Hi<P>Me and my girlfriend have had the best of realationships ever since we started dating. It is great just being together knowing that we can share anything with each other without feeling embarrased, ashamed etc. We both really love each other dearly. If there's anybody in this world I would marry one day it would be her. I also know that she feels exactly the same about me. 2 days ago our problems really started. From the begining we both have decided not to have sex before marriage. We both accept this and still feel it's great to save ourselves for a special marriage one day. However we share everything of ourselves with each other but it stays there. We DON'T have intercourse at all. We have lived by these rules eversince our realationship started getting serious. We WERE both happy with ourselves and the type of realationship we have. For we know what we have, feel and share with each other is special between only the two of us. My girlfriend is 25years old and will remain a virgin untill the day she gets married. <P>Only recently this all has changed. We don't know what to do or how to behave because of what people have said. It's interfearing so much with our realationship that we are unhappy and misserable at this time. <P>My girlfriend goes to Bible study classes every Thursday night. Which I presume has quite a big impact on our realationship. I don't want her to stop attending the group or anything, please hear me out. It may not even be the origin of our problems either. It's just that a pasture which she has great respect for, has one day mentioned the that it's not good for a young un-married couple (such as ourselves)to go somewhere away together for the week-end. For he knows what young couples are capeable of. This made her realise that we may fall in the same catogory as that couple going away together for the week-end. For what we're doing, even though we will never have intercourse together before marriage, is wrong in the eyes of God. Or is it? <P>Do you know how difficult it is to suddenly start changing our behaviour towards each other because of what someone had said? All of a sudden we feel like two total strangers towards each other because of this.We don't know what to do or how to react towards each other no more. I love her dearly and would so much like to get some sort of advice on what to do to get our realationship back to normal again. We were SO HAPPY before. And we still do love each other very much. <P>Please !! We'd appreceate any advice<P>Regards<BR>Tonyac

I am not clear on what it is that you and your girlfriend are concerned about. <P>The pastor you mentioned said that it was wrong for you to go away for the weekend together because it might lead to intercourse. Well, it certainly might. Are you contemplating such a weekend, or are you just concerned that spending time together might lead to intercourse? <P>Or is it that you are engaging in sexual activities that do not include intercourse, and that your girlfriend is concerned that this is wrong? <P>If the former, if your girlfriend is concerned that going away for the weekend is wrong, I would not go. If the latter, I cannot honestly say that sexual activity not including intercourse is definitely right or wrong based on what I find in the Bible. <P>You describe your relationship as close and loving. If that is the case, I really cannot see that meeting each other's sexual needs in ways that do not violate your moral code is a bad thing. When I was young (admittedly a long time ago) we would have called you 'a virgin with a small v'. If you have not had intercourse, technically you are a virgin. You also have no danger of pregnancy, and you are still reserving what most people consider the major part of sex for marriage. <P>A lot of people, your pastor perhaps included, would say that there is not a lot of difference between intercourse and 'everything but'. On the other hand, I can remember what it is like to be young, in love, and hormone-crazed, and it sounds to me like your efforts to abide by what your pastor said is hurting your relationship. <P>Might I ask how long have you known each other? Your girlfriend seems of a reasonable age, and you certainly come across as mature and intelligent. Are you considering marriage?<P>Regards,<BR>rs0522

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rs0522:<P>Thank you so much for your reply rs0522. Your reply meant alot to me. And YES I would so much like to marry my girlfriend one day. I've known my girlfriend for just over a year and a half now. So yes we still have quite a time to go before marriage.<P>Once again<BR>Thank you<P><B>I am not clear on what it is that you and your girlfriend are concerned about. <P>The pastor you mentioned said that it was wrong for you to go away for the weekend together because it might lead to intercourse. Well, it certainly might. Are you contemplating such a weekend, or are you just concerned that spending time together might lead to intercourse? <P>Or is it that you are engaging in sexual activities that do not include intercourse, and that your girlfriend is concerned that this is wrong? <P>If the former, if your girlfriend is concerned that going away for the weekend is wrong, I would not go. If the latter, I cannot honestly say that sexual activity not including intercourse is definitely right or wrong based on what I find in the Bible. <P>You describe your relationship as close and loving. If that is the case, I really cannot see that meeting each other's sexual needs in ways that do not violate your moral code is a bad thing. When I was young (admittedly a long time ago) we would have called you 'a virgin with a small v'. If you have not had intercourse, technically you are a virgin. You also have no danger of pregnancy, and you are still reserving what most people consider the major part of sex for marriage. <P>A lot of people, your pastor perhaps included, would say that there is not a lot of difference between intercourse and 'everything but'. On the other hand, I can remember what it is like to be young, in love, and hormone-crazed, and it sounds to me like your efforts to abide by what your pastor said is hurting your relationship. <P>Might I ask how long have you known each other? Your girlfriend seems of a reasonable age, and you certainly come across as mature and intelligent. Are you considering marriage?<P>Regards,<BR>rs0522</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I am not quite sure why you have chosen to write your comments in the women's bible study section.<P>God does have a plan for all of us. He has a certain order for the way things should be. He has given roles to both men and women and guidelines to live holy lives.<P>Here are a couple of verses that come to mind in regards to what you have written and how God might be convicting your girlsfriend.<P>1CO 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. [19] Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; [20] you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.<P>1CO 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.* [2] But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.<P>1 Cor 7:34b-An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.<P>Your comments regarding doing everything except having actual intercourse rings similar to Bill Clinton's assertion that he was not sexually active with Monica Lewinsky. I don't understand why you feel the need to wait to marry the girl when you have already taken steps that binds you to her. God is pretty specific about the need for believers to not be unequally yoked with a non believer, so I pray that the two of you seek his face for knowledge and understanding and can be one in His spirit, that you are given a hunger and thirst for the things of the Lord and will seek the scriptures with your girlfriend for a greater intimacy than you now presently experience, one that is rooted in the heart so tightly that the revelation of His love will overwhelm you, that you desire to become the kind of man He desires for you to be, so that as a husband, you will fulfill His role for a servant/leader with His compassion and empathy.<P>One of the things he says to husbands is:<P>1PE 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.<P> 1PE 3:8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.<P>In this new journey that you and your girlfriend are now experiencing, may you find a compassion of gentleness for the changes your girlfriend now has initiated, may your tenderness for her distress pour out so greatly that she feels extremely safe and protected in your love, understood by you as you consider her more important than yourself.<P>This is what the Lord says Love is:<P>1CO 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [6] Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [7] It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1CO 13:8 Love never fails.<P>May your relationship reach new heights and be blessed!<BR>

I am glad you found my answer helpful. <P>If you re-posted your question in the 'Pre-Marriage and the Early Years' section, I am sure you would get more feedback. <P>May I ask what solution you and your girlfriend have come up with? Or are you still unhappy? <P>Also, how long do you expect to be dating before you marry? <P>I certainly don't wish to pressure you, but I am not sure of all the factors in the situation yet. <P>God bless you both.<P>Regards,<BR>rs0522<BR>