I have posted my story in previous posts. I am married (13 yrs) and have two children. I cannot remember feeling happy in my marriage, not like I felt with my new found friend. <P>OM has come to mean alot to me, and I know that people on this board will probably hate me for saying that but it is simply how I feel.<P>Yes I have prayed, fasted and tried to keep a spiritual song on my heart and it has helped. I no longer stand by the phone waiting for OM to call, I no longer leave him messages on his vm. I do not want to see him as much as I used to. There were times when I cried all day, because I loved him so much and needed him and depended on him. <P>I am desperately trying to regain strength within my self in order to move on with my own life. <P>My husband was aware that I was attracted to another man, was very hurt. I also was hurting because this is something that I never dreamed of happening.<P>The OM and I have stated that we will not leave our marriages but I simply cannot live with the deception....My new found friend has not a problem with the deception and I have realized that he is seeing someone else besides me but I am his main "other woman". I know that sounds crazy but I do elieve he is in love with me.<P>I definitely love him however by my own choice it has been over two weeks since I've seen him and I have chosen to stay away. <P>I've been trying to get on with my own life. I am still afraid. I do not want the overwhelming sensations to call him to return but they often do....<P>I want to do what is right.....but I do feel as if I relaly need him in my life. What to do?

Good for you qu!! Staying away is the best thing for now. <P>Simply ask God to remove the desire for him from your heart. Ask for your love, affections and passions to be redirected toward your husband. <P>You are clearly in the midst of a major deception of the adversary. Your OM is being more honest about the situation with you than your own mind is being right now. He does not love you. He has the flattery of three women on the hook as "his" right now. I guess he needs/likes that kind of attention. That isn't love. He will say whatever it takes to get his "need" met.<P>What you are feeling isn't love, it is infatuation.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The person who is infatuated projects his identity on to the object of his attraction. He invades the psychic presence as well as the physical privacy of the other person. He is grasping, admittedly unconsciously, for a quality in that individual that he himself lacks, but which he sees brilliantly represented in the object of attention. His ultimate, though unconscious, aim is to gain control of that person and suck him dry of the desired qualities. This is a most terrible example of parasitism, and its end is the subtle destruction of the victim as he is drawn covetously into the personality of the predator. And yet the state of emotional gluttony and psychic invasion can mimic ardent affection so closely that the one who is possessed, as if by an outside influence, sincerely believes that he loves his victim most passionately. Love admittedly covers a multitude of sins, but it must be distinguished categorically from the morbid attachment that underlies infatuation. Love bestows the freedom to be oneself that is essential in any living relationship. The predator remains unfilled in his infatuation, whereas the lover is full of God's Spirit.”<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><p>[This message has been edited by Karenna (edited September 05, 2000).]

Here is a bondage breaking prayer, and if you feel fear to pray it, that is just the Enemy trying to hold his ground:<P>Father God,<BR>We come boldy to your throne of grace, and find mercy and grace to help in time of need. Grant qu release from bondage to strongholds of the enemy. We plead the blood of Jesus to cancel all commands of the powers of darness in qu's life. Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil. His blood defeated the God of this age. In Jesus' name, take back all ground qu gave the enemy. Draw qu out of bondage and deception. Thank you for your mighty work by the blood of Christ Jesus. Thank you for granting us the grace, power, persistence and love in intercession with faith for qu until you are glorified in her life. IJN. Amen!<P>

How are you doing qu? I have thought of your situation many times this week.<P>The ow in my situation was so in love with my h that it took her the better part of a year to finally realize that she was not going to get her man.<P>I have often thought that she was as much a victim as I was but she made the choice to begin with.<P>If you are serious about restoring your marriage obedience is your only way. It will not be easy but then nothing that is worthwhile is easy.<P>You have my prayers and understanding and I hope you are sticking to your convictions. Prayers, fasting and reading the word are all good but obedience is what God will honor. The only thing any of us really need in our lives is God, man will never meet our deepest needs.<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18