My H came home and had need to go and help his mother and deal with unfinished business where he was living. He took our D with him as this helped him financially. He is not working (hasn't for a number of months due to a car accident). I have been praying for this marriage, my H, and also for my life to be revamped according to God's will for my life. There has been a great deal of change in my circumstances, however I have always felt that my H needed to turn his heart to the Lord. Much prayer has gone up for this,too. My H is bipolar, subject to anger, inconsistency, and lately he has begun to attack his mother and me for our beliefs that a relationship with the Lord was real. Because of his adultery, lying, and irresponsibility, there has been a lot of angry confrontations. The Lord has truly helped me with my anger and I have not been reacting to his provocation on the whole. It has improved our relationship, however H sees our imperfections (his Mom and me) as being evidence that christianity is a joke. That aside, my question has to do with my H's recent demands. He was willing to come home (where I have other children, a good job, and own a home). In the past week, he has told me that I need to quit my job, send my other children to their father, and get rid of my home (either by just leaving, or by renting it out). He wants to relocate (destination undecided) and once there, he expects me to find a new job and start over at 43 years old. I know all is possible through Jesus, but my H has a long history of wanting to control, however he fails to be the leader. He will expect me to take on the responsibility of taking care of us financially. I am rather numb, tired, and everything on all fronts is very unrestful at this time. Am I wrong to balk at my H leading, when he is not taking the responsibility. He says that this is my chance to prove that I want to reconcile. I have a day or two before he comes over and he expects me to be in the process of getting rid of my home and ready to leave in a few weeks. This has all been presented to me as a cold ultimatum and I wonder if he is hoping that I will refuse and that this will set him free. I want to do what God wants me to do, but I have been numb, no leadings, feelings, etc. Please give me some prayerful feedback on this. Thank you....As an aside, the OW just exited the relationship about 3 weeks ago.

CAUTION, my sister, CAUTION!!!<P>I think Satan is twisting scripture here. WE are to come along side our H as partners in the job to subdue the world, our husbands leading, us following to help him in his goals that are to be in the best interests of the COUPLE. We are to give them honest input, things to think about that perhaps they hadn't considered, etc. to help them in their leadership role. We are not to follow blindly, otherwise God would not have given us a brain. <P>I think of the Proverbs 31 wife and how she had her own profitable business and took care of the homefront besides. She had a husband who was a leader in the community and she did nothing to embarass him. <P>You have been violated in so many ways and yes, the scriptures tell us that to suffer for our faith is a good thing, but doesn't mean it should come from your husband. You have been charged with a responsibility to raise your children in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord. To dump them violates the charge you have been given. <P>The submission verse applies to both the husband and the wife, that your husband is to love you as Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Not only has your husband not loved you like this, he has violated the covenant of the marriage. <P>Now my understanding, once affairs are over and recovery begins, the grieving process, withdrawal and all that takes a bit longer than three weeks. Have the two of you done counseling to promote understanding and forgiveness about what happened to undermine the relationship? Has he been repentant and asked for forgiveness or is he still putting the bulk of responsibility on your shoulders? What action has he taken that he is willing to do what is necessary to make this marriage work? Has his behavior in the past been to run from problems rather than to address and deal with them? To put you and others down to make himself look good? I am almost finished with the boundaries piece on irresponsibility. Please read it while you are praying for wisdom.<P>Father, onedayatatime desires to be in Your perfect will for her marriage, to be the wife You would have her to be. Father, You know the dynamics of what is going on in this marriage, the infidelity and the mental health isssues her husband has gone through. You see the rage and unthought out demands for her to give up her children and to leave her job and sell her home. Perhaps, Father she even desires to follow like Sarah did when she followed Abraham, calling him master. But Father, Abraham looked to You for strength and answers and followed Your will for their lives. Give onedayatatime discernment regarding these things, bind the lies that Satan throws out, the half truths,twisted and slippery, baiting for the Fall, and help her to be like Jesus, strong, fighting the battle with the sword of truth. Clear her mind of all that is not of you that she can see the path that you would have her travel. Above all Father, give her Your peace and help her to rest under Your wing for You are our fortress in time of trouble. IJN, Amen.

Thank you, Dear SueB: God is awesome and certainly consistent. Your message is a confirmation of what I have been reading this past day. I was given a little book (some time back) and felt led to pick it up this morning. The book is about "Women" by Kenneth Hagin. He addresses this issue and you are right. God does is the defender of righteousness. One example he cited was Sara going to Abraham about Hagar and instigating Hagar and Ismael being sent away. God told Abraham to listen to Sara. I see that I need to be obedient to what God would have me do. My inner voice tells me this is not about me, my location, or my behavior towards my H. It is about my H and his desire to run, always to run. He is unstable and I know it will take the Lord to change that in him. He has run from job to job, place to place, and person to person. This was his Father's pattern and has been my H's for most of his 36 years. My m-i-l says that this is the first relationship where my H has been stuck in a holding pattern (somewhat). He is still running, but he is now running in circles (away from me and then back again). I believe it is God's intervention that has placed this strong desire in my H's heart, a desire to have his family. I realized that my H is not taking his responsibility in this marriage and I am praying that God will complete this work in my H, to release him from the enemy's hold and to restore him to the man that God intended him to be. You asked about my H's remorse about the A. He seems to go in cycles, he has expressed remorse and asked forgiveness and then the reverts back to the same pattern of blaming me. He claims the A was due to me refusing to leave my home (claims I had one excuse after the other). My mother was ill and dying, I was encumbered with a home, I needed my health insurance to cover the birth of our D (she was planned-his request). I told him that none of these things were justification for his actions. People closest to me know me to be a gentle person (my m-i-l says I have a mercy heart) so I do not believe that I have a desire to control or run this marriage. I truly want to be able to look to my H for wisdom and direction, but I need him to take the responsibility as well. He has never worked at a job for more than 3 months (althoug he is not a lazy person). I am a stable person by nature, but I truly believe I would be happy to follow my H. Deep inside I know that he would never find that perfect place to start over, that the next horizon would always beckon. As far as the OW goes, he has lived 2 states away from both of us for several years. He has carried on a long distance relationship with both of us, however due to a number of circumstances, he has been unable to spend much time with her. I have prayed since day one for the strings to be broken between them and feel that the Lord has answered this prayer. Until now, I knew that he was continuing to lie to me, as I prayed for the strings to be broken between them I felt the Lord was saying "not yet", and this last time I felt that they had been broken. I have learned to trust that still small voice inside when I hear it. I realize that the enemy is hard at work in this situation and believe that he is fighting hard to keep my H doing his work. This illness is truly a destructive force in many lives. The Lord has been gracious to me, healing me, counseling me, and teaching me. I had been doing Plan A for some time before I came to this sight. I truly believe it was the Lord's direction. I continue to pray that the Lord will work in my life (I asked for it) and that he will help me weather the many changes. My job of almost 9 years has recently underwent some serious changes and I am praying about a different job. I am asking the Lord to lead me. Most of all, I want him to continue to change me. Please continue to pray that God will make a divine appointment with my H, that my H will hear clearly the voice of the holy spirit, that the Lord will become real to him. I also pray that this bondage he is under would be lifted, that his mind would be restored. It is as though he is two very different people. His reactions are unpredictable and often complicated. He does know the word (his mother and his brother are pastors and his whole family are stable wonderful christian people). With the exception of his Mother, his whole family continues to pray for him, but refuses to see him. Thank you for your prayers and your wisdom. Your words were a much needed confirmation from the Lord that I need to look to the Lord for direction in my life and to not heed my H's requests when I know that they are not right. Please pray that I will have words to speak to my H that are inspired by the holy spirit. That my H will receive them without distortion by the enemy.

onedayatatime, I'm sorry you are going through such an intense trial. I will be praying for you dear sister. You have given so much of yourself to others, praying for many on this site. The Lord will take care of you. The enemy want to drag you down, so he uses your husband to do that. He wants you to stop being so good in the Lord, because your good works are drawing his followers away and to the Lord! He is stepping up his attack, trying to drag you down. Well, he might as well quit because the victory has already been won by Jesus Christ. And these prayer warriors here will be praying and calling out all the warring angels to protect you. God bless you dear sister!<P>Father God, I pray that You are right next to onedayatatime drawing her up under your wing, protecting her from all attacks of the enemy. Thank You Lord for being right there when we cry out to You. Lord please give onedayatatime the wisdom to make the choices according to Your will, direct her in the path to follow Lord. I pray You will turn her husband's heart towards You, convicting him, bringing him to true repentance. Thank You Lord for working in their lives. I praise You and give all the glory to You. Your word tells us no weapon formed against us shall prosper. Protect this family Lord, against the attacks of the enemy. Thank You Lord for humbling her husband, bringing him to godly remorse at the foot of the cross. May this man be filled to overflowing with the fullness of You God. IJN I pray, AMEN

Thank you for praying....I just spent the weekend with my H. He began the visit with a lot of anger and his logic was very flawed. He asks me for my opinion and then gets angry. I have felt led to speak very few words. After one such confrontation, I asked him why he was so angry at everyone. He denied his anger. He continued with angry outbursts and I felt it was due to his desire to go get some marijuana. He self medicates, however has promised to quit, asked for help (we offer) and then has more angry outbursts. I was able to speak a few truths with the Lord's help and I remained calm and did not react to his provocation. He finally worked all his anger out of his system and before he left, thanked me for putting up with all of his outbursts and still perservering. Several comments he made indicated that he has a desire to do what is right. He also made a comment about the OW and told me that she not only met someone, but she is now living with them. This is a miracle and has happened quite suddenly. All I can say is God is good and faithful. This turn truly has to be God as it is puzzling and happened so suddenly. I am continuing to pray as my whole life seems very "strange" to me at this time. It is hard to explain, but it feels as though there is much happening, at a very fast pace, and I am somewhat detached from the turmoil. Like I have mentioned, I do not feel a need to speak, act, worry, etc. Of course, the stress and the attacks by my H are hurtful, but it is as though I do not feel the need to fight. I have always been a very independent, take charge, prolem solving person. I have long battled with he desire to say or do what needed to be done to change things. At this point, the words I do speak are spoken quietly and with peace. I am believing that our Father is doing an awesome work, that my H is being counseled my the Lord. I have such sorrow for my H and those who love him as I see the hurt, anger, and emotional destruction being wrought. At one point this weekend, my H was talking about moving to Oregon without me. My D was angry at me and said that I was ruining her family. This precious little 4 yr old has worked so very hard to have her family back together. I have believed that this desire was given to her from the Lord. I was given Psalm 8:2 one morning several months back. I believe that it was a promise from the Lord. In spite of the flailings of the enemy, this weekend went fairly well, with love expressed by my H for me. I am having to truly live my life one day at a time as this battle rages. I am awed at the work the Father is doing. From human assessment, this situation is impossible. But, I am seeing changes and movement and I praise God for his mercy, love, grace, and his faithufulness. I am seeing that God has not given up and that he is still working. His love is awesome.

Dear oneday,<P>Bless you sister, for your faithfulness and wisdom. You are walking a very difficult path. May the Lord reward your patience with His Spirit in abundance. Keep the faith and keep participating with us. <P>Love,<P>Karenna

Isn't it just a trip to sit back and watch God work? I have had that same experience of not being in the picutre and just in awe wathcing how God is working around me. It is dynamite! <P>Father, though she uses the name onedayatatime, I ask you to give her your wise insight minute by minute, that she can continue to give the soft, truthful answer to her husband, that she can maintain the steadfastness necessary while you do your work in her husband. Show her how to join you in your work and where not to join in. Continue to strengthen her quiet gentle spirit and let her joy pour out in abundance. Let peace reign in this house Father, IJN, Amen.

onedayatatime,<BR>I believe I see some similarities between your H and mine. I too feel the burden of being the "responsible" one while his percentage of time spent "doing what he wants" is way higher than mine. When I try to talk to my H about solving our problems, he has all the answers -- about what <I>I</I> need to do. Many times I counter with "while you do what???" A barrage of angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements usually follows (note: I'm referring to pre-MB-discovery days). <P>I still feel that he's not meeting his share of responsbility. Perhaps you feel the same way? Later tonight I hope to read through the boundaries thread and develop some plans for working our way out of a big mess. Thank you for posting your dilemma oneday.