Well, yesterday I had a chance to speak with our dear friend who is H's confidant about what is going on in H's head about OW. (This is the only way I get good info, as H is the type of person who has great trouble discussing anything that he did that he knows was wrong, hurtful or stupid. After admission and an apology he would rather act than talk)<BR>At any rate, the scoop is that H has not spoken to OW in a week..he says that each time they talk there is more distance...she is seeing other people now, and he knows it is more important and better for everyone if he stays home and stands by his family. He told our friend that right now I need ( IIIIII.... ) help, support and understanding. He is excited again about the baby, spending time with family, rebuilding our network of married friends, being affectionate again, and last night took me dancing! This has been a big issue for a very long time. I was a competitve dancer before we married, but we used to go out dancing with friends who drank quite a bit and cruised for women at the club. This upset me, and we quit going and I subsequently gained weight...dance is the best exercise for me..the only one I can stick with. We (our married friends and I) have tried telling him that it could be just as fun going with just 2 or 3 couples who drink maybe, but not so much...and who go at a decent hour, and return home to their children at a decent hour. He has always fought us on that, then complains that he never gets to go dancing.(And has commented on my not exercising..he likes the gym, sports stuff for exercise..looks at dancing as recreation) So last night, we went dancing at a nice Hispanic club with his confidant (my champion) and his wife, and another friend who is dating the other friend's SIL (She is the woman I wrote about that God led me to confide in a couple of weeks ago, who became a prayer partner for my marriage) In fact , it was this SIL that convinced H to go last night, and we had a great time.<BR>So, God has been very good to me in sending good influences into my husband's path, and in giving me a gift of being able to discern whom I should trust and confide in about our situation. It is as if H and I have extended our family (both sides disfunctional) by adding these wonderful people from normal families! What a blessing!!! And even better, after being married 18 years, this couple actually takes their children most places with them, though for going out dancing every couple of weeks, they have a sitter...so after our baby is born, we will still be able to socialize without feeling the need to leave the baby. All of our closest friends right now are married and firm believers in entertaining at home and including the children as part of them learning proper social skills. And we help each other care for the children when we are together!<P>We still have hurdles...the ring, the I love you (which I've heard a couple of times this week) and the kiss. And i have asked our friend to speak with H about telling me himself that OW is a done deal and that she lost her baby, rather than letting me assume so based on improvements in our marriage. He said he will continue to pose thought-provoking Qs about that and the other issues that bother me to see if H will deal with them. <BR>So Again I thank you all for not only praying along with me, but also for supporting me through the hard times while I was learning to pray and trust God's will for myself. There were days i couldn't have made it without knowing that others were helping me lift my concerns to God.<P>Thanks,<BR>Kim

This is encouraging, Kim. I'm so delighted that you have such a supportive circle of friends, it makes a difference. My husband has alienated most his friends by not spending time with them. He is enbarrassed about a job situation a few years ago and I think also the ow situation. So that really hinders things. Those that were Christian friends he has totally pushed away. So he still talks to one friend who is himself having an affair and has just moved out and another friend. She has repeated ly tried to steer him back towards the marriage, but she can't forcr him obviously. So it is hard.<BR>I am sure glad that your h has friends who are for the marriage and giving him good advice, or rather though provoking questions. That soulds like a great approach.<BR>Kim, I pray that your h will reach our and kiss you. (I think that is really what I miss the most also).<BR>Father, <BR>We thank you and praise you for the works that are going on in this marriage. We know that You are in charge and working eaach day. Father, grow this child into a healthy baby and with that this marriage into a healthy relationship. Father, thank you for this circle of supportive friends. Please keep them close and cause them to have great times together. Jesus in Your name We praise Your Holy name. Amen.

Amen....amen...amen<P>I am so thankful for God putting these friends in H's path and helping us establish a social circle that is supportive of marriage and child rearing (not just child having). My h also pushed all friends and family away when he was with ow, and has discussed with me that the change in our social life was one reason why he felt he had lost interest in being married...left our single friends...wild friends...behind, and had no replacement other than the routine all married couples fall into, especially those in fertility treatment who have to plan everything by the thermometer! Now that OW is leaving the picture, H is initiating contact with family and the RIGHT friends. That is the most special thing to me..that he is putting forth the effort to make a positive change for us. It feels so good for him to try after so many months of me trying to uphold the marriage alone.<P>HW, just keep praying and praying. That's all I can credit for the turn around. My H too seemed to push away all good influences , and yes, he too found a friend whose background was not reflective of good morals during his time with OW...one who would lie for him, tell him ways to avoid being caught. And now God has changed everything, and even other people are noticing the difference in H and commenting about how changed he is. I will keep you in my prayers.<P>Kim