Thank you all for praying for us. I have been praying for God to lead me through all of this and to implement his plan for my life. In the past, I would have been without hope in this situation. My hormones, my emotions, and my strength are at a low, but a hope remains for my life to be joyful and abundant. I have seen God work in my own life and in other's lives over the past few years. Discouragement still rears its ugly head from time to time, but this hope has been firmly rooted in my soul. I am thankful for this. I have been mourning for the losses in my life, and for the loss of a precious life this past weekend. Through the prayers of my friends here on this forum, I was able to accept that God would see me through what came, even another child in the midst of my situation. I feel that God is working on me in a new way, perhaps to bring changes to the very roots of my life. My job is overwhelmingly stressful...one of the things that makes my H angry. He has gradually communicated a little more this past week and the core of his anger was that I felt I needed to return to work right away. I did as the result of my not doing so would have meant that a lot of people would not get paid. Right now, my job is to walk a financial tightrope and the outcome of me losing balance is for a lot of other people to suffer financially. H was concerned for my health and the weak was trying physically as I seemed to have little strength. On the bright side, my coworkers were understanding, concerned, and kind. They have become my friends over the years and show those little kindnesses that mean so much. The prayers and support I receive here mean a great deal to me as well. As you can see, God has been showing me my blessings....and they are in the people I have in my life. My marriage remains a battle....I am working at leaving it in God's hands and seeking his will for my life. I know that God does work miracles, that anything is possible with him. My little girl has her heart set on having her family together. I don't see the answer to that one as her Father believes that I need to give up my job(okay, this might be good), sell my home, and move to Montana. Unfortunately the job market there is limited and the pay is not so good. My H is not working and his history is to not stay in one place for too long. He has the soul of a gypsy and I am a person who loves stability and order in my life. The more I ponder on a solution to this situation, the more impossible it seems. But, bottom line, it is in God's hands and I have to leave it there as I have no other answer. Thank you all for your prayers, I am believing that God has a good plan for my life and that every one of these circumstances are being used towards working it out. I could use prayers for Melissa's little heart to be protected and for me to know the direction and timing of the steps that God wants me to take. I have shed many tears this week, but sometimes reaching the bottom is the best place to be as my own lack of strength forces me to rely on God. Thank you all...I am praying for you as well....

oneday, thank you for your update. You're in my thoughts. You must have a lot of strength already for all these difficulties to enter your life. I hope you're well versed in boundary setting as you discuss that move to Montana. Stand firm by your beliefs, oneday.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>but sometimes reaching the bottom is the best place to be as my own lack of strength forces me to rely on God<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Isn't that the truth!!! I was thinking of the devoid feelings, the numbness that occurs when you just can't figure things out anymore and the only thing you can do is rest in Him. If I didn't believe that He was who He said He was, I think the hopelessness would be overwhelming right now. <P>Father God, thank you for holding Oneday in your arms for never letting her go and for being her strength. Father protect Melissa throughout this time and help her as only you know how. Heal her father, guard his mind and his thoughts, help him to see his need for you to be the head of this marriage. Give him a clear sense of direction, provide christian men who can be mentors to him and help him to see how a godly man provides for his family. Bless this family today in a special way, IJN, Amen.