn his heart Lord. Thank You Father for protecting Kim, for caring for her every need. I praise You Lord, and thank You for comforting her, and giving her a peaceful heart. Let Kim's household become like the household Cornelius had "his whole household was devout and served the Lord" (Acts 10:1). Show Kim dear Lord how You wish for her to serve You. I pray the Holy Spirit dwells within her. Your love is so precious to us Lord. Thank You for giving so abundantly to us. You are our King, our Savior. Thank You Lord Jesus for coming into our hearts to stay. IJN I pray, AMEN<BR>

AW......Thank you. I did pray tonight after H left for work, then Ilooked at the bills again to see what my options are. Not many it seems. The only one i see is to use all the $ I put aside for my maternity leave extension. I was really looking forward to enjoying that time, since my pregnancy has been so stressful and sad. <BR>H called from work during his dinner break to check on me, asked if all was alright, and i told him we'd talk about it later..that I had tried as hard as I coould to find $ that doesn't exist to get us through (he doesn't know about my savings) he said we'd talk about it in the morning. I know he feels bad because our budget works...we've always been very disciplined with it until he goofed around during his affair and got us so far off track. So he realizes it's his fault. I know he will buck though when I suggest canceling the cell phone and beeper since these are the ways he keeps in touch with her. However, until he gets his next 2 raises at his new work (at 3months and at 6 months)he falls short of his car payment by about the amount we spend on those two items.<P>I guess I have no choice but to be still and wait upon the Lord.....I've run out of options!<P>Kim