I have been married for two a half years and the majority of it has been rocky. I am a believer, but right now I don't have the strenght nor the faith to continue in the right way. I try to do the things that are pleasing to my husband, but nothing ever satisfy him. Everything that I say or do always seem to be the wrong thing. The constant critisizim and verbal abuse is driving me crazy. We have had counseling on numerous occassions but when it all said and done my husband has the attitude that it is all my fault, and he never takes the responsibility for his actions. My husband is a minister, He is very articulate in his speech and he carries himself as a man of wealth and power. Because everyone always see his charm, He has a way of getting people to think that I am an emotional basket case and that over-react to everything, be he doen't tell what is that he has done to provoke things. Should I tell my leaders or just continue to pray for him and allow God to work in life? I need help, I don't have the strength to endure everyday task!

Father, we know that you have a plan, a way of escape for all of us. We also know that you listen to our prayers. You are a God who has ears to hear, eyes to see, and the power to help us in our situations. Father, you know that Shanese needs your wisdom in her situation and we request it for her as you say in your word that if we ask for wisdom, you will give it to us. We ask that you encourage her and dispel the discouragement that she now faces. We ask that you would soften her H's heart and that he would seek your counsel and direction in his marriage. We thank you, IJN Amen

shanese, I feel for you and have lived with verbal abuse...My ex can still wind me up if I let him but I discovered something very wonderful that works wonders.<P>God says to love your enemies and all people to pray for their well being and to love them...pretty hard to do when you are being beat up. My ex is also very charming and a lot of people have never seen the OTHER SIDE of him...<P>One day when he was making me so crazy with his insults and threats and abuse, I heard God say "pray for him." A peace came over me and I started praying with a vengence asking God to bless him, to bring only good things into his life, all the things I would ask for for a beloved family member...his anger started disappearing...by the end of the conversation he was laughing!!<P>I know how hard it is...you are in a spiral that ends up the same way unless you do something different. He abuses you because he CAN. The trick is to detach and not show emotion...that is what winds them up more. If they know they are tormenting you they are in their prime. <P>I will pray for that peace for you and your H. I will pray for strength for you. God bless you.

MT 14:25 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. [26] When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.<P> MT 14:27 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid.<BR>MT 14:28 "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."<P> MT 14:29 "Come," he said.<BR> Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. [30] But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"<P>shanese, these were the first thoughts that came to mind when I read the title of your thread...how if we take our eyes off of him for just a minute, we sink. Now that I have read your post, maybe in some ways, it is even more pertinent, for though your DH is a pastor, he is first and foremost a flawed sinner just like the rest of us, who needed the mercy and grace of our father and who will experience humbling as we all do when God sees the need.<P>shanese, I beseech you to read through the boundary thread, for God is teaching us much about how He sets boundaries and how we need to set them as well in the process of becoming like him. It will help you understand what things you are responsible for and what things that you have been caring for that are not yours to carry, how God is showing us a different way to love our husbands in spite of them and how to be the helpmeet rather than an enabler. <P>We are working on taking the logs out of our own eyes and seeking the father first and formost, so that we are out of the way while He works on our husbands.<P>Your post is so filled with hurt and pain and a touch of hopelessness. Come here often and work on being healed and strengthened, grow with us and in the process, God is going to do a mighty work in your family.<P>Hugs to you little sister!

Shanese,<BR>I hear your pain and your discouragement. Sometimes I don't know what to say, but know that I am sending a prayer upward for you. God does see and He is with You, cry out to Him in you anguish.<BR>After i ended this I came across this verse<P>I lift my eyes to the hills-<BR>where does my help come from?<BR>My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.<BR>He will not let your foot slip-<BR>He who watches over you will not slumber;<BR>indeed, He who watches over Israel<BR>will neither slumber nor sleep.<BR>The Lord watches over you-<BR>the Lord is your shade at your right hand;<BR>the sun will not harm you by day,<BR>nor the moon by night.<P>The Lord will keep you from all harm-<BR>He will watch over your life;<BR>the Lord will watch over your coming and going<BR>both now and forevermore.<BR> (Psalm 121)<p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited August 19, 2000).]

Shanese,<BR>One thing that really helped me to continue doing for my H even when he was at his worst was realizing that it really wasn't about me. He was acting out because of issues he was too weak to deal with, because of some thing in his past experience that warped or damaged him so that he hadn't developed appropriate responses to situations, or the ability to communicate what he felt appropriately. Once you can see that the behavior is coming from a hurt and broken place within your husband it is easier to truly allow yourself to love him and pray for God to heal him so that the marriage issues can then be dealt with. Then even if it doesn't work out, you will still be able to feel legitimate love for him while at the same time realizing that his brokeness was the issue, not your shortcomings as a wife.<P>I'll keep you in my prayers,<BR>Kim

Dear shanese,<P>This is a horrible ordeal. There is a great <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum5/HTML/001252.html" TARGET=_blank>Spiritual Abuse</A> post by Renae under Other Topics. It has some websites and books you ought to look into. I have read some of them and consider them very good and valid. God never intended abuse in His name. That is blasphemy.<P>I am praying for you, too.<P>Love,<P>Karenna<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.<p>[This message has been edited by Karenna (edited August 20, 2000).]

Shanese, I'm praying for you dear sister. It's not your fault, no matter what your H says. I can definitely relate as my husband has been very abusive for all our marriage. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I try to do the things that are pleasing to my husband, but nothing ever satisfy him. Everything that I say or do always seem to be the wrong thing<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I have said this many times too. For years I have walked on eggshells, trying not to upset him. Yes, I prayed for him, and cried out to God why was he letting my H hurt me so much. I never got an answer. I know all too well the feeling of defeatedness that their belittling causes.<P>Then I discovered the Power of a Praying Wife book. It changed my relationship with the Lord, and has helped me learn how to pray when my H is on the warpath. When he starts a tirade I pray right then, and plead the blood of Jesus over him. The H.S. calms him down, and many times he ends up apologizing for attacking me. Even though your H is a minister, that doesn't mean the enemy won't use him to attack you. <P>What SueB said has been so true for me "<I>we take our eyes off of him for just a minute, we sink.</I>" Our God is almighty, and He can do all things. Shanese, He will break through the hardness of your husband's heart. Overcome evil with good Shanese. The Lord sees all, He has seen how your husband treats You and will deal with him. Keep praying, the Lord will be right there with you. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I would say anything to others, but pray incessantly and with a trusted prayer partner. The verse that keeps coming to mind is Luke 8:17 "For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad" and Proverbs 12:4 "An excellent wife is a crown to her husband; but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones". Remember that it is Satan that is attacking you, through your husband. <P>Father God, I lift up Shanese to You, asking for Your divine protection for her. Father, I pray a hedge of thorns is placed around Shanese, protecting her from all attacks of Satan. Give her Father, an extra measure of Your strength to get through this trial. Lord, her husband is one of Your children, who is shepherding a flock. Father, I pray that conviction is placed upon this man, causing him to see his sin, and repent of it and turn away from his sin. Lord, please soften his heart towards Shanese, and turn his heart to You. Turn this man's heart in the way that pleases You Father. Show him Lord, how he hurts You when he hurts Shanese with his wicked tongue. Remind him that "a good man obtaineth favor of the Lord; but a man of wicked devices will He condemn (Prov 12:2)". Thank You Father for protecting Shanese, giving her comfort, drawing her ever so close to You. Father, please take what the enemy intended for evil and turn it to good, glorifying YOu. I praise You Lord, and thank You for working in this marriage. IJN I pray AMEN<P>