Hello all...I'm doing better physically, still very tired, but I know some of that has to do with stress. Emotionally, I'm drained, just don't know what to do. My H has decided he won't sleep in the same bed with me anymore since I told him how I felt but I told him I was not being fair to either of us by acting like nothing was happening. was this wrong to tell him. I used as many I messages as possible to keep him from feeling devensive, but I have a right to my feelings too. What I can't understand is why he is hurting me by doing what he is doing and when I ask him to talk he says he can't because he wouldn't be able to talk without hurting me. I don't get it?<BR>any ideas on how to get him to open up to me?<P>------------------<BR>Irene

I think I lost something between this post and the one you shared on waiting4ever's post. What did you tell him?<P>He is afraid of telling you what is going on with him. Is he going through midlife crisis? Is he afraid to tell you that he is missing something sexually? Honesty is important in a relationship. The thing with feelings is that we have to identify whose problem is it and what can we do to set a limit on our feelings.<P>Well, we will just keep praying for this guy and you keep plan A ing and reading on Boundaries. Hugs to you!

I told My H exactly how I felt about him chating with these women and especially in our room, I told him he was disrespecting, dishonoring and shaming me. I told him with I messages so he wasn't offensive at all he just sat and listened (I think). Well...it was the first real step to my being made whole again, I AM NOT HIS DOORMATT! at least not anymore, I now realize that I created (more or less) the monster I now live with. I have been so submissive to the point that he knows that no matter what he does I'll stick by him. Well... I still love him and I will stick by him. but I will nolonger accept his juvinille, selfish behavior.<BR>needless to say he sleep on the couch for two nights, but he is still at home.<BR>When I tried to get him to talk to me he said he couldn't because he did'nt want to hurt me. Doesn't he see he is already hurting me by his actions? He said sleeping on the couch was his way of communicating his feelings. I told him I wanted words because actions don't always tell the real or whole story about how you feel. <BR>I still don't want him to leave, but I won't be walked on anylonger. <BR>I am a person who deserves respect and in time I think he will come to see that.<P>gotta go, late to pick up my son from school!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Irene

Okay, now I understand.<P>If he chooses to sleep on the couch, so be it, let him. Continue to love him, serve him as you believe God would have you do, continue to pursue him as God pursues us, which doesn't mean to compromise your faith. Submission is serving out of love and respect. Rather than focusing on those things that you do not respect, focus on those things that you do respect in him. Admire him for those things. <P>You are right if you have set a limit in regards to the pornography stuff. It does not honor you, but you guys do not have to be stuck there. You can invite him to share what he is thinking, feeling in that area, and you can even ask him what would help as far as you providing a safe environment so that he would feel safe to share his feelings/thoughts, but then you have the responsibility to honor your word by listening and asking questions for understanding rather than responding negatively if he has something to say thatyou don't like or feel hurt about.<P>Questions like "How so? "Tell me more" "Can you give me n example?" will be important. Also a thank you for sharing is going to be very important. If he says something that truly upsets you, then my sister, you need to bring it here and not show him this hurt at this time. God will sustain you to do that.<P>Remember these verses:<P>[quote]<BR>"It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house with a contentious woman."<BR> (Proverbs 21:9.)<P>"A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart." (Proverbs<BR>18:2.)<P>"When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. But he who restrains his lips<BR>is wise." (Proverbs 10:19.)<P>"He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles." (Proverbs<BR>21:23.) <P>Will be praying for you!

well...I am trying, to love my H as God would have me love him but it is soooooooooooo hard sometimes. I just finished paying all the bills that he has ignored since july, (I thought he was keeping everything up) Well got July and August bills paid, Now Septembers bills are arriving. It's so overwhelming. I've never been the one to deal with the financial end of our home my H has always done that, so when I started getting calls that we were going to have our power, phone and water disconected I freaked at first. At least with my H's work schedule by the time he came home I was not freaked anymore and we accually made some head way and got those bills taken care of. I don't know, but maybe God is giving me these situations so that I learn how to stand up to my H. <P>I just can't seem to get over the overwhelming loneliness I feel, no matter how much I pray and ask God to take it away it's still there. Yes, God grants me his peace but even in His peace I still have this knawing loneliness chewing at me. and it is just intensified by his rejecting me completely and sleeping on the couch. Last night when he went to sleep on the couch I covered him up, made sure he was comfortable, and got him a couple of pillows. (Trying to show him I won't grovel for him to come to bed with me but that I still love him). After I did all that I went back to bed and silently wept. I just can't ever keep the tears at bay. and the worst is when I lose it infront of my oldest son because then he gets protective of me. I don't want that because he is just a child and he needs my protection, not giving me his.<P>I have asked God to give me a break and that I can't bear any more but still it keeps getting piled on.<BR> <BR>anyone got any advise, words of support/wisdom, anything, I feel as though I am drowning. ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LOVED!<P>------------------<BR>Irene

Irene, I do not know your whole story, but I do relate to your pain and loneliness. I ask our heavenly Father to come in and fill those places that my H fails to fill. I believe that God is the only one who can really fill those places anyway and by doing so he is working on us becoming whole people. As this happens, we are better able to give to others (our H's included). I have been experiencing these feelings for several years now, and at first it seems to be impossible that God can take the place of another human we can touch, hold, and be held by. But, he can do even better as he can comfort us from the inside where it is most needed. Sometimes I pray that my Father will place the cloak of his love around my shoulders. I remind myself that God has made me his beloved and that this love is totally unconditional. He loves you in this way also. I will pray for you.

Hello all, <P>I'm feeling much better now, amazing what pain pills can do! unfortunantly they don't work on the heart-ache. The medicine does help me sleep better. Which the doctor says will go a long way in fighting my battle. <P>My H spent the majority of the week on the couch instead of in the bedroom. The first two nights he did this I tried to get him to come to bed with me, I begged, pleeded and cryed, (all that didn't work). So I had a long talk with God. Now I've come to terms with him on the couch and I just try to make him as comfortable as possible and making sure he is warm enough. Well...the last two nights he has joined me back in the bed room. I'm not exactly sure what happened to change his mind about the sleeping arrangements. my best guess is that he saw it wasn't affecting me anymore, or maybe I have earned back a little of his respect for me because I told him I'm fine with it if he wants to sleep on the couch and that he's a big boy and can make his own decisions.<BR>I am slowly growing strong in the Lord and that effects everything else in my life. I am not the person my H married (That's definate) maybe when he notices I,m different maybe he will want to get to know me all over again.<BR>I'm just really getting to know me, myself. I have counseling tonight, I now lookforward to these sessions because I get new understanding as to why I do what I do. and it helps me to see things that God wants me to change. Not for my H but for God and me. My H just reeps the benefits. <BR>Thank-you for all your prayers. <P>------------------<BR>Irene