I cannot seem to win this battle. I know that I will not be welcome here after this post. I did read all of your prayers and maybe this is too hard for me. <P>I do give up. I have decided to stay in the relationship with the other person. He is truly my soul mate. <P>I guess that I've decided to be disobedient to God. this part really breaks my heart. I am so afraid. But need to feel this love so much.<P>I promised myself that I will not sleep with this person, but will commune over the phone. I might kiss him. that is all. <P>I am not strong enough to let him go....so therefore I will not waste your time anymore.<P>

qu78, There was a thread on another board titled "this MB stuff doesn't work" or something to that effect. There was a huge list of replies, so many that I didn't even read them all. I think it was in the general questions of the infidelity section. The reason I mention it is ... well I was going to suggest you try looking it up, but I think that board went kaput.<P>Anyway, the poster was lamenting how many people end up divorced anyway and the principles here must not work. Well, I believe they do work even if a marriage ends in divorce. I believe that whatever causes the marital problems will follow us until we know how to fix what is wrong or missing. You say you don't have the strength to let go of the OM. Have you asked yourself if you have the strength to have a lifelong, loving, nurturing and trusting relationship with this man? It may not be any easier than the marriage you currently have. We all have more strength than we realize. Personally, I'm not too fond of enduring these blasted hardships just to see how much we can stand. But it's part of life and important lessons can and should be learned from them. I pray that you will reflect on your decision and be certain that all lessons in this chapter are learned before moving to the next one.

qu78,<BR>I am sorry that you have given up on God and are willing to stay in a relationship that you say will only be a telephone relationship and maybe a kiss. Is that really enough? You will therefore have two half relationships? <BR>Your situation is no easier than what us waiting spouses are facing, I realize. But I think you have to ask yourself why you are willing to be in two relationships, but only part way in each. (poorly worded but I hope you know what I mean.) <BR>Why are you willing to settle for less than God's best for you.<BR>You are always welcome here, we are not here to judge but to encourage you to look at your situation and to encourage you to seek God's best for you and your family.<P>Father,<BR>Give qu insight into your plans for her and what your best would mean for her. Lord, defeat the enemy and remove the blinders that he has sought to throw over her eyes, blinding her from your best. Lord, give her strength to seek You with all her heart and to choose to obey You. In Jesus name, Amen.

qu78,<P>I'm not sure if I entirely understand your decision. Are you staying with your husband, but not giving up OM? If so, it could be your husband will make a choice of his own as well.<P>qu78, I know how hard it is. I have been in your place as a WS. I have thought I would die if I gave up the other relationship, my own was so empty and is still a struggle. I remember someone else telling me that she thought she would die if she had to give up the OM, but in the end giving up her relationship with God was the one price that was too high to pay. And so it was for me also. In the end it became a decision I had to make between following God or following my "own happiness" (what seemed to be my own happiness). I do not trust my own judgement ("lean not on your own understanding") - how could I say I knew better than God what was good for me and what I needed? <P>To me keeping the OM was like holding something tightly in my fist that I wouldn't let God have. I knew I shouldn't have it, but I didn't want to give it up. By His grace He enabled me to slowly open my fist (took a number of months). I couldn't do it myself. It is very hard - I know. I kept coming to this forum and reading. That helped to keep seeing the truth and to blow away the fog.<P>Please keep coming here and reading. I do not judge you, I know the struggle. Try to stay in the truth and it will lead you out. I'll be praying for you. Thank you for your honesty. <P><BR>[This message has been edited by siftedlikewheat (edited September 11, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by siftedlikewheat (edited September 11, 2000).]

qu,<P> I'm new here, but I wanted to encourage you to stay. No matter what the end result, God will be faithful to YOU! He knows the pain you are enduring, and He put you right here where you needed to be. I will be praying for you. One of those prayers will be that you come back here to discover how much these awesome women care about you! Don't let Satan take that away, too!<P> Prayerfully, SM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{qu}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I know just how you feel. I've been there, twice. Once in my first marriage, once in this one. <P>OM is not your soul mate. It just feels that way for now. Wait until he dumps you, or lies to you, or takes advantage of you somehow! It may not happen right away, but it will happen if you stick around in the attachment much longer.<P>Time and perspective are needed. Step back mentally and you will see the brokenness of this apparently perfect OM. He is not capable of sustaining a long term relationship either. Open your eyes wider. Pray that God will open your eyes to the pathos in this relationship! <P>You are both looking for a reflected glow or affirmation from the other. The sources you should be looking in are: <P>1. God; and <P>2. your own fundamental identity, integrity, and strength of character!<P>If you go back now to the morass of infatuation with the OM you will gradually begin to erode your strengths in both 1 and 2.

I thank all of you for your comments and your prayers. On this morning I cried and prayed because I do not want to do this to myself or my daughters. <P>I want them to grow up to be strong women. But I myself am weak at this time. there was a time in my life where I trusted totally in Christ. He was my ultimate joy.<P>I miss God in my life. I told Him that I was sorry for the way I felt. My H is totally committed but yet I feel so empty and afraid to let go of OM totally.<P>I have made another decision to help myself. If I could not focus on what is lacking in my life and focus on what is best for me, maybe this will be a victory that I could win.<P>one thing is for sure. I am tired of this emotional rollercoaster. I need to take an emergency step back and take a look at myself<P>Father God in the name of Jesus, this is my emergency prayer for myself. I do not want to be in the situation that I am presently in. I need help. Help to realize who I am and that I can have a happy family of my own, that I do not have to seek attention elsewhere. God please help me. Please make me pure again, please wash me whole again. Let me bask in your glory. <P>I looked at the other person and compared his successes to my own husband's. Please help me to see the real love my husband wants to give me, even without finances or material things. Help me to see you God. If I could just see you.....

qu78,<P>A few more thoughts...<P>Try to think about what is inside of you that the OM seems to be filling. You think OM is the answer. But he isn't. He cannot be. It is not God's way. <P>Do you feel lonely? Is there an emptiness? I know that it can seem OM is filling that, but it is only temporary - a quick fix. OM cannot truly fill that emptiness and is not really the solution - just more like a band-aid. Like Karenna said, seek to fill your emptiness with God. And seek to let God heal you - to bring growth to you.<P>qu78, go for real healing. Seek the true solution. It is hard, but you can push through it. God is with you and He also provides the support of others, like the people here. Seek His way of escape. Everytime you want to run to OM to feel better, tell yourself - this is not the real answer to what I am seeking. This cannot make me whole. It will only break me more.

qu78,<P>Just saw your post.<P>I know EXACTLY how empty you feel - and how afraid to let OM go. Believe me, I know that feeling! My heart is aching with you. God is holding you tight. He will not let you hurl headlong.<P>It is good you know you are weak. It is good you desire to be made whole again and you seek God. All you can offer Him right now is a heart that wants to bend towards His. Just give Him that and let Him supply the strength. <P>Earlier this year that is where I was. So afraid to let go, not finding any strength inside myself to be able to do it. Not hardly even able to pray. But offering up desperate and feeble prayers for help. God will help you. I shudder to think how weak I was, how unable to save myself. And I am so thankful for a God who is able to save us.<P>Your heart is willing. That is all that is necessary.<P>Remember:<P>"The battle belongs to the Lord".<P>"No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly".<P>"He is able to do exceeding abundantly, beyond all we can ask or imagine".<P>"He does satisfy the desire of every living thing".<P>"In His right hand are pleasures forever".<P>Put your eyes on Him - God is able.<P>Praying for you today. You are not alone.

qu78,<P>You say you miss God in your life! God hasn't gone anywhere but you seem to have. God's character is such that he will never turn his back on you but at the same time He will not honor your actions if they are in opposition to His will for you.<P>You say you are weak. You seem to be stronger then you think if you are able to stand before a holy God and remain defiant.<P>I feel you need someone who can talk to you face to face and truthfully. Do you have a Pastor you can discuss your situation with honestly?<P>I don't want to make judgements for I don't know your situation but this I know, unless your h is abusive you have no reason to find solace in another.<P>Please qu78, do the right thing. It will be hard, maybe the hardest thing you've ever done but in the long run you will win. Until then there will be nothing but loss..<P>Sin is pleasureable for a time but in the end you just reap emptiness. Don't let Satan continue to deceive you into thinking this om is your soulmate......thats hotwash!!!!<P>I pray you make a decision for God. He won't force the decision on you though, that is where trust comes in. Do you believe He sees the beginning from the end and knows what is best for you?<P>Seek some spiritual guidance qu78 before its too late. <P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

[QUOTE]Originally posted by qu78:<BR><B>I cannot seem to win this battle. But need to feel this love so much.<P>I am not strong enough to let him go....so therefore I will not waste your time anymore.<P></B><P>I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to let go of what you're feeling with the OM. Your decision to relinquish control to what you feel for the OM may cause more "heart work" for you. Especially, if you're not divorced. <P>You are demanding a lot of yourself to resolve to just have a "telephone affair" because you will be open to settle for making arrangements to see the OM since you have resolved to have unfinished business concerning your marriage.<P>Either way, the emotional work will take effort, but it is not impossible. It's just a matter of deciding how to handle your thoughts from old hurts and pains when they creep up after you reconcile.<P>PS You are worth any time spent to help you in this matter. Don't give up on this site.<P>Much success to you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

All of you have been wonderful.. I will definitely be back. I will keep reading everyday.<P><BR>there is an answer for me. I will find it.

qu,<P> You are so much stronger than you think you are! God has already answered your plea by first of all, giving you this place of solace, and secondly, by giving you the strength and the reasons to NOT leave. <P> Now, just press on. I need to say this just as much as you need to hear it! LET GO of your situation! Lay it at HIS feet. He has much more wisdom and strength than any of us could ever posess. When I was a teenager (longer ago than I'd care to admit), I remember a youth leader saying to me, LET GO and LET GOD!! I thought it was corny at the time, but he has been proven right so many times! God will take care of you and your family. No matter what the enemy tries to convince you that you HAVE to have, God will fulfill your needs. Count your blessings that you have a H that is willing to stick by you and rebuild on the foundation which seems so shaky to you. You can only lose in this situation if you allow your enemy to show you the way to go. <P> Trust in God, He has ONLY your prosperity at heart! Not only financial, but in every way! I will continue to pray for you.

Just a thought my sister...did it occur to you that in your journey for love, the uncaring behavior that your husband originally displayed was such that you allowed yourself permission to seek elsewhere and now are receiving the same non comitted response from this destroyer disguised as a Christian, as you were before you started looking elsewhere? That the very love you desired is now looking you in the face and it is so foreign to you that you are having a difficult accepting the answer to the very prayer you first asked of the Lord? <P>Sister, what is the definition of love? Who are you in Christ? Yes, the flesh is weak, but God is strong. Faith takes action, one small step at a time. So in faith, put the answering machine on to regulate all calls. Don't pick up if you hear his voice.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>PR 5:3 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,<BR> and her speech is smoother than oil;<P> PR 5:4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,<BR> sharp as a double-edged sword.<P> PR 5:5 Her feet go down to death;<BR> her steps lead straight to the grave.*<P> PR 5:6 She gives no thought to the way of life;<BR> her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You think just because the Lord used the feminine gender that this doesn't apply to this man who is filling your mind with deceit?<P>We battle lies with the truth. James tells us that if we resist the devil, he will flee from you. So for today, every time a thought comes up, I want you to rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Every time my sister! You look at those babies, and you think about what it is you want them to know about what love is. <P>Sin has consequences. Look at David's sin with Bathsheba and who suffered? Sin has generational impact. Even though David confessed and repented, he still suffered the consequences of his sin, the death of his son. The evil one will tell you that this is just some guilt trip gimmick. He is the chief of all liars! Be forewarned! <P>We are only to fear one thing and that is God. These are truths about who you are in Christ:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I am a child of the 'Everlasting Father'!<P>I am Accepted in Christ <P>John 1:12 I am Gods child<P>John 15:15 I am Christs friend<P>Romans 5:1 I am justified in Christ<P>1 Corinthians 5:17 I am united with the Lord and one with him in spirit<P>1 Corinthians 6:20 I have been bought with a price, I belong to God<P>1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christs body<P>Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint<P>Ephesians 1:5 I have been adopted as Gods child<P>Ephesians 2:19 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit<P>Colossians 1:14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins<P>Colossians 2:10 I am complete in Christ<P>I am Secure in Christ <P>Romans 6:1,2 I am free forever from condemnation<P>Romans 3:28 I am assured that all things work together for good<P>Romans 8:33,34 I cannot be separated from the love of God<P>2 Corinthians 1:21 I have been established, annointed and sealed by God<P>Colossians 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God<P>Philippians 1:6 I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected<P>Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven<P><B>2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind</B><P>Hebrews 1:16<B> I can find grace and mercy in time of need</B><P>1 John 5:16 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me<P>I am Significant in Christ <P>Matthew 5:13,14 I am the salt and light of the earth<P>John 15:1,5 I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life<P>John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit<P>Acts 1:8 I am a personal witness of Christ<P>1 Corinthians 3:16 I am Gods temple<P>2 Corinthians 5: 17-20 I am a minister of reconciliation<P>2 Corinthians 6:1 I am Gods co-worker<P>Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms<P>Ephesians 2:10 I am Gods workmanship<P>Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence<P>Phillipians 4:13 <B>I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me</B><P> taken from 'Living Free in Christ', by Neil Anderson<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>These are all truths qu78, and ones that you do not want to throw away. Your prayer was a wonderful one. Keep it at the forefront to do the battle. Ask yourself frequently, what is the truth here? And seek the answer where the truth lies. <P>If you do not have scripture memorized or are not sure what God says about something, book mark this tool and search strong's concordance for words in the scriptures so that you have access to the truth. <A HREF="http://bible.crosswalk.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://bible.crosswalk.com/</A> <P>You are right that you cannot do this on your own, but God can strengthen you minute by minute. <P>Father, we ask for your mercy and grace in this situation, that this daughter can redirect her thought processes in alignment with yours, that you strengthen her this moment to break all ties with the evil one and the lies he holds in front of her. Each time her phone rings Holy Spirit, put the Word in her heart, let her envision her children and the trap the destroyer holds in front of her.<P>Father, renew the love she had for her husband. Let her focus on the things that she fell in love with, let her reexperience the passion she felt in making her babies, the awesome wonder of you, the mighty creator. Let this day be the beginning of a new walk with you, one of hope and excitement. Fill her with your love and peace and a new wonder for the life that is in the home you have given her to care for and the people within it. Let her see her husband in a new way and let her husband fill the gaps in your power and that between your love and his, she is filled to overflowing.<P>Be her strength and fortress Father, her refuge in times of darkness, the sunshine in a dark and dreary day. Help her to clearly discern your voice and show her how to take captive every thought. In Jesus' name we rebuke the evil one and break all chains of bondage, for this daughter is redeemed and holy and sanctified by the one and true God. IJN, Amen.<P>

qu78,<P>Hold your struggle up against the truth - God's Word. That is how you combat the feelings. Feelings are very strong and tell you one thing, but God's Word, the Truth, is our plumb line - not our feelings.<P>In my own struggle, the one thing I could not dispute was God's Word. No matter what others said, no matter the modern belief about looking out for your own happiness - I could not find ANYTHING in God's word to support a wrong relationship. And in fact, there is a lot in God's word that speaks strongly against it. The truth in God's word was the one thing I could not deny. And most especially the truth about who God is. I had to always ask/say, "Is God not able?" He is able...to do all things, to satisfy, to give me what I need, to help me... To deny all of that would have been to deny God. No one is worth paying that price.<P>Keep at it qu78 - you WILL make it. I'm glad you are still reading here. Remember the Lord will strongly support you. He is for you!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by siftedlikewheat (edited September 13, 2000).]

Your responses were enough to bring me to tears. I do realize that there is a deeper issue surrounding the EMA. <P>Yes I said that I would not write anymore but your encouragement forces me to keep responding. I must tell a little more about myself.<P><BR>I've been married for 13 years. During the last four years I became greatly dissatisfied with my marriage. Yes we both were in the church, I have been all of my life. My H is a very humble man, very kindhearted. Somewhat quiet. He is a Minister in the Church. <P>We have been thru alot together. I've always been the aggressive type, always pushed for more. My husband is pretty laid back. Satisfied.<P>On 3/14/00 I went to church and my pastor called me to the front of the church. He said "there is something that you have decided to do. Don't do it. and he prayed for me.<P>On 3/15 I asked to meet this OP and I told him that I found myself having feelings for him. Weve been together ever since that day The OP has had other affairs, I was aware of this even before I went to him. I knew that he had done this before, just by things that I've heard. <P>I even counseled a young woman the previous year because of her attachment to him. And now look, I am in the same situation.<P>I don't know how I got here. I don't know who I M right now.<P>On this morning after speaking to the OP, and hearing his words of love for me but in the same breath he speaks of his committment to the Kingdom of God. He is also a minister, very charismatic, very successful. Everyone depends on him. He can sing, direct, lead, teach. I say---is there anything he cant do. ( I guess that he cannot be faithful to his wife of nine years and children).<P>I am one who cannot go to church and perform my duties knowing that I live with this secret. He has no problem doing it. It doesnt seem to bother him. there have been many, many times where he has cried on the altar after a powerful service, and I would be in the audience saying to myself "ok, its time to let go and let God work this thing out". I would think tht he is up there repenting. With all of the tears and worship. this is the message I would get.<P>But when service is over, I would receive a call stating that He loves me, and that now that the serice is over he needs to see me.<P>In spite of it all I care deeply for this person. I am strongly attracted to him. I am scared. I want to remarry. But not sure if he really wants to. He says he does....but I don't know.<P>I really want to just get out of my relationship with my H and out of the relationship with the OP and be alone. I often think this is the only way.<P>What am I doing to myself. I have committed spiritual suicide.<P>I know that most people cannot understand what I feel. These feelings are not school girl feelings. they are real.<BR>

Even today, I guess that the chase is over because OP has not called me.<P>My addictive behavior has caused me to lose my job, I went a whole month without combing my oldest daughter's hair (in july). I just brushed it back into one big pony-tail. But her hair became very damaged and I had to get some of it cut.<P>I check my voicemail at least five times every hour of every day. I have not gone outside to excercise like I normally do for a whole month now. I cannot enjoy the sunshine. yes, this is how I am affected. But seemingly because I want a life with the OP to start. So my life has completely stopped.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I really want to just get out of my relationship with my H and out of the relationship with the OP and be alone. I often think this is the only way.<P>What am I doing to myself. I have committed spiritual suicide.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Do you honestly think that God's best for you is the dregs of this man who cannot be faithful to his wife and children? Reread your own posts...you are caught in such deceit, bound in lies and honey dipped charasmatically dressed evil. Get to a counselor quickly, please, you deserve so much more that you are giving yourself.<P>Your husband is laid back or has he found contentment and a peace in the Lord that is evading you since you do not control your thoughts or your actions? Sin is sin my sister. I cannot white wash that for you. You are neglecting your children, your husband and yourself all for a lie. The road you are heading down is spiritual suicide yes, but you are aware of it. You also know scripture and the kind of God we have. 1 John 1:9 comes to mind.<P>Before you give in to flight, go to counseling. You are hurting and you are reaching out. Take a hand my sister and do what is right for you and your family. The last 4 years have been changing for you and now you are experiencing such a depression that everyone is affected. <P>This man is your drug of choice right now and you surely know that drugs only kill. Do you see your addiction? <P>Do you honestly think that this man would jeopardize his career and his status for you? I don't think so. Do you think this man would care for your children when he has such disregard for his own children? I don't think so. <P>The Holy Spirit laid you on your pastor's heart and he warned you and yet, you rebelled against that warning. Your issue isn't with your husband or any other person. Your issue is directly with the Father. So what are you mad at Him about? That your life hasn't gone the way you thought it should go or your husband isn't/hasn't been meeting your needs for a long time and yet he has time for others who are hurting? <P>Jesus tells us to hate the sin and to love the sinner. I want to love you my sister. How can I support you while you break free of this bondage? Can you go to the pastor who forewarned you? Surely he is aware of the sinful behavior that is going on...you need help fighting the good fight. <P>I don't know how old you are but perhaps you have biochemical stuff going on and medication will give you the balance to see through the fog and provide the encouragement to take back what the evil one has stolen. Paul was pretty clear to the Corinthians in his first letter to them in regards to a man who behaved similarly to the man you talk about. <P>God brought you here qu78. I am willing to join with you in prayer for strength and courage to do what is right, but you need to take a step towards the Father, not away from Him. Running away isn't the answer or I would have done it a long time ago. I can empathize with the need for peace, some quiet and a period of no stress so that you can think and breathe and pray and seek the truth. <P>Even Jesus took time away and so did David when Saul was being abusive to him. But right now, you are the one being abusive to yourself my dear sister. God is a god of miracles and he can turn this whole thing around but you have to be willing to take some steps of faith.<P>Father God, hear my heart pleading for this sister of mine, this lost sheep who stepped off the path and struggles in the briars she has snagged herself in. Father, bring forth your light this moment and give her courage to go to the caring pastor and be freed from this lie. Break the chains of bondage Father, the millstone around her neck that is dragging her deeper and deeper under water, suffocating her. <P>Father, let her see her children in a new way today, what this addiction has been doing to them and how much they need her. Give her the strength to make one phone call for counseling, to make a doctor's appt. and get a physical so that she can find out if medication would help balance her biochemically. Father, I know that you have not left her side, for what David said in Psalm 139 holds true for al time.<P>PS 139:7 Where can I go from your Spirit?<BR> Where can I flee from your presence?<P> PS 139:8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;<BR> if I make my bed in the depths,* you are there.<P> PS 139:9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,<BR> if I settle on the far side of the sea,<P> PS 139:10 even there your hand will guide me,<BR> your right hand will hold me fast.<P> PS 139:11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me<BR> and the light become night around me,"<P> PS 139:12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;<BR> the night will shine like the day,<BR> for darkness is as light to you.<P>You will not let her go for you are willing to leave 99 sheep to go after one lost stray. Help qu to see that even if she walked away from everything, you still would be right there going after her. Thank you for loving her, for giving her courage to be so honest here, for admitting her disobedience to you and for experiencing the pain she feels, for in that pain there is hope and you are the source of all hope. <P>I thank you Father for your steadfastness even when we are not steadfast. IJN, Amen.<P>qu, call the pastor.

qu78,<P>SueB wrote a beautiful, truthful post and I agree with all she said.<P>You recognize that your life is being terribly affected by all this. Already you are seeing the devastating affects. You recognize your addiction and SueB is right - the OM is the drug of choice for now. Don't take that drug anymore. <P>Another analogy is that you have been drinking from a fountain which seemed sweet (the OM), but it is really poison. And the poison is already having its effect.<P>qu78, I've been where you are. My husband is also very laid back, I am very ambitious, etc. Those are issues separate from the affair you are in right now. End the affair first. Then you can work on the other issues. Yes, it is hard work. But the promise of something good and beautiful is ahead of you if you follow GOD. Ask God to make something beautiful out of your messes.<P>Another truth I kept reminding myself of was: NOTHING good can come apart from God's will. These are truths you can't get away from. You can't change them. <P>You are miserable right now. Breaking off from the intoxicating feelings of the OM seems too hard. It is hard, but the relief and peace you will feel from getting out of that mess and making a righteous choice makes it more than worth it. What is tearing you up is the deceit, hurt to your family, lying, the sin... concentrate first on ending the relationship with OM. Do that first. You will feel a peace just from that. <P>Don't look too far ahead with a lot of "what ifs" and how will I live without OM... Just do the next thing NOW. Get help. As SueB said, call your pastor. One step at a time. You can make it. Call your pastor or someone who can help. Decide you will take that next step to ending the affair. You can do it. Do the next thing and God will be with you providing His strength and grace.<P>Keep us updated. You are not alone.<P>------------------<BR>"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

qu78,<BR>I'm not sure I can add anything to what Sue said, she gave you truth in love. Step back and look at this situation. This man claims to be a man of God. He is cheating on his wife and children, he is involved with at least one other woman besides you. There have been many others and probably are others still at the present. This man is not a man of God he is evil in disguise, a wolf in sheep's skin. <P>"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will know them. .. Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ....Not everyone who says, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven. Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drove out demons and perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evil doers!"<P><BR>This man is so enslaved to sin that he can no longer see the truth. He is so enslaved in sin he doesn't even notice it. His purpose is to drag you down into the pit also. He is not intentionally doing this, but satan is using him this for that purpose.<P>Your husband too is a minister, you say, gentle and quiet. He wants to work this out with you. Run as fast as you can from the evil. It is not easy!!! But it is life and death for you. The om will not stand for you, but your husband is.<P>qu78, I am so glad that you continue to come. We love you, but it doesn't even come close to the degree and way that Jesus loves you. Seek help for yourself. Find a prayer partner, minister, counselor that will help you be accountable, will support you in this struggle. Give up the struggle and rest in Jesus. He can do it, you are right you can not. Go to Him and He will come to you (James 4:8). <P>Father,<BR>Help this child of yours, send angels to minister to her and to protect her against this evil that seeks her life; to throw her in the pit. Help her to overcome. Put a song of praise in her heart for you, each time she thinks of the om to help her to overcome. Lord, bring women to support her and to keep her on Your path. Lord, remind her of Your great grace, forgiveness and love for her through Jesus. Lord I pray that You open her eyes and expose and confound this om as he really is. In Jesus name, by His blood i pray a hedge of thorns to protect this child of Yours. Amen.