You can always go out on a limb with me Taj, I value your input. The thing is with any feeling, one has to decide what to do about it. I choose not to be a jerk as he is, I choose to remove myself from direct attack, I choose to think about worthy things rather than allow self-pity and bitterness to get the best of me. <P>I am terribly hurt and that is where the tears come from. In the past I wouldn't admit to feeling hurt and substituted anger for it. Took me a long time to realize that I was covering hurt with anger and it used to irritate me that I always cried when I was mad and became tongue-tied. So, for me to even admit to you guys that I am hurt or angry is a big deal I guess and reason for celebration. Okay, okay, so I am grasping at straws...sigh.<P>Going outside and working in the yard at least gives me a breather in the sense that the air is less tense and if I am going to feel weary, may as well have a reason for it. I can't fix my marriage but I can at least rid the yard of the weeds and in the process of singing praise songs and praying, I can find some peace. Don't know if that makes sense or not. I can change the things I can change and have to let go of the things I can't.<P>My H has to decide when he is unhappy enough to do something differently and until then I guess my marriage is on hold status. I can guard my mouth and pray that God will give me boldness to peak my heart as He leads, but right now, I do feel in the limbo and wait mode. I can memorize His word that tells me to wait in expectation and I am eternally grateful that I am not ever alone. <P>I just know that Jesus wept and that he experienced the same heartbreaking disappointment that I am feeling right now. He continued on the path even though they were hateful to him and eventually killed him. He stayed on the path and I feel I need to stay on the path as well. My H isn't physically violent or I would leave for safety. <P>Thanks for caring. I am carrying a big load and it does seem one sided but I have a Father who loves me and wonderful friends like you guys to pray for me. <P><BR>

SueB,<BR>Praying for you dear sister. I can sure understand your pain and frustration. Lord, I pray You will comfort SueB today, lifting her up, giving her joy in her heart. Let her hear Your voice today, please hear her cries and console her heart. Lead her in the way in which You want her to respond to her husband Lord. Help her to lean not on her own understanding but upon You. Show her Your way, Lord, and the way in which You want her to respond as a Christian wife. Thank You Lord, we praise your mighty name! IJN I pray amen.<P>I have a hard time figuring out when I should speak up and tell David how his behavior makes me feel or stay quiet. <P>I know there is such a thing as righteous anger, but feel so bad when I get angry at my husband. Since he is not saved, I feel like my anger over his behavior ruins my testimony. <P>Then, there are times when I do get angry and hurt and say something which causes him to lie to me, be defensive, or say things that hurt me even more. <P>My husband has gotten very good at twisting things around to place blame on me; which makes me angry and want to speak up. But in speaking up, am I being a submissive wife? Am I doing what Jesus would do? Am I being longsuffering? <P>Today I spoke up - told him how much what he said hurt me and has caused me not to be able to trust him. I was very, very hurt by something he said last nite - he reacted with anger and hatefulness.<P>

SueB and Rootbeer,<P>Its funny, years ago I used to have absolutely no control over my anger or my tongue. I would lash out and sometimes throw things and I was a Christian! I have mellowed alot over the years.<P>Problem is when I stuff it gets worse so over time the Lord has shown me I must deal with my anger and express it in ways which would lend itself to solving the source of the anger.<P>I read a plaque not long ago, it said "Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth"! Love it.....thats me, ol' foot in mouth! Now I deal with my anger but need to be extemely careful how I use my tongue in the process. God is gracious and he is teaching me in each instance that there is a time to be quiet and a time for words.<P>In regards to submission, I have never felt that expressing myself was a thing I needed to submit unless of course it would be hurtful. My h is a guy who hardly says a word but he thinks alot, when I express myself I know he is listening and eventually he lets me know what he thinks.<P>Each couple must learn their way through communication skills and I know that I would blow up if I couldn't speak what was on my mind. Guess God has a better handle on the kind of men we end up with and how to communicate with them.<P>I appreciate you both as godly women and respect your desire to please God through your responses to your h's.<P>Lord, You are the Great Communicator. You speak and create with Your words. May we as women in some small way emulate You and create healing and wholeness with our words and not destruction. May our words edify You. Lord, You cleared the temple with Your strong words and actions and yet spoke gently to others where discipline was necessary. Show us how to know the difference in our circumstances and speak the truth in love. IJN<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I have a hard time figuring out when I should speak up and tell David how his behavior makes me feel or stay quiet. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B> EPH 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. </B><P>Here is the discernment line. When someone says something to me, I try to get past their tone of voice, attitude, etc and apply Ps,. 139:23-PS 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts, to determine if what was said could be used for building me up in terms of areas I need to change. In the same light, I must be honest with others including my husband if he needs to know truths that will help in building him up to be the man God desires him to be. <P>The guarding my mouth verses are especially important as to tone of voice, attitiude in how I say something, especially if it is an area where conviction might occur. Remember that angry responses are often the defense to the conviction, too close to the truth and his heart.<P>I can pray and speak for the most part when there is communicaton going on, but when the silent treatment occurs as punishment for not complying with his demands, then all I can do is offer an opportunity for him to talk about it, ask him if he is aware that he is again retreating into the silent treatment mode, make a quiet statement about how I am affected by his silence and then go on my way and fill my time with things that bring me joy and peace. My husband is not my everything, God is my everything.<P>When your H was away from you, you made an extra effort to let him know that you missed him and looked forward to being with him and then when you did get together you showed him thus. Now that you are together every day are you putting the same amount of energy into showing him that you look forward to being with him? Is everyday a celebration of life or do you find yourself wearying because the alcoholism is not pretty to look at?<P>The other piece you have to look at Rootbeer is if you are again attempting to make him responsible for your feelings because he isn't responsible for them, you are. My H sat here sniveling all day long yesterday, increasingly louder if I came into the room. He has to decide how long he wants to feel that way and what he needs to do differently to not feel sad all the time or to increase connectedness.<P>Obviously for me, acting like a pouty baby does not draw me near to him nor increase my admiration for him nor does it tell me that he desires any connectedness with me. Go back and listen to those things your hsband is saying to you. Is he coming home and talking about the drug dealer person or other drunk in certain ways? <P>Your response may be a need to listen rather than offer up suggestions, a time of affirming that he has a tough job working with them, that apparently he must be a good friend to the other drunk (did it occur to you that this other guy might have a lot of problems and your husband is attempting to reach out to him in the only way he knows how and might even be telling him, you gotta get right with the good Lord buddy)<P>We just don't know how God is working here Rootbeer, but we do know that Satan loves to stir the pot. (See, a day in the garden and praying clears the mind a bit )<P>Taj, the boundaries book clearly identifies that if we have a problem with a feeling, then we have to decide what we want to do about it. I need to set a boundary or limit so that the emotion does not control me or my behavior. Grief of any sort goes through stages as I know you are well aware of with your nursing background. (Not to mention the journey you and hubby have had rebuilding your marriage!) <P>It is the fine line of denial and acceptance that I am struggling with. I admit that I am crushed by the choices my husband makes and how he allows his emotions to overrule his brain. I am saddened beyond belief that he views me as the enemy and yet says he loves me. I do not understand this at all. <P>I know I have erred and kept things to myself in the pretense of keeping the peace and God is working on making me more aware of these instances so that I might speak the truth in love and realize that how my husband responds to that is between God and him and not me. I do have to grieve the loss I feel but I have to figure out what the balance is so that I do not stay down in the mire.<P>What might be hard for me might be easy for you and vice versa. That is what I appreciate about this forum, for I can glean from others in those areas I need to change.<P>Father thank you for caring friends who desire to seek you and to build a community of support with you as the head. I am grateful for your word and wisdom shared on<BR>this forum. Guide it and use it to teach us to be more as You would have us become. IJN, Amen.<p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited September 24, 2000).]

Morning my sisters, hope your day of worship was filled with blessings and peace.<P>Started a new workbook yesterday called Heart of the Problem by Henry Brandt & Kerry Skinner. It is supposed to be the next step after the experiencing God workbook.<P>It is interesting that the very first verse we are to memorize is from 2 Cor 11:3-<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. (NIV)<P>But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. (KJV)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Not sure which version the author is using but his verse substitutes craftiness for cunningness and subtlety.<P>Now this verse has always been there but it feels like it as written today. It is the very thing that I have been praying about in our situation here, that my H accepted Christ as a young man and in the years gone by seems to have developed his own doctrine and one that has many complications to it and seems to discount much of the Word. <P>That this relationship with Christ is a simple one, believe, believe, believe.... we in our humanity make it tougher because it is so hard to accept unconditional love and the great price paid for reconcilliation. The battle for the mind and rereading how Satan did twist things so that Eve would be sucked in by her humanness amazes me, for each of us fall prey to this sneakiness in relating to our loved ones.<P>It also was a good reminder for me that God never brings to mind scripture that has never been studied or memorized, once again affirming the importance of being in the Word. I thank God for that Word for yesterday He brought so much to mind, helping me to remain calm, to avert nasty coments, to keep to the topic at hand, etc. <P>PLease be in prayer for my husband today as his parting comment as he stormed out of the door was that I was to remember that whatever happened today, I was responsible for it.

I have been feeling convicted about the way in which I speak to and respond to my husband, and received the following in my email today. WOW, talk about confirmation of the Word! Thought I would share with you..... it is quite long but really spoke to my heart. Kind of like Chapter One - CHANGE ME LORD<BR>============================================<BR>"Dear Sisters:<BR> A dear sister sent this helpful article dealing with a wife's speech to me some time ago and as I know it will do all of us some good to be reminded over and over how God desires for us to be conducting ourself. We can never learn enough about the way our speech should be according to God's Word. <BR> It's my sincere hope that we will become doers of God's Word in this area, not just a hearer. <BR> It's amazing how God has used His word over the last years and this article to transform my speech. As a Christian wife, our goal should be to become more like Christ, to have His same character in us. It should be our goal to get rid of all filthiness of the flesh and of the spirit. We should seek to put away all filthy language from our lips. <BR>(Colossians 3:8.) <P> Please be in prayer as you read this and really begin to think about your words--do they speak life or death to the hearer? Do they cut deeply/wound or do they bring health/healing? <P> Let's not be deceived ladies. Satan will have us to think that there is nothing wrong with our conversation. He will have us to justify what we say and how we say it. But God is calling us to a higher standard. We must begin to break away from the old customs of our former life and begin to walk and live in the Spirit of God. He will give us the power to overcome this sinful pattern. (Please study Colossians 3-Rules for Holy Living.)<P>I want to bring to your attention and remind you that you are to look in the mirror at your own reflection. You may want to consider going before God and asking yourself questions such as these: <BR>" Do I answer my husband as unto the Lord? <BR>Is my speech fitting for a daughter of the King? Does MY speech glorify God? Is God pleased with ME?" <BR>Sisters, let's not make excuses. Let's not stay in deception/sin. Don't even begin to turn your focus to your husband. God is speaking to YOU! He is the ONLY ONE capable of passing judgment, not you. <P>I pray that this will bless your life in the way that God intends it to. For me it has cut to my heart and revealed my shortcomings. What a blessing in disguise! God loves me too much to leave me in my sin. <BR>Praise God for His Holy Spirit who reproves, corrects, and points us to the truth in God's Word. <P>My prayer is that you will examine your heart before God and surrender this area of your life to Him. He wants to transform you into the image of His Son Christ Jesus, so that the world may know that He is God.<P>I love and desire God's best for all of you, hugs and I'm prayerfully with you, having a hard time physically at the moment to respond to any email.<BR>You are loved, Hope<BR> <BR> <BR> <B>You don't need to see the way <BR>if you follow the One who is The Way!</B><BR> <BR>Keep reading..................<P><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<P><B>"She Opens Her Mouth With Wisdom"</B><BR>Some years ago, God opened my eyes and showed me the cords. I had been binding my husband with the cords of words.<P>Negative words. Angry words.<BR>Complaining words. Critical words. <BR>Pushy words. Nagging words. <BR>Aggressive words. Demanding words. <BR>Disrespectful words. Insensitive words. <BR>Interrupting words. Debating words. <BR>Embarrassing words. Petty words. <BR>Holier-than-thou words. Judgmental words.<BR>Sarcastic words. Irritated words. <BR>Defensive words. Correcting words. <BR>Interrogating words. Loud words. <BR>Accusing words. Suspicious words.<BR>Rejecting words. Condemning words. <BR>Resentful words. Destructive words. <BR>Discouraging words. Ultimatum words. <BR>Contradicting words. Controlling words. <P>The cords were a noose that grew tighter and tighter, squeezing the life out of his soul.<P>"The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping." (Proverbs 19:13b.)<P>"It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house with a contentious woman." (Proverbs 21:9.)<P>"A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart." (Proverbs 18:2.)<P>"When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. But he who restrains his lips is wise." (Proverbs 10:19.)<P>"He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles." (Proverbs 21:23.) <P>Even when words were unspoken, I would bind my husband with the cords of rebellious actions. Rolling my eyes. Frowning. Blank stares. A cold shoulder. Unforgiveness. A sharp glance. Crossed arms. A deadly silence. Ignoring him. Groaning. Sighing. Moping. Refusing to smile. Sad eyes. <P>"Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." (Proverbs 14:1.)<P>"A merry heart does good, like medicine. But a broken spirit dries the bones." (Proverbs 17:22.)<P>Oh, but thank God! Praise be to God! He does not will that we stay that way. He has given us the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, to slice those cords and free our husbands.<P>He gives us the portrait of a virtuous woman. "The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." (Proverbs 31:11, 12, 26.) <P>She opens her mouth with wisdom. This means that she knows when to speak and when to be silent. She is wise in the timing of her words. When she does speak, her words are kind. They bless her husband, not curse him. He knows that whatever she says will be safe for him to trust. He is also confident <BR>that she is not running to this person or to that person to discuss him. She does not cause him embarrassment or bring shame to his name.<P>"A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches." (Proverbs 22:1a.)<P>"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is rottenness in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4.)<P>The Lord gives us a closer look at this godly wife. "Let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4.) <P>She has a gentle spirit. In the original Greek, this means: "meek, mild and <BR>humble." The godly wife is not filled with pride, always thinking that she knows better than her husband. She is teachable because she has a soft heart. She respects his God-given authority as the head of the home. She has made the decision to lay down her will for his.<P>She has a quiet spirit. This means: "keeping one's seat; to be still,peaceable, quiet." She doesn't try to usurp her husband's "seat" of authority. She sits still in her own seat, peaceably and calmly. Her mouth is at rest, for she has learned to tame her tongue. <P>When asked by a listener for pearls of wisdom on taming the tongue, Elisabeth <BR>Elliot replied, "The most obvious thing is to keep your mouth shut. Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. As for anything beyond that, at least if you slow down and shut your mouth first and then think about it and pray about it a little bit, God will help you to tame what needs to be tamed." Ouch. Hard to hear, but so, so true.<P>"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior." (1 Peter 3:1, 2.)<P>"Let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33b.)<P>"Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless--that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing." (1 Peter 3:8-9, The Message.) <P>"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29.)<P>"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in <BR>Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer." (Psalm 19:14.)<P>After God broke through the fallow ground of my hard heart, He began to show me a different way. The way of the blessing, not the curse. At first, it seemed awkward. It seemed uncomfortable. My lips were parched like a dry riverbed, but soon the trickle of His goodness began to flow. He replaced the <BR>negative words with positive ones. <P>Loving words. Joyful words. <BR>Peaceful words. Patient words. <BR>Kind words. Good words. <BR>Gentle words. Faithful words. <BR>Self-controlled words. Wise words.<BR>Respectful words. Reverent words. <BR>Appreciative words. Thankful words.<BR>Praising words. Affirming words.<BR>Happy words. Cheerful words.<BR>Sympathetic words. Comforting words.<BR>Agreeing words. Cooperative words.<BR>Humble words. Forgiving words. <BR>Sensitive words. Warm words. <BR>Edifying words. Building words. <BR>Supportive words. Trusting words.<BR>Faith-filled words. Prayerful words. <BR>Encouraging words. Blessing words. <BR>Soft words. Sweet words. <BR>Gracious words. Apple-of-my-eye words. <P>I am still learning in this area. It is a continual growth process, a daily <BR>yielding to the Spirit. I've had years of practice speaking the language of rebellion. Now I am learning a new language.the language of submission. If I am not sure whether to speak about something or not, I <BR>remember my new motto: "When in doubt, DON'T."<P>Do I sometimes stumble? Sadly, yes. Is it always easy? No. Is it possible? <BR>Yes, Obedience is always possible. "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13.) I mustn't<BR>wait until I "feel" like submitting, for the heart follows the will. Obedience goes first, then comes understanding.<P>What's to be our motivation? Second Corinthians 5:14 in the New King James <BR>says, "For the love of Christ constrains us." In the New American Standard: <BR>"For the love of Christ controls us." In the NIV: "For the love of Christ compels us." That's the secret. It's the love of Christ that constrains us, controls us and compels us to submit to our husbands. J.B. Phillips puts it this way: "The very spring of <BR>our actions is the love of Christ." <P>The cords are loosened. A few threads remain. The sword of the Spirit is raised. Then the final slice: "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22.)<P><BR>Gasp! "As to the Lord?" Not to a man, but to the Lord Himself? Yes, He tells us, we must grant the same respect to our husbands that is due to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To paraphrase Eugene Peterson: When you're in the presence of your husband, you're on holy ground. God is at work in him, too. <P>"But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46.)<P>"He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him." (John 14:21.)<P>Why is a gentle and quiet spirit "very precious in the sight of God?" Because <BR>it is a heart that trusts in Him to work all things together for good. (Romans 8:28.) Trust is always pleasing to the Lord. You see, submission isn't really about our husbands after all. It is all about submission to our Lord. Submission is obedience to the One I love.<P>Can I let you in on an amazing discovery? I've found that submission is not <BR>restrictive. No, it is freeing! Can I repeat that? Submission is freeing! <P>"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32.)<P>A prayer~<BR>"Lord, forgive me! I have not given my husband the respect You require and <BR>deserve. For in not submitting to him, I have been rebelling against You. <BR>Help me to have a quiet and gentle spirit,<BR>Lord. Speak words of kindness through my lips. Take my hands and feet and use <BR>them to serve him willingly and lovingly. Manifest the love of Christ in my <BR>heart. I know that apart from You I can do nothing. But with You all things <BR>are possible! Cut the cords that I've bound around my husband once and for <BR>all and set him free. Set me free, Lord! By the power of Your Holy Spirit, <BR>transform me into a woman who respects and honors her husband, thereby giving <BR>glory to You. In the<BR>name of Jesus, amen."<P>Love in Christ,<BR>Linda<P>

Hi Ladies, I was journeying today, perhaps setting the mindset for the next 10 days of my time apart from my husband. I have been feeling somewhat disconsorted lately, not sure if that is the right word now that I spelled it...an uneasiness as I read some of the posts, the emphasis on unmet needs, the rigidity with which the topics are held as important, whether it be SF or RC. Sometimes to me, it seems that Satan continues to pull the Serpent/Eve trick, the same deception from when he told Eve, "You will not surely die, for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." It isn't truly self-absorbing to focus on unment needs, for God knows what you need and he gives you the desires of your heart....right? And how selfish of your spouse to not want to meet your needs..... let us ponder on this, become absorbed on the wrongness of it all, let us dwell here and determine what we will do about it...<P>and the verses in ECC 1:2 come to mind<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> "Meaningless! Meaningless!"<BR> says the Teacher.<BR> "Utterly meaningless!<BR> Everything is meaningless."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Than as I have been reading this new book, I came across this verse:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>ISA 49:16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;<BR> your walls are ever before me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>and I wondered about the words "your walls" so I had to go searching.<P><B>WALLS</B> 2346. chowmah, kho-maw'; fem. act. part. of an unused root appar. mean. to join; a wall of protection:--wall, walled.<P>In scriptural language a wall is a symbol of salvation (Isa. 26:1; Isa 60:18), of the protection of God (Zech. 2:5), of those who afford protection (1 Sam. 25:16; Isa. 2:15), and of wealth of the rich in their own conceit (Prov. 18:11)<P>A number of Hebrew words indicate fortified cities. In the ancient Near East, principal cities were enclosed with walls that might be from 15 to 25 feet thick and over 25 feet high. Trenches were often dug in front of the walls, and towers were built at their corners. These fortified cities were virtually impregnable. <P>I thought it interesting that Jesus went outside the city of Jerusalem, beyond the walls within which the temple and its altar lay, to offer up his life on the altar of Calvary. <P>The NT explains that the rigid walls of ritual, like the inner curtain of the tabernacle and temple, were erected because the way into the holiest--into God's very presence--had not yet been manifested (Heb 9:8). Human beings could approach the Lord only with fear, bearing offerings that reminded them of their sin and that God was willing to forgive.<P>It is clear from the OT that the ritual observances were never enough to ensure a welcome from God. So the prophets spoke, condemning an unwelcome generation that drew near to God with words but whose hearts were far from him (Isa 29:13; Jer 12:2). But even with a pure heart, ritual was required.<P>Additionally, the references of the capstone, as Jesus was described, paints another graphic picture. You think this is where the 5 loves languages got their ideas, from how graphically God paints word pictures throughout scripture? Anyway, architecturally the "capstone" (Heb, pinnah; Gr, kephalen gonias, "head of the corner") was most likely the large stone that lay at the top of the wall at the corner, binding the walls of a structure together. Some think it may have been the keystone that completes an arch or structure. Used figuratively as in these contexts, the capstone is clearly the one essential stone on which the integrity of the building depends.<P> The thrust of Ps 18 and the NT passages that quote it (Mt 21:42; Mk 12:10; Lk 20:17; Ac 4:11; 1 Pe 2:7) emphasize Israel's historic rejection of Jesus, despite his appointment by God. Peter points out that we who believe see the preciousness of Jesus, for we acknowledge him as essential to the structure of our faith. Unbelievers still stumble over the central role Jesus must have. Rejecting him, they disobey the gospel message and are lost.<P> Isa 28:16 and two NT allusions. In the Isaiah passage, God announces that he will himself "lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation." The promise is that "the one who trusts [in him] will never be dismayed."<P> The NT speaks twice of that cornerstone (akrogoniaios), once to stress the importance of faith in Jesus (1 Pe 2:6) and the other time (Eph 2:20) to uphold Jesus' role as the one in whom "the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord" (2:21).<P>Those who believe in Jesus must follow him outside the confines of the old system, abandoning its now-empty practices, and bear any disgrace that that may involve (HE 13:10-13). His sacrifice releases us, saves us and provides protection that we might not focus with rigidity those things that pull us away from God and His desire for us. Jesus is central to our faith. No one else and nothing else can serve to hold its structure, or our lives, together.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>ISA 60:18 No longer will violence be heard in your land,<BR> nor ruin or destruction within your borders,<BR> but you will call your walls Salvation<BR> and your gates Praise.<P>Zech. 2:5 And I myself will be a wall of fire around it,' declares the LORD, `and I will be its glory within.'<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>To think of the Isaiah verse of being engraved on His palms via the nails on the cross was such a powerful image for me, that my walls are forever before Him, the sacrifice made that I might be reconciled to the Father, and that I am free to love as He first loved. <P>Again, I am drawn to the Ecclesiastics verses.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>ECC 12:13 Now all has been heard;<BR> here is the conclusion of the matter:<BR> Fear God and keep his commandments,<BR> for this is the whole duty of man.<P> ECC 12:14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,<BR> including every hidden thing,<BR> whether it is good or evil.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It doesn't matter if our EN are met, for our value is far greater because of who we are in Christ, nothing more, nothing less. He is our contentment, our joy, our happiness, our everything. When we take captive our thought life and when we renew daily or even moment to moment our commitment to the one who pursues us still, why would we be concerned with less?<P>And I am not throwing in the towel about Boundaries for I believe it is because we love that we set boundaries, for in doing so, we are encouraging the best from ourselves and our loved ones. I am not respecting or allowing my husband to be his best by allowing abuse or self-centeredness to permeate our marriage.<P><BR>Well, that is what God taught me today. What did he teach you?<BR>

bringing this up for firefly and for myself to review. <BR>There are some wonderful thoughts expressed by all of you who posted.

Thanks for pulling this back up. Some good stuff here. Kind of surprises me that I wrote some of it! LOL<P>Negotiation still a problem here and I guess for me, I am realizing that I need to take a stand on the little stuff, to not let go as previously, because if we can't negotiate the little stuff, how can we possibly negotiate the big stuff? Boundaries still encouraging me to take a look at the stuff I allow to occur, that I tolerate and how I am responsible for that part, no matter what my H says or does.<P>Rereading the article on the mouth was good too, but it is important to get out what needs to be said. I think I stuff anger rather than "be angry" because I am not sure about what constitutes "sin". Seems part of sin is the bitterness that results during the stuffing process. Those intense feeling scare me but I haven't figured out why yet.<P>The forum has been kind of quiet lately. Are you all going through emotional struggles? Is the evil one separating us from sharing in one another's burdens? I know there have been days when I just didn't feel I could spare the energy to share the crazies here. Some days I feel like the verses in Ecc. Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.<P>Please forgive me for not sharing.