Okay- my H and I have suppossedly been in Plan A (for me) however, I don't think I've done a very good job of it - and he sure hasn't helped. Found out that he has still been lying to me re: other woman and his contact with her. I need to know if they are still involved. He got a new cell phone and when he found out from the carrier (after the fact) that he would get a detailed listing of his calls that he had made- I think he panicked. Mysteriously- the new phone bill which should have been here on the 19th has mysteriously not arrived (he says he hasn't seen it). I can get a copy of it faxed to me at my office - and I'm SO CURIOUS - I want to see if he still calls her regularly (like he did during the affair)or if I can trust him to tell me the truth - which he is telling me - that she mostly calls him re: the OC and he may call her once a week (possibly). Do I satisfy my curiousity and risk getting upset and find out what is going on or do I just leave it alone - since whatever is on there he will lie about anyway? Please help me I'm chomping at the bit!<P>------------------<BR>

Of course they will say that that would be a major love buster, but hey this is your life we are talking about hear, and we can't continually waste it on dishonest people with them thinking they can get away with it everytime. I say have it faxed BUT be prepared to be upset at work if you see something that you are hurt by. Have a plan B on how you will handle the info that you have towards your H.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Daycare Disaster</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I know with your H's situation with OC "total separation" is impossible... but just as a reminder... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Measures like "Blocking/monitoring all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)" are OK... <P>Extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee separation...(page 60 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Monitoring/blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><BR>...and if you and H are moving toward recovery... H should accept your "right" to look at this information!... If H doesn't accept it... withdrawal from OW is definitely not complete.<P>Prayers to you... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Guys - thanks for the input. I know if there is more than enough calls to OW my H will explain it away by "I had to check on OC and I didn't tell you 'cause I didn't want to upset you - there's nothing going on with OW, etc. etc." He does not understand the need for no contact - because there is a child involved. He did really good over the weekend - however - our daughter was having a party and he asked me if OC could come and I said yes - and he called OW (while I was there) and asked her and told her his mom would get with her to make arrangements, etc. His mom did the picking up and the dropping off and H stayed with me and Daughter. I think he "saw" that this is the way it has to be - instead of him trying to "pacify" her to a degree. Please - should I risk getting myself upset or what?<P>------------------<BR>

I'll retract what I suggested...<P>If you feel comfortable with how your H is handling the <B>minimal... though necessary contact with OW</B> because of OC...<BR>Save yourself the anguish...<P>A little bit of "trust" from your side will be seen by H as a positive... maybe not right away... but later.<P>Jim

DD--<P>In thinking about your phone charges dilemma...how about this: Get it faxed to you at work. Read it (but be prepared for the worst). If it IS the worst, be prepared to discuss it calmly-calmly-CALMLY with him, ending with "please tell me the truth, thank you. I love you and I need total honesty from you...no reason to hide any reality from me even in an effort to protect me." <~~he may respond to that without feeling too guarded if put that way.<P>

Good to hear from you. My vote, since you did receive a warning from someone who works with your H, is to fax the bill, but be prepared with a plan of action for whatever you find. Talk with H about the results when you're relatively calm. Keep up the good work! And Happy Birthday to daughter My son just celebrated his 7th