Hi all,<BR>I knew it woldn't be a pain free road to recovery, and I should be glad it is a small deal, but I needed to vent anyway.<BR>Lately H has had no secrets...or it seems that way at least. if i need anything that he has that is in his wallet, or car or any other previously private place he has told me to go get it myself. Any phone #s I've seen have been explained calmly. He is loving, kind, giving and seems committed. So, here's the problem...remember I mentioned that H had pics in his car of the OWfrom months ago? Well, I've been keeping an eye on the bag they are in and it has remained virtually undisturbed. My car broke down the other day and I had to take his to work...we also had lost an important card in the car the night before. I asked him if he'd found it, he said no, that I could look for it when I got to work. Well, the pictures were no longer in the side pocket of his car. They had been the night before..so I looked for them while I looked for the other card. I found both under the drivers seat. I'm sure he didn't want me to get my feelings hurt by seeing them, but if it's a dead issue I think he should throw them away...I don't care if they were friends for a long time before. so I left them on the seat with a note telling him how hurt I was that he kept pictures of her in a slinky gown while I am lumbering around 9 months pregnant and huge. I mentioned that I had tried to ignore the phone number on our phone bill in the past (things i hadn't confronted him about before) And I mentioned the baby that he still hasn't told me himself has been miscarried. i guess I was expecting him to come explaining everything and begging forgiveness..and i might have gotten some of that had my note not said i didn't want to talk about it because it would make me cry. Anyway, I was worried how he would react...I thought he might think i had snooped, been angry I found his stash.....but he didn't get mad or withdraw...in fact he called me at every break he had last night from work to see if i was okay and to tell me he loves me. Also in the note i told him that I realized I had no control over what he decides to do, that I realize he could just as easily call her from work and that the pictures could just as easily be "destroyed or thrown away" when in truth they could be hidden in his work locker. I told him that I love him and just wish that I could be enough for him...that me and the baby could be his family all the way to the heart level. From his behavior, I know he really is committed to us and will stay here, but I really also thought he'd tell me for certain that there is no contact with her, that she lost her baby that was supposedly his, and that he'd make a big show of dealing with those pictures. Well, when I took the car to work this morning, they were back in the side pocket where they've been sitting for months. I am glad in a way that he didn't hide them at work, now i'm just praying he'll figure out what to do with them. I don't want to risk starting the whole jealousy fight again when he is being such a good mate and such an excited daddy.<P>And to add fuel to that fire, h has a cold and hasn't been able to sleep...so he's been on the computer. he likes naked women, and every couple of months gets on a kick about looking at pictures on the web. He doesn't get excited by them, and it doesn't interfere with our sex life.....but evidently today he downloaded a bunch onto a disk. This is a small enough deal I can ask him about. He's never kept this stuff secret from me...but with me so huge, i could have done without it today!<P>So, tell me this is a small battle......tell me to hush up and pray.....wish me luck in keeping my tongue when I should. <P>Kim

Emptynomore,<P>I haven't posted a response to you before but after reading your question I felt I needed to.<P>You question whether your situation is a small battle. I see two different problems here. The first being the "pictures" and the second being "pictures as well".<P>In a marriage you are the one and only one your H is to be looking at. It would seem that he is still in some sort of escape mode. He is seeking something from a source other then you. <P>God created a woman to be man's help mate. She is to be all her husband needs. If your H is not allowing you to be that in every area then I believe there is a problem.<P>This is definately something you need to be in prayer about, but it would seem it is necessary as well to tell your H that you would request him to destroy the pictures and cease viewing nudity on the internet.<P>God asks husbands to honor their wives and love them as Christ loved the church. I do not believe you are being honored with your h's behavior.<P>Lord, intervene in this situation. Give Kim the courage, sensitivity, and guidance to know exactly how to handle these two problems. I ask that her H would begin to honor her as his wife and love her as you command. Father, give grace and favor to Kim as she handles this situation for Your glory. IJN<P>This is my opinion I know, but I feel strongly led to share it with you. I would not tolerate this behavior if it were me.<P>Blessing, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Not ignoring you girl friend, just want to pray about it a bit...will check back in later

Well, I again jumped the gun. Turns out the disk labeled pics had pics of my nephew on it. Not to excuse h however, he did look at pics on the web...and i will talk to him about it. The pics in his car???? Well, my strategy all summer was to pray for God to guide H in deciding the right thing to do. H had no example whatsoever of how a man should act growing up....his dad was awful. At this point i know H knows he's wrong, but i think he struggles sometimes with how to go about fixing what he's messed up. Unfortunately, he doesn't respond well to being told what to do. He may do it, but if it's not his idea, it may not last long. So I pray for God to guide him in seeing what he is doing, how it affects me, him, our family, and to guide him in making sound decisions on how to handle the mistakes he makes.<BR>At this point I feel I've made my feelings known, and now it is for God to work with his heart to bring things to a close.<BR>I may be wrong in this, but God has worked real miracles with us this summer as long as I stay out of the way and just pray and wait on the Lord. At this point, I am just happy with myself that i said anything at all, albeit cowardly by note. And I realize too that next opportunity I need to be sure not to say I don't want to talk about it. now that the moment has passed, it would be awkward to just bring it up out of the blue.<BR>Oh well, I'm rambling now. Must be past my bedtime. Thanks for your input, girls.<P>Kim

emptynomore, I will be praying for you and your husband. I feel that if I were in your situation (just my feelings, dear sister) I would probably do as Taj suggested. I would pray hard beforehand for the guiding of the Holy Spirit, and ask the Lord to handle everything, controlling every word that comes out of my mouth. With my husband I must approach him in a non-confrontational way, so sometimes these things are hard to do. Maybe saying first "honey, I respect your decisions, I love you, and want to honor you, but I have a problem I need your help with. I am uncomfortable with you having pictures of another woman. It would help me feel better if we could come to an agreement about them. It is my desire that they be disposed of. What can we do about this?" Or something on that order. <P>Dear sister, you have come so far and done so well. Our Father in Heaven knows your heart, and is doing for you what needs to be done. He will take care of you. Keep praying no matter what.<P>Love and prayers,<BR>AW