<B>1. Is your husband a financially responsible person, or is he sometimes irresponsible with money? How do you feel about that? Explain.</B><P>My husband has issues regarding money and his self-worth, the collection of things has been his indicator that he is okay or at least has been his short term feel good to salve his emotions. Growing up poor seems to give different people different perspectives regarding money. For my H, it seemed to be one more thing that showed him he was not good enough or something. As he progressed economically, he seemed to try and be one-up on family members, sort of lording his higher education and money over them and yet, at the same time, it never occurred to him to offer to pay for such things as food when he visited them, etc. so his desire for approval was dismissed by his lack of sensitivity of the obvious which added further hurt for him. His solution all along has been for me to sell my property in Washington State to pay off his debts so that his income would be free to buy more "things".<P>I am affected by his behavior because I desire to be a good steward and part of that stewardship has been to follow a budget, tithe, wait in expectation for the Lord to provide those things I have asked him for or need. I have felt grief, embarassment and humiliation over my husband's behavior in the past. I realized that if I feel those feelings for my husband, then he doesn't have to feel them and so I have been robbing him of an opportunity to experience the consequences of his behavior. I also have felt lots of anger over his "solution" because I believe that my property is an investment given to me by the Lord and I view it as similar to the Proverbs 31 woman buying her field, and to pay off all bills without curbing the tendency to overspend will have us back in the same place in a year with no option for an out. I have over the past few months been changing my reaction to this and letting the bill collector's call, etc. I have been speaking more matter of factly providing information on the financial situation and asking my husband which bills to pay in light of his paycheck not covering his indulgences. I have asked for his input on developing a budget and clearly stating when we have met or exceeded a budget category in a pay period.<BR>I also told him that I was willing to sell part of my property to pay off debts if he was willing to give me the credit cards. If he was not willing to do that, I was not willing to pay off the debt.<P><B>2. Read Luke 12:29-31. Does your husband suffer from anxiety about finances? Describe. In light of this verse, what should he be doing about it? How could you pray about this?</B><P>[29] And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. [30] For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. [31] But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.<P>This verse and then next one have been my strongholds in my faith, knowing that God promises to take care of me and to bless me beyond expectation if I am faithful, so it has been difficult for me to empathize with my husband's anxiety and depression over lack of resources for "things". I have been sharing more and more about the way God provides for us and praising God that we have a roof over our head and food in the cupboards and making my husband aware of what a good provider he is that we do have these things. I do believe my H is in a spiritual battle in this area. I do pray for opportunities to show my husband how God cares for us, how faithful God is to my business since my husband now allows me to tithe from the income I receive, etc. I pray for ways to affirm my husband in this area so that he will be encouraged to continue on a budget and have short and long-range goals.<P><B>3.Read Malachi 3:10. Does your husband have a heart to give as God directs in this scripture, or does he need to move in this area of obedience to God? Explain. Write a prayer asking God to speak to him about this matter.</B><P>Malachi 3:10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.<P>I think God is working on my husband in this area. He still needs to move in full obedience in this area, but he is less verbally resentful about the checks written to the Lord for His work. He is seeing the answers to prayer in regards to financial issues, and still feeling the full impact of previous poor choices. He is learning about being a silent giver, not boasting about the gift and feeling the satisfaction of being allowed to participate with the Lord in something. <P>Father, I thank you for the changes you are making in both my H and myself in the area of finances. Father, continue to instruct my husband in the area of the full tithe so that your storehouse will be full. Continue to take the blinders from his eyes that he may see the blessings that you do give him and impress on his heart to take the risk of your challenge in this verse to test you. Let him experience the fullness of joy as he sees what you do with the gifts and make him sensitive to the needs around us. IJN, Amen.<P><B>4. Is your husband miserly, overgenerous, or somewhere in between? Explain. Write a prayer asking God to give your husband a generous spirit controlled by the will of God.</B><P>I think my husband has been overly generous for the wrong motives. He has, in the past been miserly to my needs or concerns and quick to charge whatever his heart desired. I think he is becoming more aware, having this week given an old computer we have to a man within the body who just lost his job. He had planned to use this puter for his personal use adding it to the collection of 5 computers we already have networked together. He allowed me to purchase something for another person who was in need.<P>Father, you are so generous in all things, everything good comes from you. What a blessing you are to us, to adopt us into your family and to give us such strong values to hold onto. Father, please give my husband that generous spirit controlled by Your will. Give him wisdom in how to use the gifts you give us for your glory. Pour into him a spirit of contentment and remove the spirit of desire that comes from this world. I thank you for how you are teaching the both of us about your character and giving us opportunities to learn. IJN, Amen.

<B>1. Is your husband a financially responsible person, or is he sometimes irresponsible with money? How do you feel about that? Explain.</B><P>Very responsible, but not a pennypincher. Pretty healthy attitude towards saving and spending, but totally secular. <P><B>2. Read Luke 12:29-31. Does your husband suffer from anxiety about finances? Describe. In light of this verse, what should he be doing about it? How could you pray about this?</B><P>All his energies focus on getting ahead financially. He calls it "bettering ourselves" and has no desire to become a better person, just wealthier.<P>I pray that he will develop a spiritual perspective on what is important in life. My only hope is that other trials we are facing, such as death, will help him see things in a longer term view.<P><B>3.Read Malachi 3:10. Does your husband have a heart to give as God directs in this scripture, or does he need to move in this area of obedience to God? Explain. Write a prayer asking God to speak to him about this matter.</B><P>He does not believe in obeying God. Fortunately he does not mind that I tithe and I do not rub his nose in it. He likes the deduction at tax time.<P>Father, please let him see that we are all responsible for improving the world we live in. Touch his heart that he may learn the joy of giving and helping others less fortunate than himself.<P><B>4. Is your husband miserly, overgenerous, or somewhere in between? Explain. Write a prayer asking God to give your husband a generous spirit controlled by the will of God.</B><P>Overall, I guess he is miserly. Only giving with his own immediate family, but even then, hardly generous because he wants to keep firm control.<P>Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for all the beautiful gifts we take for granted each day. Thank you for the saving sacrifice of thy Son. Please touch my husband's heart with a sense of gratitude. Help him see that he is not self-sufficient and that he owes much to thee and other people who have blessed his life. Please open his eyes that he may begin to be humble, and from that position of humility he may feel properly indebted to thee. Only when he has a sense of right relation to thee will he become generous with the gift thou hast bestowed upon him. Create in him a new heart, compassionate and kind. IJN, Amen

<B>1. Is your husband a financially responsible person, or is he sometimes irresponsible with money? How do you feel about that? Explain.</B><P>Thank you SueB for starting this thread! <BR>Is my H financially responsible? NO! Is he irresponsible with money? Also a no. For the last two years he hasn't had any money to be irresponsible with. My H is completely hands off when it comes to finances (except for a two-year period when he actually had some money of his own, in which case the answer was a definite yes to being irresponsible with money). At this point he does have some income which he turns over to me in entirety.<P>How does this make me feel? Very unhappy! For one thing, I'd like to feel he could take care of himself if I were to depart this planet before he does. Second, we are in dire straights financially. Bills I haven't been able to pay since June are going to collections. He simply doesn't see it as his problem. I want so much to be able to depend on him. I try to keep my spirits up. I get no support from him in that arena either. Now I'm turning to prayer for support.<P><B>2. Read Luke 12:29-31. Does your husband suffer from anxiety about finances? Describe. In light of this verse, what should he be doing about it? How could you pray about this?<P>[29] And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. [30] For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. [31] But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.</B><P>My H isn't religious, but he's real good at verse 29! Believe me, I am trying not to worry. I've been praying since I came to the Bible study group. I have so much learn. At the same time I'm afraid I'll lose our house and everything we own before my prayers get answered. I need further enlightenment. <P>The only one stressing over finances in this marriage is me. I have a further complication that ties in with a conflict I described in the boundaries thread. H got really angry with me for getting in the middle of an agreement re birthday pictures. Now there's a new scenario for a different set of pictures for him to do (I stayed out of this one; H made the commitment). I told him yesterday that we have an account going to collections soon (several actually). I asked him if he had any idea when he'd be doing the job and how much he would charge. He refuses to attach a price to his work. He told me to make the arrangements for that. I thought he didn't want me to get in the middle of these things!!! He got so angry last time. I feel like I can't win. If I do nothing, that job will never get done, even though we have $10 to last until Friday, little food, and cars low on gas. If I get involved, something will be my fault. <P><B>3.Read Malachi 3:10. Does your husband have a heart to give as God directs in this scripture, or does he need to move in this area of obedience to God? Explain. Write a prayer asking God to speak to him about this matter.</B><P>I'm not sure H ever thinks about God. I don't even know what to ask for in a prayer on this one. <P><B>4. Is your husband miserly, overgenerous, or somewhere in between? Explain. Write a prayer asking God to give your husband a generous spirit controlled by the will of God.</B><P>My H is both with nothing inbetween. I don't know how to explain it. I have seen him be generous to a fault. I have also seen him give absolutely nothing to people who have been generous with him and it seems to never enter his mind that he should do something nice in return. <P>---------------<BR>SueB's response to my first thread here got me saying some prayers. I've asked Jesus to be my Savior. I've lifted my heart and asked that it be filled. I've knocked at the door, waited by the bridge. I made a flip remark in an earlier thread about my prayer-making ability. I've often had a PS that says can I please win the lottery now so I can pay my bills? I know this isn't the right thing to ask for. <P>As soon as I finish this post, I need to decide how to spend the rest of this day. Do I spend it on my knees praying? Or do I go about my business and try to eek out a living? At this point, I feel like I'm asking for the wrong things. I *think* I know the right things to ask for, but I feel unable to ask for them sincerely. <P>Lord, I lift my cup for you to fill. I'm trying hard not to worry about things and have faith that You will provide. It's hard for me to pray without defining the answer I want to my prayer. Please accelerate my journey on the path to enlightenment. I am thankful for the lovely ladies in this forum who are helping me every day. IJN Amen. <P>hmm.. I'm having trouble posting this. This is the 10th or so try. Says I'm not authorized to complete this function? Does anyone have a backup of the boundaries thread? I hope it doesn't go poof like the general questions board.

Wow, lady, you are growing! Your vulnerability and honesty was such a delight to read! Your husband has given you permision to handle the financial part of this latest batch of pictures, so I would be tempted to make out an invoice to attach to the completed package. As far as I could see, he didn't give you permission to complete the project, just the money part (since artists cannot attach a money value to their gift!)You may not think that the Lord hears you about money, but you watch and see how many of these little jobs that come up and add them up on a single page somewhere titled "Money from God". You will be surprised at what he sends your way. I will never forget the year, I truly desired to get my girls a Barbie house, which was way out of my budget, for Christmas. I laid it on the cross and within the next two days I had a bunch of babysitting jobs for the week and by Friday, I had enough for the Barbie house and like 24 cents left over after the tax was paid. We didn't need it but it was such a blessing to me.<P>Father God, we raise our voices in unity for this new sister and daughter of yours. father, we thank you for her willing heart to learn as You teach and we ask you to give her your wisdom in regards to their financial situation. Father, show which, if any, bills she needs to let go to collections and which to pay. Show her how to hand the collection phone calls to her husband in a loving way and let him recieve the burden of responsibility. Father, you have given him a gift of talent. Reduce his pride to begin putting a price of the talent so that this family can live on the bread from this talent. We praise you for how you are teaching and molding us into your likeness. Give Lonesome your peace today as she undertakes whatever it is that you bring her way. IJN, Amen.<P>Lonesome, satan wants you to think that God doesn't care to turn you away. Don't give him a foothold. Write me if you need to or I have icq 157639

Thanks SueB for the words of encouragement. I got a big clue today in another forum -- pray to be a stronger person, not for an easy life. I hope tomorrow will be better. I feel like I've been put through a wringer. Had a boundary setting session with H this evening. Trying to dump some of this baggage I'm carrying around...