When I look back on my posts from a year ago, I am reminded how angry and vengeful I was after my h's confession. I particularly wanted the OW to feel the pain she had caused. <P>I had the means (copies of correspondence from her boss) to prove that she had been sleeping with two men at work, my h., for 14 months and the boss, for 11 years. It turns out that she planted the emails from the boss where my h. would find them because she wanted him to quit pursuing her (funny, since she started the affair).<P>I was advised by most of my friends here and at church to concentrate on our marriage, love my husband, set proper boudaries, and LET GOD HANDLE JUSTICE.<P>I wasn't particularly happy with the last part, but I could see how muddled I could make things if I messed around with office politics or OW's marriage, especially after my h. left that office to start fresh with me.<P>In the past few weeks, her 'sins have found her out'. The other people at the level in the company that are most affected by her relationship with the boss are leaving, one by one. <P>Although we have heard that the company 'board' is trying to cover the whole thing up, everyone now knows about her additional talents (think Monica Lewinsky).<P>I don't think I am supposed to delight in this with regard to the other families who have to deal with getting new jobs, but I have to marvel at God's working. <P>I KNOW I would have messed it up, gotten into a legal mess, and made myself look like a crazy jealous shrew.<P>Today I was at a Bible study, Beth Moore's "A Heart Like His". It is a study of King Saul's life contrasted with King David's. What I saw so clearly today is how God asks us to just do what he says, and not try to come up with 'A Better Plan'. Both Saul and David messed up when they got impatient and took matters into their own hands.<P>I guess the lesson I want to pass on is: If you clearly know what you should and shouldn't be doing, obey. If you aren't sure yet, PRAY and don't do anything till you have a grasp on what God really wants you to do. <P>I continue to struggle with hatred for OW, and I know that God is teaching me in that, as well. It's ugly and neither God nor my h. want to see that in me.<P>I am still praying that my husband will follow the direction of God with regard to speaking to someone in leadership about his spiritual life. It has been months since he spent time at a pastors house while we were separated. <P>Our church is big on grace and on personal responsibility, so no one is breathing down his neck, they've just said to him, "Let me know when you want to talk."<P>I pray for the movement of the Spirit on him and on the other wayward spouses represented here.<P>love to you all,<BR>lizzie <p>[This message has been edited by alias (edited September 20, 2000).]

<B>I guess the lesson I want to pass on is: If you clearly know what you should and shouldn't be doing, obey. If you aren't sure yet, PRAY and don't do anything till you have a grasp on what God really wants you to do.</B><P>Thank you so much, Lizzie! It's so hard to know WHAT to do (or not do) and WHEN to do it....But you've given good advice.<P>I too have struggled with wanting to "hurt" the OW in some way...just so she can feel as bad as I feel. I know this is God's jurisdiction however, not mine. I even know that He loves her. Man, that kinda puts things in perspective for me.<P>In my Bible reading, I have been getting the scripture "Wait on the Lord." I am in the middle of Plan A and about ready to move to Plan B. I had a big argument with my H on the phone this week, so my Plan A got messed up. But it's so hard for me right now....I don't want to stop talking to him, but he doesn't want to talk with me. AND I'm much more emotional stable when I don't talk to or see him. It's all so very confusing. <P>I also don't just want to pull a Scarlet O'Hara and only "think about that tomorrow." I don't want to just ignore what's happening and how I'm feeling, but I don't want to dwell on it either.<P>Anyway, thanks for your post. It gave me a encouragement. I too pray for God to move in our spouses lives and go after them like lost sheep stuck on the cliff.<P>Thanks!<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited September 20, 2000).]

Mrs. O.<P>I read your profile post, and I thought perhaps your h.'s affair is also a symptom of MLC, like my husband's was. If so, you might benefit from reading "Your Husband's Midlife Crisis" and "When a Mate Wants Out", both by Jim Conway, available at midlife.com.<P>If it is MLC, keep in mind that the average time period is 3-5 years of nuttiness. Then, they usually want to return to a settled, stable life again. The key is whether or not you can avoid getting fed up with them in the interim!<P>blessings,<BR>lizzie/POGP