We cannot use people with impunity. For a long time an adequate modus vivendi may appear to be struck, but in due course the inner core of identity that we call the soul of the one who is manipulated will rise in revolt and cry out, as Moses did, 'Let my people go in order to worship our God' (Exod. 8:1). At that point the attachment will be revealed in all its shallowness. Not all predatory relationships are so blatantly parasitic as this; some such relationships may be so intense that they delude the protagonist into believing that he is full of love, while in other relationships love may appear to be given to as many people as possible. I refer here to infatuation on the one hand and sexual promiscuity on the other.<P>The person who is infatuated projects his identity on to the object of his attraction. He invades the psychic presence as well as the physical privacy of the other person. He is grasping, admittedly unconsciously, for a quality in that individual that he himself lacks, but which he sees brilliantly represented in the object of attention. His ultimate, though unconscious, aim is to gain control of that person and suck him dry of the desired qualities. This is a most terrible example of parasitism, and its end is the subtle destruction of the victim as he is drawn covetously into the personality of the predator. And yet the state of emotional gluttony and psychic invasion can mimic ardent affection so closely that the one who is possessed, as if by an outside influence, sincerely believes that he loves his victim most passionately. Love admittedly covers a multitude of sins, but it must be distinguished categorically from the morbid attachment that underlies infatuation. Love bestows the freedom to be oneself that is essential in any living relationship. The predator remains unfilled in his infatuation, whereas the lover is full of God's Spirit.”<P>From The Spirit of Counsel, Chapter 11--- <A HREF="http://www.martinisrael.u-net.com/counsel/index.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.martinisrael.u-net.com/counsel/index.html</A> <P> <BR>

Karenna, <BR>Very interesting. 5 years ago one thing my h said was that he thought he had sucked all their was from me and the relationship that there was. I thought, "what are you a blood sucker?" He was thinking that he just find anything new in us. My point was when you are only sucking out, to dry it up and there is nothing left. When you add back then the well does not dry up. But as the above says some, unconsciously granted, are seeking what they perceive they are missing, and when they have their fill or it becomes old hat they move on. This is so sad. It doesn't make me mad, but it grieves me, because he misses so much by not giving back, because that is where I believe you get the most out of a relationship from giving. One of God's beautiful paradoxes. Thanks for sharing this.