Why God Why???<P>We had our final hearing today, I am officially divorced. We spent some time arguing about financial stuff. I argued with my ex-husband's lawyer about how wrong this was, that we didn't have irreconcilable differences and my ex-husband just CHOOSES to not work on the problems. I made it quite clear to my husband and the lawyers where I stood. I also told my husband what God thought but I guess hell sounds better that having to think about someone other than himself. Our divorce comes down to plain old SELFISHNESS. <P>I made myself watch my ex-husband on the stand, he didn't look at me much. When it was my turn on the stand, I made it very clear that this was not what I wanted and was totally against it, but had to accept his decision. I had to adjust in my seat to make sure I could look directly at my husband as I was talking (the court reporter was blocking me so he didn't have to look at me, I sat on the edge of the chair to make sure he had to see me). <P>I had a chance to speak to my ex-husband (God I hate that ex part), after the hearing. He said a little bit of his heart isn't cold and he feels bad that he hurt me. I told him that all my dreams where wrapped up in him. He told me that I will find someone else and get married again. He gave me a little hug when I was crying (I told him I loved him). But he didn't show any emotion, he just said to let go of the pain and go on with my life. <P>I told him how some of the things he did made me feel, when he just pushed me to the side and put everything else first. I asked him what part of his actions should have let me know that I was important to him. He said I should have just known and not compare myself to the other things in his life. I don't think he will ever see his wrongness. <P>He told me that he probably will go to hell and that is all the more reason to do what he wants and not worry about me. He has to enjoy the time he is here. SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH. I told him that he doesn't have to go to hell, that that is a decision that he can make to accept Christ as his savior and make a turn in his life. I still hope one day he does.<P>Anyway, it was a very hard day. I held it together through court but lost it afterward, after I watched him drive off. <P>I still have so many questions for God, on why this has happened and why He didn't stop the divorce. I know He is able and has restored other marriages. WHY NOT MINE????<P>Thank you everyone here for your prayers and support through this mess. I'll continue to pray for you all and for my ex-husband. I know God can still change this, but if He wants my husband and I to get back together it will have to be His work, I have done all I can. My husband (sorry ex-husband) and I will have very little contact, if any. So I am not holding my breath for the phone to ring.<P>God the pain.
