tonight my h was acting withdrawn and very strange. he said "I don't want to see the counsler anymore......i have known for a few days it won't do any good." And he said, "I'm not leaving," I can't leave the children. I said what do you want me to do? he said it doesn't matter. I said I'm not leaving either. he said "good we can both be miserable." i feel like i want to die. i don't know what to do.....i called my counsler and he said don't do anything just wait it out. he went over to a friends house. how did my life get like this?<BR>it feels like he hates me.....please help<BR>please advise. please pray

Carole,<P>You know, there has to be a rainstorm before we can see the rainbow. <P>What has your behavior been while he has been moody? What have you been doing in therapy? At this point if he has shut down and still says he is staying, that's good. You need to focus on you, learning to nurture yourself, learn how to set godly boundaries, learn to allow your hubby the freedom to be frumpy if that is how he chooses to be. Seems like he gets attention from it, wonder if you stopped noticing, if he would try a different tactic? <BR>At this point, and I could be wrong, (wouldn't be the first time )but it seems like you are so attentive to what he is feeling/saying, etc. (the walking on eggsshells that boundaries talks about) that you are missing out on the sunshine days. Learn about Carole and start liking her. Discover what she likes to do and do some of those things. Where is the gal that your hubby fell in love with? What is different about you now from then? Where did some of that sparkle go? If scripture tells us to go the extra mile with the enemy, (MT 5:41) how much more should we go for one we love, even if he isn't loving us back.<P>One of the things we have been asking ourselves in the boundaries thread is to check our motivation for doing the things we do. If we are doing it for the Lord, then it doesn't matter what H behaves like, etc. So maybe that is sort of where your therapist is at. You need to work on Carole and let him work on himself.<P>All I can tell you is that my hubby stopped therapy too and I kept going. I have learning these boundaries principles and hubby got grumpier and some days unkinder, etc. A month ago, my hubby went back to therapy by himself, although he has never told me about<BR>it. I see little changes, I have hope again, but mostly, I am grateful for how God is teaching me.<P>Father, we lift this marriage up to you. You know all there is to know about this marriage and you know what their future is already. Father, reach into their hearts as they are willing and teach them what you would have them learn. Let Carole feel your presence and strength in a mighty way and hear your gentle whisper. Give her courage where she is weak, boldness to take the steps to put boundaries on her feelings and confidence in herself to make the changes that you would have her make. Bless her husband in a mighty way. IJN, Amen.

carol,<BR>I know the pain. The counselor is right you just have to wait. Oh, waiting is so hard. At least he is not leavng. But there is another response to the situation other than remaining miserable. My feeling is if you have decided to stay then why not try to make it better. He probably needs some time though.<BR>My husband said to me last week if he stayed he would resent me for the rest of his life. I said that would be your choice. If anyone should resent it is me. But I have chosen not to, I have let it go. But I know he is not ready to see this, God has not gotten him to that point. He is not ready to give up the ow and I have made so many mistakes thinking anthing I said could really help. Only God can change my h and change his thinking. So I get my mind on God and take it off the situation, by praising the Lord, singing praise songs and reading the Psalms. I always feel better when I can keep my thoughts focused on seeking God instead of what my h is or is not doing...<P>Father,<BR>Waiting is so hard. It seems we wait as long as we can and that we can't wait any longer, but then somehow your Spirit breaks through, and you get our minds back on you and we find ourselves waiting a little longer. Thank You Lord for the marvelous way you work in our lives. Lord I praise you that this husband has decided he cannot leave. Surround his heart with a legion of angels that keep his heart protected from wavering in this. Heal his heart and move it toward a desire to make it better with his wife. To seek her out and to know her and to love her. Lord,give carol a little more strength to wait on your perfect timing to perfect her marriage. Lord increase her faith and desire to know you, seek you and to keep her focus of You Lord, and let her pray to you for her husband as she seeks you. Lord, show her how much you love her.<P>In Jesus name, Amen.

Carol, I understand the anguish you must be feeling. It is so hard to keep standing, going on, praying for them when it appears that they don't want the relationship as much as we do. But we have to wait on the Lord. Since he says he's not leaving, praise God for that, and keep praying. Remember it is not YOU, and your husband is not the enemy. The battle is for his mind, the enemy is attacking you through your husband. Stand firm in your commitment to the Lord and your stand for your marriage. God will prevail, no matter what. <P>I want to share a paragraph from a book I read called "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" by Erin Thiele:<P>"<B>Intensity of your trials is a sign that you are close to victory.</B> Your trials may intensify when you are close to gaining the victory. "For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, <B>knowing that he has only a short time</B>. Rev. 12:12"<P>Don't worry about your husband not going to therapy, you have the Greatest Counselor on your side. I would do just what your counselor told you to do "wait it out". The Lord is working dear sister, with so many praying the Lord can't help but hear us!<P>Dear Lord, I lift up Carol14 and her husband, asking Lord that You take control of their situation, turning it around for Your good and Your glory. Father, bless this family abundantly, giving each your divine peace. Thank You Lord for the victory that is about to surface, I praise Your Holy Name, the Name above all names! IJN I pray, AMEN

Dear Carol,<BR>Please hold on, hang in a little longer, you've done so much, you've grown so much, don't you see, he at least said, "he wasn't leaving". It doesn't happen over night, I've told you that, in my case, H, had to leave before he came back. It doesn't matter that he doesn't want to see a counselor, (some never do). What matters is that you have time to work on you and your happiness, and happiness IS contagious.<P>Dear Lord, I pray to you and ask that you work hard on H's heart, that you soften it and make him realize the wonderful wife he has and children. That his life would be nothing without them. Give Carol added strength at this time, make her the wife she needs to be, and open his eyes to this change, please unite this family, as it is your Will.<P>In Jesus Name I pray. Amen<P>Pookie~<BR>(Carol, I will send you an email...later - hang in there! Feel free to IM if you see me online)

hi,<BR>prayer warriors, I am ok. My marriage is not. (yet) I had a session with our C today.<BR>My plan is to stay here, but work on myself. I talked with him about plan A,he is familiar and approves. I am going to an Alonan meeting tomorrow night. I am also going to check on a nursing job that sounded interesting. "Patient care Coordinator" at an assisted living center near here. I will do something nice for myself everyday. I will continue to lose weight and exercise. I will do things with my children and give him space. Do I sound like that stupid sprite commercial?<BR>we are being very polite, even hugged goodnight last night. thanks so much for your support and prayers, I am feeling pretty strong now, but I could burst into tears any minute, You guys know how that is don't you? <P>------------------<BR>change........the most consistant thing in our lives

Sounds like a great plan dear sister! Probably a bit scary, but we are here rooting for you!