I was ill last weekend and spent the time either sleeping or reading God's word and praying. My fears of another child seem to be unwarranted as I began spotting. It was either the stress I am under, or my age. I read the gospels and the book of acts, studying on some interesting things regarding prayer. Many miracles and it is certain they are relevant for us today as well. I spent time praising God....and I am beginning to regain my strenth. My H has been extremely cold and angry. A real turnaraound from how he is. I am believeing that God is still working and that his will shall be done in our lives. I am very tired of the emotional abuse and am seeing clearly that unless God intervenes in H's life, that things will probably continue as they are. My H needs to know Jesus as Savior and to have a personal relationship with him.....H has been raised to know about salvation, but he says that God is not real to him. Anyway, all is in God's hands and I have to continue to wait upon him. I am thnkful that I know God is real and alive and that I can call him Father. I am thankful that he loves us as he does and that he forgives me my failures. H is truly in the grips of the enemy and his mind is not stable, nor are his emotions. So, I am just praying God's will.

Patience, Oneday. Let's keep praying for your husband. He needs healing and so do you. You can do this. <P>Have you taken a pregnancy test? I always spot while pregnant. Doesn't mean much. I call it a cervical sneeze when it is less than even a light period and is over in a few hours. Almost half of all conceptions eliminate themselves naturally. This is a blessing. But don't count on it. Get a test.<P>Whatever happens, you can get through it. These trials are extreme, but common to the human condition. I keep telling myself this. At least my H wasn't leaving me when I got pregnant this spring. (I was on the verge of leaving him!)<P>Dear Heavenly Father,<P>Thank you for being our guide and inspiration. Thank you for the blessing of peace and testimony that you have given oneday. Continue to hold her in your hand and bless her family through her. Bless her husband with a clear mind and soft heart. Show unto him his weaknesses that he may come to thee and thy servants for help and healing. Give them all the blessings they stand in need of at this hour. In Jesus' name, Amen.<P><BR>

oneday,<BR>Almost 6 years ago, I cried out several times to God, that I just couldn't not stand the undercurrent of criticalness. My h rarely if ever said anything our rightly, but made me feel often that I wasn't up to his standards in appearance, or that I wasn't as smart as other people. It hust, whether it was outright or in attitude. He went a way and the kids and I joined him for a vacation. When we got there, there was a delay as I waited for the gov official to give me the visiting visa. (Central America, they have their own pace). So when I said I wanted to exchange some money, in his usual tone. "So, now we have to wait while you wait in another line." I looked toward heaven when my h turned around and said, Lord I have been here three minutes and it has already started. I walked away from the line and over to clim our luggage. My husband standing beside me looked at me ans gently said. If you want to exchange the money why don't you go ahead. In the instant the Lord, had convicted my husband and he has rarely been critical since. If he slips I tell him gently and he snaps out of it and apologizes. <BR>The funny thing is that the ow actually had a hand in this. What satan meant for harm, God turned to good. On one of the first times they met he criticized her. She lit into him and he realized that he did this to most of the women in his life.<BR>So, keep praying, God does not want your husband to treat you that way. I know from having been that way that it is hard to speak to them in any way to get them to listen. You are to close. But gently if you can, say I don't accept that.<BR>My husband for a while blamed me that I did not tell him he was depressed, when I actually didn't know because it had progressed slowly through the years and I thought it was just him not knowing anything about depression. I sid to him one day when he brought this us "hey, you knew that you might be depressed, if you didn't get help it is not my fault. Since that time when things have gotten bad, I have always spoken up supportively. I will not own that, it is yours." he has never accused me again.<BR>I have been where you are but one of the problems I own from our marriage is not speaking up from the beginning in love. However, he was not as open to hearing it at that time either, and we have discussed it. My h is not a bad guy at all, but acts this way out of his own hurt and from the fact that he feels bad about himself. He actually feels he is inherently flawed. It comes from his childhood and it is called narcissistic disorder. It can be helped if they are willing to get help. But often they are not unless some life tragedy (like losing a job) And then the depression that is just underneath the narcissism comes out.<P>Father,<BR>I lift this sister up to you. Lord, work in her husband to change this treatment of her. Touch his heart and show him Jesus. Let him come face to face with You, so he cannot deny Who you are. Lord, convict him of his mistreatment of his wife. Lord work in oneday to grow, and chage hersself according to Your guidance. Lord protect her and build her up in you so that the words her husband speaks no longer have the emotional hurt. When we stand on Your promises rather than others and circumstances we can heal. Lord, heal her.

I think too One Day that the Boundaries thread was part of God's hand to us to show how we fail our spouses when we are not honoest with them or if we allow them to be nasty to us. If we say nothing then they believe that this behavior is okay. Since God is helping me bolder about this, more of the nastiness has stopped here too. Just pray before you say anything to him so that the mouth and tongue focuses on what the Lord would have you say. Will keep praying for you, glad to hear from you, hope you are feeling better.

Keep the faith and my prayers are with you. Hope you are feeling well.

Thank you all for your responses....I truly appreciate the support and prayers that you all offer. I thank God for the connection he has given me with sisters and brothers in christ through this forum. Karenna, I have not taken a pregnancy test, however after much prayer and having experienced pregnancy 5 times before, I do not believe I am pregnant. The symptoms have ended. One of my co-workers mentioned that she had done a very similar thing in her cycle this month...I will wait and see as I am feeling better and do not wish to know at this time. I apologize for taking so long to respond, I was out of town for 4 days (went to Glacier Park with H,D, and MIL. Upon returning, it took me the rest of the week to find my office and put out the fires at work. I have been working long hours to catch up. HW and SueB, thank you for the thoughts about H's abusive ways. HW, my H is bipolar, combining both depressed and manic states. H went into a tirade once again. Much of what he said was contradictory and after stating some very hurtful things, he retracted them. E.G., "My feelings for you are just not the same because of all the things you have refused to do" (Last month, he told me that they his feelings were the same for me). He is once again demanding that I quit my job, leave my home (he suggests just walking away and filing bankruptcy), and moving in with him and his mother. Old territory, but the bottom line is that his hurt, confusion, anger, and dicontent do not have to do with me, but with himself. I have tried to be honest with him (as the occasion allows....he often cuts me off in mid-sentence and refuses to listen). I prayed through the entire time spent with him...and specifically for the holy spirit to fill my mouth each time I opened it. I saw no visible progress, however I did see that my H is in a terrible place within himself. He needs God to overcome the volcano that is erupting in his heart. I have been blessed with peace throughout this (a few times I was given to tears), however my tongue has been under control (praise God....that one was a long time coming). I have to continue to trust that God will make some sense out of my life. I am praying for God's will in my life and for life abundantly. My heart is full of sorrow for my situation. Mostly for my H's unhappiness and my D's hope for reconciliation. She is adamant that she wants her family back together and states it often. She even trys to facilitate good feelings between her father and I. She asks him if he loves me and then tells me his answer. She tells me that he misses me. Anyway, at this point I am believing that God has a plan here and that he will bring it to completion. I am continuing to pray that my H will turn his life over to God. I want him to find some hope in this life, some peace and as I am seeing what my H is facing alone in his life (I mean alone without God and that is the most lonely of places), my heart breaks for him. I pray that God makes himself real to my H, that the holy spirit will break through and reach his hardened heart. God bless you all and I truly appreciate your prayers for my H. All those around him are abandoning him or avoiding him because of his illness. Mental illness has some unique attributes as it is so very difficult to understand. So, all is in God's hands and I am "resting in the hope" that God can rescue my family from all of this devastation and pain. Thank you all for your support.....

I see so much hurt and the root of it is always sin (our own, others, our parents...). I read here some are struggling with spouses that are narcisstic or bipolar or manic/depressive... And because of this brokenness inside we hurt each other. More and more I am seeing that marital problems are really two very hurt people, with their hurt causing them to act in a hurtful way towards the other. Doesn't it make you long for heaven? Sin is so destructive. What a mess it all is and what a need we have for a Savior. As Kay Arthur says, "is there a balm in Gilead, is there healing there?"<P>In my own case we are hurting from an inequitable relationship, one overfunctioning spouse (me), the other underfunctioning (H). It is a parent-child relationship. I am struggling with so much resentment, disappointment, anger and weariness. Then I read the posts here and it encourages me to keep going, keep hoping, keep praying. I read on other threads how some threw in the towel and left their husbands for these kinds of reasons. Yes, in "our reasoning" we can come to those same conclusions. And the world's psychology would tell us to do that also (including our counselor hinting at me considering that). But if we lean not on our own understanding and run to that balm of Gilead (God's word) we can find nothing to support leaving just for our own "happiness" and because we don't want to try anymore. The Women's Bible Study board is the most refreshing and encouraging to keep us going in the right direction - the only one that will lead to true joy and healing. I was also re-reading POPW chapter 1 this morning and found that same encouragement.<P>It is the narrow road, isn't it? Well, let us keep encouraging each other and stimulating each other to good works. It is hard. Pray for me also. <P>"The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe".<P>That is where I find my safety in the midst of modern psychology, man's reasoning and opinions.<p>[This message has been edited by siftedlikewheat (edited September 09, 2000).]

Dear Sifted Like Wheat: What a wonderful name. I believe that many of us are going throught this very process. I came to realize early on that our heavenly Father had a reason for allowing the situation I was in and that he meant it for my good. I have learned much, especially in the area of forgiveness, patience, but most especially in building faith in my heavenly Father. I have had to call on him through all of this hurt and he has never failed me. Sometimes I have struggled with desperation and discouragement and continue to do so. I am looking to my heavenly Father to make my life whole and abundant as well as to turn to good what has been inteneded for evil. I will pray for you, as the Lord will provide answers and wisdom. I am at a point in my life where I do not have answers to my problems. I can't say how or when things can be made right, but I do know that is what my heavenly Father desires for my life. I have been doing much reading on prayer, healing, etc. I believe that mental illness can be lifted by the heavenly Father. I continue to pray that my thoughts and decisions are in line with the Father's will for me and my family. My little girl has a great desire to see reconciliation...she wants her family. This breaks my heart as I do not see that this is in my control at this point. My H made great moves towards this end and suddenly seems to be working against this by his demands and words. I can't sort it out, but as I prayed this morning, it is in the Father's hands, please make me aware of what I should do and say. I literally pray through every conversation I have with my H...it is the only way. I will pray for you.